Essay tips, please

Prompt: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?

Iconically throughout history there have been many individuals who rose above their peers, and even themselves, to become something bigger than their mortal lives: a voice. Were it not for individuals that represented a people’s voice, our world would be rampant with injustice and bigotry.

Martin Luther King, deservedly one of the world’s most iconic figures, is considered by many people, black and white, to be a hero for his deeds as a prominent civil rights activist. He did not fight with violence, true to his values and message, but that does not mean he did not valiantly. His actions, notably his, “I Have a Dream” speech, have created a world far more free, accepting, and colorblind because of his approach and representation of the people’s voice

Ghandi, another notable civil rights activist, travelled thousands of miles by foot, visiting people and listening to what they have to say. He did this because he wanted to be the voice they lacked the courage to materialize themselves. Were it not for his, undoubtedly, heroic actions India may have remained a neglected part of the world with its people suffering at the cruel hands of Imperialism and bigotry. A nation bereft of justice became an independent, tolerant nation largely due to the actions of the peaceful, self-assured Mahatma Ghandi.

World War II became a burial ground for the voiceless, emblematic of what the lack of a voice can do. Hitler, an undoubtedly skillful public speaker, was met with very little opposition, and this lack of a collective voice enabled his monstrous actions. So not only can a voice that speaks for the voiceless be heroic, but a voice that drowns out the voiceless proves the disastrous effect of not having this hero amongst the people.

In summation, individuals are not simply heroes because they have a voice and the courage to represent the people, but because they become the voice of the people. Without this voice, there is a lot of room for anti-heroism and the effects are devastating; thus, a voice can be heroic simply by drowning out the voice of the evil and spreading a message of goodness.

If the entire essay continues the trend of abusing one SAT vocabulary word per sentence, you might not achieve your goals.

Yeah, I know, but it seems like everyone encourages this formulaic, fabricated crap to the point where it seems like it’d be counter-intuitive not to use it. @WasatchWriter

Just use them correctly.

(Note that I was referring only to the first two sentences, which were all that OP had posted when I originally replied.)

Any thoughts on the final product? I was given some statistic about how 90% of people that hit 400 words get a 12, so I tried to write as much as possible and I ended up finishing about eight minutes early and didn’t know what to do from there. @WasatchWriter

The Hitler example is very confusing. You’re better off supplying examples that directly support your thesis.

Yeah, that’s kind of the vibe I was getting myself when I read it over. I guess I was just trying to break up the monotony/redundancy of the first two examples. @WasatchWriter