<p>I don't feel like I fit in here. Everyone is so cliquey and, although they're nice, they don't really include me. A bunch of the girls did preseason, so they're already best friends. I try to be friendly, but I just feel like it's pointless. I'll talk to someone for a little, but as soon as one of their friends comes along, they'll leave me. I don't know what to do, I feel so sad and alone. This kind of thing has never happened to me before. The only time someone talks to me is when I talk to them first. I don't understand why people are so unfriendly towards me. I'm trying so hard to make friends but no one is interested.
I just want to go home, I don't think this is working out.
:(</p>
<p>Zoe- you need to see your advisor immediately. That's exactly what they are there for! Let us know how it goes. It will get better!</p>
<p>I did. She said to give it some time. it's just so hard, though.</p>
<p>Hang in there! I can assure you there are other new students who feel the same way you do. As hard as it might be, keeping being friendly, smile as much as you can, greet everyone you meet. </p>
<p>Try to get out and about. Make yourself leave your dorm room whether its hanging out in the student center, your common room, etc. </p>
<p>Even though you might not feel confident right now, be an actress and project as much confidence as you can. </p>
<p>Give it time and try not to give in to negative feelings.</p>
<p>I just bumped up a thread for you from last year, entitled "my daughter hates boarding school"
I hope it will be helpful to you and that you will realize you aren't the only one to feel this way initially. The girl in that post went on to have a great year as far as I heard.</p>
<p>That's what I've been doing. I mean, most of the people on the freshman are nice. It's just that they already have their friends and don't seem interested in making more. I've been trying, but I'm just so exhausted from all the effort. I wish someone else would make a little effort too. Why does this have to be all on me?</p>
<p>search out the other new students.</p>
<p>What exactly are they NOT doing that you want them to do? Spend more time w/ you? Eat meals w/ you? Can you more precisely define this. It could be that your perceptions are not on target. Lots of groups of girls wandering around can appear close and happy while in actuality there is little bonding. Does that make sense?</p>
<p>zoe -- in the past, at summer programs, new activities, etc -- have you immediately found friends and other girls to hang out with, or does it generally take you a bit of time?</p>
<p>I ask because my two sons are the opposite in this regard -- my oldest takes weeks before he feels like he even has casual friends. At every program he has ever attended, including boarding school, he has the same complaints that you do at the start. 4-6 weeks into the program, he is feeling much more connected -- and at the end of the year at boarding school he had several friends and felt at home.</p>
<p>My younger son makes friends almost immediately -- he had a group of kids to hang with before I even left the first day. That is just his personality.</p>
<p>Not everyone makes friends quickly or easily -- you may just be the type that needs more time.</p>
<p>You have been given some good advice here, including what your advisor said, give it some time. </p>
<p>Relax and be yourself. Try not to try too hard. I am sure you are anxious to make new friends quickly. The other new students are anxious too, that is probably why they are clinging a bit to the people they have already met. As everyone settles into life at school and feels more comfortable with themselves the social circles will change. I bet that many of the cliques that have already formed will dissolve and new friendships will be made. </p>
<p>The first people I met at BS and college were not the people with whom I formed the most lasting friendships. In the beginning friendships are formed out of convenience, living close, same classes ect.. Over time you find the people with whom you have a lot in common. Those people will be your good friends</p>
<p>Zoe, three years ago next week, my daughter called me crying. She was feeling left out and lonely, had a bad room mate situation, and was worried about her whole decision to go to boarding school. I cried and then called her house parent crying. Within days she had found her niche. The room mate thing never got better but she did make friends and the next year roomed with a girl she really liked.
Stick it out. You'll always regret it if you decide now to go home. Is there an RA? Someone you can talk with?</p>
<p>Have you touched base w/ your resident faculty member on this? I would begin to seek out your resident faculty member for a short chat. This is what they know best.</p>
<p>What else is going on at boarding school, jumpstartzoe? How are your classes? What are you signed up for in terms of ECs? Has the football season begun? Have you been to a game?</p>
<p>The friendship equation will work itself out -- without any direct effort -- if you stay engaged in the activities that fill your day. If you walk up to people and try to make friends, you're only building a house of cards that will collapse as there's no substance or glue. But if you get invested in your ECs and classes, you'll be thrown in with people in situations that will generate those precious ties that bind. You're not going to find those kinds of relationships in a hallway or in many of the places/situations you described as your focal points for Operation Friendship.</p>
<p>I think you need to abort that mission and immerse yourself in the opportunities and situations all around you (no complaints from you about these other elements of school, which is a great sign!). Do that and you'll find that, quite unintentionally, you'll have some terrific friends. And you just might find that some of them are people you might have completely overlooked if you had relied on your direct marketing approach to nailing down new friends!</p>
<p>I was miserable for the first semester at boarding school and didn't want to go back for the Spring semester. I felt exactly like you did, probably worse. I kept "trying on" different personalities, trying to find one that people liked. It was so depressing. But then I noticed a few weeks into the second semester that I was enjoying myself more, finding myself in new friendships that just sort of crept up on me. It mostly happened as I got to know people in classes and in extracurricular activities. By the middle of the Spring semseter, even the weekends were a blast. So, give it time, don't compare the experience to expectations you had before School. Just go with the flow and all of a sudden you'll find you're swimming along with the other kids. I promise.</p>
<p>This will probably sound silly, but someone once said to me, "If you want to get people interested in you, first, be open and attentive. Listen to what they say, and be engaged. Then, divert your attention, and go on with something else."</p>
<p>Or something like that. But I find it interesting that it sounds like how you say others are behaving around you, and it works! You're interested in them.</p>
<p>Anyway, the point is similar to what others are saying here. Involve yourself in your own pursuits, and the friendships will come naturally. But, of course, they may take time.</p>
<p>it's definitely tough when people have previously acquaintanced with each other prior to meeting you. i attended a summer camp this year and once in a while i felt like the "best friends" i made were closer to each other because they knew each other prior to the camp starting (it's a well known one so it had a facebook group & people got to know each other beforehand) and other times they came from the same school, attended the summer camp last year, etcetc.</p>
<p>that week I never felt excluded or anything, but sometimes I felt like my "best friends" liked each other more, kind of like what jumpstartzoe is saying. they don't hate you or anything, they just have their own friends. i made friends with the rest of the 20or so girls and we all became a very close pack. the rest of the camp time i always had people i talked to, enjoyed being with, hung around, etc. there was never a moment i had alone, and if by the off chance i was granted a litttlleee privacy, i would dump myself onto the bed, read a book, and listen to my iPod. those were the moments i think felt the most relaxing.</p>
<p>anyways. I haven't been to boarding school so i can't vouch for anything, but im guessing it'll take you around two weeks to feel like you have this group of friends you can rely on to be there. my camp was very short compared to the full term of a school year, but dorm life often bonds people extremely fast. people you would have never guessed to know in a thousand years become your best friends in a matter of weeks (except for me, this was sad and almost cruel because that was when we would leave each other to go back home)</p>
<p>haha. im too optimistic here. >:)</p>
<p>It takes a while to make close friends for some people. I'm not at boarding school anymore (graduated) but it took me probably about a month to really get with my group of friends. I had lots of acquaintances, kids I talked to in class, kids I ate meals with those first few weeks but it took me a while to get close with the people I now consider my best friends. I'm at college now - I was miserable for the first week. No friends, nobody to eat with, nobody to walk to class with, but it's been a few weeks now and it's getting better. You just have to be patient, close friendships take time. Keep being friendly, invite other people to do stuff with you, leave your door open. Things will get better even if it seems totally miserable now.</p>
<p>I'm a lot older than you and now have two teenagers of my own (one in BS), but your comments took me back to when I was your age. I know exactly how you feel. As others have said, hang in there and try to get involved in EC's, sports, etc.</p>
<p>One of the great things about BS is that you are living with your classmates 24 hours a day. Unless you barricade yourself in your room and refuse to speak with anyone it's almost impossible not to get to know your classmates and make friends. </p>
<p>You've had friends before and you will have them again. You just need to find a group that you are sympatico with.</p>
<p>Good luck and please keep us posted.</p>
<p>How's it going? We haven't had an update in a while, so I'm guessing (hoping) that's good news!</p>
<p>Things are getting better. I have good days and really bad days, but for the most part I like it here. The social stuff is getting easier. I started using the counseling service here, which helps. The problem right now is just adjusting to this completely different life. Laundry's a challenge, and the academics aren't a walk in the park...
But yeah, I'm just going to wait out the year and then take it from there.</p>