First day of my life without her at home

<p>Aww, SDF-- I know I’ll be feeling exactly the same this time next year. But I totally believe your D will continue bringing wonderful things to your life as she moves along in her own life-- that her new endeavors will add a whole new dimension, for you too. Meanwhile, man, whatever works-- chocolate, quilting, take a lover…(oh, did I say that?) Many hugs through cyberspace to you.</p>

<p>We too have been surprised at how hard this hit us.
We know our student has an amazing future etc.</p>

<p>Yet the room is clean, orderly and filled with awards, ribbons and pics of highschool stuff…
and we miss seeing that face and the daili-ness…</p>

<p>and we are realizing how fast the time from when kiddo was crawling and then throwing books over the baby gate into the home office so DH would stop and read
…to this weekend and watching kiddo walk down the sidewalk to a mtg on campus as we drove to the airport…</p>

<p>went so fast…</p>

<p>Everyone here at home is weepy!</p>

<p>PS. I have nothing to do in kiddo’s room–excpet maybe change linens…
so beyond my PT job and vol work…idk…maybe join a gym ;)</p>

<p>jym626 - thanks for the link to the EN thread, I am reading through it and it is very good.</p>

<p>I just miss her, is all. She is one of those people who shine light wherever she goes and we did a lot of stuff together, laughed at a lot of stuff together…I know from now on that light will only be around me for visits. I miss living with her.</p>

<p>Thanks and return hugs to everyone here. I’m getting some good ideas. I think I will always have that hole in my heart - I longed for a daughter my whole life and I got kind of exactly the one I wanted. She is my cherished pearl beyond any price. I know she will be fine; I will too, I am sure, but it is just hard to get used to distance and missing loved ones.</p>

<p>I take umbrage with the suggestion dads don’t display their emotions. I have always hugged and kissed my sons albeit they have become more squeamish about it as they’ve gotten older.
OTOH, I’ve always been tough on them, too. Academics, athletics, conduct, help others less skilled or less fortunate.
Was I too harsh at times? Yes, because I was living with a usually deadly disease that only 2% survive 5 years.
So, I felt an urgency to teach them about life before I was gone…they have also learned about miracles over the past 12 years!</p>

<p>Then again, as one wag said to me, “she’s going into acting, right? No problem…”</p>

<p>lol.</p>

<p>Oh, I remember how hard it was three years ago…
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>SFS…I knew I was crushing on you for a reason~! Beyond the fact your first post on here made me laugh out loud. </p>

<p>Sounds like your kids and wife are lucky to have you too~!</p>

<p>My role in daughter’s life (dance, theater, music, and the entire getting into an MT program at a school) was enough to keep anyone fully occupied. I still squeezed in other stuff but I <em>enjoyed</em> the role I played. I love theater and musicals as much as she does. The past few years have been so much fun. There is a hole to fill, now.</p>

<p>Give yourself time to grieve. I find myself in tears and my daughter is only a HS senior. Have you considered volunteering or working in the musical/theatre community? It could be within the school district or the larger community. Don’t know if you like working behind the scenes, organizing everything or helping with special student? It certainly won’t be a replacement for your daughter but an avenue to help other MT student.</p>

<p>TexasCollegeMom - I have indeed, considered doing that. I’ve been involved in the local scene just from her involvement so it wouldn’t be hard to find out who could use me.</p>

<p>I’ve also thought about helping other kids, especially theater bound kids, figure out what their options and resources are here in our part of Texas. Being as how my daughter and I had to blaze that one ourselves and there is a whole lot to it.</p>

<p>And I am actually feeling a little better today so far- though I imagine it will hit me again from time to time - grieving just has to happen on it’s own time.</p>

<p>Okay, I cried a few tears at the Convocation Ceremony (before the darn thing even started), but other than that I felt primarily excited on her behalf. Once I got home, I did feel a bit like I was rattling around in a too-large house, but I also felt enormous relief. (Am I allowed to admit that???) Her Dad (my ex-H) admitted to having a hard time on move-in day facing the fact that she may never live in NH again. I’m not sure if I’ve transitioned really quickly (and I do tend to) or if it just hasn’t really hit me yet. She plans on returning in 3 weeks to see a musical with her old troupe, so it’s hard to get too worked up…</p>

<p>If nobody out there feels this way, well, I am kind of unique (just like everyone else :-)</p>

<p>Just got back last night from move-in weekend for youngest and here I am looking for ways to move on. I remembered an idea a friend told me about several years ago when her oldest left for college. Have a get together with his/her friends’ moms and make care packages to send. Each mom brings x number of the same item, one for each package. Each mom can share her child’s college experience so far with other understanding moms while packing and the kids get a care package.</p>

<p>I remember sitting thru the convocation ceremony, trying to concetrate on something, anything to keep myself from loosing control. I remember looking around, searching for other Moms to see if they were having as much difficulty as I. A good many were. Leaving my son was heartbreaking. And leaving my daughter two years later was equally so. There is no other way to explain it. But every day, I try to remember what I hoped for them all those years, and guess what?, they are doing it. Exactly what I dreamed for them. I just can’t believe those years passed so quickly.<br>
Knowing that they are doing the right thing, the right way, at the right time, even if it takes them away from me makes it a little easier.</p>

<p>Went to the grocery on the way home today, everything in refer was tossed cuz no power for a day and a half.
Of all places, I almost “lost it” cuz I didn’t need to think about what cereal, ketchup, drinks, etc to buy.
I kept expecting Rod Serling to appear!</p>

<p>It was easier to send D away…because I sent her older brother off two years ago, and he came home after a year and is home for the indefinite future. So we can all mourn, knowing that we really *don’t *want them at home forever.</p>

<p>I’ll admit to being a crying fool. I cried off and on for weeks. Actually, it was probably months. S also was/is the “shining light” in our family - it feels like the soul has been sucked out when he is gone. We were all fairly quiet and down for the first 3 weeks - two younger sibs especially. Then we established a “new” normal. Then he came home for the summer. I expect a repeat of last year to be honest. We are a weird family that all like to be together, almost all of the time. D is a HS senior so next fall should be even worse. Then I will need to make a HUGE effort to make life at home fun for S2 who will be stuck alone with old parents for 4 years before he leaves too.</p>

<p>I did go back to work when S was a senior and that did help immensely. (I know! Imagine how much I could’ve cried if I didn’t have a job to go to!!) </p>

<p>One funny sob moment - I went to the library on the first Saturday morning after S left, about a week had gone by. D went with me instead. I went to pick up books that had come in “on hold” and found 2 books that S had put on hold. I took them to the counter and told the poor kid working the desk, “Can you please send these back - S left for school and won’t be able to read them now” and I started to get that waivery, about-to-cry voice and then I turned and ran away - think Napoleon Dynamite running away -before I started bawling. It always hits me at the moments that seem tiny and insignificant - but they are the constant reminders that life has truly changed.</p>

<p>Our oldest, my S, graduated college in May and is now working 200 miles from home. The youngest, my D, is now a sophomore in college 800 miles from home.</p>

<p>What really helped me after my S left was arranging a get-together with other parents whose kids had just left for college. I invited them over for wine & dessert. I invited 8 couples, but only 4 could make it. As it turns out, it was the parents of S’s 4 best friends. We started out by telling our funny launch stories, but gradually the conversation moved on to other things and to our own lives. We had such a good time we’ve done it every couple of months for the last 4 years! At first we all had another kid at home so we called ourselves the “Semi-Empty Nesters.” Now all of our kids are away, except one couple’s son who graduated is working and living at home, so we’re just the Nesters. Like the “Class of XX” threads here on CC, we’ve talked each other thru the phases of the empty nest. It’s been wonderful!</p>

<p>Another grocery store story - the week that my son left for college I was picking up a few items and ended up in line behind a dad and a little boy. Apparently the boy was about to start first grade, and he was nervous. He kept asking all sorts of questions, and the dad was reassuring him (with a little gentle teasing thrown in). I had to turn away and bury my head in People magazine so they wouldn’t see me crying.</p>

<p>hugs to all that need them… my oldest left for college in 2002… 18 and from a small rural southern town…to nyc into an apt (5th floor walkup rat hole) in the village…i took him up, and held it together until leaving…sobbed like a baby as i said goodbye…sobbed in the taxi back to the airport…which is so unlike me…i’m usually the stoic, non emotional one…my son is the softie!
but he knew it would be tough for me…he went to Build a Bear…and recorded a message… “You were always there for me Mom… and i’m always here for you” the other paw says…“i love you, sweet dreams Mom”… so when i miss him, …i just quietly go to my room…and squeeze the heck out of those paws just to hear his voice and have a cry. (9 years later and you still miss what you had)</p>

<p>You have a real sweetie for a son, parent56…and I bet he gets that trait from his mom.</p>

<p>Wow, parent56 and lafalum84–you’ve got me crying and we haven’t even started senior year yet! My younger one starts high school tomorrow, I wonder if I’m going to be hovering over her when the older one leaves…</p>