Financial Support for College Kid

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi there!</p>

<p>I just finished my freshman year at Temple University. I wanted to poll the parents about my current financial situation, which is heavily influenced by my current family situation.</p>

<p>I'm going to Temple on a full tuition academic scholarship, and I'm in the honors program. I was an academic (and musical) super-star in high school, and I got a 3.87 cumulative GPA for my freshman year of college. I'm a good kid. I've never been in trouble.</p>

<p>My parents are going through a divorce. My dad's currently living an hour away with his new family (his best friend's daughter who is 15 years his junior and her three kids), and he has been since he left us over a year ago. He's a lawyer, and he's been a partner in a major Philly suburban law firm for 26 years. Most years he made between $150,000 - $200,000. Recently he had two "bad" years, where he "only" made $87,000. Somehow, despite making a six figure salary for over a decade, he's playing the "poor me I have no money" card. My mom got a job at a daycare working for $9 per hour. He claims that since he's giving her child support for my sister and additional money to pay the bills on our house, that my mom has soooo much money and he's just a poor guy without enough to go around. This past year, he ONLY made $105,000. Times are tough (ugh).</p>

<p>So basically, today he tells me that he will only pay for 4 months of my room and board (I had to sign a full year lease), and that he will "chip in" for the cost of food and my prescription medications (I have prescriptions for ADHD, acid reflux disease, asthma, and endometriosis + the occasional need for antibiotics or whatnot). Everything else is on me, or my mom who he thinks should help out more since she has his money (aka just enough to cover her bills. Did I mention he paid off his car and the horses he bought for his new girlfriend by taking out a $300,000 mortgage on our $400,000 house?). <em>Sorry. Just a bit bitter</em></p>

<p>Does this sound fair to you? I mean, I work in the summers, but I was trying to avoid working during the school year because I need to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarship. I'm also a musical theater major, and I'm required to be in shows, which take up my nights. I'm planning on working at the Student Writing Center as time permits, but I don't have time to work and still get high grades.</p>

<p>I suspect my dad has money, but he just doesn't want to spend it on me. Sometimes he does weird things (he bought me $900 worth of Christmas presents I didn't ask for, but doesn't want to pay for my asthma medication. Really Dad?) that make me suspect he has money. Either that, or he feels sort on cash because he's trying to support both his old family and his new one.</p>

<p>I'm not one of those bratty rich kids or anything. I'm willing to pay for stuff. I just feel like he just doesn't want to give me the financial support. I'd understand if he really didn't have any money, but the guys a lawyer. If a parent makes a six figure salary, why wouldn't they want to pay room and board for their kid who worked hard to take care of his or her tuition? Maybe it's normal, but I just don't know. I'm new to the real world :)</p>

<p>I need your thoughts! Feel free to ask any questions!</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>Without addressing any of the larger issues, you could probably work 5-10 hours a week at an on campus job (which usually allows for flexibility during exam/show weeks.</p>

<p>My DD made about $2500 a year working on campus, so that ought to cover personal expenses.</p>

<p>Regarding the divorce and new family, you are in a tough situation, no one can make him pay and no one can make either parent not go into a selfish mode.</p>

<p>All you can do is present the total cost of attendance, show your contribution (the scholarship) and ask for a commitment from your Dad as to what about he will plan to pay each year. If you need loans to make up the difference, inform him of that.</p>

<p>My DDs roommate’s parents got divorced when the girl was a senior and making rent the last 6 months was a real problem, it came from the Grandmother; both parents were so caught up in their divorce they really dropped any focus on the DD :(</p>

3

<p>Does it sound fair? Well, I personally don’t think parents necessarily owe their children a college education. My parents didn’t pay a dime towards mine; DH’s parents didn’t help him either. That said, it would be a nice thing for a parent who could afford it to help out to the extent he or she could. It’s not as easy to work your own way through college as it was back when I attended. However, if your dad doesn’t want to help you more and you don’t feel you can work during the school year while keeping your grades up, how about an unsubsidized Stafford loan? It seems reasonable for you to borrow the maximum Stafford loan available, and that won’t saddle you with an enormous debt load when you graduate. Maybe you could get your mom or dad to pay the interest on the loan while you’re in school.</p>

4

<p>You are in a situation that many kids find themselves. Especially kids whose parents are divorced, though it does happen with intact families as well. Your father simply did not save for your college education and has other things he wants out of his current income. If you can get him to pay half your room and board, you’d better off than many kids I know whose parents refuse to commit for a dime of the expenditures. </p>

<p>Your mother is your custodial parent, so her income and assets will be what FAFSA uses in calculating your EFC. At $9 an hour, unless the child support for you is still ongoing, she is likely to have a low EFC. Are you Pell grant eligible? If so, then that can go towards room and board. You can also borrow up to $6500, I believe from Stafford as a sophomore, some of it maybe subsidized. If you are a PA resident, there are state grants if your custodial parent’s financial picture fits. That with your academic award can cover a good part of your costs. Of course, you should be working this summer, holidays and about 10 hours a week during the school year. That is what many, many students are doing. You still will be ahead with that combination of moneys, and every bit your mom can put towards you will be all gravy.</p>

5

<p>Congrats on your academic scholarship! It sounds like you live with your mom and she doesn’t have much in the way of income or assets, so will you qualify for a Pell grant or other need based aid that can defray room and board costs? I agree that a work-study job would likely give you flexibility, and some are so slow paced that kids can do their own work at the same time. Maybe you could also take advantage of any subsidized loans Temple offers you and have a discussion with an FA officer there about additional assistance that may be available.</p>

6

<p>This must feel like the final kick in the teeth given what you’ve been through. Unfortunately it sounds like your dad has issues, and there’s really nothing you can do to insist he pay more of your expenses.</p>

7

<p>Thanks for all of the information. I’m definitely going to look into getting loans. I know there’s nothing I can do to make him pay. I just needed to hear that I wasn’t crazy for thinking my dad is kind of a jerk for insisting I go to college and then not helping much financially. However, if people find out I’m taking out loans, he may just offer to pick up the tab for my room and board since not doing so would “look bad” according to the people he socializes/networks/works with (insert eye-roll here).</p>

<p>Thanks again for your input. I’m going to have one of my mother’s friends sit down and help me figure out stafford loans and such this weekend :)</p>

8

<p>No, you are not crazy, but do understand that most people have a tough time managing their lives, and finances are an integral part of life. Though his pay puts him up there, it is still going to be a tight squeeze financially for him with the divorce, pay cut, new family, new living situation. It’s not as though most people can adjust downwardly in their standards even when they should. I’m not condoning him, but I can tell you that we are trying very hard to downsize, and it is not easy to do. Worse than a diet.</p>

9

<p>Believe it or not – you’re lucky. Your dad buys you gifts? My kids get -0-. Sometimes my daughter’s dad takes her out to dinner… but birthday gifts? no such luck. Not $1 toward any college expense. Not only that, my kid attends a college that uses the CSS Profile, so every year my ex’s income is used to calculate financial aid eligibility, and I pay his share as well as my own.</p>

<p>But I don’t pay my daughter’s “board”. Room yes – but after the first year I dropped the meal plan, and I expect her to pay for her own food, books, incidentals. Of course she works during the school year. </p>

<p>I realized something very important in the first year after I split up from my kid’s father. I figured that I could spend all my time being angry over the money he should have been contributing but was not… or I could get my act together, take care of my own financial need – act on the assumption that the ex was out of the picture and celebrate any time he did pitch in. It made me happier – and it probably improved family relations tremendously. </p>

<p>You should be proud of yourself and your accomplishments – that full tuition scholarship is a big step toward independence-- you have freed both parents from that responsibility. If your dad will pay for 4 months of your room & board, that is 4 months more than my kids ever got and certainly is a big help. </p>

<p>Are you taking Stafford loans? Based on what you said about your moms income, you should be eligible for subsided loans. </p>

<p>This statement rubs me the wrong way: " I don’t have time to work and still get high grades.". Why not? My daughter has almost straight A’s and also has time to work. It’s really a matter of discipline. Are you eligible for work study? </p>

<p>The bottom line: You can’t change other people’s behavior; you can take responsibility for your own life and your own attitude. I don’t know whether your dad is being honest or not about his money, but if he is paying child support for your sister and also has become the primary breadwinner for his new wife and her 3 kids, then he’s supporting a lot of people – I can see where $105K wouldn’t go all that far. </p>

<p>If you are over 18, then in most states your parents obligations to support you have expired. So at least for my California kids… every cent I gave them after that age was a “gift”. I 'm happy to support my daughter through college – as long as she is also doing her part by taking the maximum available in subsidized loans and working … but there are plenty of kids who don’t have that from their parents, so I figure that my own daughter should be grateful for what she gets from me (and she is), not resentful over what she doesn’t get from her dad. </p>

<p>I did check and in Pennsylvania it is possible for your mom to get court ordered support for you while in college as part of the divorce decree – its up to the court – so I suppose you should be talking to her about how that part is coming along.</p>

10

<p>sk8mom is right, if Temple only uses FAFSA you may qualify for more need based aid, talk to the finaid dept</p>

11

<p>“Does this sound fair to you?..”</p>

<p>Allow me to pass along the best advice my mother ever gave me…</p>

<p>LIFE AIN’T FAIR … GET OVER IT. ! </p>

<p>Agreed with Mdoc, parents don’t owe their kids a college education. Their job is to raise their kids so that they can support themselves and be independant. I’m sure at some level you have those skills, so there you go…</p>

<p>I have parents that not only never made the kind of money you’re talking about, but got divorced not once but twice! And college assistance was non-existant. In fact, while I was paying my way through college with 3-4 jobs at a time, I was helping my mother (who is a very intelligent woman but was screwed over by my dad - much the same way your mom was) pay her rent for some time while she was out of work. </p>

<p>You do what you have to do, and when you do it yourself, you at least have the pride and sense of accomplishment that comes with it. There is no substitute for a sense of accomplishment. You can’t get that from your parents, you have to earn that.</p>

<p>You sound like a nice enough young lady. Now quit trying to figure out ways to manipulate your dad and get on with your life.</p>

<p>You’ll be so glad once you have.</p>

<p>John.</p>

<p>P.S., listen to Sk8trmom.</p>

12

<p>Thanks for the responses!</p>

<p>I understand that life isn’t fair and that my parents do not have to provide me with a college education. I’m just freaking out because my dad had repeatedly told me that he’d pay for college no matter where I went (luckily, I ended up at the cheapest school on my list. I’d be in hysterics if I had ended up somewhere expensive, such as NYU) and told me to relax and NOT to work last summer (I did anyway. I wanted to be responsible and independent). He also didn’t want me working during the summers in high school (although I did work some). So this all kind of came as a surprise. I made some money performing throughout high school (some of which he took out of my account as custodian and used for his own purposes), and I also spent the last few Christmases and birthdays asking for money, which I then put into savings (I hate to spend). So at least I have something to start with.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be angry I had known in advanced that I would need to pretty much pay my way. This was more of a recent development. I know, things happen. I’m just freaking out a bit because I got pushed out of the nest with no warning or advice. I’m very lucky I have my mom who wants to help however she can, although she has many mental problems, which makes it harder for her to help me out in general. </p>

<p>I’m going to try to get some Stafford Loans, and I was able to find out that I can now put only my mom on the FAFSA (my parents aren’t actually divorced so I didn’t think I could), which will help. I’m working now and looking for a second job to help me earn more. I’m still worried about getting a job during school. The way my schedule is, I basically have class all day until either 5PM or 3 PM, then I have rehearsals every night from 5 or 6 until about 11PM, and all day on weekends through October (being in shows is part of my major). I’m hoping I can find a job that has a VERY flexible schedule so I can work during September and October. That’s why I said it would be hard to hold a job with my schedule. I still plan on trying, I’m just a bit freaked out by my schedule. I don’t want anyone to think I’m being whiney.</p>

<p>I do have one question for you guys, since you all seem so knowledgeable. At my school, you basically have to live off-campus after freshman year because there isn’t enough housing. Would the fact that my housing is off campus affect my loans? I’ve tried looking it up, but it’s all so confusing. I’m feeling a bit lost especially since my scholarship covers pretty much all the money I’ll be paying my college next year. I read on Temple’s website that Financial Aid can be used to cover off-campus housing, but I’m still trying to figure that out. Do any of you parents have any experience with this type of situation?</p>

<p>Thanks!!</p>

13

<p>In my opinion, this topic should be high on the list of the things your mother discusses with her divorce lawyer. Often, divorce agreements specify that the noncustodial parent has to contribute a certain amount toward a child’s education, even if the child is no longer a minor. Your mother and her lawyer may be able to work something out that will benefit both you and your sister.</p>

<p>My own parents’ divorce agreement specified that my father had to pay 50 percent of college expenses for my sister and me, and he did not get to choose the college! And that agreement was written back in the 1960s.</p>

14

<p>Although I’m not a parent, and I’m still in high school, I can definetly relate. (And I live in the Philadelphia Suburbs)</p>

<p>My parents got divorced, and I have a brother in college. A college fund from my grandmother (On my moms side) pays for my brother to go to college at PSU- Univeristy Park, but it just BARELY covers that.</p>

<p>My Dad won’t pay for anything, saying my mom has all the money, but my mom always complains that my dad is only paying for a little bit of child support for me. (None for my brother because he’s 18+)</p>

<p>The only thing that’s different in my situation is that my Dad doesn’t make a lot of money, he has his own software business and he usually works at clients but right now he isn’t. So I really never know what to believe.</p>

<p>The only thing I could think of doing is investigating a little more. (Your mother’s situation, and your fathers… you could even ask to see the divorce agreement if you feel comfortable)</p>

<p>If your father isn’t even paying child support there’s no reason why he couldn’t try and give you some money… no matter how small, right?</p>

15

<p>[PHEAA</a> - Pennsylvania State Grant Program](<a href=“http://www.pheaa.org/stategrants/index.shtml]PHEAA”>Funding Opportunities)</p>

<p>this should help too assuming you are a PA resident.</p>

16

<p>if i was u i would be pretty ****ed. Even though u r considered grown and able to support urself u r still his child and ur n college. i would b very upset if i was n this situation. y should u have 2 struggle? he made u just as much as ur mother did so therefore he needs to stand up like ur mother is.</p>

17

<p>I think you are asking the wrong question. It isn’t about what is fair. Legally he owes you nothing. I don’t think morally there is much footing either, since at core the question is whether or not parents owe their adult children cash for college (no). You are 18, a man, and have a lot of options to support yourself at this point in your life. You’re also incredibly lucky because you have a full ride at the college and will probably be able to make do on your own.</p>

<p>I think the question right now is how you can get through the next 3 years and finish your degree without loosing your scholarship. More summer work? A loan from another relative? More creative part-time work during the school year? (I once had a job working at a coffee shop and the workshift was 5am - 8am before classes started.) Unsubsidized Federal Loans? Private loans? Can you take a 1 year break from the college to work and not loose your scholarship? The college itself may have private loans you can take out to bridge the gap.</p>

<p>Annika</p>

18

<p>Everyone else has given good advice. What’s not fair is that your Dad first told you one thing and then seems to be reneging on promises. But there’s not much you can do about it except try to let go of the anger. I got better grades in college once I started working ten hours a week, you might be surprised. For me at least, I got better organized and wasted less time.</p>

19

<p>Yeah, I don’t think “fair” was the right word to use. I just felt like there was something not quite “right” about the whole situation and the way it played out. Thank you guys for all your suggestions though. They’ve helped me feel a little bit lost and confused.</p>

20

<p>Kaitrin, I am very sorry all of this has happened. Your parents are hurting too. Divorce is devastating psychologically, emotionally, physically and emotionally. The period leading up to the divorce is terrible, and people make a lot of mistakes during this time. That your father was also undergoing a pay cut then would add to the stress. </p>

<p>Though your father makes a good income, it is usually difficult to adjust to lowered amounts. In addition, what used to go for one household is now being split between two. Many times college and other payments that went to the kids and activities deemed important go by the wayside. That your father is making some effort to include your college costs in his budget is commendable. Be aware that he is going through some difficult times, as is your mother. Life is truly not fair, and this is going to be a tough ride. That you have your scholarship is commendable, as another poster mentioned. You are not going to have things go as you had expected now that you have parents trying to start anew.</p>