My daughter is trying to decide between two schools. UF and UWF. UF is a great school and I would love for my daughter to go there . She’s starting to lean towards UWF and then transfer to UF her Junior year. UWF is close to home and she’s a homebody.It’s not a bad school, just not in the same league. I think she’s afraid to break free and experience the true college experience. She may live on campus if going to UWF(much smaller campus), but may also commute. I don’t want her to have anxiety over college, but I was just wishing my one daughter out of six kids would take full advantage of her opportunity to attend a highly rated college. It’s her decision in the end. I just feel like I went wrong somewhere that’s she’s so scared. I feel if she transfers later on, it will be harder to adjust. Anyone else feeling this way with their child’s decision?
No worries.
It’s the most natural thing to second guess your parenting. It’s also natural that your child will make decisions that are nearly incomprehensible to you. They are different people.
The most important thing you can do is to wholeheartedly support her decisions and love her fully. She’s trying out her new wings, just learning to fly. This jaunt takes her as far as she is able to go. With your love and constant affirmation of her choices, she will choose what’s right for her, and what will make her happy. Over time her confidence will grow.
You’re a good mom. Don’t worry. She’s doing fine. Just fine. And so are you
Is she going to college? Then the next question is she doing well in college? I’m done after that would love if my eldest just did those two things:)
It could be off to college, with car, with money in the checking account, decorated dorm, party daily, drop out after 2 months, date losers, lie constantly, “who is this child not mine for sure!!”, then stay with one loser who she is still with, and while on the outside they are doing “okay”, no future because neither went to school, he doesn’t have a trade, and is currently unemployed because he sucks and is a LOSER> and 4 years older so extra loserish.
IMO, be happy she is going and excited about going. I have 3 more in the pipeline if they all do what that one did I quit 
No worries.
Close to 1/3 of the undergraduates at UF are transfer students. They usually handle the transition well, being a bit more mature and more ready for the rigors of college. Some kids do need the extra year or two, before moving away from home.
UF has over 1,000 clubs/student groups, it’s easy to get sucked into a few groups and make friends, even as a transfer student. All she needs to do is get involved, once she transfers.
My only concern would be with her major. It’s hard to transfer into a few programs (a few of the engineering majors, Finance, BS in business administration, etc.). If she was interested in one of these majors, then she really would need to go to UF as a freshman. The same with getting involved with research (as a freshman). Otherwise, as long as she keeps her grades up, the transfer to UF should go smoothly.
Good Luck!
Having read many a story on CC, the other version of your DD’s story is that you encourage her to go to UF.
Her “homebody” tendencies are really anxiety in disguise. She get overwhelmed and starts falling behind.
She doesn’t want to disappoint you so she doesn’t tell you her grades are not doing well. She doesn’t ask for help because her anxiety causes her to be too anxious to go to the tutoring center or professor’s office hours.
You see her grades in January and wondered what happened.
Agree 100% with @bopper. And do keep an eye on her anxiety level (speaking from hard-earned experience with a daughter who seemed fine but wasn’t).
I chose Michigan State over Michigan. MSU is well ranked in its own right but is largely overshadowed by Michigan’s prestige.
I’m sure my parents were a little disappointed but they never showed it. They were behind me 100% to my face.
I thrived there and have never once regretted my decision. In fact, now that I teach undergrads at Michigan, I’m even more sure that I made the right decision.
Good students can do well regardless of where they go. if this is where she feels she can do better, I’d trust her.
We lived 5 minutes from FAU and our son could have gone there for free basically. We had similar discussions. We happened to sell our house and my husband can work from anywhere. So we moved to Gainesville! One difference from your situation is that H had more of an issue than my son. He dropped out of college and never lived on campus, and didn’t understand why living on campus was a thing (something I pushed for for our son’s sake). Our compromise is that we live close by. It has been great so far.
The main sway toward UF, for us, was that it is superior for engineering (compared to FAU). But many, many times I wished that UF was located where FAU is.
I have heard good things about UWF from a lifestyle standpoint. I would be more than fine with UWF if there is a major that suits your daughter and they have good support for it. And, as Gator 88 wisely mentions above, there are many transfer students at UF. Right here in Gainesville you have one of the best community colleges in the nation - Santa Fe.
Wishing you luck - I sympathize with your angst!
Have you visited UF?
The student has to be comfortable wherever they go, and there is something to be said for having family near by if anything goes wrong (student gets the flu, breaks up with boyfriend,…).
I don’t know if your daughter has anxiety, but if she does, here are things to think about: (i wrote this for another post)
My DD has anxiety. She got on meds in HS and did well…but going to college ups the anxiety level.
Instead of just new teachers like you might have senior year, you have:
new bedroom, new roommate, new professors, new food, new friends.
So that ups the ante.
Then, if they want to ask for help, there is the anxiety about going to the counseling center or the tutoring center or professors office hours.
Things to consider:
MEDS
How long is she been on meds?
Who actually picks up meds from the drugstore? You or her? She will need to do that (or arrange for mail order). My DD’s college had an arrangement with a local pharmacy to deliver meds…but it didn’t always work ( or she didn’t always request refills on time.) Come up with a back up plan so she could get them her self if necessary (e.g., take a taxi to the pharmacy and here is a taxi number).
I would start having her be in charge of re-ordering meds now so she can get used to it.
How often does she need to see a psychiatrist for med renewals? Ours was like every 3 months but my DD was an hour from home so we could get her if necessary. Would she need one near school?
ORIENTATION:
What kind of orientation does the colleges have?
I steered my DD toward one with a week long orientation…most activities were with kids on your floor so you would get to know them…they also had dedicated Community Assistants who also were useful as advisers/sounding boards at first. A place with one day orientation in the summer and then move in and get started may not be the best thing for anxious kids.
OVERSIGHT:
My DD wanted help with applications and all the signing up for housing etc. so I had her school login. She was also cool with me continuing to have is and I could check on her grades at first to make sure all was well.
Would your DD be cool with that?
SUPPORT:
Look into the Counseling Center… what services do they provide?
During orientation or admitted students day have her visit the center.
Do the same with Tutoring…mine knew she needed tutoring but was too anxious to go to the center until someone went with her.
ACCOMMODATIONS
Does your daughter need any accommodations? (e.g. extra time on tests)
Maybe talk to your DD’s current counselor and disability office about what documentation would be needed.
SELF-AWARENESS
How self-aware is your DD about her anxiety/panic attacks/depression?
Does she know when it is getting worse?
Does she know to ask for help? Or get a friend to help her ask for help?
COMMUNICATION
Does she communicate with you well? Will she tell you if things are not going good?
Will she accept your input? Will she be okay with you checking often to see how it is going?
LOCATION
How far away is the school? Will travelling home on her own cause stress if it is far away?
Can you pick her up if she needs a break?
My DD picked a school an hour away…far enough away to feel like she is “away” but close enough that we can get her if necessary.
TUITION INSURANCE
Look into getting tuition insurance if your DD cannot make it through the semester for medical reasons
ROOMMATES
Probably she will be happier if she knows who she is rooming with before she gets there.
Tell her that her expectation is that the roommate is a reasonable person and if they are good friends that exceeds expectations. Make sure she knows to talk to her RA about issues early on if she has issues.
COMPETITION:
My DD was the type of kid who likes to be around other competent people…like when she was in 5th grade basketball and she could have played down with the little kids (and be a star) or up with the older kids she chose to be up with the older kids.
We picked a school where she was at around the 75% of GPA/SAT… Not the best, but toward the top.
Malcolm Gladwell says it is best to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than the opposite.
Can your DD handle competing against the best of the best?
COMPLETION
It is better that she feels comfortable and does well in a “safety” school rather than get stressed out and drop out of a “reach” school. It is where you actually graduate from that counts.
INDEPENDENCE
Up until now, mom and dad have been prodding her somewhat to do homework, etc.
How well does she do this on her own?
PEER PRESSURE
For this one tiny span of time in their life, there is much pressure on going to a “good school”.
Once you are in school, nobody really cares where you are going, but senior year she may feel pressured to pick the “best” school even though it is not the best fit for her.
So if she picks a safety, then you (and her) can tell people: DD is going to East State college…we looked into many choices and this is the best fit for her.
You did the right thing to come on cc and share your disappointment. Its natural, understandable and on CC you can get it out of your system so you don’t share it with your daughter.
I’m one of those parents who brought my anxious child home in the middle of freshman year. It was her idea to go far from home so my situation was different but it was a painful experience for all of us.It was really hard for her (and for me) to give up on the vision of how we had expected college to unfold for her, but you play the hand you are dealt and our hand happened to include mental health issues.
I also agree with Bopper - let her decide where she’s most comfortable.
People outside the state of Florida have to Google “UWF” to find out what it is.
Thank you all. Right now, she’s going to either graduate 1st or 2nd in her class. She’s does quite well. She’s done dual enrollment, so it’s possible she could have 60 college credits in a year and transfer elsewhere then if she feels comfortable. She wants to major in math and teach Algebra down the road. I know UWF only offers 3 math programs vs 9 at UF. She’s not a real anxious person per se, but she knows we are here to help her if she needs it. I think she feels she may feel a little lost if going far away and I don’t blame her. I came from MA where I had many college options within an hour or two from home. Here in the Pensacola area, you really don’t have many options unless you travel away. She knows there are tutors and we are a phone call away, but 5 hrs driving distance. We did tour UF last month and she did like the campus. Like I said, I believe its a fear thing. She did get into the honors program at UWF, but not UF. Her brother is at UWF and currently trying to transfer to UF. Still waiting on a decision. I support her and know she will succeed anywhere she goes. It’s just hard to have her not take advantage of an excellent school right off. Auburn is an option too, but even with her scholarship, it be still be pricey. Going to calculate costs at all the schools this weekend and have her make her final decision soon. As of yesterday, she’s leaning towards UWF.
I was pushing West Florida for my daughter. She didn’t want UF or FSU, so we were looking at the other state schools for a safety. The beach, the sun, the Navy men - what more could a girl want? She found a different school but I still liked it. A co-worker has 5 sons and wanted to save money by sending them (or some of them) to North Florida, but North Florida has a requirement that ALL freshmen live on campus so there was no saving on room and board. That made her so angry that she wouldn’t let them go to North Florida. Most went to FSU because they could live (together) off campus and she could save money, but at least one went to West Florida. They were all rather smart and at least one is in medical school, but I think it was an FSU kid.
My D17 is down to two schools – one is a state flagship with a top ten ranking for her major, and the other is a smaller, much less known school that is respected in her major, but not known for anything else.
There is a part of me that wants her to go with the flagship. What if she wants to change majors? Wouldn’t she get better internships and co-ops? BUT, I also know that because of her autoimmune disease she will need to manage her stress, and I suspect that the lesser-known school would help with that.
So yeah, I am torn and I understand. Trust your DC to know what’s best for her right now.
What is more important than the school rank is how does the student fit in that school. There are plenty of students choosing a lower rank school for different reasons including location, final cost, friends, major available, size of school, etc. In any case, it will be a big change for the freshmen in college and you do not want to be blamed for the decision.
We have the opposite going on. My son is deciding between FSU and UF. I feel that FSU is the better fit for him, however at this point suddenly UF has risen in his estimation and he is leaning that way. I think. Hopefully he will make his decision soon! I told him I felt he could get a terrific education at either school. I also told him why I thought FSU was the better fit, but ultimately it will be up to him.
Trisherella, mine didn’t apply to FSU , but now I wish she had. I think both FSU and UF would be great choices. Plus, they offer the most math programs. Guess she could consider them down the road too. Would need to tour first to she if it could be an option.
Billcsho, it’s just that UF offers a lot more in the math area and more choices if she decided to change her major compared to UWF.