<p>As to the rest of it- just to show how different kids can be- mine has never been on myspace (or any other), never had a real date much less a boyfriend, hasn't talked 3 hours on the phone in her life - cumulative, sent her first text message as a senior, turns her away message on when uses our dial-up computer, has been shopping for clothes no more than twice a year (hating every minute of it) . High school was school, chores at the ranch, sports, study, volunteer tutoring, occasional (weekend) time with friends (movies, etc), and Grey's Anatomy ;). Her day was full from 5:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. . </p>
<p>As to my time being more valuable- well, as you know- I find myself home a lot and my practice is not a paperwork one that can be accomplished from the house. But, my wife handled the mailing and the logistics. Like I said , division of responsibilty. </p>
<p>P.S. D has a facebook account- no picture, nothing personalized at all. I think it was set-up through the college. I know that plans to be more social in college and I've already seen much welcomed signs of that. I have my fingers crossed that she will lighten up a little (but not go overboard).</p>
<p>Apart from the issue of whether a kid can or can't manage every detail, is it wrong to enjoy being involved in the process? I hope not - it's been a great experience for this mom to share with her kids. Besides, someone might expect me to clean something if I suddenly wasn't looking up college stuff on the net.</p>
<p>Mine is NOT a night owl. She needs her sleep. Rhodes has orientation events that lasted till 2:00. Dang near killed her. She gets up at 5:30 every morning to run a few miles, work out and study (how's that for a roomie? LOL. I'd have been screaming by now.) and her first class is at 11:00 a.m.</p>
<p>My feeling: It's fine if you enjoy it. My comment is just that I don't like hearing the excuses that the kid doesn't have the time, or that the task is too menial for the kid to be bothered with. If its because you are having fun or you love spending time with your kid or it makes you feel good to help out, fine. Just don't tell me that some kid who is so talented and wonderful and amazing that he deserves to go to Princeton is incapable of spending 20 minutes filling out the demographic data on the common app.</p>
<p>Well Cur, that's why my kid needs to be in New York. My son is going darn near crazy up in the boonies where everything pretty much shuts down by the time the sun sets. My daughter sleeps in short shifts -- a nap from about 3 am to 6 am, and another nap from maybe 7 pm to 10 pm -- then everything else is go, go, go. And I don't know what my daughter's schedule will be this year, but if her first class was at 11 am, then she'd probably stay up until 4 am and sleep from 5-10 am.</p>
<p>Quote: "don't know about your kid, but someone my daughter had the time to talk 3 hours on the phone to her bf every night, shop for shoes, go to the movies every week, fill out an exhaustive list of her favorite musical artists on myspace, shop for shoes, watch Gray's Anatomy, straighten her hair, paint her toenails and, oh yeah, shop for shoes".</p>
<p>That description is nothing like my kids' highschool lives. If is were, I'd agree with Calmom's decision to let them take care of every detail, for sure. </p>
<p>And I had/have no reason to be concerned about their organizational skills and how they'd fair in college, what with their complete and excellent management of all school and extracurricular responsibilities (I never even knew what test or paper or whatever they had due or were working on).</p>
<p>But, with all that they were taking on (and frankly, accomplishing), it felt good to be able to back them up with support in the form of assisting in the research and organization of the college application process. And to refer to to it as 20 minutes of filling out a form is a joke to anyone who remembers how much of that nonsense there is in today's college ap experience. Their role was to give their full attention to anything that required thought, creativity, study, etc. And now that they are off in college and grad school, without skipping a beat, I guess my assistance didn't compromise their development of independence or self-management skills.</p>
<p>Wow, calmom, what a sleep schedule.(Looks like mine.) I doubt if either one of our kids could handle a week in the others shoes. That's why all this stuff is personal. Families need to do what is best for them. </p>
<p>I know D is really liking not having the 2+ hours of daily ranch chores. That buys her some downtime that she is really enjoying.</p>
<p>Whoa, I just caught the primary breadwinner comment. Again, let's not make assumptions. I haven't been that in my house since about 1999-2000 when my wife had to go back to her work as mine decreased.</p>
<p>Well, Donemom, my daughter also had time to carry 4 APs, take 2 weeks off of school to fly out east to visit colleges, while simultaneously staging and setting the music to two dance numbers for a Hurricane Katrina benefit, and get elected class activities director. The tv-watching, nail care, phone/internet stuff is mostly things I observed going on during hours that I wanted my kid at home, like 10 pm to 2 am... and the kid is a multitasker, so had her books open and was studying or writing at the same time. </p>
<p>But quite frankly if I didn't see that stuff going on, I'd worry. I mean, the kid is a teenager and she is normal. She had no intention of giving up a normal teenage social life for the sake of racking up college admission points, and if the hours had gotten too intense with work and organized activities, I'd have suggested that she drop something. I'm not raising stressed out superstars -- I just raised fairly high achieving human beings, who happen to work hard and also enjoy their play time. </p>
<p>But again... she definitely had the time to fill out her own paperwork. And do her own laundry. My job has been to provide the money. Which hasn't always been that easy to do.</p>
<p>Quote: "Just don't tell me that some kid who is so talented and wonderful and amazing that he deserves to go to Princeton is incapable of spending 20 minutes filling out the demographic data on the common app."</p>
<p>It's not a question of being incapable, of course. It's that with only 24 hours in a day, and a requisite need of 5-6 hours of sleep, I would rather have my kid focusing on preparing his debate cases for the next tournament, practicing for his viola audition, or studying AP physics. I felt that doing well in these areas was a better use of his time than making copies, typing in data, or running to Staples for manila envelopes. And yes, as his mother, I did take satisfaction in helping on the organizational end.</p>
<p>Again calmom, it seems you are making value judgments about other people's kids and their choices. It's not very kind or very informed. I'm sure others could make judgments about your family's choices and their results but for what purpose? I'm trying to be nice but sheesh. Maybe the line about "other parents may know what the Hell they are doing, too" needs to be a sticky. ;)</p>
<p>Well, cur, I'll grant you that we have nothing close to ranch chores around here. The dog needs to be fed every day, which takes 2 minutes, and that's about it -- and that job is done by whichever person the dog gets to first. (Though the dog has been known to cheat and arrange to be fed twice). So that's where my daughter's 2 early morning hours for hair-straightening and morning primping comes in right there.</p>
<p>And I don't see how you get a "value judgment" from my last post when I wrote what I did with my kids. Those are my values and I'm entitled to them. The only thing that irks me is to hear others say that their kids can't do X, Y, or Z when obviously the parent is making a choice. If a parent chooses to value their child's time to play sports or attend school over their own time, so be it. </p>
<p>And families with two spouses on hand who can afford for one to forego earning money while the other works are very, very fortunate. We don't have that luxury in my house. So we've done pretty well simply expecting everyone to pull their own weight and take care of their own needs.</p>
<p>Calmom, amazing how you're able to imply that kids who didn't spend hours shopping or painting their toenails must be stressed-out nerds without a social life. Could not be further from the truth. (And just like Cur, the value judgement is as clear as a bell to me) And I don't want to get into a contest about whose kid did more with their time; suffice it to say that mine was criss-crossing the state and country on a regular basis as a result of involvement in his ec's(and, having the time of his life, meeting and making friends with kids from all over) As for multi-tasking...mine probably did that less. His style was to focus really intensely on one thing at a time, which I must say I'm all for. And let's just say that the proof is in the pudding....</p>
<p>BTW, mine can study while watching TV, too. No way I could do that. I get lost in "Lost" as it is.;) "What was that? Why did they do that? That doesn't make any sense."</p>
<p>And as to pudding, mine just did what made her happy and to her that was preparing herself for college. I do wish she would have slowed down but she won't. She is the single most determined cuss I've ever met.</p>
<p>LOL, cur. For those who can multi-task without it affecting the quality of what they do, more power to them. I'm still mastering the walking/chewing gum skill!</p>
<p>Donemom, I got a pretty strong "value judgment" from you with the comment "That description is nothing like my kids' highschool lives." You were loud and clear with your disapproval..</p>
<p>What's so hard about seeing that different kids needs different levels of support, for a variety of reasons (some academic, some personal, some extra curricular, some parental helicoptering....or whatever)?</p>
<p>If the end result is a fully functioning, contributing adult member of society, who cares if parents help out (or don't) in the admissions process?</p>