Hey guys! I’m currently studying for the SAT’s and I’m practicing the writing part for the essay. My review book is “Cracking th SAT” Princeton Review 2015 (a little outdated, I know). Can someone please grade my essay and give back feedback? I would really appreciate it thanks. It’s not the best, I spent around 20ish minutes on it. Please just comment on my writing and not your personal opinions on the subject lol
So they gave me this quote “History has shown us that liberty is not a guaranteed, natural possession. The great landmarks of liberty, such as the American Bill of Rights and the Emancipation Proclamation, were all gained only through the sacrifices of many visionaries and patriots. We should be ever mindful that freedom, if we are to preserve it, must be safeguarded with our lives.”- Bernard L. Berzon
This was the essay question: “Do you believe that one should sacrifice life for liberty? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations”
I wrote:
Sacrificing life for liberty is the only way that a society can be happy. As Berzon states, our liberty was gained through sacrifice. Without freedom, one has no choice to pursue their goals, therefor living a monotonous routine, not a life. history has shown us that one should sacrifice life for liberty, such as with the civil war and the fall of the soviet union.
Before the civil war, millions of Africans were stolen from their families, endured a brutal middle passage, and lived as slaves to cruel plantation owners. The civil war freed those millions of slaves. Many people died during the civil war to offer freedom to African-Americans. The civil war teaches us that life is worth sacrificing for liberty because millions of men, women, and children could now live as free people.
During communist Russia, millions of Russians had very little economic freedom or individuality. Everyone was thought of in respect to others. When the USSR finally collapsed, millions of Russians could pursue what they’ve wanted their whole lives. Through the sacrifice of life, liberty reached Russia and people could finally be happy
Liberty is the ability to choose. Only with choice can we pursue our dreams and aspirations. Without the sacrifices endured during the civil war and the USSR’s collapse, African-Americans and Russians would have no choice in their own lives. With liberty, one is free to reach happiness, which is why life must sometimes be sacrificed for liberty.
I know it’s not the best but that’s why i’m asking for feedback on my writing style and stuff. Thanks!!!