<p>I found my spouse of many years in college at a Halloween party freshman year. A VERY long time ago!</p>
<p>How are you going to manage being a single parent working lawyers hours?</p>
<p>I’ll manage. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. There are single parents all over the country working much worse hours than lawyers do, making much less money than lawyers do, that manage to raise smart, articulate kids.</p>
<p>Met DH at a Model UN in the spring of 1982, our junior year in college. We were on the same committee. Married in late 1983, he went to law school in 1986, kids were born in 1990 & 1992, bought our first house after all the student loans were paid off, in early 1998.</p>
<p>Yep, I did. Though we did not get married for another 7 years. At our 25th reunion, I was surprised at how many of our classmates married each other.</p>
<p>To all those who are thinking of postponing marriage and children… If you have to, then you have to (because of no spouse, for example), but consider the higher risks of Downs syndrome, autism and infertility to those who have children after 30. It’s not like there is a magic cutoff at 35 for Downs (the risks increase each year) and it’s not like men get through unscathed. A study in Israel correlates older fathers and higher rates of autism. I like the idea of the one girl who plans to have children first and start career later. By the time the oldest is 16 and driving is a reasonable time to go back to work. If you start having kids at 23 you’ll only be 39 when you start your career. Plenty young enough to be sick of working by the time you’re 65. Plus, the kids won’t grow up quite so entitled. You won’t have as much money when you’re raising them.</p>
<p>I don’t exactly speak from experience. I married at 22, but had kids at 30. I had a 10 year career before kids with scattered consulting during their childhoods and am now 2 years into my second career. I am way more excited about my career now that I have had time to get to know myself and what I really like to do.</p>
<p>And, to respond to the original question, I married an alum whom I met AFTER graduating.</p>
<p>3 years before (3) kids. I paid off his student loans and the down payment for the house. I worked until first child was born. Have been home schooling since. The first child goes to high school this fall. He brings home the money, and I pay the bills, invest, do taxes, etc.</p>
<p>Everything is in both our names. Marriage works best when you think about your spouse and children in that order and not about yourself. I have no regrets about sacrificing career, job, whatever for my family.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent - I hope you don’t mind me asking, but if you’re as emotionally detached and cold as you say, why do you want children? To be honest, I can’t see someone with that type of personality wanting to love and nurture a little boy/girl.</p>
<p>Actually, I think you should put yourself first - not meaning to be selfish though. Seems like it’d be a lot harder to help others with their needs if you haven’t met your own. </p>
<p>Men could always put their careers on hold too and be stay at home fathers for a while ;).</p>
<p>It’s give and take, sky pilot. Part of being an effective couple is knowing when what you think you need is REALLY what you need, and when your needs can wait because your partner (or kids) need something more than you do. You have to be able to balance it. I think when you love someone, and you are in an adult relationship, it happens pretty naturally. We are a unit, his needs are my needs and vice versa, and we just have to do what we can get what we need.</p>
<p>futurenyustudent-
I hate to pick on you, but I am curious: why you are assuming that your marriage will end in divorce?</p>
<p>It’s just that I worry about attitudes like that. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, between you and another person (and before God, but that’s a different matter). To go into it assuming it will fail seems like inviting tragedy…
That being said, I’m all for general pre-nups. It’s true that you do want to make sure that both people will be taken care of IF something goes wrong… but it shouldn’t. If you assume it will, you’re hurting yourself and the other person.</p>
<p>I worry that in planning so assiduously for the future that you are neglecting to plan for life. (One can’t, by the way). What if, God forbid, you lose your job? What if the stock market crashes again? What if the house burns down? etc. It’s just that life is messy, and difficult. Marriage is about going through life with someone holding your hand and standing beside you, helping you through the bad, celebrating the good and encouraging you to grow. </p>
<p>For what it’s worth: I am not married, engaged or dating. I’m not ready, nor have I met someone yet with whom I could have a lifelong and beautiful marriage. Someday, though, I hope that I will.
For now, I will enjoy being a single college sophomore.</p>
<p>“To all those who are thinking of postponing marriage and children… If you have to, then you have to (because of no spouse, for example), but consider the higher risks of Downs syndrome, autism and infertility to those who have children after 30. It’s not like there is a magic cutoff at 35 for Downs (the risks increase each year) and it’s not like men get through unscathed. A study in Israel correlates older fathers and higher rates of autism.”</p>
<p>With my family history, it would not be entirely surprising if I lost my fertility sometime in my 30’s, and that among health risks to the baby are the main reasons why I don’t want to wait that long unless I were not in a position to have kids anyway (no spouse, etc.)</p>
<p>Another reason, insignificant in the grand scheme of things but still something I think about, is that my dad is in his mid 50’s and my mom is in her late 40’s, if I waited another ten years to have kids they’d be as old as my grandparents are now when I am just STARTING to have kids. My dad probably wouldn’t even live to see them graduate high school, and my fiance’s parents are already in their 60’s. I want my kids to have grandparents for a good long while, we have such a TINY family and I’d hate for them to miss out on so much of it. The only non-immediate family my kids are going to have is our parents and my three cousins. That’s it. </p>
<p>And frankly I CANNOT IMAGINE needing until 30 to “find” myself. What on earth did people do before it became a trend to settle down so late?</p>
<p>Some of you sadden me the way you talk. You have your life down to dates and numbers: When will you get married, how many kids you will have, how much money you plan to make, when is your career going to start. I’m surprised no one here has a date down for their death… and I’m hardly being sarcastic about that. Hell, it’s only from death that we measure our time to. Why not figure out when that happens and reset all other goals accordingly.</p>
<p>Something has happened to the collective mind; to society. Unpredictability is a fearful thing; it’s the evil in the world - and we sooth ourselves by forever creating goals with a due date in time. Live outside the box a little… because when you’re old and dying - no one wants to hear about your stories of living in a box.</p>
<p>Anyone ever read the book “Into the Wild”. No, not watched the movie, but read the book? Fantastic read - I recommend some to check it out. No, I’m not recommending that you go on a excursion and die foolishly in the Alaskan Wilderness - but heed some advice… because you’re living a very scared life.</p>
<p>Mr. McCandless himself: “So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.”</p>
<p>Oh, and
No… because that takes a lifetime, not just a meer 30 years…</p>
<p>DH and I met at college. We met at a frat party freshman year, but we didn’t really get to know each other until we had a class together fall of Junior year. We would walk back together toward our dorms after class and talk. We began dating, got engaged a year after graduation and married a year after that (2 years post-college). Now married for 23 years!</p>
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<p>Statistics predict that 50% of marriages will end in divorce. That’s a 1 in 2 chance.</p>
<p>@emaheevul07
people are starting to realize that they want to explore life more while they are still young, instead of getting tied down so early in age where it’s just responsibilities and you have to SCHEDULE time for yourself.</p>
<p>“Statistics predict that 50% of marriages will end in divorce. That’s a 1 in 2 chance.”</p>
<p>which means there’s a 1 in 2 chance of it not ending in divorce as well</p>
<p>The risk of failure is too great and the potential financial destruction from divorce is too great to leave to chance.</p>
<p>I met my husband first semester of college in a freshman English class. We married one week after I graduated. We were both 21. He still had three semesters left (engineering major). He then received a grant to get his Master’s in Engineering. After he finished his master’s we started a family. Our son was born about four years after we married. Our daughter was born about three years later. At the still young age of 46 we will be empty nesting this fall, exactly as planned. We have been married for almost 25 years and plan to be together for many more, in fact, I have never met anyone else I consider to be his equal or superior as a husband. Some marriages are successful!</p>
<p>I met my husband junior year of college while not looking. We became really good friends and after graduation I realized I was a better person with him than without.<br>
A strong marriage will only survive if you throw away the selfishness and realize that you are both in it together. Both giving 100%. We’ve been married 29 years, everything is mixed and joint. There is no yours or mine. Attempting to control the other spouse is a relationship killer.</p>