<p>Hello, I've decided to write a review of the very first essay I wrote and to pick out some points that I think can benefit most writers on this forum (aiming at those currently in the 2-9/12 range) [yes, it is a big range] </p>
<p>Anyways here's some background on how I ended up deciding to do this and some things to note beforehand. </p>
<p>I just subscribed to the SAT online course and was playing around with the features when I decided to try out the auto essay marker on the very first essay I wrote that made me rage quit studying the SAT (until recently). I am well aware that the essay was (and still is because I did not correct it yet) atrocious. In fact, I would not be surprised if people start alluding bad essays to this essay. Now the purpose of this post is not to show off how bad my essay writing skills were but to critique my own work and demonstrate the process of improving your essay writing skills. A secondary purpose would also to be to demonstrate the how accurate the SAT online course auto essay grader is. After correcting my own work, I'll state the mark I felt this essay deserved followed by the grade assigned by the SAT auto marker assigned. </p>
<p>The question was "Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?"</p>
<p>My response was:
Questioning the ideas and decisions of members of authority is undoubtably essential. This is because of several reasons, such as prompting them to put in more thought into their decisions, prevent bad decisions from being passed and also to inculcate authorities to consider the ideas of their subjects. If given a chance to make decisions or pass ideas without question, authorities are likely to abuse their authority and all of the above will cease to exist. </p>
<p>A primary reason why people of authority should be questioned is because questioning prompts them to develop their ideas and thoughts to a deeper extent. If authorities knew that their subjects would be bound to question their decisions and motives, they would have to without doubt consider the implications of their ideas and decisions. In addition to this, they would even have to weigh the effectiveness of their ideas and decisions and modify them such that they would not be a target of criticism. All these would definitely be done by authorities out of concern that they may be abased in the case that they present a thesis that is abrasively refuted. </p>
<p>A secondary reason why we should question members of authority is because it prevents poor decisions from being passed. An example of how a lack of questioning authority resulted in poor decision making was when the citizen of Russia, abstained from questioning their leader, Joseph Stalin. Stalin's regime is seen as one of the cruelest dictatorships that has ever existed. The only reason why such cruelty could have been inflicted was because no one dared to raise questions or revolutionize against Stalin allowing him to carry on his cruel acts of injustice. </p>
<p>Finally, questioning members of authority would essentially prompt them to consider the views of the public. For example, when students ask teachers why they speak at a rapid pace; teachers are made to consider how they have been teaching and to adjust the pace at which they teach in order to allow their students to be able to understand them better. Similarly by asking authoritarian figures questions about their ideas, they are made to reconsider their views from the perspective of their subjects thus allowing a better connection between both authoritarian figure and subject. </p>
<p>In conclusion, I undoubtably believe that questioning authoritative figures is essential. If we refrain from asking questions, authorities would fail to consider our views, pass poorly judged without fail and put in little thought before passing poorly judged decisions.</p>
<p>Review:
1. Ok so with the benefit of hindsight I see that this essay is full of flaws and cluttered with repetition. Can you point out one word that was overused within the essay? If you guessed any of the words: authority or authorities then you are correct. I used the word authority 6 times and the word authorities 5 times. This cumulates to 11 words out of this approx. 400 word essay. One thing I can guarantee is that the authorities assigned by collegeboard to mark this essay will not be impressed. Reading my essay, you can probably tell that repetition of a word (even though it ties closely with the assigned question) should happen.
Instead, the word authority/authorities could have been substituted with words like leader/ politicians (if referring to political authorities)/ power/ official. These are simple words that could have saved the essay from monotony by repetition. </p>
<p>So rule number one about writing essays: NEVER OVERUSE A WORD EVEN IF IT IS A KEYWORD. TRY TO FIND SUITABLE SYNONYMS TO REPLACE THOSE WORDS.</p>
<ol>
<li>Now lets look for some good words used in the essay that demonstrate strong vocabulary.
To be honest, I don't see any level 4 or 5 vocabulary words and only a few scattered level 3 ones... Oh and some are badly used too. (inculcate should be used in the form: Inculcate (someone)... WITH (something)). I clearly did not use inculcate properly when I wrote my first SAT essay and I hope to inculcate all of you WITH an abasement for misusing vocabulary. This is because misusing vocabulary gives a negative impression to readers. </li>
</ol>
<p>However, does that mean that we should abstain from flaunting our vocabulary? No it does not. It is critical to note that you should still use vocabulary but you should analyze whether the tone, context and definition of the word is suitable to fit into a particular section of an essay. Notice immediately that while my essay was boring, it was also devoid of a variety of vocabulary. Now, intertwine these two points together and do not forget that an essay that does not have a variegated range of vocabulary, WILL be BORING. I was advised to use about 3-4 SAT words per paragraph to boost my argument and I think this advice is excellent because using any less than that will make your vocabulary seem undeveloped while overusing it (as I did for a recent essay) will make your writing seem ostentatious and would increase your chance of making silly diction errors. </p>
<p>Hence, rule 2 would be to never use wrong vocabulary and never make your essay boring by
absenting strong words. </p>
<ol>
<li>Grammar: Surprisingly there are limited grammar mistakes (though there are still some. Try finding them out if you can) within this essay but that is only because I stuck to using simple sentence structures. This serves to neither give you a good impression nor give you a bad one. However, in the case that you are struggling with phrasing a difficult point, try to use simple sentences to get that point across. This is because using complex grammar structures will not earn you any positive credit if it makes your point apocryphal. When writing simpler points though, I recommend that you try to use complex grammar structures if you know them as this can make a rather mundane point electrifying. Imagine how much better this essay would have done with some simple grammar tweaks...</li>
</ol>
<p>For those who do not know what I mean by complex grammar structure I recommend searching up C1 and C2 grammar points on google. Complex grammar structure could also involve the usage of cataphora (e.g. After he had received his orders, the soldier left the barracks.).</p>
<p>Thus, Rule 3 would be to use complex grammar structures when a point is simple and use basic grammar structures when a point is complicated. This would spice up your essay</p>
<ol>
<li>Flow of the essay. Hmm notice I ramble about the same point over and over again and how my three points are almost the same except that I managed to change a few words? Well, do not do this in your actual essay because it demonstrates terrible organization, a lack of planning and a horrendous flow of argument. To fix this point, I should have proofread my essay and planned better. (instead of sitting at the table wagging my leg.)<-- Exaggerating what some people might do. </li>
</ol>
<p>Rule 4, PROOFREAD AND PLAN YOUR ESSAY WELL. Always leave time for these processes (in total planning should take 1-2 mins while proofreading should take 2-3 mins).</p>
<ol>
<li>General Examples. Let us examine the first body paragraph of my essay. Notice that it is a general sweeping statement without any proper example to back it up. In fact, it should not even be considered an example because it is just extending on my thesis. What the SAT wants to see is not how long you can blabber about your thesis for but rather how insightfully you can link your thesis to examples from literature, history, current affairs and your life (to a lesser extent). </li>
</ol>
<p>Though the second example was free from this sin, the third example reverts back to sin. Some of you may be wondering why the third example may be a general example since I am giving the example about students asking teachers to slow down their rate of teaching. The flaw here is that I did not talk about who the students are or who the teachers are. I am generalizing the entire community of students and teachers and stereotyping that they all do whatever I wrote. In reality, this is not the case and thus, there is a logical failure within my argument. Moreover, lacking details required to make your point more concrete does not impress a marker.</p>
<p>Rule 5: ABSTAIN FROM GENERALIZATIONS OR LACK OF PROPER EXAMPLES!!! USE EDUCATED EXAMPLES THAT SPECIFICALLY TARGET THE QUESTION.</p>
<p>Thesis: Although I addressed the question in the thesis, the subsequent sentence was draggy and this hampered the strength of the introduction. Therefore, it is imperative to try to keep your thesis and introduction succinct (should not be longer than 3 sentences) while addressing the answer at the same time. A method of creating a strong thesis would be to simply rephrase the question and add a word or two to make evident which side you are on. (Remember stick to one side and do not sit on a fence (sitting on a fence will only hurt!)) Thankfully this essay stuck to one side otherwise it would have been an absolute disaster (it is pretty close to one as it is).</p>
<p>This leads us to Rule 6: HAVE A GOOD INTRODUCTION+THESIS AND PICK A SIDE!!! MAKE THIS SIDE CLEAR AND STICK TO IT.</p>
<p>Overall, I'm sure there are many more ways to improve this essay but you get the gist. From this essay, I have developed 6 essential points on things that you should not do when writing your SAT essay. Keep them in mind and try to apply them to your essay to steer you clear from mediocre scores. </p>
<p>Overall, this essay is deserving of a 2(+)/6 or a 5/12 or a 4/12 in my opinion.</p>
<p>The SAT automarker gave it a... wait for it... wait for it..... 12/12!
Ok I guess that shows that the automarker is inaccurate (or maybe its just me).
Thus, maybe a 7th rule should be to not trust the SAT automarker if you have the subscribed for the online course</p>
<p>Oh well hope you found this post useful and the following is just a list of books I recommend to those struggling to improve their essay writing. Do note though that I am not an essay guru and am nowhere close to mastering essay writing but at the very least I have gained insight from several books, feedback, articles and essays I've looked at including this essay. </p>
<p>Feel free to add on to this post or ridicule/critic this first essay of mine.
Thanks for reading :)</p>
<p>Recommended book list:
For helping writing tips:
Barrons SAT 2400 (decent strategies (also provides nice strategies for other sections))
Academic Hacker's post </p>
<p>Vocabulary books:
Direct Hits Volumes 1 & 2 (for those in a rush)
The essential 500 vocab book (for those in a rush)
Word Smart and More Word Smart (for those with alot of time)</p>
<p>Grammar book:
Grammar Smart</p>