Feedback on my dismissal appeal letter?! I could be kicked out!

Parents Forum
1

I epically bombed this semester, and now I might be facing serious consequences. Can anyone tell me how this letter sounds? Thank you!

Dear X,

My name is [redacted] and I’m writing to profusely apologize for my academic record this semester. I am embarrassed and ashamed of my results for the spring term, and would like the chance to explain what went wrong, and what I will do to ensure that it does not happen again.

About a month into the semester, I began to suffer from a Major Depressive Episode. I did not recognize the signs at the time, but gradually, I started to feel disoriented, sluggish, and apathetic. I stopped participating in extracurricular activities. I spent most of my time holed up in my room, struggling to study due to my lack of energy and overall melancholic mood. Of course, my academic performance suffered.

Suddenly it was difficult to get out of bed. I started running late to my morning classes because I overslept, and soon that turned into not showing up to class at all. I went from easily getting by on 6-7 hours of sleep to needing at least 12, and even then I would still feel exhausted. I couldn’t remember things; I couldn’t answer simple questions. It was as if a dark cloud had descended upon me, robbing me of my ability to perform simple cognitive functions. I had never felt so low in my life.

Weeks later, I began to suspect that I was suffering from depression, but I remained in denial for a while, believing that if I tried harder, all of my symptoms would merely vanish. Because I already suffered from ADHD, I was reluctant to admit that anything else was wrong, fearing that I would be viewed negatively because of it. Everyone at [College] seemed so perfect, and I didn’t want to be labeled as “defective”.

However, midway through the semester, I was forced to confront my depression head on. My midterm grade report was unsatisfactory, alerting Dean [redacted] along with my proctors and my advisor. Together, we formulated a plan that was meant to get me back on track, and for a brief period, I made some progress. I went back to Counseling and Mental Health Services to consult my psychologist, [redacted], and my psychiatrist, Dr. [redacted], and they both confirmed that I was indeed suffering from depression. But, when they suggested that I start taking anti-depressants, I hesitated. I’d tried to downplay many aspects of my depression, failing to disclose details simply because I was afraid. I didn’t want to be hospitalized and wasn’t sure what would happen if I told anyone what was happening. But in truth, I had struggled with suicidal thoughts, and I feared that taking medication would increase my risk of actually harming myself. My doctor had already informed me that this was a possibility, and also said that there was a chance of the anti-depressants not working properly in such short amount of time (there was only about a month left in the semester at this point). I respectfully declined the medication for this reason, but due to time constraints, I wasn’t able to schedule many appointments with either specialist. Without adequate treatment, I slowly began to spiral out of control, neglecting my academic studies as well as my personal life, as I stopped eating regularly and couldn’t find the strength to leave my bed.

My mood changed abruptly three days before I left campus, sending me into a euphoric high during which I was too wired to assess the situation adequately and respond appropriately. After it settled, I consulted both Dr. [redacted] and Dr. [redacted] again, and they both suspect that I might have experienced the onset of a Bipolar disorder and suggested that I see a specialist at home for further evaluation.

I understand that my performance was not acceptable this semester and I am not trying to use my health issues as an excuse for it. Rather, I am simply trying to explain what went wrong. During the Fall semester, I was diagnosed with ADHD and was still able to manage a 3.XX GPA, become a reporter for [redacted], secure a leadership position on the board of [redacted], and write for [redacted], in addition to holding an on campus job at [redacted]. However, the problem was effectively treated with weekly counseling sessions, medication, and workshops at the Bureau of Study Counsel, greatly improving the situation. I am confident that with proper treatment, I will be able to get back on track.

I have already made an appointment with a specialist in my hometown with whom I will consult during the summer, and will do whatever it takes to overcome this issue. I recognize that I should have been more forthcoming with my difficulties and that I should have stayed in touch with my advisor and my professors, but I was not well at the time and can assure you that this will not happen again. If allowed to return next semester, I plan to take steps similar to those used to treat my ADHD, and will schedule weekly sessions with my therapist, take mood stabilizers (if prescribed) and visit office hours and the Bureau of Study Counsel immediately if any difficulties arise.

Once again, I am so very sorry for my performance this semester and hope you will take this information into consideration.

Sincerely,

[A very concerned college student]

2

I think this is way too long and too effusive. Here are my suggestions:

  • you are writing to appeal a dismissal or whatever the actual language is
  • you suffered a major depressive episode followed by a brief manic period, leading to a diagnosis of bipolar 1
  • provide documentation and professionals' contact info (for ADHD, depression, and bp1) -you are now on medication and doing therapy -rather than dismissal, you would like to take a medical leave to regain health and prove to the college that you can handle school now that you are diagnosed and treated
  • you will do whatever the college requires, whether a job or courses, in order to reenter at a time of the school's choosing

Bureau of Study Counsel sounds like a particular school to me. If that is the school, they are pretty good about sticking with students if the students show change.

3

Agree that (a) it is too long (and too full of unnecessary details) and (b) the school is identifiable in your pot. Lastly, personal nails on a blackboard to me-- you split an infinitive in the first sentence. You would like to apologize profusely. Not profusely apologize. Truthfully, leave out profusely (and other embellishments) and keep it short and factual. And identify what steps you plan to take in school to rectify this and prevent a recurrence.

4

You could eliminate paragraphs 3,4,5, & 6 completely, too much information. Then tweek current paragraph 7 to include the info @compmom mentioned, which is excellent. #7 is the one that begins with, "I understand my performance…"This one could include compmom’s points 2-6, briefly and to the point.

State the problem and your solution succinctly. That’s what they need. Wish you well.

5

Most of the appeal letters we see on CC are way too long. Yours is no exception.

You’ve already gotten good advice. I’d just like to say good luck and let us know how you are doing.

6

@jym626 It’s time for you to finally let go of that reaction to split infinitvies. Most grammarians allow them; they’re an artifact grafted onto English grammar by someone in the 19th century who wanted to make English work like Latin.

There’s nothing wrong with them.

7

Sorry, garland. Old habits die hard. They are like nails on a blackboard to me. A friend writes books on grammar. I agree with him.

8

@garland @jym626

“less agreeable people are more sensitive to grammatical errors” :wink:

http://www.ns.umich.edu/new/releases/23635-personality-influences-how-one-reacts-to-email-errors

9

I agree with others, you need to both drastically shorten the letter and redo the major points. First cut it by at least 50%, maybe 66%.

Focus on the facts, the consequences, and the proposed solution. Something like this:

  1. I was failing due to undiagnosed depression.
  2. I sought help and got diagnosed but failed to take prescribed medication.
  3. I realized I was wrong and have started taking medication.
  4. I am continuing under the care of a doctor at home
  5. I would like to request the option of either a semester off to recover, or continuation with doctor’s approval, or your other recommendation.
  6. Here is my medical documentation as proof.
10

From the college’s pov, you sound risky (and perhaps dangerous) to attend classes. I think you should go home and regroup and prove you can be successful at a nearby college. I’d shoot for medical leave vs dismissal. Trying to come back this fall is a no-go; shoot for next spring.

11

Split infinitives are considered declasse’. Can’t post the link from the phone. Look it up. And there is a big difference between grammar in an email vs a letter to Harvard asking not to be booted out. YMMV . Starting an appeal letter to Harvard with a split infinitive is easily avoided. JMO.

12

@jym626 The split infinitive “rule” is ignored even by great writers, including academics at Harvard. Other “rules” that are regularly broken in academic writing are starting a sentence with “And”, "But, or “Because”. Turns outs that smart people have little patience for grammar rules that do absolutely nothing to add to the clarity of what’s being said ( many would much rather start a sentence with “but” on some occasions, rather than “however”). There are lots of “rules” like this in grammar that people think are real rules; they aren’t. It’s more a way of discerning class, in that people who have been educated from an early age and made to memorize these fake rules still abide by them. It in no way means you’re a bad writer if you don’t abide by the arbitrary grammar “rules” set up at the end of the 19th century and the early 20th.

13

To each his own. No different than feedback that the letter is too long. Because it is. Feel free to call it a “rule”. No one said that. It just sounds bad to me. Again, JMO. Personally, I’d leave out the “profusely” altogether in the first sentence. It is unnecessary.

14

That’s fine, and if you want to refrain from splitting infinitives, have at it. But let’s not assume that just because someone starts a sentence with a conjunction or splits an infinitive that that makes them “declasse’”. There are thousands of people far more educated than you or I who do it often, in published work, and not by accident. Just take note, there are differences in the actual rules of grammar and things like split infinitives which are rules that are purely contrived.

To be clear, I agree with you that he should eave out the “profusely” altogether. It;s just too much. And yes, it’s to long. However, that’s a real critique in my mind, while split infinitives are not in most cases.

15

For the umpteenth time. To each his own. Let’s get back to topic. How educated any of us are is irrelevant.

16

What?? No one is going to argue whether it should be “any of us is” or any of us are"?? Nobody bit. I am disappointed. :stuck_out_tongue:

17

I would leave out the fact that you refused medication. That whole paragraph is an extremely weak argument. If your depression was bad, you probably should have taken a medical leave. I wish you had come on this forum sooner!

Are you registered with the disabilities office for ADHD? Do you have any accommodations for that, or for your bipolar depression or mania? Do you take meds for ADHD?

Do you have a good relationship with a dean? Psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist? Is anyone going to support you in an appeal, with documentation of your problems and with some support for your character?

Bipolar 1 is a serious psychiatric disorder with onset around this age. Are you on Lithium or another mood stabilizer?

I would agree with any school who wants to see how you do on meds (and whether you take them, since you were not compliant until recently) before letting you come back to school.

If your depression was as bad as you say it was, I would think you would have been desperate enough to try meds. The warning about suicidality has some validity but I don’t know anyone who has suffered depression who let that stand in the way of trying to get relief.

Now if you are truly bipolar, antidepressants can set off mania and you should get on a mood stabilizer first.

If you have the mental health issues that you say you have, you really do need some time to try meds, change meds, try other meds, do some complementary things like yoga or meditation, and learn how to balance your moods and function. It is possible that you could do this over the summer: that would be up to your doctor to argue for you.

I think the appeal can be as simple as saying you now have a diagnosed mental health disorder, bipolar 1, along with the previously diagnosed ADHD, and that you have some profesionals who can attest to the fact that you are now undergoing treatment and have professionals who can vouch for your ability to resume schooling in the fall.

18

Agree that the letter is way too long and seems too embellished, as if you went through with a thesaurus (for example, your use of “melancholic” is very awkward and stiff). I would remove nearly all the details of the depression. It is relatively common on college campuses and your advisors are probably well aware what the symptoms are like. Explaining in depth for paragraphs makes it seem like you don’t take any accountability.

I think you need to edit out more of the “what went wrong” and add more of the “what i will do to make it go right”. As is, you read like a serious liability to the college, especially the part where you detail that you repeatedly lied to people reaching out to help you and declining to take proactive measures, like medication, to address your problem.

19

Agree with novafan, and the past suicidal ideation can be a big red flag. Its quite possible they can require you to get a letter from your treating mental health professional (s) that you are stable and no longer entertaining any suicidal ideation.

20

And, fwiw (and then lets move on please) - from wiki:

I happen to be one of those who find it annoying to see a split infinitive. I am not alone. That said, it is not the split infinitive that will keep this student from returning to school next semester.