<p>Not necessarily. Sometimes, they’re extremely shy and/or have suffered years of being stigmatized by those holding similarly narrow-minded perspectives like the one above. </p>
<p>Sorry to be harsh, but that very conclusion you and your friend came up with is reminiscent of those common among my socially snobby relatives and undergrad classmates my HS classmates encountered and frequently poked fun of at their respective elite universities. Heck, we used to pantomime those holding such thoughts such as “Ruprecht, do be so good as to bring forth a tray of cucumber sandwiches for teatime”. </p>
<p>I’d thought such mentalities went out with the downfall of the Victorian high society sometime in the early-mid 20th century.</p>
<p>Excuse me for being harsh, but for once could we not hear about your friends and/ or relatives as the benchmark for whatever you opine about. Just sayin’</p>
<p>And proudly mocking them probably doesn’t help.</p>
<p>You didn’t read the rest of post. I am exactly the sort of shy person you speak of.
I am by no means a social person. I barely went out in high school because I was so absorbed in my studies and felt that I did not fit in. I have always had trouble making friends, socializing has never been easy for me and often was very painful. I had a lot of bad experiences in high school and middle school which made me feel inadequate.
A professor I work with told me that I was incredibly shy. I am also very introverted and cerebral so sometimes I used to have trouble having conversations with people my own age. I actually am more comfortable talking with professors.
However, at least where I go to school, there is a group for everyone, you just need to find it. I myself hang out with people in my major (physics) because I can relate to a lot of them.</p>
<p>OP, you seem to have disappeared from this thread. That’s unfortunate, as there is much good advice here.</p>
<p>Rather than repeating previous posts, I have a couple of questions for you: What kind of person do you WANT to be in life? What do you value as attributes? Even non-religious people have an internal moral compass. What would be your description of a moral or good person? How do you want to be remembered at the end of your time here on earth?</p>
<p>It seems to me that you value your uniqueness and independence very highly, and that part of your identity is to be known for being “different”. Do you still need this part of your identity? Or might you be able to be yourself while in relationship with others?</p>
<p>I encourage you to get involved with a therapy group at the counseling center if there is one. You will receive invaluable feedback as to how you come across.</p>
<p>Letting people close, and being vulnerable and soft need not threaten your identity.</p>
<p>All I am disagreeing vehemently with you is this statement:
</p>
<p>Personally, the best thing IME is to try and be open-minded enough to meet and chat with anyone you meet except those who display apparent hostile intentions or aren’t interested in social interaction at that moment. </p>
<p>Personally, I’d be reaching out to strike up a conversation those who seem to lack friends as I would someone who’s homeless, social butterfly, interesting Prof., or some plenipotentiary from here in the US or abroad. Most individuals have interesting compelling stories to tell of themselves and their encounters in life/world…one just needs to be willing to get the conversation started on a friendly note. </p>
<p>Some of the most interesting/intellectual people I’ve met happen to be those who don’t seem to have any friends/keep to themselves.</p>
<p>^the other thing I would add (since at this point, I think we’re all pretty much talking to each other) is about first impressions – good ones are always right; bad ones are sometimes wrong. That’s just what I’ve found. Everyone deserves a second chance at the friendship thing.</p>
<p>“We came to this conclusion: beware of people in college who don’t have any friends. Here is our reasoning: if someone has absolutely no friends in college they either a. don’t want them or b. are doing something that drives people away. These types of people can be incredibly unpleasant to deal with and cause misery for others.”</p>
<p>All sorts of people can be incredibly unpleasant and cause misery. I would not walk away from someone because they seem to have no friends. Everyone wants social contact, but not everyone knows how to achieve it. That isolated person may just take a little more effort to get to know, and may be crying out for friends, but they just don’t know how to make them. It is important to have compassion and understanding for people who seem different, and keep reaching out, whether they seem to want it or not.</p>
<p>If OP is still listening, I’d just add: focus in on your academics, both because that’s what college is mostly about and because you maybe could transfer later if you decided you wanted to do so. I’m not saying I recommend a transfer because then you’d be starting from square one socially, but options are nice and a good GPA is just good. You’ve gotten a lot of great and caring advice and support here. Hope you accept at least some of it.</p>
<p>I didn’t read through the whole thread and maybe this advice was already given but why not consider joining a sorority? A friend of mine’s daughter is a Freshman at Vanderbilt and she is returning to school early - this Friday in fact - in order to rush. Maybe you can go back early and see if this is right for you. My D is more introverted and decided to join a sorority and it is a ready made group of friends. Even though she doesn’ t do everything they offer she still has the option to join in lots of activities.</p>
<p>Joining in activities, doesn’t make someone a friend though, especially if you are only participating in it, because you are bored, and you are sending out " you don’t appreciate me" vibes.
Pursuing & building on existing interests has been mentioned, but we haven’t heard how effective that strategy has been.</p>
<p>OP - Like all threads, this one has meandered. But there is some good advise - I especially like #108/bethievt. I hope you are still reading, pondering options. Good luck!</p>
<p>Chaosakita - I meandered on to this post and my heart ached for you. When we send our kids off to school, all we want is for them to fly…but for some, baby steps come first. There are a lot of good thoughts in this thread, and a lot of people who do not know you care enough to stop and give you a few minutes of their day. All you need is to find one good friend, someone you can count on, and I am sure things will start to turn around. I wish you much patience and happiness, both are important.</p>