Feeling so bad.....

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi,
It is my first time posting on the parents forum.</p>

<p>A little background on me. I applied to 3 UC's, Stanford, and 7 LAC's. Stanford and 2 of the LAC's were considered longshots/probables for me. All of the other schools were considered matches/safeties.</p>

<p>Long storyshort, I was accepted at the 3 UC's, and one of the LAC (my last choice). Since I had not visitied a UC until after I applied, I now realize that they are too big for me, so am not considering them anymore. So I have one choice. I also received 4 waitlists, and the others were rejections.</p>

<p>I am alomst a straight A student, with SAT's around 1400. Not over the moon fantastic, but decent. Neither of my parents went to college, and my mom was diagnosed with cancer before my sophomore year. But I tried so hard, and kept my grades up.</p>

<p>I volunteered with an organization that I had a passion about to help other cancer patients like my mom. I am not a national science award winner nor a student body president. Just a kid who worked really hard. Now, I have one choice for college, and I do not even want to go to this college. I would have been happy had I had ANY other choice in the colleges that I had applied to.</p>

<p>So now my parents are so upset. My mom, is just crying because she knows how hard I worked for this. My little sister does not even want to try after she saw what happened to me </p>

<p>The colleges say that they want kids who try hard, have good character, and do not package themselves for college. But this does not seem to be true. If you are not of a certain "type", there is no chance for you. That is the cold hard truth. They don't want you to follow your passion unless it is a passion that they approve of.</p>

<p>Is there anychance that I can get off a waitlist? I cannot even imagine being excited about going to this school I was accepted to. Please help me.</p>

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<p>There is certainly a chance you could get off a waitlist. Write to the colleges that waitlisted you and tell them how much you would like to go. Do you have a counselor at your HS who was helping you at all? They should call and try to put in a word for you, and let them know how much you would love to go there. You should also call yourself, when you feel a little better, and not so beaten down. Speak to someone in admissions and tell them how you would go in a heartbeat if you were accepted. (you want to sound confident, not desperate)
This must be very upsetting. May I ask what the UCs were? I know that Davis is big, but it is very friendly and has a small-town feel. My niece went their and loved it- made many friends.<br>
Also, why is the college you were accepted to not acceptable? Is it a place you could be happy for one year, and then consider transferring?</p>

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<p>There's a thread in the college admissions folder about waitlists that gives the chances at various schools. It varies from school to school and year to year. Really, it's hard to compare even the same school from year to year but it might give you some idea if they usually go to their waitlist or not. Just know you aren't the only one dealing with this waiting list thing. And as hard as it is, please try not to take it personally. You are still the same person, a hard worker with good character who kept your grades up through a very difficult personal situation. Hey, I got a 1.0 when my dad had cancer so I know how hard it is to focus on school. You should be very proud of yourself. Don't get discouraged - in most cases, waiting lists are not rejections. I'm editing this to add that doesn't mean you will get in off the waiting list, what I meant was that it doesn't mean that you didn't meet their admissions standards. In many cases waiting lists are simply another admissions tool. </p>

<p>The hard thing about being on multiple wait lists is that the general advice is to tell the school they are your #1 choice. So, if I were you, I would pick one that is my #1 choice and write that letter but figure out some other way to approach the other three in their letters. Anyway, the approach so far as I can see is to send the card back, write a letter and get a couple more recommendations. You will likely feel better once you start to move forward.</p>

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<p>Congratulations for overcoming so many challenges in your life and working hard and obtaining so many impressive achievements, honors and for getting those 4 college acceptances.</p>

<p>First: Yes, there is a chance that you could get off waitlists. To give you specific help, however, you need to say what colleges accepted you and waitlisted you. That way parents will be able to give you a better idea of your odds. </p>

<p>In general, what helps one get off a wait list is showing lots of interest in the college. That means not only sending in your reply card but also sending a detailed letter that emphasises your strong interest in the college, gives specifics of why you want to go there and what exactly you have to offer the college (such as ECs that you may participate in). It also can help to send info about awards/honors/achievements you have made since applying. An additional reference letter also may help.</p>

<p>As I read your post, I am wondering if you have had a chance to take a very careful look at the colleges that have accepted you. What exactly about the size of the UCs concerns you? Is it fear of making friends? Course sizes? There may be advice/suggestions that people here can give you that can help you navigate a UC and flourish there.</p>

<p>What is the LAC that you were accepted to, and what is it that you dislike about it? Have you visited it?</p>

<p>One other thing I am wondering about is whether you would have enough money to attend the colleges that accepted you? What kind of financial aid did they offer? If loans were in the offers, how much would you have to take out a year? If you need $, you may not get it from the colleges that take you off the waitlist. Some colleges only have $ for students who were accepted during regular admission.</p>

<p>While right now you feel that you have no choices, in actuality, you do have choices -- 4 of them. Just check the "We're picking up the pieces" thread here to see what life is like for a student who got no acceptances.</p>

<p>It is very unlikely that if you go to one of the choices you have you will be totally miserable or your life will be ruined. If you don't like the college, you don't have to stay there for 4 years. You can transfer.</p>

<p>It does seem like you have some college options -- far more than your parents appear to have had in their lives. This sounds like a time for you to rejoice and to be proud of overcoming so much. It doesn't sound like a time to be despairing. You tried hard, have a good character, and apparently did such good applications that you got 4 acceptances. Those are real achievements for you and your family to be proud of.</p>

<p>Certainly I emphathize with your disappointment at not getting into your preferred colleges, but in getting 4 acceptances, you have some nice accomplishments. Those are things to crow over, not cry about.</p>

<p>Please also be an example to your little sister. She needs to look up to you as a person who has made it and is on the way to college. She doesn't need to view you as a failure despite having 4 college acceptances.</p>

<p>P.S. Just because one has worked hard, etc. doesn't mean that one is guaranteed to get into every place that one applies to. Just take a look at , for instance, the Ivy boards and you'll see many posts by outstanding students who got rejection letters.</p>

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<p>So far as I know, you don't send in a deposit with a waiting list card.</p>

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<p>lurkin'girl
So very sorry to hear about your mom. It is very hard to stay focused on school, and the college process, when something so devastating and scary is happening in your family. You did amazingly well, and must be a strong young lady, to have accomplished this. I can imagine how you feel, after working so hard, to not have a choice of schools.</p>

<p>There are several options. Write a very strong letter to your top waitlist choice, and send the card back, also look for what schools have openings in May, read the thread called "we're picking up the pieces" for more details and ideas.</p>

<p>You can always apply to transfer after your freshman year, but you would need to do amazingly well in your first semester, plus do something impressive during this summer, maybe related to a potential major.</p>

<p>Many outstanding students get rejected from their top choices, but you cannot let it get you down, or get in the way of your strategy going forward.</p>

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<p>mcdeb, I think you're right. She needs to send a deposit to one of the colleges that accepted her, however. She'll lose that deposit if she goes elsewhere.</p>

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<p>lurkin'girl,</p>

<p>I can only imagine the disappointment and discouragement that you are feeling right now. It is so understandable. Despite some very difficult challenges, you managed to stay the course and keep your eye on a very admirable goal, but things did not work out as you had planned. I'm so sorry.</p>

<p>Others here are so much more qualified to give advice on how best to maximize your chances to get off of some of the waitlists, but I just wanted to say that if you have the wherewithal to do what you did while dealing with your mother's serious illness, then you have more than what it takes to persevere and make wonderful things happen for yourself. This is a setback, to be sure, but listen to the advice of these knowledgeable people, pick up your very bright and talented self, and give it a shot! I'll be pulling for you!</p>

<p>My best wishes for your mom's health and for your college quest!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Let me get this straight. </p>

<p>You applied to 11 colleges, one of them being Stanford which is a reach for almost anyone but Chelsea Clinton. You never bothered to visit to see if you'd like the UCs but applied to 3 anyway. You applied to 7 LACs, 5 of which for whom you considered yourself a match or even safety.</p>

<p>Now you only got into 1 LAC (which you dislike), not 5, and the 3 UCs which you also dislike.</p>

<p>But you blame the colleges for your dilemma.</p>

<p>I certainly can empathize with the pain you feel. Your choices have seriously narrowed, and it sounds like you find none of them appealing.</p>

<p>However you're straddling a fence right now, whether you realize it or not. </p>

<p>You can jump all the way down the side your legs are dangling, which means blaming the rest of the world for your problems. Its the colleges fault they didn't agree with your assessment that 5 of them should have admitted you. Its the UCs fault for not being the type of school you would enjoy. The world is a mean, cruel place, and you're just a tiny float bobbing in the tide that carries you where it may.</p>

<p>Or you can accept some responsibility for your decisions. Nobody, I suspect, held a gun to your head and forced you to apply to 3 UC schools without ever visiting even ONE to see if you'd like to attend. I assume it was not those 5 LACs that told you that they were a match/safety and then turned you down. It was not the LAC that accepted you that made you apply to a school about which you now write " I do not even want to go to this college". It was not the college system in this country that prevented you from reading any of the dozens of books about college admissions that lay out a systematic plan for identifying your interests, for visiting schools and talking to alums to find out what schools are really a fit for you, for estimating your chances of admission, for selecting a safety you would be happy to attend. No, I think all this came from the choices and decisions you made.</p>

<p>So you face another decision. I think its the most important decision you may face in your life. You can see yourself as a victim of the colleges, wearing this crown of thorns forced on you by others, looking at a distorted image you call the "cold hard truth". You can tell your friends, your impressionable sister, the rest of your family, heck the entire world that you was wronged. And this life-view will prove handy in the years to come. Bad grade on a test? The prof was unfair! Didn't explain the material well enough, exam was too hard, or some other reason. Don't like the job choices available when you finish college? Lets blame the career center, the recruiters who don't see the value you offer any more than the colleges did, and even blame the colleges that didn't accept you today for denying you the chance a diploma from them would have offered.</p>

<p>Victimhood and blaming everyone else is much easier than looking back over your own conduct, your own choices, and seeing where you may have gone wrong. You sound like a bright kid who has bravely faced some misfortune in her life. There are plenty of colleges out there, good colleges, that would have been delighted to have a student with your abilities and passions. Whos fault is it that you didn't find them?</p>

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<p>Here's a link to a thread about what happened freshman year in college to students who didn't get into their first choice college: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=15378&highlight=outcomes+EA%2FED+rejection%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=15378&highlight=outcomes+EA%2FED+rejection&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>I checked her back posts to see where she applied. Seems she got a chancellor's scholarship to UC Santa Barbara.</p>

<p>She also applied to: .."Bowdoin, Middlebury, Williams, Vassar, Swarthmore, Pomona, Stanford, and a few UC's"</p>

<p>I don't know what LAC acceptance she's complaining about. However, based on what she posted about where she applied, whatever LAC she feels woudl be horrible to attend is probably a LAC that is many students' dream school.</p>

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<p>Lesson #1 in life. Some people lack the capacity for empathy.</p>

<p>I didn't see your post as blaming the colleges for the outcome of your applications. And I don't perceive you as playing the victim. While you might be almost an adult or even considered an adult, you're still young and it's okay to feel bad when you work hard, forgo a lot of fun things that other kids are doing and things don't turn out as well as you had dreamed they would. No one has the right to tell you how to feel.</p>

<p>As people have suggested, take another look at those four colleges, pick one that you feel is the best match and send in your deposit. You might have to forfeit it if you get accepted by one of the other schools. Then, send back your post cards, write your letters and have recommendations sent.</p>

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<p>"She also applied to: .."Bowdoin, Middlebury, Williams, Vassar, Swarthmore, Pomona, Stanford, and a few UC's"</p>

<p>I don't know what LAC acceptance she's complaining about. However, based on what she posted about where she applied, whatever LAC she feels woudl be horrible to attend is probably a LAC that is many students' dream school."</p>

<p>I honestly think she would get an education at least equally good to what she would receive a Stanford at any one of them, even if not the prestige.</p>

<p>No pity here. I'm sorry you feel bad about your situation. I think it is a product of being miseducated regarding what college is all about.</p>

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<p>As much as I sympathize, mikemac makes a good point. You picked the list. You are now sadder but wiser.</p>

<p>My advice: </p>

<p>(1) Pick one school to attend (if WLs don't come through, and they usually don't) and </p>

<p>(2) pick one or 2 WLs to really work on. </p>

<p>If you really don't feel great about any of the 4, then pick one that is the most likely to "platform" you for a transfer (if go there and don't wind up falling for it.) Probably, the most well regarded UC is the smartest choice; save some $ and work hard & transfer.</p>

<p>Let us know what the schools are and we might have more pertinent advice.</p>

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<p>whoa, if she's in at any one of those privates, she's in great shape for a great time-- and could transfer out of any of them to virtually anywhere. Was there a unexciting "7th" LAC safety tagged on that wasn't mentioned?</p>

<p>If not I agree with Mini.</p>

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<p>Only six LACs in that quote. . .I'm guessing that the acceptance is at the missing #7 (Pitzer maybe?). Without knowing anything about the poster and her interests, I'd say go where they want you, and if Vassar is not that school, see if she could get off the waitlist there. An excellent 1-2 year record could set her up for a transfer, should she be interested in one.</p>

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<p>I know those rejection letters sting, but I also looked at the past posts, and it looks to me like this girl has four wonderful choices. Congratulations! Really! Job well done! And there is still the possiblity of getting off one of the waitlists. Sorry, can't feel sorry for you!</p>

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<p>I found the 7th -- she posted on another thread that she was accepted April 2 to Whitman. It's a nice LAC. I don't think it's top 25 as are the others she applied to, but it's still a fine college. </p>

<p>IMO she was being unrealistic to bank on an acceptance to a top 25. No one is a shoo-in for schools like Stanford or the LACs like Bowdoin and Williams that she applied to. Her stats were excellent when compared to students across the country, but still a little on the low end for those very competitive schools that rejected her.</p>

<p>From what I can tell, it seems that most first gen college students head to places like third tier colleges or community colleges. At least that's the case in my area. Her having offers from UCs, including at least one prestigious merit scholarship from one, plus Whitman is quite an achievement! Heck, one wouldn't have to be first gen college or to have faced a parent's critical illness to be proud of getting the acceptances that she did.</p>

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<p>Still a CC "top LAC"... Though a little more "Patagonia" than the rest of them. Maybe that's the aspect she doesn't want.</p>

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<p>Whitman? Amazing place! The Williams of the Northwest! Beautiful! Great academics! Fantastic student body! Unless she is something like a computer science major, certainly as fine an education offered as that of Stanford, with none of the sports hype or TAs. (And for computer science, well, this IS the state of Microsoft....) Great alumni network. Out here in the Northwest, one would definitely get more mileage out of Whitman than, say, Dartmouth or Brown, and certainly more than Amherst, Williams, or Swarthmore. (And I can say that, because I'm a Williams grad, and I have NEVER had a boss out here who even heard of it. But that wouldn't be true of Whitman!) It would be top 25 if located virtually anywhere else (well, not Idaho.)</p>

<p>No pity here! I know too many people who would sell their future offspring to go to Whitman. (Most of the folks who go to Stanford from my town are athletes.)</p>