<p>Too many faces in that last post!</p>
<p>Yay, twinsmama! I’m so glad you all had a great weekend and that you are feeling so good about the school. (How could you not… it sounds amazing from all that I have read…) I’m delighted to hear that your male cub has found the perfect fit and hope that things work out for his sister, too! :)</p>
<p>Thanks, @cameo43! My lenses are not as rose-colored as they may seem; it’s just that the reality is so much better than the reality of a large (albeit perfectly decent) public high school that I have been completely converted. I’m a full-fledged member of the BS cult.</p>
<p>So…poked my head in here over the weekend to see what everyone was up to and saw this thread. With parents weekend approaching, I thought it was a good time to do some reflection. It’s amazing how much you can learn after only six or seven weeks into their first school year. </p>
<p>So first of all, with all due respect to @ItsNotHogwarts…Yes it is! The facilities, the magic that happens around the Harkness table, The way my kid is on fire and excited to be around his peers in a way that I’ve never seen him before,
the food (“steak and scallops for dinner today, Mum…”). It’s only been a short time, but we do really feel like this is the best decision we’ve ever made as parents. Even if we are living on cereal while he eats shrimp.</p>
<p>What I <em>wasn’t</em> prepared for was the empty nest situation to happen so suddenly, and so thoroughly. As a day student parent I naively thought, “best of both worlds…” but honestly, his days are just so long and for day students to fully assimilate into the culture they really need to be there as much as possible. While it’s true that if he had stayed at his LPS, HS meant changes and pulling away anyway, but it’s really significantly different at BS.
Between classes from 8-6, usually followed by dinner with his friends before we collect him, he’s gone a minimum of 12-13 hours a day. And that’s before homework and not including the nights when there are required and/or social activities after that. I can’t call it a bad thing, as he’s where he wants to be and loving every minute of it. But it’s true that parent adjustment is just as difficult. We sure miss him. :(</p>
<p>He didn’t make the JV soccer team, which I am secretly rejoicing about. He has already had the opportunity to try some new things in PE that he never would’ve had the chance to do if he were playing a team sport. Of course I would never tell him that :)</p>
<p>And then there’s the most recent turn of events, which I like to call “OMGTHERESALREADYAGIRL”</p>
<p>When a 14 yo boy says, “can we get up and go to school a little earlier in the morning?” you know something’s up. He is smitten, and this is the first time I think he’s ever had a crush on a girl that was so similar to him. So worrying about him balancing the increased workload with the “I want to spend every minute of my available time with this new and exciting person” is a new parenting skill we’re practicing. We’ve made sort of a bargain with him that if he keeps his grades up (midterms were good) and gets enough sleep we will make sure that we get him to campus as much as he wants for the social stuff.</p>
<p>And that’s it in a nutshell. So many things are different than the way that I pictured them, and so many things are even better than we hoped for. But it’s all learning curve, for him, for us.</p>
<p>Funny, booklady!! …and oh so true! “Even if we are living on cereal while he eats shrimp.”</p>
<p>@booklady123, Excuse me, I thought we had an arrangement?? :-)</p>
<p>Oh no! That’s right! I will remind him of his contractual obligations. 
</p>
<p>@CroissantMiser, thanks for beinging up this topic! As a first year parent, I too went throught this! They promised such great adult supervision when I dropped him off…, then nothing! when my son wasn’t doing well in the first weeks, I wrote to the head of dorm and got a reply from his house parent saying how nicely he is adjusting to dorm life socially… I wrote back to say that he is having problems adjusting to the shorter studying time and needs somene to to talk… During his “Mom, I am falling apart…” period. Totally ignored. So I wrote to his head of grade and he wrote saying he would arrange for an advisor’s meeting. Nothing. My son finally wrote to the advisor who then recommended for him to have a meeting with the grade counsellor!!! By this time, my son is already doing fine!!!
But I feel like he should have a meeting even to discuss better study skills or something!!! </p>
<p>To the school’s credit, my friend’s son last year had lots of problems socially at the dorms and academically. She said the school handled things well, his grades got up and socially… Its really his fault But I think he is better this year. So I guess for small matters, you get the red tape like we did but they will focus on big issues…I suspect lots of other schools operate the same way. But i am still a little peeved… </p>
<p>Thank you Disneymama for your posts- I really appreciate hearing your honest perspective.</p>
<p>My DD just started her 2nd year at BS and wow! She is really happy and thriving. However, I would like to share that she spent her entire first year - past even when next year’s deposits were due! trying to commit to the school she now loves. There are so many opportunities - and so many chances to screw up- that it takes time to find your way. We almost let her come home half way through last year. She cried at Thanksgiving which never happens, Broke my heart. Now I can’t imagine her anywhere else. </p>
<p>We have a 2nd child who should be in this year’s applicant pool who is struggling with medical issues and I know if and when she gets to BS there will be bumps for her as well.</p>
<p>I went to BS and loved my first year, hated my 2nd year, loved my 3rd year and probably never really relaxed until my last year. It is never smooth sailing all the way till college acceptences ( fingers crossed) roll in. </p>
<p>Re advisors - one thing I appreciate at our current school is that kids are assigned advisors who live in their dorms, and kids tend to stay in the same dorms. This affords parents a window into dorm life and combined with conferences, gives a pretty complete overview. When your advisor is in your dorm, you don’t have to work so hard to get help - plus they meet weekly. This is not a school that " babysits" generally - kids are very independent. I feel like the weekly dorm/advisor meetings help ensure that even the wheels that never squeak get heard.</p>
<p>I appreciate all these perspectives… as a new parent to this, I am realizing the ups and downs will keep changing and keep coming. Being involved and supportive from a distance has been really really rewarding but also at times kind of horrible. Mostly great, but I’m still learning how to advocate for my kid and remain cut from the loop, it’s something I respect greatly… yet it’s too soon for me to feel there’s a solid foundation. Parents get a raw deal in many aspects, respecting their kids experience but never knowing if they have the full picture.</p>
<p>Out of the loop, jdewey, that resonates with me! Couldn’t believe the stars aligned and I actually had a great talk with DS15 where I could ask questions and got real answers and we laughed! I had been crazy busy as well…</p>
<p>Midterms came back and they were better than expected! There are areas need improving but generally, he is starting to feel he can handle all his classes. He had previously been a bright but unmotivated student, but here, he is trying hard to do well. For the first time in his life, he got an A in PE! </p>
<p>The next step is exploring opportunities outside the classroom. He has signed up for the investment club and will be visiting the robotics club next week. He is going to try water polo or archery with the intention of making it on a minor sports team… So he is branching out.</p>
<p>Socially, he is starting to make friends outside of his initial group of buddies. He is following rules without major infringements though his dorm life contribution is “average.” (As described by the dorm advisor.) his study habits are not great and most of the time he still relies on his roommate (the guardian saint) to figure out scheduling. </p>
<p>He is still amazed by all the achievements of the kids at his school. When I told him his computer science teacher said he was doing really well considering he has never taken a course in programming and says he is on track to take The AP course in CS, he looked happy but was seld-deprecating and said there are so many other programming whizzes. But I pointed out that the teacher is looking at how quickly he is learning and feels he can achieve at a high level. </p>
<p>We talked about how he shouldn’t think about these kids as people he can’t possible emulate and I can tell he is inspired by them and not just intimidated… Doing a happy dance! </p>
<p>My Ds is not a typical superachiever kid. He is undiagnosed, but has issues with concentration, organization and anxiety. He went through a rough week with a tough assignment. Had stomach problems from the stress. But didn’t give up and did well on it and gained a boatload of confidence from overcoming a difficult situation on his own. It was a huge gamble on our part to let him “sink or swim” so far away from us, and I was anxious as well, but it is working out so far. I do know that it will take repeated scenarios of overcoming difficulties for long term confidence to set in, but its been a good start! </p>
<p>He has established some rapport with a school counselor so hopefully, he can work out some issues with dealing with stress. His teachers mostly think he focusses well in class and that a diagnosis is not necessary. But he really wants a full neuropsych evaluation done next summer to understand his brain better. I am not thrilled about the expense but it is like a “reward” for him for doing well? Maybe it will inspire him to be interested in neurology? Haha. </p>
<p>Bravo to Disneykid, and thanks @Disneymama for the update. Love the comment:</p>
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<p>I think the hardest part of BS is watching your precious kiddo go through those difficulties when you are so far away and know that you need to let him start figuring things out himself, but you are so right that the result is long-term confidence. It’s a beautiful thing to see that transformation. I bet you’ll barely recognize your Disneykid come graduation. All the best to both of you.</p>
<p>Im curious what to expect from Thanksgiving break… I expect a lot of decompression, some mixed feelings… will I recognize her? </p>
<p>@jdewey: if your girl is anything like mine, you’ll recognize her somewhat, but she’ll be asleep most of the time!</p>
<p>If you let them crawl into their beds, you might not see them until you carve the turkey.</p>
<p>We experience a fair amount of “re-entry angst”. Remember, these kids are now used to handling things on their own… prepare for some pushback. Usually that is short lived… the sleep helps. :)</p>
<p>One thing that seemed a bit hard for my son last year when he came home for Thanksgiving break was dealing with his “home friends.” He was excited to see them, and many of his friends made noises about wanting to see him too, but with Thanksgiving, it’s hard to actually find time to get together. My son had forgotten that he got out of boarding school earlier for T’giving than his friends at home do, so I think he was envisioning that he could see them before everyone scattered to see family for the holiday, but of course they were all in school still. So you might want to help manage your daughter’s expectations on that front.</p>
<p>heh eh! Sleep it is, no big events planned… with promises of breakfast for dinner </p>
<p>I think what we learned over the years was to schedule very little and revise expectations for family social obligations. They really just want to relax. For the first few days my D is home she does nothing but sleep, eat and lounge on the couch. I think she most appreciated us having the fridge stocked, the fire going and nothing on the calendar for those fist few days. This final year she is in the midst of finishing college apps so I suspect it will be more of the same with some essay revision when she feels ambitious.</p>
<p>Wow. What an excellent string of posts.</p>
<p>We just left my 15 YO DD off at a very small New England BS a week ago. She was doing very well in public school, but had become totally OCD about studying. (She was diagnosed with a LD in 3rd grade but overcomes it via brute force.) We all wanted a small place that could bring out the best in her. We were looking into junior year transfers (knowing we might have to repeat sophomore year) when we became aware of mid-year openings in some decent schools. Conveniently, our choice started its second term just as the term in our public school ended.</p>
<p>We looked at 8 places and DD decided on the one furthest away. After a week, she is complaining about some teachers’ teaching styles, it she’s had similar complaints every year in public school. </p>
<p>I look forward to checking in here. It’s good to know that others have similar concerns.</p>