Hey guys! Like I have said in my last posts I am a new junior at a boarding school school this year. I like the school and the classes but as for socially I hate it. There are only 7 new juniors this year and the other 6 besides me joined a sports team so now they have a group of friends they do everything with. I joined theater. And while I like the people they just aren’t the people I really become friends with because we are different. I went to classes yesterday and my teachers were good but everyone in my classes knew eachother and I didn’t know anyone and no one made an effort to reach out to me and I felt too weird making an effort myself. The girls on my floor are nice but they are all returning and picked their dorms so it’s like one big friend group then me and it’s so awkward. Clubs start Friday so I’m going to give those a shot but I just hate being here because j have no one I can go to meals with or hang out with in my free time and I’m so alone. I know people say it gets better and I want to believe it but I just feel so isolated and j want to go home this is no the right place for me. I am going to stick it out until first term is over then reevaluate but I cry everyday I feel so alone here. What do I do
I felt similarly when I first came to boarding school. Honestly, I think it’s sort of like that when you start in a new environment. You’re going to meet new people. Like you, I felt lonely for a while at first, especially since I’m pretty shy, but I eventually became good friends with people in my dorm and classes.
It can be tough, but to a certain extent, I think you need to get used to it. When you go to college, you’ll be going to somewhere new where you don’t know anyone. You can’t always stay with the same group of friends your whole life. In my opinion, you need to get used to meeting new people and adapting to new environments.
I think you shouldn’t be so worried about not having too many friends. When I was having similar problems, my advisor gave me good advice that I should focus on schoolwork/extracurriculars/sports/etc, or the things that I do, and friends will naturally come to me. Don’t try TOO hard to make friends. But be friendly to people. In my case, people in our dorm went to meals together, so I had someone to eat with. Finding common interests with other people could be a good way to make friends. But again, I wouldn’t try too hard. Don’t obsess about it.
In general, be nice to people, don’t be fake, be genuine, and focus on what you do. I think that people would come naturally to you. If things don’t work out, or you don’t like the school environment, it might be the right decision to move out after the first term. On the bright side, this is probably a good learning opportunity for you, and one day, you will have to learn how to adapt to new environments one way or another.
I was a new sophomore, and I spent the first few weeks in terror that I had made the worst decision of my life, and I would have no friends. The first term I spent a lot of time with this one friend group I didn’t really like. It wasn’t until the middle of year I found “my people”. My only advice is to get out there - go to clubs, little school events, and introduce yourself to new people. It might take a while, but hang in there. You are going to get where you want to be.
Hang out with the new sophomores.
Give yourself time. It will get better. Talk to your advisor about your concerns. She/he might be able to make some suggestions specific to your school.
@boarderbeauty if your school has mental health professionals on staff, I highly recommend you make an appointment to get support. There is no stigma associated with this and they have Tons of practical experience to offer you!
There is nothing worse than what you’re feeling! Literally thousands of other kids are feeling it right now at their respective schools. It’s especially tough when you come in as a junior because, like you said, a lot of friendships are already established. Two important things to stay focused on to get you to happiness: (1) participate in groups, even if it feels that you initially have nothing in common, (2) keep putting yourself out there - smiling, saying hello, offering to lend a hand, engaging with others, avoid sitting in your room. What you don’t realize is that there are plenty of other juniors who are tired of the same old friends they’ve been with since freshman year who will find you a breath of fresh air, someone new to hang out with. And one or two will emerge as your closest friends.
Two juniors were admitted to Thacher in my son’s junior year, one boy and one girl. The young man is today one of my son’s best friends. He experienced the same feelings you are when he started junior year. As his first semester went on he got friendlier and friendlier with a group of his classmates and before you knew it, he was totally engaged and happy. It WILL happen - just keep putting yourself out there.
Last year I was one of just three new sophomore girls. There were times in the first couple weeks where I felt like I was never going to find my group and that the other kids were kind but not reaching out to me. But on the flip side, there were times when I met new friends I felt like I’d known forever, and it wasn’t long before I knew I was in the right place.
Please give it time. Don’t be sure that you’ve made a mistake just yet.
Good luck!