Grade my essay please!! Thanks :)

<p>Prompt:
The old saying, "be careful what you wish for," may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow one's perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of life's difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once "success" is achieved that they were before.</p>

<p>Can success be disastrous? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>In an age where people are controlled by monetary and power-driven incentives, “success” seems to be synonymous with fame and fortune. People will often sacrifice many important elements of life to achieve their goals. However, once they find themselves “successful”, there will be nothing more left of their lives. Success, while a seemingly great achievement, can often be disastrous.</p>

<p>In the movie Click, a man finds a remote that can allow him to fast-forward or rewind through parts of his life. When the man is faced with choosing between his family and his career, he always chooses the latter, believing he will have time for his family later. Finally, when he becomes the Chief Executive Officer of his company, he finds that his life is empty of family and friends. Even though he regrets his decisions and wants to turn back time, it is too late. While the man might have achieved “success” in his career, he ends up with no one to love or be loved by.</p>

<p>During the Wei Dynasty in ancient China, the emperor had two sons who were very close. They would always command the army in battle together. However, when the emperor dies, the two brothers fought for the throne. The older brother eventually won, and killed his younger brother. Half of the army was under the younger brother’s command, and rebelled against the older brother. Eventually, he was overthrown and killed. Although the older brother won the throne temporarily, he lost a dear brother, and eventually an entire nation. His brief success resulted in permanent failure.</p>

<p>Success and disaster are just a hair’s breadth apart. Success built upon fame and fortune is just catastrophe in disguise. While the satisfaction and pleasure of success are gratifying, the price and sacrifices are life-long.</p>

<p>I’m wondering why you begin your body paragraphs with facts.</p>

<p>This is a four, mainly because a) it shows that you’re a competent writer and b) it does a lot more fact-listing than analyzing.</p>