<p>She is going to be a student athlete at a division 1 school. That is a VERY, VERY big time and energy commitment. There will be many hurdles to overcome and you DO NOT want her burdened with any regrets in the decision because it will magnify any difficulties she encounters. Let this be her decision alone.</p>
<p>A second argument against the ivy - d1 almost full ride means a big commitment from the coach; with the Ivy coach you have less of an idea of his commitment (due to no athletic $$). She can have more confidence of her role on the non-Ivy and that too will play into her comfort level when she hits a rough patch during freshman year (don’t worry - she will lol).</p>
<p>Just chiming in to add to the choir. My older son turned down Harvard for Carnegie Mellon because the latter was better in his major. He had a very happy four years there and is now in his dream job. Couldn’t have asked for a better experience. He knew what he wanted. Younger son didn’t have Ivy as a choice, but did turn down a top 10 for one further down in the USNWR rankings. We have no idea what his college experience would have been like at the other place, but he’s grown so much both academically and socially where he is, I am confident he made a good choice. </p>
<p>Don’t push your child into a school she doesn’t want. That’s just a recipe for disaster. Your college experience may play into her decision, but I’m sure it’s not the only factor.</p>
<p>I still don’t get why it would be “hard to turn down an Ivy for another top 20 school.” That makes utterly no sense. It’s like saying it’s hard to turn down the Four Seasons for the Ritz. It’s all six of one and half dozen of the other at that point.</p>
<p>"It is ranked in top 20 in the country, but does not have that amazing name recognition of the top Ivy that offered her a spot (it is HYP, one of those 3). "</p>
<p>Name recognition is regional. Yes, even HYP to an extent. I think you’re confusing “name recognition in my area” with “name recognition overall.”</p>
<p>I know I’ve posted this before, but my dad (a college prof) had this reaction when I mentioned that a local runner was going to attend Dartmouth: “Why did he pick that little school to go to, when he could have gone anywhere??” :)</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else. I wouldn’t push my child towards a school they don’t want - I can’t imagine it ending well. It sounds to me that the pros of the LAC are many and the biggest pro of HYP is name recognition. At the end of the day our kids need to feel they’re attending a place that’s a good fit for them in every facet - academic, social, athletic, etc. Name recognition only goes so far.</p>
<p>OP- big hug. You are earning a gold medal in the parenting Olympics. It is so easy to support your kids when they make decisions and are 100% confident it’s the right one. It is so stressful when you detect ambivalence (plus some of your own).</p>
<p>First of all, unlike most of the other posters here, I don’t think there is a right decision and a wrong one. Your D will do just great regardless of what she chooses. This isn’t like deciding between one clear right choice and one clear wrong choice. I think it’s more nuanced (and I’m not talking about the Brand name) since I personally believe that even if it causes some growing pains, there is value in moving outside your comfort zone for college. BUT- only if that’s something the kid wants, and only if the kid goes into it fully aware that every day isn’t going to be an episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory gets to retreat back to Stars Hollow and hang with her mom when the intensity of Yale becomes too much for her.</p>
<p>I think it’s helpful to step back a little and look at your D’s decision-making style overall (not just college). Does she make a decision and then plunge forwards, damn the torpedoes, or does she second guess herself. Is she an optimizer (needs lots of information, tries to solve for multiple variables simultaneously) or does she use one or two “mission critical” criteria and then ignore the noise? How does she function when she’s making trade-offs- accepts that this is part of life, or gets aggravated by not being able to “have it all”?</p>
<p>Not a value judgement at all, but I think much of this is hard-wired into kids personalities. If you’ve got a kid who can pretty much make any tough situation work and doesn’t get flummoxed by unexpected trade-offs, you might want to be vocal in saying, “we will support you 100% regardless, but want you to take one more minute to consider the HYP just in case you are missing a good opportunity to spread your wings”. If you’ve got a kid who needs the closer to home option- and the better weather- or else life will start to fall apart- then there’s your answer.</p>
<p>I know but don’t quite understand why you don’t want finances to play a part in her decision. She’s going to be an adult soon and it is an important factor which she should be able to consider within the context of a young adult mind. The mere (mere?) fact that her obvious favorite choice is also rolling out the red carpet financially should make both of you feel really confident in your decision. Just because you can pay doesn’t mean it’s a reasonable decision to pay. Let this poor girl off the hook and tell her you 100% support and encourage her to pick door #2… and Congrats!</p>
<p>I’ll join in to say take the money and run! Is she a runner? I do get the bit of hand-wringing over the less-prestigious name, but it’s not worth making your dd go against her better judgment.</p>
<p>PG, I think I’m going to start a post later about name recognition and such because I don’t want to derail this thread.</p>
<p>I think you need to give your daughter all the information and trust her decision. She doesn’t sound irrational or unrealistic at all. Based on the information, she’s making the choice that sounds exactly right for the whole family.</p>
<p>Because everyone else is trying to get as far from home as possible, those that choose to stay close tend to put more thought into it (largely because most their friends will be asking why.) There is nothing wrong with wanting to stay an easy drive to family and it’s really great when kids you suspect would do better close to home come to that themselves.</p>
<p>The Ivy brand is a real pull. I can understand that. However, fit is more important than name and sounds like your daughter already figured that out.</p>
<p>I’d let her go with her gut. If she thinks she will be happier at the top 20 school, so be it. </p>
<p>I also would share with her the negatives of going far away or going to an Ivy that you experienced, but also note that for her it wouldn’t have to be that way. You and your husband went in unprepared, but she won’t. I remember being homesick and having to just suck it up. Those were the days before texting and Skype and cheaper plane tickets, however. </p>
<p>She has some great options. No choice will be a bad choice.</p>
<p>This. It sounds like your D has made the right choice FOR HER. Go with it. There’s no appreciable difference in the education between an Ivy and a top 20 school. Not to mention that it’s the kid’s name on the diploma, not the school’s name, that ultimately makes the difference. Your daughter will be happier and do better at a school where she is comfortable. It sounds like she’s feeling pressure to choose the Ivy - get that pressure off of her ASAP and embrace the choice she’s made.</p>
<p>I’m joining the chorus for letting your daughter make her own choice. I am a bit puzzled by you have “buyer’s remorse”. Why do you want your daughter to attend HYP? If the answer is “because it’s HYP!!” then I say that’s not a good enough reason.</p>
<p>You said you did not have a good Ivy experience because you felt pushed by your parents to attend the school. You anticipate your daughter will have a similar experience at an Ivy (do well academically but not truly enjoy her time) and you want to push her into repeating this? Let her go to the school where she will be most comfortable and has the best fit, both academically and personally.</p>
<p>Everyone has said it all and I agree. I encouraged D1 to apply to the local Ivy and when they turned her down, she had a very strong reaction: relief. It wasn’t her first choice, another top 20 was. </p>
<p>The important thing is to let it be her decision, let her know she deserves to make the decision that’s right for her and that you are comfortable (and happy) letting it be. Then, be as happy for her as you can be. So she can move forward. </p>
<p>My parents both had strong complaints about their Ivies, too.</p>
<p>Support your daughter’s decision. Let go of your wish for an Ivy for her and let her make her choice. Celebrate her choice and don’t bring up the other schools again. Let her be happy with her choice.</p>
<p>OP–both her choices offer excellent academics. One might have a more prominent “name” with the general public, for sure, but that doesn’t mean it holds a lot more weight when it comes to things like applying to graduate programs or medical school–her future will not be negatively impacted by choosing the Ivy-alternate. And the generous financial offer will leave a lot of cash in your pocket for her to take advantage of all kinds of special opportunities, whether extra study/travel abroad, or the ability to take an intriguing but unpaid internship opportunity–not to mention having the extra cash available to help with post-undergrad plans, whatever those might be.</p>
<p>I am guessing that her alternate opportunity is Emory/Duke/Vandy/Rice ??? from your description of the weather. She couldn’t go wrong taking any of those choices.</p>
<p>Years ago, I decided that as long as the choices my kids were making were within the range of choices that a reasonable person might make, I shouldn’t fuss (or fuss much, anyway).</p>
<p>So when my daughter decided to stop taking piano lessons and just concentrate on her band instrument, I didn’t fuss. After all, studying only one instrument instead of two is certainly within the range of reasonable choices.</p>
<p>And when my son decided that he wanted to go to our state university, I didn’t make much effort to try to get him to consider other choices. After all, going to one’s own state university is certainly within the range of reasonable choices for anyone who can get admitted.</p>
<p>Etc., etc., etc. </p>
<p>I may have preferences, but as long as neither of the options is loony, I have never expected my kids to go along with my preferences.</p>
<p>Your daughter has two choices. Both are within the range of choices a reasonable person might make. Neither is loony. I agree with the others on this thread that the choice should be hers.</p>
I do get the bit of hand-wringing over the less-prestigious name, but it’s not worth making your dd go against her better judgment.</p>