<p>“Marriage is an archaic social tradition. You don’t even get tax benefits. Especially if one partner makes more than 80% of the higher earning partner.”</p>
<p>actually, the complete opposite it true. because of our progressive tax system, the married couples that get screwed are the ones who make about the same pay. the couples that benefit from marriage are the ones where one is making substantially more than the other.</p>
<p>Wasn’t this already discussed a few weeks ago? <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/899576-what-my-fellow-guys-thoughts-finding-future-wife-college-whats-up.html?highlight=wife[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/899576-what-my-fellow-guys-thoughts-finding-future-wife-college-whats-up.html?highlight=wife</a></p>
<p>I met my husband in college (in the 1980’s) - still together. :)</p>
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<p>I believe that’s what I said. The tax brackets for married filing jointly are 1.8 times that of singles and not much higher than those of heads of household. The tax brackets for married filing separately are 0.9 that of singles. So married couples with less than a 20% pay disparity between the higher and lower earning partner get screwed.</p>
<p>My husband and I started dating my sophomore year.</p>
<p>This June we celebrate our 26th anniversary with a family trip to Italy.</p>
<p>"whoever married with someone they met in college usually because…she got pregnant… "</p>
<p>I’ll add that our eldest is 20 years old ;)</p>
<p>If you want to find a spouse in college go to Grove City College in Grove City, PA, people don’t graduate from there without being at least engaged.</p>
<p>I don’t know stats of those who get married when young(er) and stay married vs someone who waits, but here’s my personal anecdote:</p>
<p>Sister got pregnant in freshman year, dropped out of college. Divorced 12 years later.
Brother “found” his sweetheart in college 28 years ago. Married her 1+ years after graduation. Calls her “my little minx” and other endearing names. Still married.
Another Sister married while in grad school 33 years ago. Still happily married.
Another brother: married 8 years ago at age 42, kids are now 4 and 7. Marriage strong and supportive.</p>
<p>Conclusion: it’s not that the marriage is going to split if you marry someone right out of college; it’s that the odds are much much worse if you have kids too early. And the odds of finding your future spouse in college is high because you’re “that” age and sharing a common major event in your life, called college.</p>
<p>1) Marriage is hard, at any age. </p>
<p>2) Finding someone who will marry you is relatively hard. Finding someone who will stay with you is even tougher.</p>
<p>3) You change an enormous amount between the ages of 18 and 25. So does your spouse if they are in that age bracket too. </p>
<p>4) Before you have sex with someone, consider how it will impact your future and their future if you conceive a child together. </p>
<p>5) Best advice my parents ever gave me: Enjoy life while you are young. There is plenty of time for marriage and kids later.</p>
<p>Many colleges warn parents at parents’ orientation to be nice to one another because you are there with likely in-laws.</p>
<p>Statistically, virtually everyone who is going to get married has met the person before the end of college.</p>
<p>The only exceptions are incredibly beautiful/handsome, smart/talented, and rich people. Note I said “and” not “or”. Feeling lonely?</p>
<p>I met my wife in college. 4 decades and counting. I post here and in the parents forum because there is no grandparents forum.</p>
<p>Met future husband freshman week in dorm TV room. Neither of us were looking for anything but a problem set partner. We married in grad school.</p>
<p>I met my husband at the beginning of my freshman year of college (he is older; attended same college) while doing my laundry in my dorm (he lived off campus but came to his old dorm to do his laundry). Got married the summer after he graduated which was the summer after my soph year in college! I was 20 and he was 22. Both of us also went onto graduate school (his was a four year one). We then started our careers. We did not have kids until we were married for nine years and we were 29 and 31 years old at that time. We have now been married almost 33 years. </p>
<p>Our daughters are out of college (one is still in grad school) and neither met a husband in college. One is dating someone she went to college with though. Marriage is not on their minds for now (they are 21 and 23), but then again, it wasn’t on mine either and I got married at 20!</p>
<p>My husband and I met in graduate school, married at age 27 and have been married 21 years. We both decided within two weeks of meeting each other that we would marry, and we have enjoyed our marriage very much. </p>
<p>A college campus is a unique environment to meet a large number of people which you may not find in your post-college work environment. Your primary objective in college should be to learn and develop your potential. If you meet someone you can share your life with, it’s a plus.</p>
<p>This is mind-boggling just because my boyfriend and I are going to the same university…
Anyway, I’m not looking for a husband or a long-term relationship in college. That’s the time to have fun! I’ll be pledging a sorority (hopefully) so if anything I’ll end up with another Greek I suppose. 
I don’t plan on getting married until after I begin my career (after graduate school) as an MD ;D</p>
<p>Wow, looking for a spouse in college? The thought never crossed my mind. I don’t know one couple from NYU that graduated engaged or married. </p>
<p>I don’t even see myself seriously husband-hunting until 29 or so. Your twenties are a time for discovering yourself, not your marriage partner.</p>
<p>But maybe I would start looking earlier if I somehow found myself dead broke or getting really old-looking.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent just seems like a ****** because he wants all the control.</p>
<p>He gets to invest his money in personal property such as a house, etc., yet she has to be the one who throws it away on investing in the kids (throws it away meaning, that she has to use it on others with no tangible benefit for herself…and wouldn’t his assets mean they get less financial aid…)? He says I won’t pay a dime for the wedding? </p>
<p>All very ridiculous. </p>
<p>Marriages work best when they are equal partnerships and both partners realize they may have to make sacrifices for the other. Ex. the person with less income is still allowed to have a stake in the house and property, both are expected to contribute to tuition and other expenses that go into others (i.e. the kids) equally. It’s a recipe for divorce if the person with less income is made to feel like a “secondary” head of the household instead of an equal one. The fact that he’s assuming she won’t be the one with the mortgage and the house is also interesting and implies something about his attitude ;).</p>
<p>If futurenyustudent is concerned about his independence then he can hold property separately from his wife, but I think they should both have a stake in their shared property, especially a home. My mother makes significantly more money than my father, and they have a downsized home so they both feel like they each “own” it, they have cars both of them can afford, they have sent their kids to colleges both of them can afford, etc. etc. This may not work in every marriage (ex. if you decide to marry someone with 0 income for some reason), but I think it works best this way. If you do marry someone with very little income or have a stay at home parent to some degree, then a prenup is absolutely unfair…(esp. in the stay at home case).</p>
<p>Having separate bank accounts is totally normal though (my parents definitely have different investment portfolios and assets that are their “own”). Idk why people are jumping over him for THAT. Finances are a hugely important part of a marriage he’s right, it’s the reason a ton of people get divorced. It’s important to feel independent in one regard. But you shouldn’t seek independence to the point where you are belittling your partner, which is what futurenyustudent seems to be advocating.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent, as forward-thinking and modernistic as you claim to be, you’re missing out on something here:</p>
<p>We are not in the 1500s where the husband gets to crack the whip and say, “woman, get in the kitchen and do what I tell you to do.” You’re going to have to compromise on what she wants, too. You’ve stated that you have very specific expectations for life, and you don’t like challenges to that or unwanted change. Unless you can find a woman who is equally emotionally vapid, you’re flat outta luck.</p>
<p>also, I agree with the poster above. You say you’d want to split it all equally, but you would take the real estate expenses and she’d take the tuition bills-- what the hell? So if you two divorce, you get to keep all the property and she gets… to fund college for the kids? That’s awful. </p>
<p>You also say you don’t date.</p>
<p>I wish you excellent luck being single, sir.</p>
<p>–</p>
<p>On topic: My current boyfriend is a soon-to-be grad student at my university. I’m a rising sophomore. We’ve been dating quite a long time. If we’re going to get married, he’s going to want it long before I do; I’m hardly twenty, and not in a position to think about that stage of life emotionally. I come from divorced parents and would prefer to marry late and then stay married for life-- I wouldn’t want to put my children through all the **** I went through.</p>
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<p>Not happening. The person gets investigated past the third date. I want someone that has a job and a career. Absentee parenting FTW</p>
<p>That example was merely illustrative. The point is assets are to be held separately (and each party takes care of any related expenses on their own) and expenses (kids’ tuition, groceries, whatever) are to be shared. Frankly I don’t care what my future spouse does with her money, nor do I care what she does with her career. And I expect the same level of privacy I accord to her accorded to me. I’m a pathologically risk averse investor and I’ll only invest in zero risk instruments. I don’t want her investing my funds in stocks and blowing through it. But she should know that if she takes a job offer out of state, I’m not following her until such time I decide to go of my own volition, nor will I ask her to give up her job opportunity just because it’s too far away and I don’t want to move. And living apart doesn’t necessitate a divorce either. </p>
<p>Since there’s absolutely nothing a marriage can do for me that I can’t do as a single person (have kids, own a house, on and on and on) except paying more taxes, I’ll enjoy my head of household tax breaks, thanks. There’s some kind of social stigma or whatever about being a single dad or something but I’ve never cared, I don’t care and I will never care what people think.</p>
<p>I can’t really see myself ever being married, but I would love it if I met the person I’m going to spend a good part of my life with in college.</p>
<p>I commend you, futurenyustudent, for having such strong beliefs on dating.</p>
<p>But do you actually find anyone in Manhatttan to go along with these standards? Most people here fall under the category of sugar-daddy or sugar-baby.</p>
<p>You have most of the leverage at the negotiating table when you have nothing to lose by walking away (or when you give the other party the IMPRESSION that this is true). I’m, by nature, an emotionally detached person, an introvert, and a control freak. I don’t get attached to anything. Breaking up has less of an impact on me than the other person. Rationally speaking, marriage means more taxes and more fighting and the relinquishment of control. It is an archaic social tradition well past its time, that frankly has no place in the modern world where women are seen as equals to men, that I’m not inclined to perpetuate. If I need the companionship of someone, I’d prefer something more nonbinding.</p>