<p>Today I paid the 13 yr. old boy next door $50 to rake up the branches and leaves in the yard, I paid all the bills, dropped off a few things DS forgot to pack at my friends for her daughter to take up on Saturday, got take away from the good Sushi bar in town, poured myself a large glass of wine and am relaxing for the first time in days watching the Open, surfing the net and doing my nails.</p>
<p>Life is good.</p>
<p>Although last year we launched our youngest son, it never felt sad to say good-bye. I miss him dearly, but with our oldest son still living at home along with my 94 year old mother, I can only hope that one day I’ll experience an empty nest. Ours seems to be growing instead.</p>
<p>PS, if I ever had a Build-A-Bear, like P56, with my son saying such cute messages, I’d be a wreck too.</p>
<p>I have 2 HS juniors - my only children. Reading this made me cry. College search makes me cry. I think I’ll be a basketcase 2 years from now. I hope this thread still exists so I can come back and read these ideas. You’re all great for sharing your stories and suggestions!</p>
<p>Hey, sdf…after all the mutual angst of senior year and college auditions, now amidst the mixed emotions is also the joy of knowing they did it – found the college that’s right for them…and are set to soar.</p>
<p>She’s my only…and so many people keep asking me am I okay? Yeah…things are different, but it’s okay. In fact, some parts are excellent. She’s in her second week of school, and thankfully, child texts, calls, emails. (I don’t know how my parents and I survived – I was hundreds of miles away, with one telephone down the hall, and instructions not to call unless I was bleeding, because long distance cost too much!) Through these conversations, I’ve learned how truly prepared for this adventure she was, and how much she’s loving the challenge of these classes, of meeting new people, of being able to really do research, work with professors, etc. </p>
<p>I still get up and go to work every day. Hubs and I get to eat more meals together. The strangest thing is the evenings, where I’m not running her to dance, voice, rehearsals, etc…or waiting for her to call that she’s on her way home. In a way, that’s been a nice way to put my weight down. Hubs and I went to the h.s. football game last weekend (we’re actually having time to hang out together again!) and I realized I didn’t have to hope she’d remember to let me know if she was going home with us or out with friends… she was at college!</p>
<p>So far, I’ve cleared the bathroom of various expired shampoos and such, changed her bedding and done a bit of room cleaning. Tomorrow after work is my first ever cello lesson! (Yup, have always wanted to play. Besides, if I’m not taking SOMEONE to a music lesson around here, something’s wrong!!) </p>
<p>Maybe things will hit me more later – after all, she’s been away summers since she was 12 to dance and MT intensive programs…and we’re not past 6 weeks (longest she’s been gone) yet. I know it will bug me to miss her 18th birthday…but then again, I’m sending some really cool care packages to her dorm, and have some other surprises in mind. </p>
<p>I think the fact that we are in frequent contact helps. And knowing that she’s truly happy. Worried a bit? Yup. Miss her? Absolutely. But excited for her, happy to be able to revisit my life with my husband…and looking forward to getting good at that cello!</p>
<p>No doubt it will be sad, but we have three more, so no free time for a while.</p>
<p>Today was my first full day with my daughter away. I spoke to her late last night and texted with her in the morning, again in the evening and spoke to her a few minutes ago. Right now, it is mostly logistics, package arrivals, etc. My husband is flying up on Friday, so we are coordinating what he will bring, what we will ship. The phone call tonight was to tell me that 5 out of 25 slimline hangers that she took broke as she unloaded them. Oh, and apparently she is the ONLY kid whose parents didn’t come to move them in. 4,000 plus freshman and I am the only mom not in attendance, lol. I gently reminded her about the puppy, the 13 yr old dog, the 86 yr old grandfather living with us and the 91 yr old grandfather living alone, just own the street. Today was PT and nurse visit for one, emergency visit to Dr, and probable hospital stay tomorrow for the other. So even though my kids are both gone, my nest is not exactly empty!</p>
<p>I am one year from the empty nest. I had a taste of it this summer when both D’s were off for the summer, one in England, the other in LA. I found myself cleaning their bathrooms and making their beds so they would be “nice” for them when they returned. On the other hand, my hubby and I had long, uninterrupted conversations. My puppy (well, not so much a puppy) got long, relaxing walks. And we started planning renovations to our house which we will not wait to begin. I think there is good and not good in this empty nest business.</p>
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<p>So true. It’s an uneven path, but it does move upward over time. As others have said, just give yourself time, and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Running away from it only drags it out.</p>
<p>Since your D is in performing arts, have you thought about taking a class yourself? The day after I got home from taking my D to college, I signed up for a tap class at her old studio. It felt good to be in that space where I spent so many years as a dance mom.</p>
<p>Another thing that’s fun with a PA daughter is to plan to attend a play or ballet together during an upcoming school break. Check the Christmas-time schedule for theater or dance events in town. Make an event of it – for D’s first Christmas home, we went to Nutcraker followed by chocolate fondue. Planning and talking it over with D as the time got closer gave me something to be excited about.</p>
<p>Both kids moved out this month: 21-yr. old S for good (we hope), 18-yr. old D to start college. So when I saw the package of Bagel Bites in the freezer, I figured someone had to eat them. 
Not my normal lunch fare but it actually made me feel closer to them, not sad. And they weren’t bad either! Later, like stageforsurvivor, a twinge of sadness at the grocery store when I realized I don’t need to stock up on Spaghettio’s, Velveeta and Oreo yogurt. Life will be different day-to-day but I think I’ll be okay.</p>
<p>With time you will get accustomed. This is our second year. Thank goodness for email and texting and even facebook to see how they are doing and I still have a high schooler at home to keep me busy. I am just happy that she is happy in her new life and friends. Though I miss her terribly, I remind myself that this is what we raised her for, to be independent. </p>
<p>However, we still ask for a table for four when we go out to eat and we get the weird looks when we are obviously only three.</p>
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<p>Okay, you’re making me cry.</p>
<p>H spent the day in D’s room yesterday…I sort of resented it, but he did clear out a lot of stuff. On her bed, he had a collection of feminine hygiene supplies taken from various almost empty boxes that were in her cabinets and drawers…“What are we supposed to do with these?” Ummm…put them back where they were…she will be coming home on occasion.</p>
<p>Put them back. . .HA!!! I needed that laugh. Taking my DS to freshman move-in tomorrow and feeling very down. Still have a hs junior at home but the oldest is by far the closest. I’ll miss those daily hugs and kisses and his way of offering to help when he sees you might need a hand. The youngest is pretty much the opposite, but still a good kid. Not sure how he feels about his brother leaving. DH is losing his science and politics buddy, so I know he’s sad, too.</p>
<p>This thread helps a lot–thanks to all who bothered to share. It’s good to have tips and to know we’ll survive.</p>
<p>I thought it was hard when I first took my D to her college ~600 miles away after raising her as a single parent for over twelve years. Last week, I went with her to a city 1500 miles away for her first job. I know that I should be glad that she will be setting up her own first home. Somehow I only felt the irrevocable loss of all things that are too dear in life to put into words.</p>
<p>Volunteer at your local hospital as a baby holder in the NICU. Take your love for musicals and sing to those wonderful bundles of promise. They don’t care if you sing out of tune, don’t remember the words or switch from silly to serious. They are just happy to be held and to be loved. Your heart will be so filled with love and satisfaction that missing your baby girl will get easier. PS. I cry too.</p>
<p>I am going to do three things, and I almost have it figured out what I would like them to be, though I don’t know any particulars for certain at the moment.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Something I “should” do for the financial short and long term health of the family. Some sort of something that pays…the next phase of my career or part time clerk at TJmaxx, I don’t care, I am open to whatever I find. I’ve been a self employed mural artist and have made decent money considering how few hours I work; but I’ve needed extreme flexibility on account of D’s needs, and now, well, I don’t need that anymore, and I’m ready for something a bit more steady. Plus I’m sick of carting baskets of brushes, paint, and ladders around…just ready for a change. Might be nice to wear something other than painted up t shirts once in a while.</p></li>
<li><p>Something I want to do because I just can’t stand not doing it any more…that is probably going to be costuming, somehow, some way. The idea just won’t go away. Maybe at some point that will parlay into number one.</p></li>
<li><p>Something to give back, which always does wonders to heal the heart. I like all these ideas given so far: NICU babies, also the idea of helping other high school kids who don’t have any adult resources available to help them, or getting involved with supporting the theater and arts in some way…I also have a big soft spot for animals but as I have 5 cats already I might need to avoid that one, lol.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I don’t think I will ever stop missing having her around, but, I think achieving those things would be fulfilling and that would help.</p>
<p>Snapdragonfly,
I love your categories.
I might just use them in my own empty nesting.</p>
<p>They remind me of a period in my childrearing when I had my kids do ‘something physical’ (a sport), ‘something cultural’ (an instrument), and ‘something service’ (volunteer).</p>
<p>My daughter just left last week. She is an only child so it is very hard on my husband and I. For the first 36 hours we had not heard from her at all, and it was driving us crazy! I saw she was online and got her on the web cam. It turns out that the president of the college encouraged all the kids to be independent and to not call for the first 3 days or so. So that was why we didn’t hear from her! She calls every day now or texts, and we try to keep it brief. We know she is busy, don’t want to hover. She is having a great time, made lots of new friends already and likes her professors. We just got hit with the hurricane and had no power for a whole week so we were kept busy with all that extra stress. Right now I am enjoying the free time and so is my hubby. I look forward to keeping a cleaner house, no longer being on all these committees, etc. and spending more time with friends. We do cherish her phone calls, I suppose they will taper off, but right now we love hearing about everything in her life. The web cam is a great idea–we don’t always use it, but it lets her see the dog and my husband and I enjoy talking to her and seeing her smile.</p>
<p>Son came home Tuesday night (actually very early Wed morning), distraught and overwhelmed. Thankfully, after sleeping most of the day yesterday, having a nice dinner with us, and talking through what happened, he drove back to school last evening.</p>
<p>I cried for most of the evening. This stuff is tough on all of us.</p>
<p>cephraim-Hugs to you. Hope things get better as time goes by.</p>
<p>sunnyday-- Thanks. He seems to be fully recovered. Having a great day on campus. I, on the other hand…</p>