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For those who are waitlisted due to "gender/race/etc", I think they have every right to whine as they please.
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<p>Unless they were sitting in the room while applications were being discussed, they don't truly know why they were waitlisted, and they don't know why the other person got in.</p>
<p>Quote :"For those who are waitlisted due to "gender/race/etc", I think they have every right to whine as they please."
And however high the school's endowment is, if we are applying to need aware schools or schools like tht with EFC near 0, one gotta learn to live with the disappointment (:
Some colleges are already forthright with stuff like that jessiehl. They want this they want that, you don't have to be in the admission room to know that. We still apply and end up surprised (:.
Some schools aren't open with what they want, and we end up scratching our heads, dandruff falling on our SAT score reports at the end of the day :)</p>
<p>For people who think its "fair" to complain about not getting in based on gender/race/ etc, there is always going to be an example to prove you WRONG. Some decisions might be helped along because of race/gender/etc, but in the end Harvard isn't going to accept a 1700 Black Kid over a 2400 White kid because he's black.</p>
<p>That whole, "Affirmative action" screwed me is just an excuse for people who failed. I didn't get into U Chicago (wasnt a first choice but still would have been nice) and some people (white black and spanish) with lower stats than me got in. I'm not going to say, "Oh its obviously because they met their black male quota already", that type of arrogance is disgusting. I just accepted my own failure at whatever I obviously didn't present well enough and kept it moving. When you are dealing with the elite top 10-20% of the nation, saying that race/gender was the deciding factor because you didn't get in is just another way of saying, "My parents have failed to raise me well enough to realize that life's failures are part of what make life so vibrant".</p>
<p>If you get emotional because someone is wearing a college sweatshirt to somewhere from which you got rejected, you need to take a chill pill.</p>
<p>Maybe it's because my family has a history of brilliant, witty, charming people who are complete failures, but I just don't think that, if you prepared yourself realistically, you should be that annoyed.</p>
<p>hyakku:</p>
<p>I got in to my top three schools. I still think AA is bullcrap and unfair. There is no reason why a black or hispanic male at my school, from my city, from the same economic status, should have any leg up in college admissions. Thats just unfair. I understand if they were from a poor neighborhood, and didn't have the same education, but just because of the color of their skin? No, that is crap.</p>
<p>"Some decisions might be helped along because of race/gender/etc, but in the end Harvard isn't going to accept a 1700 Black Kid over a 2400 White kid because he's black."</p>
<p>What about the kid on CC who got into stanford with a 1750 (hispanic, urm), and the many who got denied by standford with near perfect scores and grades.</p>
<p>O and as for wearing college gear, i have sweatshirts, hats, and shirts from my college, and I wear something related to my college at least twice a week. Plus i got a sick bumper sticker.</p>
<p>Can we not turn this thread into another longwinded AA debate? It's been a very informative, interesting thread to read up until this point, and it would be really nice not to see this one slide the way of so many others.</p>
<p>Nobody is complaining hyaku! I just think people are askance to find some reason to deal with it all. I didn't apply to any of the nations top ivies but I still got rejected while kids with 200 or so lower scores in SATs got in there with scholarships(and there were not AA in play).
So there is sth else colleges rejected us wanted beside EC/GPA/SATs, so it isn't fair to rub in the faces of the kids who didn't get in that we are better than you if that is what you are saying. Many of the those got rejected have good scores and ECs comparable to those who got in at those same schools, so its being arrogant to say they are failures if they didn't get in.
Students applying to colleges do it with the hope their hard work translated into their transcripts is recognized. If it is not, of course they are surprised and thinking where they went wrong.
The only arrogant thing I see here is people are being called failures for being rejected to certain colleges despite having the damn qualifications.
I am sorry some people are misguided if people are being judged as failures/winners on where they got into or where they studied by discounting their hard work and aptitude in school (yeah even if its public school it still counts contrary to what CC believes), community work, yada yada.
If a kid who used all the opportunities available to him and more to excel as a student still isn't good enough to certain colleges, the colleges better tell you what they want so if someone who really wants to play along that college's game they can do it!
I on the other hand have no regrets doing what a regular student should do: study! Probably would have skipped the SAT tests and saved money though. Another regret: wasted college applications, I want my money back (:</p>
<p>Sorry to sound a bit shrill. I am not your regular CCer. I didn't apply to Ivies. The biggest I went is like Oberlin, Brandeis, Hamilton, etc.</p>
<p>I can understand some of the sentiments here, but being glad about getting into the school you were hoping to and sharing with friends, family, whomever, shouldn't be discouraged. Very few people would knowingly gloat about an admission if they knew for sure that it really hurt someone, IMO. Of course there are always exceptions, but I continue to believe in the decency and thoughfulness of most people.
If someone is sincerely happy about the fact that they got accepted to a school that they really are excited about, others should be happy for them.
Some are going to make the cut and some aren't. Disappointments are a part of life. If I constantly allowed myself to be unhappy because of the good fortunes of others, who has the problem? I would expect people to celebrate good news and because that person is happy, I would be happy for them. </p>
<p>Maybe we shelter and coddle our young people too much. When I or my children face disappointments, we are in control of how we are going to let the setback or disappointment affect us. I certainly wouldn't have the expectation that because I may not have been as fortunate as my other friends I would accuse them of being inconsiderate when they chose to share good news with me. </p>
<p>Case in point, when my S went through the QB process, intially he wasn't "matched."
I had become accustomed to reading about the other candidates and although my S didn't get one of the 200+ full ride scholarships, I was genuinely happy for those that had. I was disappointed for my S but because of the rapport that was established through the CC forums, you feel like you "know" some of the kids, and I was so happy for those that made it. As it turned out, although he wasn't matched, he was accepted at several QB schools with outstanding FA as well as other acceptances outside of QB.</p>
<p>As opposed to asking others to temper their understandable joy and excitement, maybe we should encourage others to face disappointments with a better attitude.
My two cents.</p>
<p>My daughter was rejected from her top school, the one whose course catalog stayed under her pillow from October, when she applied, through a deferral in December, to a rejection in March. We recently ran into a classmate at the grocery store who was sporting a sweatshirt with my daughter's dream school emblazed across her chest. My daughter asked, "Hey, did you get into U of XYZ?" to which the girl replied, "Yes. You applied there too, didn't you?" My daughter forced a smile through quivering lips and said, "Yes I did. I didn't get in, but I'm really happy for you." That took such courage and grace, I don't know when I've been prouder. So she might not have a U of XYZ sweatshirt, but she has something far greater -- supreme class and integrity. To be honest, there were tears in the car on the way home, but she was gracious and held her head high when it counted. </p>
<p>To the OP: I agree, acceptees should be sensitive while everyone comes to grips with their decisions.</p>
<p>Your daughter is definitely dignified. I've done that too: it's hard as hell sometimes, but it's also a good sense of relief.</p>
<p>I don't think feeling angry and upset and comforting your child is coddling when it comes to college, though. It's more than disappointment, it's pain. The real issue is the expectations, the overly high standards and the stress on kids to get into "top schools" and go somewhere "perfect". We're spoon fed the notion that college is part of the American Dream, that it will increase chances of wealth, success, happiness and love.</p>
<p>There's nothing wrong with comforting in this situation. People need comfort in the crazy world we live in.</p>
<p>I can't feel happy for everyone admitted because, honestly, I don't know everyone admitted. No offense, but they are irrelevant to my life. I am happy for my friends and classmates, but although it's great to be humble and accepting, it's normal and natural to feel apathetic, angry or bitter.</p>
<p>As long as the feelings don't get out of hand, feeling bummed or depressed is natural. It's very hard for many people to deal with. Some kids don't hurt as much. For those who do, it can be brutal.</p>
<p>Wow, thank you for doing that. That was the nicest way to express the thoughts i was having towards some people...thank you so much.
Unfortunately, my school is FULL of these people, and although they don't realize it and have no intention of bragging, they can get rather insensitive. It's not anger or envy that I feel over that person's "agonizing travesty" when I hear it, but I rather find it insulting and demeaning if someone whips out an Ivy T-shirt and flashes it to everyone.</p>
<p>Shortcut: "Agree with momkaes.
To be honest, the reality is that the football stars in HS are often the roofers/pool cleaners/body guards for the HS nerds in later life."</p>
<p>I do not like that comment at all, I don't like how everyone assumes all football players and popular kids in high school are dumb. From what I have seen it is the conceited geeks with no social skills are the ones with problems. This world requires social skills to be sucessful and not just being smart and getting good grades. In high school I was in the "popular group" and guess what, in a few years I'm going to have a lot of those "geeks" working for me. I have friends who got full rides to colleges and a friend in the army rangers and navy seals. All my close friends and I spent a considerable amount of time (probably too much) partying and having a great time. I don't like how so many people have a preconceived image of certain people before meeting them.</p>
<p>I think it might be different now because a lot of my friends who I hang out with don't realy get jealous because we're all 20 years old. They are all happy for me because they know how much I wanted to get into these schools, but at the same time they weren't applying anywhere. If anything they talk about me getting a chance to move far away and live in a very nice area more than I do, they always talk about how they can't wait to come visit all the time. I think its a matter of your friends and knowing when to talk and when not to. If they are your good friends they will love to hear you be excited, but if its all you talk about itll get annoying.</p>
<p>True true, so true. </p>
<p>A friend got into HP and Dartmouth, with pretty much full fin. aid. He's international too. </p>
<p>Since I'm a friend, he bemoans the difficulty of choosing between them. It kills.</p>
<p>What hurts more is I got into Rice for Bioengineering, but with no scholarship, so I'm probably not gonna be able to go. Sob. I've sort of fallen in love with the uni after everything this year.</p>
<p>Just thought as another highschool senior, I'd weigh in here. While I take great pains not to brag or anything along those lines, ultimately I slip up and see when someone takes somthing in a way I didn't intend it. I would say that this occurs far more often on cc than in my face to face interaction. My reason for this might help explain why you see so many of these threads regarding choices. In an effort to avoid offending friends, this board is an effective loaction to ask such question, quite frankly if someone cares to read such threads, they are making a conscious decision to do so. On a related matter that's been raised, I see nothing wrong with wearing a college shirt once in a while, wearing one every day would begin to seem boa****l. Finally, I imagine many people are just as psyched as I am about college, but we would all do well to remember that college is just another step in our lives and not an end within itself, perhaps this would help both those that were and weren't accepted.</p>
<p>Haha I don't take my acceptance at one of the schools I really wanted to go to for granted. However, I was still disappointed when I was rejected at some schools I thought I would get into.</p>
<p>Uhm I guess I am kind of lucky to be in a gap year sort of. School can be a crazy place now but I am promising myself I will not be thinking even a tiny bit about my rejections from now on. But I have to say sometimes there are certain threads in CC that reminds us of stuff we wanna put behind or just forget.
No more no more.</p>
<p>The only time I ever talk about college admissions is if someone asks me and I tell them the truth. Normally, the discussion does not ever come up and I'm fine with that.</p>
<p>Thank you for the reminder. I was lucky to have been accepted to seven out of the nine schools I applied to, and as excited as I was about my acceptances, I realized I still had to be able to contain my enthusiasm. One of the schools my good friend applied ED rejected her, and I was accepted RD. I felt bad for blurting out "OMG I GOT ACCEPTED TO [insert school's name here]" and I am hoping that I wasn't a complete insensitive twerp.</p>
<p>It's fun to celebrate the acceptances of my friends, so I'm trying to focus on that. :)</p>
<p>Good advice.</p>
<p>I don't think gently reminding people to be sensitive to the pain of others around them is coddling. I think coddling would be a school banning any college t-shirts... it's not coddling to ask an individual to behave in a responsible and thoughtful way.</p>
<p>The worst is this one girl at my school who got into every single school she applied to... except Brown. The schools she was accepted to include Carnegie Mellon, Vassar, Tufts, and Wellesley. Yet, she feels the need to complain day after day about how she deserved to get into Brown when several of my other friends were either a.) rejected from those schools or b.) rejected from ALL of their top schools. It is really obnoxious.</p>