<p>She's just suffering buyer's remorse. This is what she'd earlier posted about Whitman: "I visited during the summer, so there were no students, but I loved the campus, too. It was just beautiful, and had a great feel to it. I think I would be really happy there, too."</p>
<p>I urge you to reconsider the UC's. I also think the UC's "too big" to be ideal, But there are many advantages as well. I know so many people who consider UC the making of them. The 'too big' thing changes when you reach upper division, and a stellar student in a smaller program will always attract attention. You will have vast networking opportunities. Esp as a designated scholar or honors student. This is VERY attractive. </p>
<p>Your other schools were reach-to-longshots for even top students. I don't know how tough your school is at grading. There is no such thing as longshot/probable--longshort can't be probable too. Sorry for the hindsight, but your list should have been more vertical unless you had an EA acceptance somewhere you were happy with.</p>
<p>I recently met a guy in a really special small grad school interdisciplinary program at Berkeley. I think you have to be invited to apply. He studied environmental science at UCSB. He said that program at UCSB is pretty small, about 600, and well regarded and you get to know the profs well from fresh and sophmore year even. He was invited to be a TA as a Junior, and was well paid to grade papers. Just an example of a success story. He was funded for the grad program too.</p>
<p>I am in the buck-up camp. Perhaps we should link the "Love Thy Safety" thread to this for a cautionary tale, but you really have great choices. Don't get so hung up on name brand elitism, you can make a great career out of any of your choices.</p>
<p>Whitman? She should read Whitneylm's posts about not getting in there.</p>
<p>I'm not quite sure why no one is factoring her feelings into their overzealous analysis. We encourage kids to be competitive, to work hard, to aim high, to overcome adversity, to perservere. Take the hardest courses, study hard, don't go out too much. Then we find disappointment incomprehensible when a student doesn't get into one of her dream schools? Sorry but she has a right to her feelings and to express them without being judged or have her every post re-analyzed and discussed. She wanted to go to one or more of the schools that she didn't get into and she was disappointed that she didn't get in, it's as simple as that. She does have some great choices and it's good that you all pointed that out. I just think you could have done so in a less judgmental and harsh manner. </p>
<p>And I think it's a little disturbing to imply that the schools she should be happy with her choices as a first generation college student b/c such students "usually head to third tier colleges or community colleges." What is up with that statement? Her stats and scores are great for any student, first generation or not.</p>
<p>Dear Lurkin'!</p>
<p>A huge congratulations on getting accepted to Whitman! That was my dream and my very first choice (its an amazing school with an absolutely incredible reputation) and I recieved a waitlist at it. It's an incredibly hard year to get in and you DID! That is so fabulous!</p>
<p>Now, I know its really hard to get waitlisted at schools you really wanted. My waitlist at Whitman is going to mean a rejection for me because I'm unable to pay the downpay on another school and go anywhere else (finances are too tight). However, my story is somewhat similar to yours. I applied to a sleuth of colleges, but didn't visit any. Whitman was my very first choice and I did everything "right" there. I had an excellent interview, worked hard on my application, and e-mailed my adcom a few times to show interest and ask questions. I didn't worry too much about my other schools because I was "sure" Whitman would accept me. Then, at the last minute, I sent in an application to Reed. I never imagined I'd a) be accepted or b) be able to go there. So, I didn't consider it an option. It wasn't as though I didn't want to go there, I just was so sure I was going to Whitman.</p>
<p>However, yesterday when I came running home (I'm normally at school late with theatre, although I run home every afternoon to quickly check the mail) I was initially incredibly disappointed. But, I had to pause a moment and go "Self, shut up." I may not have gotten into my first choice, but there is an incredibly school that wants me (Reed). </p>
<p>So, I understand that there's a feeling of failure (I'm still totally getting over mine), but its true what everyone says. Admissions is incredibly hard this year. And, in spite of that, you have an incredible acceptance at a truely remarkable school!</p>
<p>So, congratulations and good luck! I know everything will work out!</p>
<p>Whitney:</p>
<p>What a beautiful post. Hope it helps the OP.</p>
<p>Lurkin' girl, I don't know if you read the thread comparing college admissions at top rated schools to the lottery. Considering the odds at the schools you were accepted to, I would think you would be feeling very good. I think you've fallen prey to the "the grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. A period (and I hope for you a very brief one) where you grieve for what didn't happen. In essence a dream denied. I happens to us adults as well. A lot of us have reached middle age and I would venture to guess that very few of us can say our lives turned out just like we thought they would. However, I bet most of us would say that life has been good - very good.</p>
<p>Yes, college is a big decision and I sincerely hope that you can chose a school that will make you happy. Pursue the waitlists if you wish, but also get comfortable with your other choices. Look for ways to make the UC's not seem so big. There was another great thread started by texdad on ways to make a large state university a great place to get an education. Look as Whitman again and try to see if for the great school it is.</p>
<p>I have read many posts telling students and their parents not to consider an acceptance to a top 25 as a sure thing, and I would expand it to include a top 50. You have accomplished something a vast majority of students in this country won't have. Enjoy your successes.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm not quite sure why no one is factoring her feelings into their overzealous analysis. We encourage kids to be competitive, to work hard, to aim high, to overcome adversity, to perservere. Take the hardest courses, study hard, don't go out too much. Then we find disappointment incomprehensible when a student doesn't get into one of her dream schools?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>mcdeb~ Whew, I was beginning to think I was crazy! Thanks for reiterating what I feel.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>UCSB is a great school.....we traveled across the country to look at it along with a few others... they have Nobel Prize winners there, their science (physics) program is world class.... and I believe they have their own beach.....</p>
<p>my advice is to give yourself a break... take a run or a long walk and have some fun, go bowling, or take in a movie...... revisit your options at least via the internet if you cannot physically get there... and KNOW you have some wonderful choices that others envy...</p>
<p>Sorry! Empathy, but no sympathy here for the applicant who gets into Whitman but not into Bowdoin.</p>
<p>I know you are feeling bad but echo Mini's post on how attractive Whitman is on the west coast. Out here, it is considered a great school that is quite selective. And as we've seen with schools all over, as the pool gets more competitive, the schools get more selective AND better known. When my D picked Grinnell in 1998, few outside the midwest knew it. And Wash U was literally trolling for students! But now both have great national reps. Is happening to Whitman too - many think it already has. Good luck!</p>
<p>
[quote]
And I think it's a little disturbing to imply that the schools she should be happy with her choices as a first generation college student b/c such students "usually head to third tier colleges or community colleges." What is up with that statement?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Dittos, mcdeb.</p>
<p>Hope I didn't sound harsh. I DO feel empathy. (I am an emotional creature myself!) But the OP worked hard and was SUCCESSFUL, IMO, in bagging four great choices. I guess it is natural to feel down about rejections/waitlists, but she should be proud of herself for having a good list and coming out at this point with these choices, and not feel that her hard work was for nothing, which she seemed to be saying in her original post.</p>
<p>I honk for Whitman. Great Academics in a beautiful, at times dramatic, setting. Lots of individual attention. It is in the top 25 LACS.</p>
<p>I hope that your mother is not still crying. </p>
<p>I hope that you will let her know what the others here are saying: that you DID get some GREAT choices; you have NOT failed; your hard work and perseverance through a very scary and difficult time HAVE paid off. </p>
<p>Especially if your parents did not attend college themselves, they may not understand what a "lottery" college acceptance is at the level of schools on your list. They may not understand that there is NOTHING wrong with your results.</p>
<p>Your parents should not feel let down, they should feel very, very proud of a daughter who did an incredible job and has several choices that many others would envy. Perhaps you were not as careful in your selection as you would be now if you were remaking your list. That's no reason to beat yourself up or to allow bitterness to invade your heart. </p>
<p>You've faced a "worst case" scenario in your family and triumphed over circumstances that would defeat many. As a cancer survivor myself, I understand the emotional black hole that can cause everything else to grind to a halt when you or someone dear to you is fighting for her life. You have come out on the other side of that dark place with increased compassion, activism, and determination. </p>
<p>Obviously, your superior record and your passion spoke to someone at these highly selective schools. They want you to come! Go for it!</p>
<p>"And I think it's a little disturbing to imply that the schools she should be happy with her choices as a first generation college student b/c such students "usually head to third tier colleges or community colleges." What is up with that statement?"</p>
<p>Did you take the time to read my other posts to her, including post #4? She has done an incredible job for any student, but particularly for a first generation college student whose mom battled cancer while the poster was in h.s.</p>
<p>While of course anyone would be disappointed by not getting into their first choice college, for the OP to be complaining so much that her mom is crying and her sister feels that working hard in school is not worth it means that the OP is setting a very bad example for her family. Since her family has not been to college, they are depending on her to explain what she has done.</p>
<p>Her mom should be feeling proud now, not feeling like she raised a failure. The OP's sister should be feeling proud and inspired, not feeling like it's a waste of time to study.</p>
<p>The OP has some marvelous options. As I said in post #4: </p>
<p>"It does seem like you have some college options -- far more than your parents appear to have had in their lives. This sounds like a time for you to rejoice and to be proud of overcoming so much. It doesn't sound like a time to be despairing. You tried hard, have a good character, and apparently did such good applications that you got 4 acceptances. Those are real achievements for you and your family to be proud of.</p>
<p>Certainly I emphathize with your disappointment at not getting into your preferred colleges, but in getting 4 acceptances, you have some nice accomplishments. Those are things to crow over, not cry about.</p>
<p>Please also be an example to your little sister. She needs to look up to you as a person who has made it and is on the way to college. She doesn't need to view you as a failure despite having 4 college acceptances.</p>
<p>P.S. Just because one has worked hard, etc. doesn't mean that one is guaranteed to get into every place that one applies to. Just take a look at , for instance, the Ivy boards and you'll see many posts by outstanding students who got rejection letters."</p>
<p>
[quote]
Sorry but she has a right to her feelings and to express them without being judged or have her every post re-analyzed and discussed.
[/quote]
"I visited during the summer, so there were no students, but I loved the campus, too. It was just beautiful, and had a great feel to it. I think I would be really happy there, too." </p>
<p>versus </p>
<p>"I cannot even imagine being excited about going to this school I was accepted to."</p>
<p>Yes, mcdeb1958, we have no right to point out this discrepancy. You have a bright future ahead of you in the Bush press office.</p>
<p>adolescence can be a challenging time and I'm sure that having a parent with cancer made lurkin' girl's all the more so. Unfortunately life doesn't stop to allow all students the opportunity to put as much thought into where they want to go to college as they would like. Perhaps lurkin' girl is somewhat depressed (having an illness in the family can do that) and perhaps the depression would cause her to view any outcome she could have gotten with a negative light (depression can do that to you).
Lurkin' girl why don't you make a list of the positive aspects of each school and for now choose the one that comes out on top. Also, ask your GC to telephone your #1 wait list school and see if she can get a sense of how long the list is, or to find out which of the wait listed schools might be the easiest to get off the wait list from. Hold off from sending in your response until the latest possible date to give yourself some time to breath. You may find yourself feeling a lot better when you've had time to get over the initial disappointment.</p>
<p>"P.S. Just because one has worked hard, etc. doesn't mean that one is guaranteed to get into every place that one applies to. Just take a look at , for instance, the Ivy boards and you'll see many posts by outstanding students who got rejection letters."</p>
<p>I have to agree with Northstarmom here. No one's trying to be cruel , but this is real life - what we hope college prepares you for. This statement could be expanded to include not getting every job you aspire to or loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's painful at the time, yes, but just as your family triumphed over your mother's cancer, I think you can triumph over this.</p>
<p>Life is not fair to be sure, but then I know that you more than most understand this well. I also think you are an intelligent young woman who has a wonderful life well within your reach - once you have gotten over the initial disappointment of your rejections and have reformulated your game plan.</p>
<p>No, no one "put a gun to her head" to choose the schools she did. But the fact is that she made choices that she now regrets. I've made choices that I've regretted without anyone holding a gun to my head either. She is entitled to have feelings of remorse. Her feelings should not be denied because of what effect they will have on her mother or her sister. Why do a total guilt trip on her?<br>
Posters here would do her a far greater favor by trying to understand her feelings and help her get to a more satisfactory result or to get beyond them.
andi</p>