<p>So only one parent here has owned up to crying about this…really? Maybe I’m just too close to this being only a week out, but I just can’t stop crying. Some days are better than others. Hopefully it’s like childbirth and a year from now I will have forgotten how painful it is. Right now it feels as though a piece of my soul has been ripped out. I have an older child who is still at home, and one younger. So this is our first to officially fly the coup. The hardest thing for the ‘soccer mom’ is that her kids grow up and she’s left with nothing but a filthy SUV. (ie, if you make your kids your life…they leave and well, you have no life). Still, I’d do it all again.</p>
<p>“first day of your life” Now I’m sure you had some sort of life before your kid arrived. You need to get back in touch with that fact. ;)</p>
<p>Can sympathize with the dance moms, as I was a swim mom. It is so nice that I can just drive when I’m done work for the day. No mad rush to get to a swim meet or practice!</p>
<p>As we live in New Orleans, we have been trying out restaurants that we never went to before, as son was very picky. This has unfortunately resulted in not only weight gain, but major credit card debt!</p>
<p>We have just started major renovations on the outside of the house: trees trimmed, mud added, sod “installed”. Husband also wants to plant a garden, but I have a brown thumb. He will have to be satisfied with my new job as sprinkler operator!</p>
<p>There were a lot of things I’ve been waiting to get back to, only to realize that I didn’t really want to do them anymore. Cross stitching & gardening don’t hold the same interest for me anymore. I think that you need to start spending some time getting to know yourself again. What your twentysomething self enjoyed may not be what your fortysomething self finds interesting.</p>
<p>There’s all these home based things we end up doing (cleaning out their rooms, reclaiming the basement/bonus room, etc.) but they’re not about enriching our lives. And as much as I have volunteered out the wazoo in the past, I’m not feeling compelled to do that right now. It’s going to be nice not to be on a board for a while 
The typical empty nest mom has about 20-25 years before you can expect to start dealing with major aging issues. You can do a lot of great things in that time!</p>
<p>I ended up getting my masters degree when D1 was a sophomore, so I just started a second career 3 years ago. I don’t feel adrift because I made a career change & like what I’m doing now. Granted D2 is still at home, so I may feel differently in 2 years.</p>
<p>I am not there yet, just feeling it coming though. We are sending our daughter (second of two kids) off to her senior year of H.S. and I’m keenly aware that this will be the last traditional end of summer/beginning of school. I already dread the major changes that lie ahead. I have enrolled in a CFP program to help me move forward in my own life and look forward to a career change at some point. I have set things up so that after she leaves next year, I will need to study, study for the national exam. On the flip side, son graduated from college in May and is back with us working on a few prereqs in order to apply to a master’s program. We are happy to have him but he is an adult now, it is not the same, just isn’t. Good luck, I do realize that these are good problems to have compared to many other possibilities.</p>
<p>Boy- were you lucky to find those dirty dishes in the sink- we no longer had to do the hunt upstairs before running the dishwasher.</p>
<p>There is life after kids. But they aren’t truly gone yet. There will be weekends and vacations home- not time yet to redo their rooms. Your schedule will be dependent on their returns and possible long distance chauffeur duties instead of daily ones.</p>
<p>Take time to relax. Clean and arrange the house to suit the two of you instead of a family. Go out to restaurants during the week. Change your evening meals and timing. No need to have a set time or the usual menu. Ad lib fare and times. H can eat x while you indulge in y. No need to always have filling, nutritious full meals. You can buy things and know they will be there for you.</p>
<p>Plan a week’s vacation when schools are IN session. Travel without crowds. A hotel room for two and deciding where to go, what to do, is so much easier for two, especially H and W.</p>
<p>We live between the middle and HS son attended so even years later it is important to note school days and times for traffic flows when coming and going.</p>
<p>I have the band-aid ripped halfway off and dangling right now - D left on 8/22, S does not leave til 9/12. And then that’s it (since I just have the two of them). From full house to empty nest, like that. Blueiguana - I haven’t cried since we got home, but I did cry on move-in day … out of D’s earshot. I feel totally ill at ease until I figure out the new normal.</p>
<p>Very gloomy! No baseball gear everywhere, 2 empty bedrooms, even the dogs notice the change.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is any way to prepare for this void.</p>
<p>^ Oh, the poor pup. She keeps hopping up on his bed to sleep, which is never allowed, but I can’t bear to make her get down. 
She and I nap there. It is really pathetic. There has got to be some sort of 12 step program for this…really.</p>
<p>D (college junior) left yesterday. 6 yo started first grade. First day in 23 years I’ve been in the house with no kids. What to do? Laundry? No-- I had a migraine, so I sat on the couch, ate BBQ chips, and watched trash TV. The cat curled up behind me.<br>
Jumped out of my seat (and turned off Millionaire Matchmaker in shame!) when the back door opened. Almost forgot–senior S still comes home for lunch! Starting a part-time job in a couple weeks. . .</p>
<p>What is NYT & ESAD?</p>
<p>H gets a new puppy every time a kid leaves. We have three dogs, two kids.</p>
<p>He is currently building things, in addition to his day job. He is suprisingly good at this for someone who never really built things.</p>
<p>I have painted the inside of the entire house over the course of the last couple of years. I have run 5ks and 10ks, which I never did before, and I am currently finishing up my first novel.</p>
<p>Took up giving dinner parties once a month, since I love to cook, as does H.</p>
<p>Neither of us hesitates to go for a weekend visit at the drop of a hat, knowing we might only get to take them to dinner and brunch and drop them off at whatever. It is shocking how grateful they and their freinds are to be fed palatable food. ;)</p>
<p>Good luck. Before you know it, you won’t remember how you lived with so little time.</p>
<p>welllll, spent today figuring out how to get around all of the flooding, blocked roads and collapsed highways…</p>
<p>maybe I’ll think about the “rest of my life” tomorrow…right now, just thinking about how I’m getting home from work</p>
<p>blueiguana, as far as crying - I felt like I’d been drinking out of the ocean, there was so much salty water sliding down the back of my throat. I expect there will be more. That silly Katy Perry song about the lost weekend came on the radio on the way home, and that was one we both liked and I realized there is no longer anyone in the house to share that kind of stuff with and I bawled.</p>
<p>Last year I had a pity party for a few days, then accepted our new arrangement. Lots of calls, Skype, texts, Facebook…and counting the days until winter break (D could not make it home for Thanksgiving). I mourned and moped for a while, but in the end, I got over it by doing all the things that kept me busy when she was here - work, etc. This year, I got to obsess over her being in the hurricane zone for a few days and that was way more stressful than last year’s launch. Back at work today after spending last week with her, and spending all weekend on the phone and texting her when she got frightened…here we go again.</p>
<p>First day of my life (in 18 years) without him in residence too~! I know how you feel, but I don’t think the reality has totally sunk it yet. Hubby (stepdad) & I took him last Sunday (the 21st) to Cali and then very wisely didn’t fly immediately back to Texas. Instead we spent a week decompressing on the Monterey peninsula before flying back last night. I’m at the house alone today – dont go back to work until Wednesday. I’ve been in his room a couple of times (washing clothes, picking stuff up off the floor) but not really sitting in it (yet). The house feels different but…I’m OK. Mentally making plans for how to spend my time, but today I’m really just trying to reacclimate to our house and the thought he isnt in it. Only teary a little bit, one time. He’s having a great time at college, no drama that I know of, and so its hard not to be happy and excited for him. I’m just telling myself he has a new adventure, and I can too if I want one…its right there for me to choose when I’m ready.</p>
<p>And so is yours…but you need to go at your space and time.</p>
<p>OP–I’m 4 years out from this and I still feel the pain. Then again, I was never one of those people who forgot childbirth pain either… </p>
<p>Hang in there. It gets better, but it takes a while. I too felt as if my soul and heart had been ripped out. Seeing the empty chair at dinner was horrible. I still had 2 children at home, but that didn’t really seem to help. D was as distressed by S1 leaving as I was. </p>
<p>We couldn’t even go to his room for several weeks. On a lighter note, for all of you planning the major deep cleaning, may you have better success than me. Somehow those 4 years slipped away…he’s back home and the closet never did get cleaned. I don’t even open the doors–it could be dangerous :)</p>
<p>I think…I’m going to let myself mourn for a few days.</p>
<p>The “life I had before I had kids” isn’t the life I can or want to go back to now.</p>
<p>So…I need to figure out a new one.</p>
<p>My role in daughter’s life (dance, theater, music, and the entire getting into an MT program at a school) was enough to keep anyone fully occupied. I still squeezed in other stuff but I <em>enjoyed</em> the role I played. I love theater and musicals as much as she does. The past few years have been so much fun. There is a hole to fill, now.</p>
<p>I’m sure I will fill it…it is so good to not be alone with this, though.</p>
<p>Having been through it 5 times, snapdragonfly, I can tell you that you will survive and will actually learn to enjoy it. I remember my mom telling me, years later, how she went home after dropping me off at college and cried for a week! She would find herself going into my room, sitting on the bed and sobbing. I would never have guessed that that would be her reaction but I certainly understood it when I experienced it as a mom. Give yourself a few days to be sad and then focus on the positives and the fun you’ll have visiting her on campus!</p>
<p>I’m worried my mom is going to have a nervous breakdown when I leave for college (still a couple years luckily) any ideas for me to make it easier for her?</p>
<p>P.S. Sorry for intruding into the parents forum ;)</p>