If your kid gets accepted to and loves more than one, revisits might be stressful. It was hard for my kid who loves academics, varsity sports and has another major activity to decide. Would it be school of 90 /year with excellent name and a reputation for grinding kids down or more relaxed school with excellent reputation and balance galore. Kid wanted to chose first one then realized life is about balance.
Schools that got knocked off our list included schools that mentioned politics(2), talked negatively about othersâ religion(1), required mindfulness (1) or just seemed cliquey in any way( several dings).
Itâs great folks find âthe oneâ and know it. My kid applying this cycle is also struggling with name vs. overall. Doesnât have options yet til 3/10 but could see themselves at a couple of schools.
We couldnât really tell ahead of time which of the two schools my son was choosing between would be a better fit, at all. We did one revisit, it went well, and then we had a revisit the next day at the second school. (in the intervening night I had anxiety dreams over how to pick which school). At the second school, they separated parents and kids for the first 30 minutes, then we came back together at an auditorium. In those 30 minutes my son and I independently came to the same conclusion: that clearly was the right school for him.
Speaking about fit:
Iâd love to hear about the difference between finding fit at interview/tour time vs. revisit time.
Specifically, Iâm wonderingâŠ
Is a 2-hour visit during interview time really enough time to evaluate a school for âfit?â We removed several schools due to lack of fit from the early fall visit/tours.
We hear all sorts of stories about revisit day surprising families when a school they thought they loved ended up being NOT for them at all, but they didnât realize it until they got a longer, more up close view of the culture at revisit day.
So now Iâm wondering â what if schools surprise you the other direction? Meaning didnât love at interview/tour time, but you loved at revisit time? Iâm curious if that ever happens. (No regrets here but just was thinking aloud.)
Thatâs the point of revisits; decisions are made both ways. A school can look very different when youâre in the driverâs seat and are being wooed to matriculate than when you timidly stepped on campus the first time hoping to not blow the interview. Students and families often fall in/out of love during revisits. Thatâs why the mantra here is to GO! If for nothing else, itâs just fun to be on the other side of the fence looking at a school as an accepted student and perhaps collecting some free swag. 
(OTOH, if you didnât love a school at interview/tour time, you probably didnât complete the application, right?)
We may be the outliers here but revisits really did not change much here, and I canât say I loved them nor did the rest of the family. They were all 3 in the same week as all schools schedule them right after spring break and while it was nice to be the one in charge for a change, the sales pitch and all the rah rah was a bit much. Also it was jam packed, the classes were overrun with too many people crowded into too small of a room, some of the parents were totally high strung, food was amazing (not the case since needless to say), and it is quite a crapshoot in terms of how the weather is (hard to believe how much it affects your mood and perception of the place) and who your kid ends up being paired with, plus other revisiting families you end up interacting with. So we found them somewhat interesting but not earth shattering in any way and had to come home and deliberate the final decision as none of the schools jumped up decidedly as âthe right fitâ. So Iâd go with open mind if you have choices and hope that winner will jump out but donât be too disappointed if it does not happen that way.
I thought one of the most valuable things about Revisit Days was meeting other parents. And watching how the staff interacted with parents. How down to earth were people? How helicopter-tolerant was the school? As we are not from the 1% are new to the bs scene, I was particularly attuned to whether âpeople like usâ would feel like outsiders.
What I didnât care about at the Revisit Stage was ârigorâ. We only applied to schools that met our expectations on that front. Not focusing on rigor (whatever that means) freed me up to evaluate the more subtle things that differentiate one school from another. It is easy to be dazzled by facilities, food, etc. So I found it helpful to wipe the slate for Revisits â assume that food, facilities and faculty are fabulous for the places you visit. What is left that you care about? Focus on those things.
I agree with @417WHB I went into revisits thinking, hoping it would be like lightning âthis is the schoolâ it wasnât. They were all the same. I am grateful I wasnât the one making the choice. Both my kids kind of figured it out on their own. Revisits were a bit disappointing overall.
Our younger daughter never really got a chance to make a decision between BS. By the time she applied, we had 3 other kids that had attended PEA and so she only applied there.
Fast forward to having to decide among the 8 colleges she was accepted to, and we now understand how complex these decisions can be. I can say that all of them felt like good fits throughout the admissions process (with the exception of her safety school- We made her keep this one on the list as it is an affordable top ranked in state school.) She had visited/ interviewed at 6 of the schools and really could envision herself attending all. I am slightly embarrassed to say that she really only considered the 2 highest ranked schools- both ivies. She attended an overnight revisit at both.
First one was for her 2nd choice school. She was convinced she would not be attending and we were pretty insistent she attend the revisit anyway to have something to compare choice 1 against. I remember distinctly attending the opening parents session and trying not to fall in love with the school, as she wouldnât be attending. The next morning I choose to skip attending all of the planned parents activities as she wouldnât be attending this school anyway. Imagine my surprise when I picked her up the next morning and she couldnât stop talking about what an amazing time she had and how cool the people and activities were.
A few days later it was off to revisit her dream school. From the minute we stepped on the campus until I picked her up the next day, I tried to see the positives in the school- but could not envision her there. All the qualities that were super attractive in the admissions process, suddenly felt like negatives. For example, the open curriculum initially felt like freedom, but now felt like an endless stream of decision making and second guessing. The next morning, I was pleasantly surprised that she had come to the exact same conclusion.
She loved the people and more traditional vibe at the first school and decided to turn down her dream school. She just finished her first term and after a bumpy start, absolutely adores her choice and doesnât regret her decision at all.
Sorry for the long post- but the takeaway is go to revisits with an open mind as you never know what might happen.
I think the initial visits for the interview can give you a decent impression. And you can eliminate things which absolutely would not work for your family. During revisits you get a closer up front look. I personally think looking closely at the human interactions is the way to go. A teacher cannot âfakeâ solid interaction with kids or a sense of humor. The student will see other kids. And the luncheon discussions can tell you a lot. Plus, at the revisits, schools know that you might have other options so they will try their best to ensure kids come to their school. Listen carefully to what the head of school tells you. That is what matters to him/her and ultimately might shape your kids experience.
I can definitely say keeping an open mind is a great idea. Keep collecting data until you/your kid knows itâs the right decision.
@CateCAParent Itâs funny. We had two parents sit at our table and talk about their brilliant math child. Well, my kid ended up being friends with this kid who struggled a lot before dropping down a level. Certainly, some parents are going to be type A+. For us, itâs a matter of how the school manages them. Some schools looked like they were going to cave into the legacies ( or as someone wrote) give them special badges. While others will have a different approach.
@vegas1 Love that story. It shows your kid picked the right place. So awesome.
A big difference between the interview day and the revisits is with whom your kid interacts with vs whom he/she will have contact with once attending. Generally (and I know there are exceptions), admissions staffs are really nice, and itâs part of their job to want you to apply. But once attending, your student wonât really have contact with the admissions staff unless they happen to also be his/her dorm parents or coaches. DS hit it off great with one of his interviewers in particular, but that was really the extent of his connection to the school. Much as DH and I liked the school, that alone would not have been the right basis on which to choose that BS. At revisit day youâll meet far more teachers and administrators, as well as other prospective students and parents. Of course itâs still a bit staged, but you get a much broader picture.
Culture varies from school to school, and itâs always subjective. There are schools that some people worship that I wouldnât send my dog to, but thatâs just my opinion.
Culture is also elusive for applicants new to this world ( no kidding-right? ), and many are going in without any professional guidance. Unless applicants have firsthand information from a current/ trusted source at the school- who is able to give them a honest warts and all appraisal, or a BS placement professional who knows all the BSs inside out ( who will also size up your kid beyond the academic front ) , culture can be almost impossible to determine prior to forming a list, applying or attending, but itâs key.
Most people who apply to BS plow ahead regardless, and rely on their impressions and snapshots⊠reviews on websites, interviews, tours, ( which can be a blur like your wedding day ), and social media prior to apps and again on revisit days once theyâre accepted. Some will even attend athletic events and watch from the sidelines to gage things like coaching, sportsmanship and level of players / competition ( and future fellow parents 
), if they live nearby.
And itâs still always a leap of faith after you choose a school. I remember my husband at a âTopâ school ( HIS SCHOOL of all places ) at our final Family Weekend for that kid . During the Headâs Address, he turned to me and said, If they start passing out little paper cups filled with purple liquid -weâre leaving.
Seriously- do you think we donât talk to our kids? Yep- totally in the dark about what goes on here . Blind as bats. No clue whatsoever!
Obviously, we had the " fun table " during Family Weekends.
But our son ( K1 ) had the social skillset to navigate those waters and the personality to thrive there. We knew it going in, but more importantly- admissions confirmed it with an acceptance letter.
Fit is always a two way street, but people tend to forget or worse- dismiss it because theyâre so focused on stats.
Welcome to my previous life on CC!
In my mind ( as an alum and former BS parent ), the academic piece should always come in at a distant second after everything else. Iâm a firm believer in this because I lived it and I know how important it is firsthand - and itâs the reason why I strongly object when people wave off schools outside the ten schools because they couldnât possibly ( possibly!! ) accommodate their brilliant child or another child with similar stats.
Really? I would say that getting into certain set of schools isnât always a compliment.
If an applicant delivers a solid app and still doesnât get in- is that always a bad thing? No. They canât take everyone ( obviously ) , but sometimes ( more often than not ) the admissions team didnât see the child fitting in or surviving in their community, so trust their judgment and donât be offended if you get a rejection. After all - they did you a huge favor because your childâs overall comfort and wellbeing is paramount to everything else!
Thank goodness , right?
If you do get accepted and go to Revisit Days, try to remember that the academic piece is taken care of, and college matriculation lists are past individual results that donât apply to you or your kid. If youâre Ivy material, the school will let you know when the time comes.
Letâs get through the next three years in one piece first!
Focus on quality of life, the social landscape, maybe the view outside the dorm youâll likely be in , amenities in town or around campus, food and most importantly - just over all comfort because youâll be more successful if youâre happy.
If lightning doesnât strike, thatâs okay because you can still draw a line down a piece of paper and do pros and cons and make the decision that way, too!
Last, but not least - acknowledge and embrace all the things you donât like about a school and ask your kid if they can live with it.
Itâs always leap of faith in the beginning for everyone- and it was like that for my family and our three kids , too.
Most students know if they made the right decision before Winter Break, but I would say spring ( III form ) at the very latest . 
We always had the LPS as a fallback so did not do a ton of applications. DS was a very high stats FP unhooked student.
At one school, he found everything to be competitive-- the guide emphasized competition between houses, the interview included a âdebateâ with the interviewer, the energy of the classroomcame from a somewhat confrontational form of discourse, and although I thought a lot about the school was impressive, DS really wasnât feeling it. He completed the application (and was rejected). I think they also saw that itâd be a bad fit and as I had more encounters with that school over his 4 years (sports, other families, etc.) AND saw what clicked at the school he chose, it became readily apparent that they had done him a huge favor by turning him down. It was SO not the place for him. (It would have been great for me at 14, btw!)
At the two revisit days, he somewhat preferred one school. I preferred the other. We talked about it. He felt more comfortable at the first because it was filled with kids like him. (In fact, they had him shadow a kid from our town, so he felt very comfortable.) He did say the kids at the second school were extremely nice, but definitely less familiar (which in fact was exactly one of the things I especially liked about it.) He felt the engagement and energy in the classroom was better at the second. He attended the second. Not grudgingly but with some pressure from me. He loved his school (and as everyone here knows, so did I.)
So I donât always think itâs completely obvious. I also think itâs important for parents to feel comfortable with the choice. There will inevitably be bumps on the road and itâll help enormously if you trust the values, mission, and goodwill of the school as you work through them.
Iâve missed you @PhotographerMom ! I miss the turtle, too. I wish youâd barrage the dark side a time or twoâŠthereâs a few threads I bookmarked because I thought theyâd be helpful, but every post makes me cringe. And it wonât unbookmark.
Anyway, I always appreciate your candid approach!
We visited a dozen schools. I had worked at a NE BS and that campus had been an idyllic home for my kid, so we were both pretty familiar with the BS scene. She kept waiting for that âlightning boltâ moment of feeling she had found just the right place⊠and three times during our process, another school was suggested to us, first by a former colleague, then by a relative who is a faculty member at what was my kidâs âdream schoolâ, and finally by the interviewer at a school which was clearly not the right fit. We had discounted the thrice-mentioned school early on, because it was: a) much too small, b) all-girls, and c) yellow, lol!
We gave in, and made an appointment for the day before the application deadline. I could tell she liked the place from the moment we walked in the door. (So did I. Everything just felt right. ) We were given separate tours and sat in on different classes. When I met up with her a few hours later at the lunch table, she leaned over and whispered âMom! It really doesnât feel too small. These are my people! This is my place.â She had a smile on her face the entire way home. And she felt at home there for the next 4 years. The school (Westover, fondly referred to as âThe Yellow Nunneryâ by its students) exceeded our expectations in so many ways. Sheâs very happy at college now, but Iâm still missing being a prep school parent⊠especially those Parent Weekends!
Our experience was very much like @cameo43 but without any background knowledge of anything BS nor any suggestions of schools by anyone. Because of our ignorance, we were still blinded by stats and âreputationsâ of other schools. We were fortunate that the school that fit DS was the school that chose him. Otherwise, we probably would have made the wrong decision if we had had a choice.
So I second those who have said not to apply to schools if your DK canât see themselves there, regardless of the name such schools may have made for themselves. Itâs such a waste. This next go round, we are looking at a much broader range of schools and are lucky to have wise CC advisors suggesting schools that would fit buuznkid2. And both kid2 & I are doing our best to listen to our gut about feel and mark a school off the list if it just does not feel like a good fit.
This is much harder for those of us across the country to accomplishâŠbut it is worth it in the end!
I think itâs important to mention that the school you love as a parent may not be the school your kid loves. Thatâs ok, be prepared for it and remember itâs the kid whoâs going to the school.
My son chose a school that I just thought was too much of a grind. I really wanted him to choose the other school he had gotten into because I thought it was the kinder gentler version. However, my son loves his school and since itâs HIS school that is what matters.
@1ofeach , I agree with you. Mostly.
If you really feel like something is âoffâ at the school your kid wants to choose, I think you need to explore that before sending in that contract. While itâs true that it is their experience, you also have a few more years and a bit more perspective. So a frank discussion is at least in order. (Both DS and I agree, w/ 20/20 hindsight, that my persuasion got him to the best school for him.) While ideally, you donât apply to schools you wouldnât be happy to attend, the reality is that there may be a few that are a better option than the LPS but less of a fit than a few others. And without acceptances in hand, itâs hard to get rid of everything thatâs less than perfect.
Likewise, I would never force a kid to go to a school they donât like. That is clearly a recipe for disaster.
But you are right, especially given the amount of effort involved, that itâs important for a kid to be all in on matriculation day!
Bumping this one as well.
Itâs so hard to know fit, and the problem is once one goes one way, one foregoes the others so one will never know how the other options would have played out.
If people can make perfect decisions then there will not be so many disgruntled students, or divorces. Iâm sure most people carefully evaluated their options and chose the best one, only to think grass is greener elsewhere later.
One way is to try to find the elusive best fit. Another is to make oneself more flexible and open to possible challenges. Maybe a little bit of both is the best way?
@G07b10 Definitely being flexible and openminded would lend itself to accommodate good fit and molding that into great fit.
Being positive will lend itself to making a best fit out of good/great fit, as well. But Fit is more important, IMO, than stats. Our family is not willing to sacrifice ourselves or our happiness for stature, recognition, brand name, etc. So, we place the most emphasis on community and the people who will surround us. If the brand, stature, recognition, etc come with it, it is a bonus.
In this pandemic, we are relying on the schools to have presented themselves in an authentic way for us to determine âfitâ without stepping on campus or seeing students/faculty actually interact with each other in a natural environment. This is proving to be a challenge. We were able to rule out some schools, though, based on who they invited to their virtual presentations to represent the school and based on their banter before, during and after the official meetings. Then, we formed a list based on such things, as well.
I hope we made the correct decision. I will tell you that a very recent incident involving the school we chose reaffirmed for us that we did actually find a very good fit.