Exeter is 0% fun

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
41

<p>Yes, it’s possible that some kids, some with better, more mature internal compasses will say (and do say) that a life too out of balance is not worth living. And to Alexz’s point, there are some kids, like hers, for whom an Exeter choice provides just the right amount of balance. And finally, there are lots of kids who are too young to know the difference and jump into something that turns out to be an unhappy and cold experience. None of this has to do with native ability.</p>

<p>The older I get, the more I believe that we forget what a short time we have on this earth and how important it is to have as much or more going on here (tap on the heart) as up here (tap on the head).</p>

42

<p>@DAndrew: i guess i misrepresented myself a little bit. No, I didn’t choose precisely to go to Middlesex. I was rejected by Exeter, which was in fact my top choice at the time. Looking back, it was only really my top choice because it was put in my mind [mostly by CC] that it was the “best” and I should go there. I didn’t really pay attention to discussions about fit. At this point, I realize that fit is very real- once you get to the top 20 or so schools, specific rank really doesn’t matter. It fluctuates, and it can never quantify fit. I’m glad I ended up at Middlesex for a couple reasons, which I will discuss now.
Coming into high school, I was shy and awkward. I had spent a full year at a new school with no friends nor academic challenge [due to a move], and it showed. Middlesex is a small school that has a strong focus on community. I think, had I gone to a larger school like SPS or Exeter, I could have very easily fallen through the cracks. Another bonus: faculty in a small school have a greater opportunity to be close to students.
From what I’ve heard, many schools are extremely stressful- to the point of being ridiculous. Though I certainly can’t say for sure whether this is true, I can say that Middlesex offers an education at the same level as the other schools but, to me at least, doesn’t seem like it’s stressful as often [sure it’s stressful at times, but I don’t find myself stressed out too often].
Morale. Morale was low last year, and many people had the same complaints as the ones in the Op’s post. As it turns out, that was mostly because of the Seniors, who happened to be the most vocal dissenters. This year’s seniors are a lot happier, and though it doesn’t seem like we have more activities [fewer dances, actually], it does seem like we’re happier.</p>

43

<p>The Exonian is on-line and is free until the end of 2010.
Login here if you wish: [The</a> Exonian](<a href=“http://theexonian.com/access_the_online_newspaper]The”>http://theexonian.com/access_the_online_newspaper)
This article is posted under the December 16, 2010 issue, under the Opinion section.</p>

<p>Thank you for the many insightful responses as I knew this article would elicit.</p>

<p>Yes, I have read more than one article in The Exonian where students complain about lack of sleep, Saturday classes, How math is taught, etc, etc. Apparently Exeter does listen because they are making changes to shorten the school day and reduce the number of Saturday classes. Maybe they will listen to what the author of this article has to say as well. Not sure what the answer is, but I agree with DAndrew, BS is not for everyone. Getting admitted is only half the battle. </p>

<p>My S is very happy at Exeter so maybe I am one of the lucky ones. I wonder if the parents of students like this author are aware of their child’s unhappiness?</p>

44

<p>You sent your kids because it’s Exeter, now you want them to dumb down their curriculum. You might as well have your children at your local PS in that case.</p>

<p>If 50% of the kids love the school and recommend it their friends, why is it 0% fun? It should at least be 50% fun.</p>

45

<p>Developmental psychologists would question an adolescent’s ability to foresee the 3- or 4-year ramifications of their “choice.” Also, obviously this “choice” is heavily impacted by parental attitudes. What my spouse and I have been joking about is the one thing you can’t see on the school tour is the admissions class your child might be entering…and that class is constituted principally by the values of those other kids’ parents…at 13/14/15, even LESS than 1% have the cognitive capacity for the self-reflection necessary to separate their own wants and desires from their parents’ expectations. Don’t blame the kids…be inquisitive and openminded parents.</p>

46

<p>pulsar, is this the first time you defend a boarding school? I am glad you found your passion - finally? Good for you.</p>

47

<p>nice try, but 50% fun is no good defense.</p>

48

<p>LOL. That “defense” of Exeter by pulsar is like this thread (see below), where someone challenged Yalies to explain what they like about Yale, and not cast it in terms of statistics or putting down other colleges.</p>

<p>The first response was to say that Yale’s terrific because New Haven has a lower per capita murder and rape rate than Cambridge, MA.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/yale-university/1052897-how-do-you-like-yale.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/yale-university/1052897-how-do-you-like-yale.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

49

<p>:) But I can understand where the poster came from. The only way to make Yale look even better is not to compliment Yale directly but to “patch the holes” such as New Haven being considered a unsafe place. In that sense, considering how independently critical pulsar has been, she is still defending Exeter by giving that credit (50% fun) to it. Think about it - It’s Exeter, and you still get 50% fun. You can go a school with 70% fun but it won’t be Exeter. ;)</p>

50

<p>Very interesting to read this thread in tandem with the recent “Race to Nowhere” thread.</p>

<p>Balance and fit, indeed.</p>

51

<p>If one school paper article made you feel Exeter had no fun at all, you should not consider to apply/choose Exeter.
You kids will be in Exeter more than one year. You might hear negative news some time. But you also hear a lot of good news, too.
Exeter seniors got a lot of good ED/EA news last week. Just no one reported here.
Things can not just see at one side. True is Exeter has more learning/work than fun. But someone said 0% fun that is not right.
Again, If you kids want more fun than study and work, he/she should not go to Exeter at all.</p>

52

<p>Haha, when I first read this article I wasn’t surprised at all. Most of us agree that Exeter is no fun, but we don’t go around complaining that much because we know we’re here to get ahead and get good opportunities and all of that. The author is an 11th grader, and these thoughts are pretty common among 11th graders because we spend pretty much every free second, even on weekends, doing work, sports, or extra curriculars. The article’s wording was a little harsh, though, so the author must have been having a particularly hard day when he wrote it.</p>

53

<p>I wouldn’t say that I didn’t have fun at Exeter…in fact, I would say that Exeter was one of the best times of my life…Did I have to work incredibly hard? Yes. Was I sleep deprived a lot? Yes…but partly that was my own fault…I think if I had the self-discipline that I do now, I would have gotten more sleep…but I was a teenager…</p>

<p>Though, I remember one term where I had all of my classes on Monday and all of them again on Tuesday, which was unusual, usually they was a bit of staggering. On one of those first Monday nights of the term, I added up all my homework for all my classes, and I realized that I could work through the entire night, and still not be done by my 8 am class the next morning… But, this taught me about prioritizing, which became a very useful skill to have. </p>

<p>There is a sense of it being a rite of passage…all that work…like it gives you bragging rights…and Upper year is kind of the pinnacle of that with the RAL, the 333, SATs, etc. I remember my friends and I at the time thinking that the PGs or one year seniors weren’t completely Exonians because they hadn’t gone through Upper year. </p>

<p>I was a proctor my senior year and we decorated everyone’s door with a Winnie the Pooh theme, each grade got a certain character on their door. We gave all the Uppers Eeyore because they tended to be grumpy with everything they had to do…</p>

<p>I remember my Upper year…Principal’s Day, which is always a surprise…and it is announced in some special way…by airplane or whatever, and it is an unaccepted and welcome day off. There are various activities…and it is fun…but it just happened to fall during the half of the term I was working on my 333…so, I spent a small time visiting my friends, then used the rest of the free day to do research on my paper in the library and I was by no means the only one…basically, everyone who was doing their paper that half of the term was in the library some part of that day… </p>

<p>But, I wouldn’t say the administration was indifferent to us being happy. I remember one Winter term…people were just depressed…we started dubbing it “the force”…and the school started doing things to try and light the mood…we started to have special themed nights in the dining hall…the whole dining hall was decorated, there was special food, etc…That really did trying and do things. </p>

<p>And I guess it depends on how people define fun…I mean I love to learn…I still do…that is why I went to Exeter. I had become so bored with my other school…so I had fun in that sense…and as far as non-academic enjoyment…I guess I found simple things fun…the late night discussions, about life etc, sometime we snuck into the art building one Saturday night and starting playing around with the clay and pottery wheels and ended up having a water fight…bit messy…A lot of times we would watch movies on Saturday night…I remember one night we watch some scary movies and afterward, no one wanted to sleep by themselves, so everyone ended up sleeping in my room. We put extra mattresses down on the floor and just kind of had a sleep over. We went into Boston…not as frequently as people Andover probably do…we road bikes…and in my kind of social circle we had a day student friend who lived in Exeter so we hung out her house sometimes…There were loads of clubs that were fun to participate in…I mean working in DRAMAT and putting on some one-act plays was definitely fun…there is an extracurricular activity for any interest…whatever you find fun.</p>

<p>I mean Saturday’s classes did in ways make it intense…only having one night off a week…but in my current position…it is the same way. I get one day off a week…and I do better with it than other people who are use to having two days off because it is not a foreign thing to me…and sometimes I have had to go longer than once a week for a day off, but at Exeter even if you got ‘one night off’ a week, it didn’t mean you didn’t do some work sometimes on that night…so,I remember when I first started at this job…I was like, “Oh, it is like Exeter…I can do this.” </p>

<p>So, I think Exeter really does prepare you,…even if at the time it might seem like the honing stone is a little sharp…it doesn’t always feel that way. </p>

<p>Basically I guess I am saying there is some truth to the article, but I think it only paints part of the picture, and is definitely influenced by the fact that the author is currently an Upper, if the earlier poster is correct about that fact. </p>

<p>So, there is my late night ramble…take it for what it is worth.</p>

54

<p>^^Recommeded reading for the students who are “suffering through” Exeter. </p>

<p>Here’s another perspective - do you know what the top - say 1%-3% - of the public high school students around the country doing? They don’t work less and they take a lot of stress as well. Go to the college section of CC and take a look at some of the posts there, and you will know how much they have done in their four years. If you believe you are among them then you are not alone - it is not even an Exeter thing, but if you want to sign out, you can really - you should be better than a “normal” high school student even with a C in Exeter.</p>

55

<p>Great post amaranthxx!! Exeter is fun. The op-ed always has somebody complaining about some aspect of Exeter.</p>

56

<p>Nicely said, Amaranthxx</p>

<p>I went, it was tough, it was rough, and sometimes cold, and arbitrary. But I was a proctor my senior year, was active in theater, went on archeological digs with my faculty member, and - in general - made a good time out of an academically harsh environment. </p>

<p>I remember avoiding the dances and movies but having fun other ways. Even without all the great new facilities the school has now.</p>

<p>It’s relative. I wanted to be at Exeter. Some of my peers did not. It’s one thing to be at Exeter (or any Boarding School) by choice. It’s another to be stuck there by a parent who is not looking at fit and desire as part of the equation. And yep -drugs and alcohol are part of an environment. I had to school my daughter on what to look for and what to avoid so she didn’t get caught up in drama when she went away.</p>

<p>Today I got the grade report and pages and pages of reports from teachers about her life at school (she’s at Taft). It was joyful, celebrated her strengths academically and pointed out where - even with good grades - she could better meet her potential. But what stuck out to me was the letter included compliments and comments about her extracurricular activities. What the faculty liked about her as a person. Even that she was having a hilariously good time with her roommate. She didn’t wait to find fun, she sought it out - in debate, in theater, in video class. In relationships with faculty and clubs on campus (organized and casual). Her room is decorated with photographs she’s taking, and we have long chats about the politics of going into town to explore life outside campus.</p>

<p>So boarding school is what one makes of it. And yes - what did people expect at Exeter? It’s one of the most selective schools in the world, and it has a curriculum that expects kids to handle a college type load and hit the ground running. It attracts unreasonably driven students who create a crushing peer pressure. But also creative people who understand balance. (same as anywhere else) </p>

<p>We try and try and TRY to explain to parents and students on this board to stop looking at reputation “elite status” and - instead - look at whether the school is a good fit. We tell them there are merits to looking at lesser desired (so-called-second tier) schools for the reason that students won’t get lost in a crowd and may get an equal education by virtue of the smaller campus size and more attention to the “whole” child. Those people ignore the fact that many Exeter (and Andover and SPS, etc…) alum consider other schools for their children in addition to their alma maters.</p>

<p>Is Exeter nurturing or warm and fuzzy? Not really. Would I go back to Exeter again? In a heartbeat. Do I recommend it? You betcha. Despite the stress, angst, warts and impossible course load I had a blast, learned a lot, and really really liked my classmates and many of the faculty. </p>

<p>But as to the original poster - the drugs and alcohol have little to do with lack of fun. It has a lot to do with home life prior to coming to the school combined with the sudden “freedom” that comes with being away from parents.</p>

1 Like
57

<p>ExieMITAlum-</p>

<p>I would argue against there being more freedom at BS. Obviously I don’t know exactly how the situation is at Exeter, but it seems to me that because of the ridiculously high expectations placed on the administrations at boarding schools [due to a combination of fear of legal troubles and parents wanting their kids watched 24/7], there is less freedom at BS. If I was going to public or day school, I’d be away from the school’s jurisdiction 3/4 of the time, and trust me, most parents aren’t nearly as vigilant as the faculty at BS. Those who partake in illicit activities on campus are in constant fear of being caught by patrolling faculty.</p>

58

<p>Izzy-I think that some kids at bs have more freedom due to where they came from. In our case we are from a BIG city, high crime, thus my d had very little freedom to be on her own. She couldnt walk 3 blocks in our neighborhood at nite. But at bs-I have no problem with her (alone or with one friend) going out after dark to another part of campus.</p>

<p>Also, parenting styles differ. I am a single parent that was/is extremely hand-on. I knew where was d was almost all the time and knew she had parental/adult supervision.</p>

59

<p>[Prep</a> Review - Phillips Exeter Academy](<a href=“Page not found - Prep Review”>Phillips Exeter Academy - Prep Review)</p>

<p>Read the section on quality of life and on academics. It sort of seems to second some of the stuff being said in this thread. </p>

<p>I think that the person who wrote the Prep Review article would have been better suited for a school like Groton or Msex. Idk, I guess you do have to pay attention to “fit.”</p>

<p>EDIT: Forgot to include which article. Read the first article written by the student at Yale.</p>

60

<p>Guess I’m picking Andover over Exeter xD</p>