Feedback on my intro ? any improvements ?

College Essays
1

<p>“Who are you?” Ms.Duffy asked after she stared at me with this cold cold expression. My legs were quivering and my heart was racing at the speed of light as I stood in front of the ‘U’ shaped audience waiting for the feedback that might ruin me forever ! “Who are you?” She asked again and all I could say is “I’m.....a.....Boy?” and yes I answered it in the form of a question because I didn’t know who I was. I was still questioning who I was. Then I heard this little voice whisper in my ear “You can’t run from yourself.” Then I just stood there with this blank stare tuning Ms.Duffy out as she asked a hundred more times “Who are you?.....HELLO?” I thought about it and I still couldn’t answer her. That’s when I knew I had to find myself.</p>

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<p>Anyone? </p>

<p>Sent from my LS670 using CC</p>

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<p>I like it. It’s intriguing and makes me want to read more. A couple of suggestions…“all I could say is” should be - all I could say was. Everything else is in the past tense. “Is” is present tense.
Also, you begin two sentences in a row with the word “Then”. “Then I heard this little voice…” " Then I just stood there." I would eliminate the second “Then” which does not change the meaning of your sentence at all.
Finally, I think that you may be missing a couple of commas, but I’m not sure. Perhaps you can have an English teacher read it over when you are done. Good luck…</p>

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<p>Thank you ! Yeah I am not very good with my English but whatever I have four English teachers willing to read this ! :)</p>