Feel overwhelming rage at parents for not helping me pay for college more-- normal?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I go to what's considered a cheap school for its reputation, and costs $22k per year. The closest school that offers my major (computer science).
I am here 75% all on loans.. also on scholarship, and my parents contribute $3000 per year.
When I graduate, I will have accumulated $50,000 in debt.</p>

<p>But, considering with their salary I feel very wronged. Perhaps, because we are immigrants, we have a much closer family tie and it's expected that family helps each other, but I feel like now that they feel "Americanized" they don't really care about their kids future and somewhere they heard from their American friends that here parents don't help pay for kids college. They say they are being generous even paying $3000 per year.</p>

<p>Frankly, this is less than they would pay for me just to live with them..so, I don't see where they're getting generous? They must feel relieved they have more money now..</p>

<p>Before assuming I'm a spoiled child, let me tell you I donated bone marrow once and give blood twice in a few weeks for reseach studies for $, and go hungry for several days here in college. Even after I asked my parents for more money to live they said they had already given me enough, even when I said I was hungry. They just said to learn to spend it better.
My allowance for food is only $40 in a month, sometimes less.
Mostly I eat ramen, oatmeal, cereal. Some days that is all I can get to eating and often light headed.
The funny thing is then later my mom said "why are you so skinny now"
I can't possibly hold a job because I have overload on credits so I can graduate as fast as possible and accumulate less debt.</p>

<p>This semester alone my parents went on a trip to New York City ($2000), stayed at a fancy hotel, did a lot of expensive shopping there ($1000), as well went for a two week long resort stay in Cancun ($3500). Their combined salary is around $140,000, but they say they can't afford to pay for my college more. This summer they also have two vacations planned ($3000).</p>

<p>I'm only 18, actually I was 17 at the start of the year.. I feel like this is wrong.. they still act very nice to me on the phone and I visit back home but I just want to yell at them how can they be so selfish...they also brag about me going to college to their friends, like its their own accomplishment, it just feels terrible. But, I know I can't do this because of the consequences it might have on my future..</p>

<p>I just feel so angry ! I feel like I'm becoming a very bitter person.</p>

<p>Is this normal for college students? Or am I the only one..?
What can I do?</p>

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<p>Well, first of all, sorry if this sounds harsh but you are an adult. Your parents don’t owe you a single cent.</p>

<p>I’m having a little bit of difficulty understanding how 22k per year is “cheap” by any standard. In-state tuition at the top schools in my state is less than half that, and google tells me that it isn’t that different in other states.</p>

<p>If I were you I’d seriously consider transferring to somewhere less expensive and/or taking a lighter courseload so you can have time for a job. Rushing to graduate isn’t worth it if your health is suffering as badly as you describe.</p>

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<p>In your situation, it might be best if you could take the minimum amount of credits to stay full time and take a job. If you’re going hungry, your studies will probably suffer as a result. </p>

<p>Sorry about your parent situation- but really, YonderMountain is right. They don’t have any legal obligation (although many would consider it a moral one, that’s a different issue). Many parents don’t help out with college even when they can. Instead of being bitter, try to feel grateful for what you’ve got and do the best you can with what’s available.</p>

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<p>Yonder, with that attitude no one would be able to attend college without getting completely emancipated from their parents so that they could get proper financial aid. The assumption is that the parents will help pay for the college; this is why essentially every college in the country asks for information on the parents’ income.</p>

<p>And seriously, there are a LOT more expenses than just tuition when you go to college. Attending a public flagship will cost you upwards of $20,000 a year in more states than not when you add in roam, board, books, and whatever other living expenses you might have. The time when you could earn your way through college with a part time (or even full time) job is long, long gone. Without help from the parents, an 18 year old can’t even BORROW enough money to pay for a public uni.</p>

<p>Frankly, OP, I think your only real option right now is to go to community college next year, get a two year degree, and then enter the workforce. Go back to college when you can get financial aid without their income being considered. You’ll be in a better financial position and be able to get more financial aid from the school. “Sticking it out” and piling up $50,000 in debt is not a reasonable strategy at all.</p>

<p>According to google, you’ll be able to file as an independent student at age 24. That’s when you should go back for a 4 year degree IMO.
<a href=“http://www.moneyunder30.com/how-to-file-a-fafsa-as-an-independent-undergraduate-student[/url]”>http://www.moneyunder30.com/how-to-file-a-fafsa-as-an-independent-undergraduate-student&lt;/a&gt;
<a href=“Federal Financial Aid and the FAFSA Independent Student | Fastweb”>Federal Financial Aid and the FAFSA Independent Student | Fastweb;

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<p>Your parents definitely should be contributing more! That’s ridiculous – but it sounds like they’re not budging with their contribution so I would second Princess’ comment about taking the minimum credits and getting a job.</p>

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<p>Try to find a cheaper school. It’s not your money; it’s theirs. They earned it and can spend it however they please. A lot of people don’t get one penny from their parents for college. Be thankful for what you have.</p>

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<p>Maybe they are trying to teach you to be independent? I’m not sure what their reasoning is for not helping more but I can understand your anger and frustration at being left to deal with this alone. I do think if your situation is as you describe they should be helping more if they are financially capable of doing so. But having said that you can’t make them and at some point you’ll need to figure out how to handle this best on your own. My son will be attending a state school (our cheapest option) and by the time all the expenses are added up it comes to around $21,000 per year so I don’t think you’re necessarily at an expensive school. However, if you are truly going hungry you have to make some hard decisions about possibly leaving and attending a community college or taking less credits and getting a job as some of the others have suggested. Maybe at that point, seeing the situation, your parents will step up and help more…but even if they don’t, remember you can do this on your own if you have to. Good luck :)</p>

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<p>I wonder if you told your parents that you have to drop out, how they would react. If you told them you are starving and can’t do it anymore, I wonder if the “shame” of having a college drop-out kid would scare them into helping more. </p>

<p>That doesn’t mean you actually have to drop out, just make it seem like you are.</p>

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<p>I don’t wish to transfer to a community college…I’m determined to finish this Bachelor’s degree while I’m young. I would be too ashamed if I dropped out… the community college in my city also doesn’t offer the major I’m taking.
Because I know after I graduate then I can be free from them with a degree from this school (it does have a good reputation) and will likely get me a good job that will help pay off my debt faster and after that, really start living comfortably. So, I think I will continue here.
And like I said, taking less credits will postpone my graduation and with living costs and our flat tuition fee, will just incur a lot more debt.
I guess I was asking what can I do within my situation, or without making a change to my academic’s structure.</p>

<p>I don’t think they’re trying to teach me to be independent, in other aspects I think actually limit my independence (perhaps that is their secret plan)… They would probably not allow me to get a job for fear of my grades slipping (the pressure…)</p>

<p>I guess I can try talking to them again and ask if they can contribute more to my education. But I think they know me too well, I can’t threaten them with dropping out.
This summer, maybe I will flat out ask them if they can contribute more. And show them my good grades as proof it’s not a waste of their money…
But I think if they expect me to be filial to them when they’re older, I just feel annoyed haha</p>

<p>Just feels really lonely because I used to count on my family and we do have a really close relationship, so I’m surprised they would do something greedy like this to their child. I can’t help but feel angry/upset whenever I think about it.
I know by legal obligation it’s fine but by moral values I honestly think it’s terrible.</p>

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<p>idk about your school, but at mine, tuition plateaus off after we reach full time status (12 credit hrs) and anything beyond that costs the same. In that regard, it would make no sense to take the minimum allowed credit hours because you won’t be getting your money’s worth. if you want to get school over with with little debt, I think your best chance is to try to convince your parents for more funding. for instance, taking too many classes while working multiple jobs will inevitably hurt your grades (tell them I said that :)).</p>

<p>my parents are the exact opposite. we’re immigrants too, and they won’t stop bothering me about giving me money for living expenses so I can drop one of my jobs and focus more on school. we never go on vacations or wild shopping sprees (except black friday, that was wild), and my parents are constantly sending thousands of dollars to relatives because of problems back home. hell my dad hasn’t even visited our home country ONCE since we got here because he so busy and plane tickets cost so much. What a tragedy, I feel bad for them</p>

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<p>Unfortunately, the only way to convince the college financial aid system of that is to get (and stay) married, turn 24, or serve in the US armed forces.</p>

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<p>I really think this might not be a bad idea. It is worth a shot.
Of course there is no legal obligation that parents have to pay for their children but if your parents made minimum wage you would get around 10k from the federal and state government in grants so I do think that they should at least cover what you would get in grants if there income was smaller.
With that being said, try not to become bitter. Your are handily it better than I. There are some opportunities to make a good amount of money over the summer if you are willing to work hard in weird places. There are jobs in Alaska during the summer working in fish processing plants. Odd and end jobs over the summer can make you like 10k with living expenses paid.</p>

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<p>Find out what the withdrawal and readmission policies at your school are.</p>

<p>If they will automatically readmit you after withdrawal in good academic standing, consider that an option if you get a decent job – extend it for the next semester to earn money to pay for school, as if it were a co-op job. Then go back to school. Repeat as needed, “working your way through college” the old fashioned way. Decent job / co-op job possibilities do get more likely as you progress through school.</p>

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<p><a href=“http://www.jobmonkey.com/alaska/html/profile_-_cannery.html[/url]”>http://www.jobmonkey.com/alaska/html/profile_-_cannery.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>I only just heard of this but you could save yourself tons of money. Punch the numbers. Minimum wage plus 8 hours of overtime can be a good days wage. It is wrong for your parents to do this but people have survived far worse. Find a way to beat your situation.</p>

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<p>If you will have 50k debt when you grad- and Staffords will total aroud 25k, where’s the other debt coming from? </p>

<p>UMTC costs around $22k, including room & board. Or, have you made some other arrangements? What am I missing?</p>

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<p>I just read on a previous post you are minoring in Japanese. Ummm. Maybe cancel that…</p>

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<p>Rage and entitlement are expressions of extreme unappreciation for your parents for all the money, time, and effort with which they have blessed you. I think you owe them, as you should rise up and honor them for fostering life, nurturing your interests, and…changing your diaper. They deserve nothing but a huge hug and all your love, not bitterness and resentment. Yuck!</p>

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<p>punch me in the freaking face.</p>

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<p>I find it odd that you know how much your parents spend on trips, shopping and even upcoming vacations. Other than having access to their credit card statements, how would you know these things? OTOH, the one thing that stands out on your post is that you have “overwhelming rage” for your parents. I can see having that sentiment if you grew up in a house where there was abuse for instance, but to have these feelings in a normal circumstance are extreme IMO. Maybe you can sit down and calmly have a conversation with your parents about this subject. They may have reasons for their financial decisions that you don’t know about, perhaps high credit card debt or maybe they have taken out a 2nd mortgage on the home. I’m just saying you may not know the entire picture.</p>

<p>I’m sorry that you are going hungry. Maybe you could ask for a monthly gift card to a local grocery store from your parents for an amount that they feel comfortable with… I had friends many years ago in college that their parents wouldn’t give them cash, but would take them to the grocery store to stock their shelves. The parents thought they would blow the cash on other things, so that was the way they were sure that their kid was fed. I hope things work out for you.</p>

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<p>I’d assumed that the OP’s 22k figure was just tuition. If that’s his/her total living costs, then I’d suggest s/he take a serious look at why there is only $40 a month available for food. At any public university in my state 22k would get you into overpriced university housing and on an overpriced university meal plan.</p>

<p>My parents don’t contribute any money towards my college. So far I haven’t had to borrow any money, although judging from the OP I get significantly more financial aid. I’m not saying that anyone should be able to afford to pay for their own college, but I am saying that the OP appears to be getting a rather bad deal if they can’t live on 22k a year.</p>

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<p>That’s your choice, but if staying your current course means starving then you should really consider other options.</p>