<p>" She is entitled to have feelings of remorse. Her feelings should not be denied because of what effect they will have on her mother or her sister. Why do a total guilt trip on her? "</p>
<ol>
<li><p>She is not being realistic about the opportunities she has. She acts like she has only 1 college choice. Truth is that she has 4, and she has posted previously on CC about being happy about at least 2 of them. We would not be doing her any favors if we acted like her choices are more limited than they are.</p></li>
<li><p>"Her feelings should not be denied because of what effect they will have on her mother or her sister. "</p></li>
</ol>
<p>She is apparently acting at home as if she has terrible and next to nonexistant choices, which simply isn't true. She may not like her choices, which is her right (though one wonders how it is that a college like Whitman that she went on record previously has become a college that she's writing off). However, to give her family the message that she's a failure and her work has meant nothing is a distortion of what's going on and is unfairly upsetting to them.</p>
<p>My guess is that more than likely she's simply going through the second guessing that most students do upon getting their acceptances/rejections. Many of us who ourselves went through the process know that this is not unusual, and most students go through it and quickly snap out of it. Her family, however, doesn't know this, and she may be unnecessarily upsetting them and discouraging her sister, who presumably looks to her for inspiration.</p>
<p>Several of us have said good things about the places where she has gotten in and also have given her good advice about how to increase her odds of getting off the wait list. We also have warned her, however, that since presumably financial aid will be a factor, it may be that the wait list colleges would not have aid to give her.</p>
<p>We also are reminding her that she picked at least one of these colleges -- Whitman-- after visiting it. It doesn't sound like an arbitrary choice. It may be that her negative feelings now about it are arbitrary.</p>
<p>For the record, this is what she has posted before. This is why I think she has a simple case of buyer's remorse, and she needs to snap out of her angst. She has a lot to be proud and happy about.</p>
<p>"March 18
in order of preference: Pomona/Stanford, Middlebury, Whitman, Bowdoin, Williams, Vassar , Swarthmore, and a few UC's</p>
<p>I am hoping, praying, crossing my fingers, etc for Pomona/Stanford....but I tried to apply only to schools that I would really be happy. But still....I want Pomona or Stanford.....AHHHH the wait is killing me. </p>
<p>March 23:
March 23</p>
<p>"I PRAY that I get into Stanford, but I also applied to other great colleges where I am sure I would be happy. So if Stanford does not happen (which in all likelihood it won't for me )I will thrive wherever I end up. You just cannot define yourself by the college you go to for 4 years. It will be over just as quickly as high school, and we move on."</p>
<p>I think lurkergirl left of the names of her schools on the OP because she sort of knows deep down it was a top-heavy list and know that Whitman is a prestige LAC that the parents would feel WAS a great acceptance. She has not come back because this info changes the whole scene.</p>
<p>FWIW, I sympathize with any upset kid. This process is an emotional rollercoaster. But soimetimes Buck Up & Count Your Blessings is the best possible advice.</p>
<p>It is unfortunate that she viewed Middlebury, Pomona, et al as "Matches" when we all know they are reaches for anyone. Maybe if her parents were more savvy this mistake would not have been made. (Ironically, Whitman would have been exactly the sort of school most of us would have had more of on our kids' lists, because it is a bit easier to consider Whitman a match.)</p>
<p>If people are less than gentle here, it is because the OP made it sound like it was "safety schools vs. Slippery Rock U" and really, the landscape is much better than that. (No offense to Slippery rock alums.)</p>
<p>Hey Andi, you are very understanding of this situation. Just as a matter of curiousity, do you feel that the responses given to you and your son were different than those given here? And if so, do you, as I do, wonder why that is? Like, how come no one suggested a gap year just as one example? And why was it that no one seemed at all into my response to you on the other thread to send your son to college somewhere next year? Why is a second tier school not good enough for your son, but it is good enough for this girl, whom btw they appear to have scared away? I hope this doesn't insult you b/c that's not my intent. I think you have a handle on your son's situation and that you both will arrive at a good solution. This girl looked for guidance here and what she got was just totally inappropriate in my mind.</p>
<p>If she's still reading, I hope she can wade through all this negativity and silly post sleuthing and embrace the responses from people who understand and care.</p>
<p>(1) Whitman is NOT second tier. In CC's top 25 LACs; according to NSM's post above it was her #3 school a few weeks ago.
(2) She's in at 4 schools, Andi's son got no acceptances.</p>
<p>I think people care; sometimes a little shake is the most caring response. Several incl me mentioned that she could regroup and transfer or go after a WL at a dream school.</p>
<p>"I think she's setting a great example for her family. Don't settle for what other people feel is good enough for you b/c of your background."</p>
<p>How is saying she has no college options when she has 4 including at least one top scholarship from a Ucal, one honors program from a U cal, and one top 25 LAC admission setting a good example for her family?</p>
<p>No one, no matter how spectacular, is guaranteed college admisisons unless they happen to apply to low ranking colleges that do guarantee college admissions for everyone.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, this young woman has some wonderful college admissions. Her complaining about them to the point that her ill mother is crying and her sister is feeling that studying is a waste of time is not helping her family nor is it allowing herself to truly celebration her marvelous achievements.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, she did get guidance here about how to address the wait list colleges. The guidance included the info that it may be hard for her to get financial aid off the waitlist, and her needing financial aid may affect her chances of getting off the waitlist.</p>
<p>We also asked her what exactly she is concerned about when it comes to large colleges. If she states her concerns, we might learn that they are unfounded or that she can meet those challenges.</p>
<p>We also don't know how it is that she loved Whitman before, and it was high on her list, but now she finds it unacceptable.</p>
<p>Helping people here doesn't mean accepting unquestioningly their complaints or assuming that they are right to reject college and scholarship opportunities that they have in hand.</p>
<p>mcdeb -- Andi's son didn't get into ANY school. Lurkin got into four.</p>
<p>lurkin -- don't let all the squabbling distract your from getting past your disappointment and celebrating your achievement. sorry it didn't turn out the way you hoped, but it did turn out. keep plugging at those waitlisted schools. but a degree from a UC will take you anywhere you need to go. Whitman (if that is where you got in) is a place that students love.</p>
<p>Lurkin'girl: Couple of choices:
1. Write to the schools you really liked that wait-listed you. (Send a copy of your CC thread coment - it's moving!) see what happens.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Attend the school you did get into, get great grades, and transfer in your sophomore or junior year.</p></li>
<li><p>Go to a community college for a year or two. get great grades. Transfer.There are several CC threads on transfer rations you can look into.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Life's not fair - it's arbitrary. It sounds as though you've had and are having a rough go of it but as my mother always says, you must be made of "sterner stuff" because you have managed thus far to stay focused and on top of things. So move on. Bitterness will only hurt you. I didn't get into my two choices and, in retrospect, thank God I didn't!</p>
<p>mcdeb1958 Thank you for that post. I couldn't agree more. If a person is feeling unhappy, telling her that she "should" be happy is not going to change the way she feels. In fact it will make her feel even worse because now added to her unhappiness are going to be feelings of guilt and shame. She now feels ungrateful, that she has hurt her mother and sister, she didn't research her schools properly and she has received no help.<br>
Why go and research past threads to prove that she said something different once before? What does that prove?? She feels terrible. Is this girl on trial because she is unhappy. What others think of Whitman college is totally irrelevant. What is relevant is that SHE is unhappy with it.
Are these posters trying to make her feel worse or does it just look that way?</p>
<p>mcdeb1958, I also view the no acceptances as harder to deal with than four choices, and I think Andi is dealing with it wonderfully. I don't think Andi has implied anywhere that lurkers schools wouldn't be "good enough" for her son.</p>
<p>Lurker--same advice as for Andi's son--go after those waitlists! But try to come to terms with and accept one of the choices you have while you're "waiting." Good luck!</p>
<p>"hy go and research past threads to prove that she said something different once before? What does that prove?? She feels terrible. Is this girl on trial because she is unhappy. What others think of Whitman college is totally irrelevant. What is relevant is that SHE is unhappy with it."</p>
<p>What is relevant is that she appears to have selected Whitman after visiting it and liking it. What also is relevant is that until just a couple of weeks ago, it was very high on her list.</p>
<p>All of this is very relevant because it's evidence that her finding Whitman now unacceptable probably is simply buyer's remorse. Lots of students start second guessing themselves when they get acceptances. If they applied to those schools for good reasons (and certainly the fact that she looked at Whitman and liked it indicates she had good reason to apply), then it can help to remind applicants that they once had found the college desireable.</p>
<p>It's not as if she's disliking a college that someone made her apply to or that she applied to sight unseen. More than likely, the sting of unexpected rejections is causing her to feel badly about a college that she actually does like.</p>
<p>For all we know, she may never be able to get off the wait lists. Thus, to be truly supportive, we can help her understand the good opportunities that she has.</p>
<p>It's not supportive IMO to join someone in complaining about their bad luck when they actually have wonderful opportunities.</p>
<p>Wow,
I just logged on and could not believe the number of responses.</p>
<p>I am not complaining. I know that I got into 4 schools. I came up with my list with the help of my college counselors. It is not like I looked at Middlebury and thought "oh, that would be easy for me to get into." They (the GC) ranked the schools I was interested in as probable/longshots, likelies, and safeties. The only schools in the "satety" column were the ones that I got into. I did the best job I could do picking out the schools by the advice I got.</p>
<p>Also, I did not name the schools because I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings if the UC's I got into or Whitman were their first choice. I did not want to insult anyone. But now, everyone knows. </p>
<p>I have changed my mind about Whitman because I have attended a few local gatherings, and something just does not feel right for me. I can't explain it. It is just a feeling. The UC's are so big. The lectures have enough kids to equal 3 entire student bodies from my school. I am not saying these are bad schools. They are good schools. But when I look at my list, I was hoping for any other option....ANY other one. I in NO way expected to get in every school. You know, my school has been having college nights every night since I was a freshman. I have visited schools, read about them, dreamed about them, and worked so hard to get into one that I would be happy. I am NOT going around crying at home like a spoiled kid, if that is what you think. My mom IS crying though, because we talk alot and she knows how dissappointed I am. She knew what I was hoping for. I am blessed to have a very supportive family who I love very much. I could care less if I am "first generation" or not, but I don't expect any less of myself becaue I am. </p>
<p>I know other people hope for things, too. I am no more special than any of them. In fact, I probably deserve it less. But I still have feelings. I never let the colleges even know about my mom's illness because I did not want any sympathy from them. I wanted to get in because I made the top 10% in my class in a very competitive school (we sent 6 to Stanford this year), because I am very well liked by my teachers, and because I did pursue and have success with my passion of volunteer work.</p>
<p>So thanks to those that understand that this was not a post about feeling deprived or feeling like I was a victim. It was simply an airing of dissappointment, and I am grateful to those of you who took it that way.</p>
<p>Forget the local gatherings. Whitman deserves a second CAMPUS visit if you can swing it. I would say it is on par academically with the other LACs on your list and if you really want a smaller school where professors take a personal interest in every student, then Whitman is a great choice.</p>
<p>lurkin' girl I think Carolyn has a good suggestion. If you can go to visit, do so. It may help you feel better about the school. But there is no need for you to feel like you "should" like it if you don't. It may be the best school in the world, but you're the one who has to go there. Take the pressure off yourself for a bit and just give it a fresh look.
andi</p>
<p>Thanks, Andi,
It makes me feel good for you to validate that it is okay for me not to like a school. :) I am going to try to look at it again, but can't afford to go up for admitted students day.</p>
<p>If you really want the LAC, Whitman will be a lot closer to your home and mom if needed than all the other ones except Pomona.</p>
<p>I know you had your heart set on Stanford, and I am indeed sorry it didn't work out. But I can tell that, for the vast majority of students, I think you'll get a better education at Whitman (and perhaps a better quality of life) there than at Stanford. And I am not the only one who thinks so. If you are care about such things, did you know that Princeton Review ranks Whitman for combined academics/quality of life HIGHER than Stanford? (it's close - one point.)</p>
<p>I agree that you have a right to feel the way you do. I think the application process happens so fast for many that they end up applying to schools that aren't good fits more often than not. The children of the parents here have incredibly educated guidance, much more than the average school counselor can give. I don't know a thing about Whitman, but I would not send a child to a UC that did not feel comfortable with the size issue.</p>
<p>If you were my daughter, I'd suggest a gap year. Perhaps your community service full time or head over to help tsunami victims or a PG year at a prep school if your family can afford it. Then take your time and do the college thing over. You can propably even defer at Whitman to save your place.</p>