<p>I read through the example essays and then tried my hand at it. Please score out of 12 if possible, but more importantly I'd love to hear any suggestions you have for improvement. Unfortunately, I didn't distribute my time well and didn't have time for a proofread. This version has all the original errors and awkward versions. Enjoy! :)</p>
<p>PROMPT:
The old saying, "be careful what you wish for," may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow one's perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of life's difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once "success" is achieved that they were before.</p>
<p>ASSIGNMENT: Can success be disastrous?</p>
<p>ESSAY: Success can be ones downfall. If one becomes too entranced by a goal, one becomes blind to the threats that may have surfaced while in its pursuit. This assertion can be supported using evidence from literature and current events.</p>
<p>In the tragic Theban trilogy crafted by Sophocles in ancient Greece, Oedipus, King of Thebes, hears that his people are being menaced by plague and misfortune because the murderer of his predecessor was never brought to justice. Thus, he fervently vows to catch the perpetrator and come down on him with the full force of the law. As the story unravels, it becomes gradually clearer that Oedipus himself is guilty of the crime. Furthermore, the ghastly truth that he has killed his father and borne children to his mother surfaces. Had he stopped digging for the truth, had he not been seduced by the promise of success, the tragedy would never had occurred.</p>
<p>The Egyptian people, after having finally overthrown the despotic powers of Hosni Mubarak, seem at times also to have forgotten what their true goal is: to establish a stable, democratic state in Egypt. However, much of the population seemed instead more concerned with putting their fallen former leader on trial for crimes already committed than establishing a new, transparent and populist government with expedience. The longing to satisfy their thirst for vengeance at times seems to have blinded some individuals and shrouded their view of the priority.</p>
<p>One cannot let the fear of failure cause an exorbitant longing for success. After all, what would the world come to if all people were concerned with single goals? Conflicts of interest would be rampant, and people would seize to work in anyones interest but their own.</p>
Let me try to apply your suggestions. </p>