Discussions here always pointed out the importance of fit. I understand and agree.
What I am curious about is when did you realize a fit? What things or words or what exactly happened so that you and kiddo knew it was a fit? Was it that art class? Or that child who opened a door during tour? Something somebody said in the Admissions Office? Or…?
Similarly, what things triggered the feeling that there was no fit?
School names would be lovely but completely understand if people do not want to drop names. I am not trying to badmouth any school here. Really am just curious how people find that fit.
@ANewPath - you ask a very important question. Ultimately, it wasn’t about FA amount or even ranking by US News or Niche. For my kiddo, the answer didn’t come until the day before the deadline to accept on April 8. March 10th brought several acceptances to schools that were equal in rigor, but very different in “feel”, “community”, “warmth”, etc. What was the top dream school was a disappointment during Revisit Day. So, finding that “RIGHT FIT” might not happen until Revisit.
One of the AO’s told a story of how he explained Revisit Week to his young daughter. “It’s like the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears”. You will know which one is “Just Right”, hopefully.
Revisit Week is stressful for faculty. Some schools host multiple days and it takes a great deal of effort. It’s also a very busy time of year because it comes at a time when students are just recently back from Spring Break and Spring Athletics are starting.
For those AO’s lurking on here, let me share some insights because us parents spend a lot of $$ and take time from work to attend Revisit. For students, it’s the culmination of a long and exhausting process. Making this important decision is very emotional. To AO’s, faculty, and current students: Please be mindful and respectful of this process newly accepted students are experiencing.
Your faculty can sabotage your best plans for Revisit Week. That’s right. One of the schools (top choice) seemed to be very stressed during our Revisit Week that year. Why? I believe they had too many students show up for the final Revisit Day(s) because it was timed with Easter weekend when many students had off from school and parents had off from work. The Revisit was very crowded and disorganized. Every class we visited had a teacher who complained to us (the parents) that more people showed up than expected and they were really tired after already hosting 2 previous days. The head of the art department told us “This is when I tell you about the exciting art classes we have (including one unique studio class), but honestly don’t get excited because it’s so popular your kid will probably never be able to take it”. Gee, thanks.
Tell your faculty to be apolitical - meaning don’t use Revisit as a platform to make political comments. One Dept Chair (History) kicked off his talk with an apology for the requirement at the school to take one year of US History. He then went on to explain how he disagrees with this policy and went into personal political views @ the past election that year. Not the right platform during Revisit.
Your current students can sabotage Revisit Day. Please explain to students that this is an important experience for prospective students and their parents. Please encourage them to be friendly and engaging.
LOVE THE SCHOOL THAT LOVES YOU!!! We took this to heart. One school had faculty that acted snooty and not very welcoming. Their students and faculty were not very friendly. Do not be surprised if the AO who interviewed your kiddo does not remember him/her/them or you upon Revisit. They interview hundreds of kids - don’t take it personally. One of the big turn offs at one school was how evident it was that Legacy kids were treated with extra special care. These kids and their parents had special name tags. They were targeted for handshakes, hearty welcomes, and hugs. It was kind of like that frat house scene in Animal House where the loser kids were directed to the sofa. Gee, not sure why they were being so feted (Not! $). We were concerned that this was a harbinger of how students would be treated differently if legacy, donor kid, or FA kid…So, that was a turn off for us unhooked family. We felt that school would treat us like outsiders.
How did we make the choice as a family?
Are people friendly and approachable. Does the HOS and do Deans make an effort to speak with you?
Are alumni present and do they seem friendly to you? As the Hotchkiss Head of School told our group on Revisit Day, “You are sending your child to people, not to a school.” So, we chose the school based on the people.
The AO remembered kiddo and spoke to kiddo
Faculty members were friendly, helpful, and enthusiastic @ the school - no complaining about the school or about our presence there!
The AO read a handful of stand out essays. He read one of kiddo’s on Revisit.
Current students worked that day giving tours and answering questions.
We saw a diverse group of students on campus interacting with each other, eating together, playing sports, and hanging out.
There was a great BAR and hotel close to campus for us parents (LOL).
The students seemed HAPPY at the school!
Hope the above helped. Let me know what you find @ Revisit.
Second time around my son found himself admitted to two very similar schools. Ultimately he chose one simply based on gut feeling. I would have chosen the other on gut feeling but I’m not the one attending.
We had the luxury of living near all the schools we looked at/applied to so any school we didn’t love was off the list before applications. Admits we’re only to schools my son really liked.
This FIT things sound ominous… DD says she can see herself fitting in at each of the schools she applied to. Part of me wants 1 acceptance so we just go with the one that LOVED us…hmmmmm did I really just write that?
complete agreement with both of the above replies! it’s hard to choose, especially as an applicant, between schools not knowing which one is THE one. and @amumof2 I can definitely feel that! the decision making process is agonizing, but consider: many options is better than none when it comes to BS!
I think at the end of the day, you should feel a basic vibe with what the school and its community is about - look into its community, you can learn so much about a school’s vibe from its newspaper! - and look forward to it with an open mind! No matter where you go, you will meet amazing people and follow your own special path through life. You might as well enjoy it instead of fretting over the "what if"s. I don’t think you can go wrong just diving in, and I think the only reason we’ve come up with the concept of “The One” is because most only attend one school throughout their HS years. there’s no real frame of reference. Fit isn’t absolute, it’s just the concept of going to a school that you know has the ability to support your interests and leave you fulfilled.
That said, I do think my BS is “the one and only” fit for me
I’ll add there were definitely several that were clearly NOT the one for my DD when we visited. We decided she didn’t need to have a favorite beyond “apply or not” until M10.
What a great question and thread. But I need to start in high school. My daughter wanted to go to a performing arts high private school that you have to audition into in a Chicago. Kids come from 2.5 hours away from Wisconsin and Indiana just to go here. Current students are on Saturday night live night and in Hamilton in Chicago for the last 3 years and in Mean a girl’s current tour. Just to name a few m. We won’t mention John Cusak and sister.
So my daughter who just took singing lessons, dancing and acting lessons has to go against kids that were just in Rent! Seriously.!
She walks into the open house we sit and watch their current production of West Side Story. The main actor is incredible. (currently the last 3 years in Hamilton). The building is very dark and metallic and she turns to me and says “I have to go here.”. I say “oh you want to go here.” She says “no, I have to go here”! It was with her soul that she said that.
It was the right decision for her. My son had to apply to selective enrollment schools for high school. Think pre college but same process in Chicago. He picks the number 1 rated school for the last 14 years. Very academic.
They both found places that spoke to them for very different reasons. Her high school had 165 students total for 4 years. His about 1 000? He went to Michigan since academics were a big deal to him and he wanted big time sports. She wanted small LAC feel with small classes. They are both fortunate and excelling at their colleges…
I know it’s sounds strange but you know it once you find it…
If you have different local colleges, visit them. In Chicago we have DePaul, University of Chicago and Northwestern. Then a visit to UIUC. For us it came apparent which schools were good for which child. We were very lucky.
You are asking “The Most Important Question” from my family’s perspective. My family has visited upwards of 25-30 colleges over the last 3 years looking for that answer. The definition of“fit” is a wide one for my family (Finding schools in optimum locations with the right mix of financial support, cultural appreciation, academic rigor, unique opportunities, and that bring joy to my kids while attending). Since I believe you are talking more about the academic and social aspects listed above, I will talk about those.
My African-American daughter looked for schools in cities with large vibrant populations of African Americans (Washington DC, Atlanta, New Orleans etc.). She went through a tour of her current University and the history, alumni success stories, cultural relevance of the campus and the vast opportunities made it a no-brainer from her perspective. As a parent, I did not know it was the right choice for her until her actual results (Dean’s list every semester, World class research opportunity after freshman year, presenting her research and winning an award at a National conference as a sophomore, while finding a friend group and an overall happiness that are a parent’s dream). I believe that my kid would have done well at any of her top 3 schools as they all were “fits”, but this particular “fit” has been amazing.
Things that triggered a “no fit” response for my kids have mostly revolved around the really large schools (maybe impersonal/easy to get overlooked?) and the really small schools and schools in rural areas (worries about social fits in some cases). Those are really personal aspects of a college search and I always suggest that perspective students make a list of what they are looking for and visit different types of schools if possible.
@Knowsstuff I love how your kids found their own “fits” and that they just happen to be very different.
Great question! We developed a few questions as a family that centered on what was most important for my daughter and then asked a flavor of them to everyone we met at every school we visited. For example, it was really important to my daughter to be in an environment that values healthy balance inside and outside the classroom, and so she and we asked questions about homework load and free time to follow passions outside the classroom. Students and even AOs were surprisingly candid.
Revisit Days ended up being hugely important in making the final decision among her top three choices. Spending more time on and around campus, going to classes, and having time to “try on” being a student made a clear top choice emerge from a fit perspective. I do think kids can fit well in many environments, which is why “love the school that loves you” is such good advice.
Context: we had never been on a boarding school campus. I had a ridiculous spreadsheet of schools, ranking them on various qualities, based on stuff I read online. My kid thought it was stupid.
We went to Cate first, and after sitting in on a class and the tour, he said “mom, why didn’t you tell me school could be like this?” But that was only one school, and didn’t trust that his response to boarding schools generally or just Cate.
We went on lots of school tours after that, and I could see kiddo being happy at all of them. The spreadsheet rankings seemed useless.
After revisit days, we sat down with kiddo and said we are going to make this decision in one family meeting, no hand-wringing, no regrets. We asked Kiddo a bunch of questions, many from the spreadsheet - what school seemed to have the right mix of students, what did he think about the food, what did he think about the overall vibe, etc. Each time answered “At Cate (something positive) and at (a different school) (something else positive)”. Cate was the only one that he mentioned in response to every question.
After about 10 responses like that, kiddo sighed and said “I don’t know how I am going to choose”. DH and I looked at each other, chuckled, and almost in unison said “we think you already did!”
with hindsight, kiddo would have been happy anywhere, but Cate was the obvious best fit from the get go.
Just to add to the above post, one of the things we (parents) asked ourselves during Revisit was something like this… “Our kiddo is two thousand miles away from home. Who will be most likely to pick up the phone, speak with us, and genuinely care if we need something for our kid, or if our kid needs help?”
We kind of asked that while we crafted our list after touring and meeting members on the different campuses. At the end when Kiddo had to finally decide, it was tough - could see kiddo attending almost all the schools. It all works out and you make it work out - have a positive navigation set in your wheel house.
Also, for NEXT year. Don’t panic if in the first three months it doesn’t seem to be the right choice. I definitely did and was kicking myself. There were a lot of wise and helpful people here that reminded me that the beginning of any new school can be rocky.
That rockiness can be a growing experience for your kid and they may come out of it a better person. Certainly better for it to happen now than in college. IMO.
Hi! I was wondering if Revisit Day is the only time we can visit the campuses. For my family, it would be a rather large expense to fly and see the campus at anytime at all, let alone on a specific date.
Do you think I would be losing something (like whether it’s truly a fit or not) by not going for Revisit Day? Thanks!
@ttK5050 – I think it is always better to visit than not. At this point, wait until M10, but set aside time now, for about 2 weeks after M10 (when most revisit days are) so you can visit wherever you need to. Do as much pre-planning as you can even though you don’t know exactly which schools you will want to visit. If a particular school’s revisit day doesn’t mesh with your schedule, some schools will accommodate a special visit just for you if you ask.
I looked up revisit days around this time and made a chart of what we could do. We were handicapped by spring sports schedule so it was important to plan ahead. Most schools have already planned when revisits will be you just have to dig around to find it online.
FWIW, my kiddo does tours and has had accepted students & parent visitors come on different days during. Spring term. Yes, sports do get in the way of the best intended plans.
