<p>Agree about the need for balance, Xiggi. If someone asks me what I do, I say, “I’m getting a PhD in English,” not “I’m getting a PhD in English at X,” and I certainly don’t look for ways to shoehorn my institutional affiliations into conversation. On the other hand, if someone asks me point blank where I went to college it is absurd to give the state and not the school, and in that case, I do think the person is almost certainly going to follow-up by asking for the school anyway.</p>
<p>If someone asks “what do you do for a living,” the appropriate answer is not “I work in the city.” I don’t see why it should be any different when it comes to colleges.</p>
That’s not my experience. I have not yet had a conversation where when it got to kids going to college the other party didn’t ask what college, even if the conversation is with someone in a “non-personal context”. Once we were at DC’s dermatologist’s (a specialist we went to for the first time), when talking about the next appointment we “had to” say DC would not be around in a month since he would be away for school. He asked “oh where”, so we told him the state DC’s college is at. Then he went on asking “xx Stateflag?”… I think people are naturally curious about these things, and we should just “go with the flow”. I am sure there is a non-obnoxious way to talk about what college you go to, if you honestly believe the name of your college is what it is, maybe not nothing but in itself a tiny piece in defining who you are.</p>
<p>I don’t think that’s completely fair to him. </p>
<p>From his reaction, it was apparent that his reasons for keeping his undergrad a secret mainly had to do with the fact it brought back plenty of bad memories from that phase in life. Especially considering he had no problem mentioning his MIT affiliation or the fact he’s a proud alum of it. At least he finally found “his tribe” in grad school/work. :)</p>
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<p>Have your son google two versions of “We are the UPS” protest songs which parody the Men In Black theme song. Both versions are funny in their own way. :)</p>
<p>At a summer research program, I heard one student say that he went to Harvard. The totally dead-pan response from another participant: “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of it.” :)</p>
<p>I was mainly talking about Indian American kids.</p>
<p>“My parents in India sacrificed a lot to send me to college and I am culturally bound to do the same thing for my kids” is nothing but hogwash. Most Indians who have migrated to the US are financially very well off and they don’t really have to stretch nearly as much as their parents did for them in India.</p>
<p>Am I totally off-base with the prestige and bragging rights comment? I have a number of Indian friends and like any other first generation ethnic group they form a very tight-knit community. Apparently, parents get very competitive and keep close tabs on what each others kids do for college entrance. I think this community pressure does play a role when parents have to decide between sending their kids to a state college vs. private college.</p>
<p>If you are referring to what I think you are referring to, I found it strange that on the first day of classes at Cal someone felt compelled to tell perfect strangers that he"turned down H" to be there. Unless this was part of some general “where else did you get in/almost choose to go” conversation–leaving aside the question of whether than is weird in and of itself during class on the first day–it is ridiculous behavior.</p>
<p>When I was in college, I don’t remember all of this shock and awe surrounding Harvard. Or any of the other Ivies. Either it is a comparatively new phenomenon, or I’m just being exposed to broader circles where going to “elite” schools is not taken for granted.</p>
<p>“Am I totally off-base with the prestige and bragging rights comment? I have a number of Indian friends and like any other first generation ethnic group they form a very tight-knit community. Apparently, parents get very competitive and keep close tabs on what each others kids do for college entrance. I think this community pressure does play a role when parents have to decide between sending their kids to a state college vs. private college.”</p>
<p>Must be the rain in Seattle getting to them. So instead of jumping off bridges, they turn it into bragging rights.</p>
<p>This is a very select group on this site. I have little doubt that the prestige crowd and the anti-prestige crowd are far more represented here than in real life. Truth is that in middle America, most people really don’t give a damn about where anybody else has gone to college, because in the end that means nothing. Its what people actually do with their lives that may be more impressive than normal. And going to an elite college is no where near doing or accomplishing anything, especially from those of privileged backgrounds. That person’s future is still as speculative as any others.</p>
<p>There are all different kinds of people out there and in our circles. Yes, for some, maybe many in certain circles, having a degree or a kid in certain schools gives great bragging rights and adds to self esteem. Maybe for others, it’s an embarrassment. If someone wants to talk about the colleges and where who is going, fine with me. The same if that is not a topic to pursue. I can go with the flow either way. I don’t think it’s anything unusual to ask where a college aged kid is going to college.</p>
<p>To me, it’s more how rude and mean spirtited the conversation gets. I don’t get upset when things are said accidently in not quite the right way or it happens to hit MY sore spot. That’s just the way it goes. </p>
<p>DH has a wondeful coworker who is kind, generous, does much work, donates a lot of time and money to disadvantaged youths and families, who also likes to brag a lot about his kids. Especially about where they are going or went to college. FIne with me.</p>
<p>“Am I totally off-base with the prestige and bragging rights comment? I have a number of Indian friends and like any other first generation ethnic group they form a very tight-knit community. Apparently, parents get very competitive and keep close tabs on what each others kids do for college entrance. I think this community pressure does play a role when parents have to decide between sending their kids to a state college vs. private college.”</p>
<p>UWHuskyDad - I know a number of Indian parents who fit the bill but then again I know parents from a number of other ethnicities who do that also. We may be the a well to do community, but you assumption that all American Indian parents can easily afford college education (without having to stretch) is a flawed one. I find it far fetched that anyone will go into 100’s of thousands of $$ in debt just for bragging rights. They may do it because they believe will be better served by going to a Ivy or some other private school</p>
<p>Cost of attendance at UW, Umich or similar state universities is around $25k/yr. There is no question of needing hundreds of thousands of dollars to begin with. Kids can easily contribute $10k/yr through work study or summer jobs. Don’t tell me that fulfilling the remaining need ($15k/yr) is a long stretch for most American Indians. I am sure there are a few isolated pockets of American Indian groups who are not as well off as most. </p>
<p>Question of borrowing hundreds of thousands of dollars arises only with private universities. But most top private universities claim that they offer FA to meet all demonstrated need. So the situation where you have to take large amount of loan arises only when your income level is high but is offset by an equally high mortgage and other obligations. I don’t consider taking loans in this situation a sacrifice at all. (By the way, Indians I know are astute enough not to get into situation like this. )</p>
<p>Anyway, we can agree to disagree on this.</p>
<p>Going back to the original question, I think the snobbish behavior of top kids in OP’s class is nothing more than a reflection of their parents’ attitudes and values. I am sure every high school has a few of those kids and he/she is better off ignoring them.</p>
<p>No, not at all. One of our children earned more than that during this past year. Summer job he had this year paid him $20/hr for regular time and higher rate for over time. When college was in session he worked about 16 hours/week @ $12/hr. Last summer he did a research internship that paid about $3k and worked about 20 hours/wk. He didn’t get to indulge in as many RSOs as some of his peers did but that’s life.</p>
<p>As far as what a reasonable expectation for student self-funding is, colleges that meet full need tend not to expect more than about $5,000 per year from student work or work-study earnings (some may expect a student contribution of up to about $10,000, including both direct loans and work earnings).</p>
<p>Of course, an engineering or computer science student may earn quite a bit more than that during the summer between his/her junior and senior year, or during a co-op job. But it would be unwise to count on such earnings for a high school senior looking at college costs.</p>
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