Financial Support for College Kid

Parent Cafe
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<p>The Temple Financial Aid office will calculate COA (cost of attendance) for students living off campus. That includes estimated costs for housing & meals. Your eligibility for federal aid is determined by subtracting out your EFC from your COA, as reduced by the scholarship Temple has given you. </p>

<p>See [Temple</a> University’s Office of Student Financial Services](<a href=“http://www.temple.edu/sfs/applying.htm]Temple”>http://www.temple.edu/sfs/applying.htm) for an example calculation.</p>

<p>I’d point out that if you are living off campus, there is room for some savings with belt-tightening. It seems like you already signed a lease on a room or apartment for the coming year? Is it possible to cut expenses by taking in another roommate?</p>

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<p>Wow, tough crowd here.</p>

<p>I can help zero in the financial advice but I wanted to say IT IS NOT FAIR. You have a right to complain and to feel disappointed and upset. Not wanting to pay for your kid’s asthma medicine? That is simply shameful, terrible behavior. I hope your dad sees the light, feels guilty and starts making different choices.</p>

<p>I’m wondering if the drama department knows about your situation and if there is any possibility you could get some kind of flexible work study program in that department.</p>

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<p>I disagree with passthepotatoes that parents have any obligation to pay for asthma medicines (or any medical treatments) after the age of 18. It might be nice or kind, especially for a few years while they are settling into new routines or going to college, but I think most parents would assume that in a few years the now 20something will have figured out a way to cover his/her own medical costs as an adult. </p>

<p>As to the idea that someone brought up that the mother could try to force college payments out of the father through a divorce settlement, it is unlikely. First, the OP is already 18, and I don’t think that can be a pieced forced upon someone by judge (unlike child support payments for minors). Put another way, the 18 year old is “out of the picture” legally in terms of the divorce and the judge won’t be considering that child for any legal reasons… not for custody or other payments. Secondly, many states do not force divorced parents to pay for college. That makes sense to me – single parents or parents who never divorce are not legally required to pay for college for their kids. Only those parents who are divorced are wrung through that legal noose and forced to pay for their adult children’s education (in some states, not all).</p>

<p>Some kids are born to rich, generous parents. Some to rich, not-generous parents. Interestingly enough, getting handouts from the parent/s isn’t necessarily the better fate. The resourcefulness of the OP is being challenged and there are opportunities to be had. Sure, most of us in the moment would rather have the quick cash. While the OP doesn’t necessarily welcome this at the moment, this is an opportunity for the OP to look to the immediate and mid-term future to get realistic about future earning potential and how to kick-start it now. Far far far too many college kids don’t think seriously about how they will make a living after college. I love liberal arts and a clever person can turn it into a career, but it isn’t easy. There are many “stars” in college music, theatre, art and dance departments, but a miniscule fraction will end up directly working in the field for a liveable wage. All the rest get to scramble into side careers, usually completely unrelated. The OP gets to stare this question long and hard in the face as a rising sophomore – and how the OP responds and grows (especially <em>outside</em> of any litigious avenues, which are unlikely to produce anything anyhow) in the face of this moderate challenge (most the college cost is already covered by scholarships) can be turned into a net positive.</p>

<p>Annika</p>

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<p>I want to agree with the poster who suggests that it’s important to consult the mom’s divorce lawyer about the possibility of requiring the dad to pay for part of college after the age of 18 in Pa. Posters who are saying the dad has no obligation – we don’t know that for sure. It’s a legal question. And if the mom and dad are not yet divorced, this is the time for the lawyer to get on top of this issue. </p>

<p>OP, my heart goes out to you. This is not a good situation and it’s got to be painful to see your dad acting like such a jerk toward you, more so since he promised one thing and is doing something entirely different. The bit with the asthma medication is particularly awful. So no, you are not at all crazy, and it’s not fair. But that said, please don’t let your feelings about what’s happening affect your overall emotional state too much or allow yourself to become embittered. Your best move now really does seem to be to get very practical and find a way to pay for the next three years of college without him, to be as independent as possible. If your mom’s divorce lawyer can negotiate so your dad will pay for part of college under the laws of your state, great. If he comes up with more than four months of board, great. But unfortunately, you can’t count on him to keep his promises, and the less dependent on him you are, the better.</p>

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<p>Kaitrin, as far as the medication issue goes, please discuss this with your physician. Most MD’s have an ample supply of samples provided at no cost by the drug companies - you don’t need to explain the whole situation, just let them know that you’re having difficulty getting your meds (not covered by insurance?) at school and ask for samples. My sister, a pediatrician, gives away boatloads to patients with no insurance or other problems obtaining prescription meds, formula, etc. as does my own MD. I’ve received several months worth of supplies at a time for my son w/asthma since he has a habit of losing his inhalers in the locker room and our insurance company will not refill until the scrip becomes due again.<br>
Many of the drug companies also have formal programs that will supply you with (their) brand name meds free of charge - I don’t know the details, but since you’re over 18 and have no large income of your own this could be worth investigating. Your physician would have the info/forms or could easily get them from their drug rep.</p>

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<p>Remember, the phrase “a sense of accomplishment” only works if there is an actual accomplishment. </p>

<p>Depending on others is “a sense of entitlement.” ;)</p>

<p>Yea, it’s tough love, but the sooner you figure it out and realize that the only one you can depend on in life is you, the better off you’ll be. </p>

<p>I was ****ed at my dad for years. Wasted a lot of time and energy feeling sorry for myself. Well, not a lot of time, but more than I should have. Meanwhile, I started a business and got two other on-campus jobs to fill in. I was working anytime I wasn’t studying, and there was NO time for partying. But I made it through and you can too. Chances are, you’re smarter than I was at that age. Good luck.</p>

<p>John.</p>

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<p>This is a tough situation for you, and I don’t blame you for being bitter. For one, your dad seems to be changing the rules by lessening the support he originally provided; two, he’s being a jerk to your mom, and that has to be hard for you to see; three, he seems to be favoring his new wife over his child with his first wife. </p>

<p>Go ahead and be bitter – and then learn from it. (Nothing like an ureliable parent to teach kids SELF-reliance!) One of the things you’re getting from him is lessons on how NOT to be as a parent, and what kinds of tendencies to look out for in a potential partner/husband. Be glad you’re already somewhat independent from him thanks to your own hard work & the scholarship it’s earned you. A part time job during the school year (ask on campus if you an get any extra help with your medical expenses) and full time summer employment will tide you over through school. When you get done you will have the enormous satisfaction of having gotten your education pretty much on your own. In the end you will come out stronger, more mature and more independent.</p>

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<p>I agree that checking with the mother’s attorney is a good idea, but the OP should be cautious how to approach the dad if there are some things he has to pay according to the law. Sometimes you can be so right you are wrong. If dad is paying more altogether willingly, jumping on him for something he is not paying that he should could end up with a net loss for the OP. I see this happen so often in divorce. I knew a dad and step mom who would buy the kids’ entire wardrobe and pay a whole lot of extras, only to get court ordered for something a lot less. They made the decision to just pay for what was court ordered and the kids ended up losing out.</p>

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<p>The opinions stating that the parent owes nothing to a student 18 years or older so there is no infairness involved are fine, except:</p>

<p>Said student will not qualify for FA at a Profile school if the non-paying parent has means.</p>

<p>Had the decision not to pay been spelled out prior to matriculation, said student could have chosen another course, one that was more readily supported on the money available.</p>

<p>Transferring to another institution usually results in the loss of scholarship money.</p>

<p>So much of what is “unfair” is that the guy has pulled the rug when he did, financially stranding his kid.</p>

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<p>Yes, exactly what mafool said. If the dad had been clear from the beginning and poster had chosen to ignore the realities of the situation to instead go to a more expensive institution, that would be one thing, but that’s not what happened. He’s now stuck in a difficult situation not of his own making.</p>

<p>I am not suggesting parents owe their children unlimited financial support for life. But, it is JERK BEHAVIOR to refuse to pay for asthma medication for a college attending student when you have the means to do so.</p>

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<p>I think most people who had financial support through college and/or grad school feel that they have a responsibility to do the same for their kids, while most who didn’t don’t feel that responsibility. Personally I’m in the former camp, but you really can’t force your dad to do anything unfortunately.</p>

<p>Anyways, my opinion on this matter is: SCHOOL is your job while you’re in school. And your parents should financially support you to the best of their ability, so that you can get good grades. If you can’t juggle a part time job and a full time course load and still get good grades, if it were up to me, I’d drop the part time job in less than a nanosecond. Part of the college experience is enjoying it, you have the rest of your life to overextend yourself (correspondingly my approach is never take on more than I can handle).</p>

<p>OP: as a fellow college student, I’d say NEVER overextend yourself. If you can’t handle a part time job while getting good grades with a full time courseload, then don’t. Quit the job or reduce your courseload. Try to do both and you may end up getting fired from your job AND getting bad grades.</p>

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<p>I’m shocked at the attitude (and perhaps hypocriscy?) of many of the posters on this thread. While a parent may not owe their kid a college education (in this case, part of one), it is widely expected, even by the federal government (<em>family</em> contribution, anyone?), by uiversities and colleges, and many/most aid granting sources that the families of traditional age students will contribute. How many of the posters on this thread are subsudizing, in whole or in part, their child’s college education?</p>

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<p>Psych, this father is contributing: “So basically, today he tells me that he will only pay for 4 months of my room and board (I had to sign a full year lease), and that he will “chip in” for the cost of food and my prescription medications” (from the OP) - just not as much as his kid had hoped or expected. </p>

<p>But circumstances have changed – the parents split up & the father is now living with another woman who has 3 kids. We have no info as to the financial situation of the new family. Is the father’s new partner working? How old are the kids? What kinds of expenses are involved in their care? </p>

<p>The OP at one point in the thread alluded to her own mother having “many mental problems” (post #12) – we don’t know if that is before or since the breakup, and how much the mother’s mental health issues may have contributed to the breakup. (I know that this still makes the dad the “bad guy” - leaving his wife in her hour of need for a younger woman - but realistically it can be kind of hard to live with a person who has significant psychiatric issues)</p>

<p>We also know that the OP has a full tuition scholarship at her school – and did not have to take out loans her first year. Simple math tells me that if the dad is paying 1/4 of the housing costs, loans plus paid employment should go a long way toward meeting the rest.</p>

<p>We also don’t know for sure whether the father ever made an explicit promise for 100% support for all 4 years – that could have been the d’s impression from happier times – but I cut back the level of financial support I gave each of my kids after the first year of college. (In hindsight, my “policy” is to pay for a meal plan for the first year only, 2nd year & beyond the kid is on their own for food – but that kind of developed on an ad hoc basis with my son based on factors about his living situation and the cost of meals at his college that I did not think about in advance. I just saw it as the normal shifting of responsibility as my offspring grew older.). </p>

<p>As I posted above, this daughter is lucky to be getting anything – my ex (also a lawyer) gives the kids -0-, and even has the audacity to try to borrow money from them at times. Its not a matter of what is “fair” – it is a matter of working with the current circumstances. </p>

<p>The OP also complained, “*I suspect my dad has money, but he just doesn’t want to spend it on me. Sometimes he does weird things (he bought me $900 worth of Christmas presents I didn’t ask for, but doesn’t want to pay for my asthma medication. *” To me that suggests that part of the issue is the OP’s attitude – that’s a lot of money to spend on presents, and I’m thinking the dad might have wanted to “show his love” through the gifts - (some divorced fathers have a tendency to do that) – and from the OP’s post, its not clear whether he got any expression of gratitude for the gifts, asked-for or not. There clearly seems to resentment and jealousy underlying the “doesn’t want to spend it on me” comment – while that is very normal under the circumstances, it also suggests that we are getting a skewed picture. What were the “gifts” that weren’t asked for? Something totally frivolous? Or something useful for school, like a laptop computer? </p>

<p>Clearly the dad has done many things to hurt his soon-to-be-ex and his kids – but that’s the way it usually goes in a divorce. I think the rational thing for a college kid to do as soon as she hears the word “divorce” is to assume that all bets are off the table as far as whatever had been “promised” previously. Divorce changes things, just like a lost job or illness. And divorce is almost always a financial strain. </p>

<p>The first “talk” I had with my kids when their dad moved out was the one about how they would have to pitch in and take on more household responsibilities. (My d. was 7 at the time). We had a family meeting on the budget and the first thing the 3 of us unanimously agreed on was that we could not afford to pay for the once-a-week housekeeper; we then went about trimming other budgetary items. So the lesson “divorce changes things” is one that my kids learned first hand at a very tender age. </p>

<p>So, no hypocrisy here. Just reality. </p>

<p>The OP’s parents marriage has fallen apart, and that means that things are going to change. It will be difficult and painful and may mean some adjustments of expectations - but divorce always is. My advice to the OP is to try to get her dad to pay whatever he has agreed on up front, to be very gracious and appreciative, and then focus on how she is going to support herself in the future. From what she says, her mom is the one who is really getting shafted, since the mom does not appear to have much of an earning capacity. The 19-year-old daughter does.</p>

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<p>And why on earth would I want the government to dictate how I raise my kids (homeschool vs private vs public) anymore than I would want the government to dictate how I raise my 18+ year old <em>adult</em> children? There are so many options for a young adult from going straight into the world world to getting married to joining the military to doing volunteer work to attending votech or community college to a 4year college.</p>

<p>I don’t care that the government “expects” a contribution from a family. It is none of the government’s business to “dictate” it. I think Americans have dropped the ball to have allowed the college financing system to have grown to such an intrusive measure. Not to mention that many kids really aren’t cut out to go to college or get fairly worthless degrees or don’t finish the degree.</p>

<p>It is each family’s decision on whether to contribute to their adult child’s education (or whathaveyou). I heartily wish that colleges would gear towards being solid and affordable rather than a race to elite heights, which has just driven the cost of attendance far too high.</p>

<p>Annika</p>

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<p>The government doesn’t “expect” anything from a family – no one is required to ever apply for financial aid. It just sets its standards for granting financial aid on certain assumptions.
The rationale behind setting an arbitrary age of 23 before a student is considered independent is based on a number of factors:</p>

<p>1) The government doesn’t want to pay taxpayer money subsidizing the college educations of the children whose parents have significant income or assets, given the reality that generally college-age students do receive financial support from their family. </p>

<p>2) The government wants young people to join the military. The current financial aid structure provides a powerful incentive for young people who do not have parental support to defer college and join the military, or at least opt for the reserves. In other words, the government does not want to subsidize the college educations of young people who would otherwise join the military, but for the government money. </p>

<p>I’m not defending the system, just explaining it. It’s a policy based on some basic assumptions about the way things usually work – and it ends up hurting people whose family structures are unusual – but government policy has to be based on statistical norms. That is, when they pass a law that provides X, they have to be able to project out how much it will cost in expenditures, and that means creating a specific set of rules.</p>

<p>The kids who are hurt worst, I think, are the ones who really are living independently, supporting themselves - at a young age. The system really penalizes a 22 year old who has worked full time and then applies to college, having to report their previous year’s earnings and whatever they have managed to accumulate in savings. My son was in that position for his junior year of college… so I know how tough it can be.</p>