Hoping to gain some serious intel this weekend without smothering. Communication thus far has been seriously lacking, and I am craving details. Looking forward to meeting his teachers (including one who was MY teacher 30 years ago) and talking to his adviser. He wants to go out for dinner on Friday; looking forward to some alone/family time. I understand that at some point this weekend he will want to be rid of us - I GET that. But I hope that our expectations will relax as the weekend goes on, and that his patience with us (mom, dad, little sister, grandparents) holds up. Per his request, we are bringing his bike, ramen, mac and cheese, poptarts, and extra toiletries. 
I got very sage advice last year to expect weird reactions to our presence. SO TRUE! Deweykid was so excited for us to be there, in theory, but… the moment we showed up Dkid did not know what to do with us. Being on their campus was mortifying.
Imagine showing up at a school dance?.. with the grandparents, yup that’s about right. I’m not saying you shouldn’t bring family. Go!! But tread lightly and forgive the confusion of your newly independent teenager who is having a mashup of worlds colliding. Empathize, grin, pause…breathe 
DS school has a separate grandparents weekend so it was just Mom, Dad & little brother (year 1 - brother did not come year 2). Yes it can be hard for the kids trying to reconcile parents and school. DS school has a talent show for parents weekend - we have yet to go in person but more acceptable then a dance. This year we get college counseling too.
Make an effort to meet other parents - that’s a good way to get intel as well. And when your son sees you socializing, he won’t feel as much of a “burden” to look after you. Not that ANY of us are a burden, but you know what I mean…
“I understand that at some point this weekend he will want to be rid of us”
Just to temper your expectations, this could occur the moment you step on campus, not “as the weekend goes on”.
Years ago at SAS, we did the whole “bring the sibling and grandparents” thing and 7D1 acted like she didn’t know who we were for a large portion of the weekend. My wife and I had to have a serious talk with her about how in consider she was being — especially to her grandparents. It was very out of character for her, but I guess could have been expected. It did improve immensely even on subsequent visits that year.
A similar thing happened with my younger daughter, but to a lesser degree.
Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, just sharing with you our experience. I think the kids are just starting to feel independent and like they are getting the hang of life on their own, and then the parents come in and sort of crash their party.
Note that your craving for details will probably not stop, but communication should improve as time goes on. And feel free to read the riot act at Thanksgiving if it doesn’t. Setting a weekend “check-in call” time that works with your student’s schedule might be a good idea…it sort of worked for us. with 7D1. By the time 7D2’s time at BS rolled around, we were all a lot better about using various channels of communication to stay in touch. FB mail is probably the most popular in our households, with various groups set up for different combinations of people…the whole family, my wife and our daughters, my wife, myself, my younger daughter, etc.
I’ve also found that it helps to be as clear as possible with the kids about when you expect to see them during the weekend, and when you have other activities. So, for instance, once you’ve seen the actual schedule for the day, it helps to say things like “we’re planning on going to the meeting for all 9th grade parents at 11 am, but then it would be great if we could see you for lunch after that. Our meeting is over at noon, what would be a good place to meet?” Or “I know you have sports practice in the afternoon. What time are you tied up for practice? We’ll amuse ourselves during that time, but then we’d like to come see your room.”
Our first year of parents’ weekend, our son ended up alternately hovering around anxiously and then disappearing with no notice. I think he was anxious because he didn’t really know how the whole thing was supposed to go either, and he does better when he knows what the plan is. Once he realized the next year that he didn’t have to entertain us the whole time, the whole thing became a lot more relaxed and fun for everyone.
We debate every year whether to go - mostly because our kid has a tendency to be nasty to us when we are on her “turf”. She is happy to see us, just isn’t happy that it at her school. I think the kids (being teens) are very anxious about the persona they have crafted while away at school. Us invading that world means that there is a risk that we parents (as all parents do) will embarrass her, or someone will find something out that she has kept back.
Ultimately, we go. And over time we have learned to ignore the tension… well, almost. This is really the only time during the school year where we have access to teachers and coaches as well as the opportunity to meet other parents. I like to think that my feelings don’t get hurt when I am made to feel unwelcome, but I am not that tough.
So - go. Enjoy it. Ignore the awkwardness and tension in your kid. It is Parent’s Weekend… you have a right to be there and have been specifically invited.
My mom and brother came for a visit this morning. I treated them to dining hall brunch.
We had a great visit. We got to take him off campus for dinner - 2 whole hours alone to fill in the blanks of these past weeks…we saw him play his sport (he made varsity as a 10th grader) and score for his team… met his friends and teachers and talked to his advisor at great length. He is happy and sociable. Grades are, well, mediocre, but there are mechanisms in place to step that up. Despite the great peace and reassurance I feel, it was much harder to say goodbye today, and I am emotionally spent tonight. I miss him with every fiber of my being; at the same time, it is clear he is thriving. So grateful…
Thank you al for your words of wisdom.
So glad your weekend went well @hellomaisy. “Peace and reassurance” and emotionally spent at the end of it all…exactly my experience as well. I wonder whether our paths crossed without us knowing it? I was the really obnoxious woman with the two really great kids.
A wise friend who had a kid go to BS told me that our son would be happy to see us arrive and happy to see us go. We arrive tomorrow, so we’ll see…
Good luck @johnnya! I hope it goes well!
Will see my kid in a week (after finals)! The visit home has been a promise of sleep, endless days of sleeeeep.
Flying East to see Fall colors… wait…no… to see DS.
Rain is in the forcast 
Just back from our family weekend, and although it poured, was sooo happy to see Chimneykid. Senior fall is a beast but family days get much easier each time. I agee that your child’s discomfort increases exponentially based on number of family members in attendance. Due to a few changes in college visit plans, we now have our kiddo home for two days - bonus!
Family weekend is over, had today and tomorrow for fall holiday weekend. He’s ready to go back, though, because apparently mom snores. Loud. Sigh.
@gusmom2000 LOL mine complains about every small noise. When I ask how she survives in the dorm, she says it is quiet there. How do I put an eye roll in this post?
I hear ya, London! LOL
8-|
Quiet? Dorm?!
Watched the Martian together.
Got him winter jacket. Check. Not sure if he will wear it, Still in shorts. Crazy warm weather.
Eating out trying to feed DS… I think I gained about 10 lb and feel ready for hibernation.
Sad it’s time to drop him off. :((