Essay

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any other benefit that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government – rather than the individuals – should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self-sufficiency.</p>

<p>Assignment:</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general? Plan and ……..</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<p>A group of people working and complementing each other is called a community. And, a group of communities make up a nation. So, individuals are the building blocks of communities and nations. Without the contribution of the people, a nation or a community will not be able to develop. Although the government does take initiation in solving problems, without the help of responsible people, it cannot succeed. There are several instances that can prove this fact.</p>

<p>Harvey Milk, one of the first proponents of Gay Rights, was born an ordinary person. Neither did he have any political background nor had he wished to become a politician. However, being gay and feeling the treatment that gays used to receive in the United States, he decided to act. He decided to take up Gay Rights as an issue and fight for gay rights. This incited other gay people to be responsible and fight for a cause. This proves that a responsible citizen can do wonders in solving community problems.</p>

<p>Another instance can be the rebels of the French Revolution. In this revolution, the responsible middle class of the French society, i.e. the writers, doctors, farmers joined forces against the Autocratic French system. They took up the responsibility to oppose tyranny and establish democracy. Had every individual not felt this responsibility the French Revolution would not have been a success. This clearly indicates how valuable the responsible people are in solving problems.</p>

<p>Similarly, there are countless examples of such responsible up a cause and a responsibility to solve problems of the community and the nation as a whole. Mahatma Gandhi, John Lennon, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln are only a few out of many such people who started out as “ordinary” people and later went on to make major changes in their countries. These people are the paragons of what we call responsible people and they clearly indicate that people should take matters into their own hands if they want positive change.</p>

<p>i did notice some grammatical errors while typing it. I didn’t get to review the essay in the alloted 25 minutes. so i typed it just as i wrote</p>

<p>I’d give it a 5 out of 6. The length seems to be okay. However, going in with just 2 examples instead of the safer 3 examples pattern can be a little risky. Other than that you already seemed to have noticed the grammatical mistakes and there are quite a few of those in there. Try to finish up the essay a bit quicker so as to allow yourself the time to review the essay and correct grammatical errors.</p>

<p>Examples are somehow developed (but do not totally cover your thesis). As you have mentioned, there are grammatical errors. Avoid “this” while opening a sentence - sounds a bit stringy. Sentence structure is well varied but you need to cut on verbosity. Too much focus on “ordinary” has let you to digress a bit from the topic. Personal response is weak. Word Count : low 300s - try to write more. Plan your essay within the first 5 minutes (much like the GP outline) and then write. Speed comes with more practice.</p>

<p>4.5 / 6</p>

<p>PS: I see that you have followed the Grammatix pattern. I think I have a slightly better one. Hit me up :)</p>

<p>bump 10 char.</p>