<p>My apologies for having the contrarian viewpoint on this thread, but I think the reasons for exclaimation have to be examined within their context. In my particular situation, only one person (my younger brother) from my great grandparents on down the line, on both sides of my family had attained any college degree. No other cousin, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or myself for that matter. That goes back over a hundred years. So with that backdrop to have not one but two thus far of my children have the great fortune of not only attending a great prep school and going to college but outstanding schools. If when I had sat out in front of the board of education building 17 years ago in sub freezing weather for two days attempting to have my D get a spot in a magnet program, someone would have said that act would parlay into a chain of events that would lead to the great educational opportunities my children have experienced, I would have laughed. I would have said yeah, right.
So fast forward, and after much trial and error in navigating this process, my D not only has the opportunity to go to college but have several dozen offers, and the great fortune to have it done by the spring of her junior year was unfathomable. An African American soccer player. When my D started college, there were more D1 TEAMS than there were AA players. A full ride. Of course she was proud and yes she shared her good news with many people. From the feedback she received it was "all good". </p>
<p>Now her younger brother has been accepted into some of the most prestigious LAC's and universities in this country. Those of you who have followed my entries into these forums, know of the geniune concerns I had about not only admissions into these selective schools, but affordability. Not only did DS get in, but like manna from heaven, every single school is rediculously affordable. So it would only be natural that given the backdrop of our family history with regards to higher education that we are extremely happy and proud of what has transpired and humbled by the grace that has been bestowed upon us. With so much negativity that is being reported about what is going on in the AA community, it would be unnatural to contain such joy! And for those who ask how I did it, I'm more than glad to share my experiences. That in part is why I enjoy this forum so much. Maybe when my grandchildren become second generation college students and this college thing becomes the rule as opposed to the exception, that I might be able to tone it down a bit. I apologize to those who may misunderstand my elation when I share my good fortune, but as I have tried to illustrate, there are different reasons for telling someone.</p>
<p>^Madville,
Of course not. The thread is not meaning that. Your kids deserve to celebrate so do you.
It is just some people especially around school I feel can get too caught up and forget how their friends are feeling. The worst ones are of course the ones that say we should have done sth more like write a better essay, or packaged our application more neatly etc. They make us think we are failures and should have worked even more harder to get in. Of course this hurts when people say it is our fault without knowing how hard we tried but got rejected anyways.</p>
<p>I have not read all the posts in this thread but want to admit to being guilty of bragging about my kid's accomplishment, maybe at the feelings of others. It is a hard line to navigate but I need to remember that humility is always preferable. Yet of course we are proud.</p>
<p>That said, we are fortunate to be making one of those "dream" decisions with our child. We are also well aware personally of several friends and colleagues who do not have such a "dream" choice to make. Of course we know that they will all be just fine and happy in the end, as we will be.</p>
<p>And I would add that making any choice is difficult whether it is a "dream" choice or choosing between second choices. For those who are choosing between H.Y.P.S. and a full-ride merit scholarship to a very strong school, these are tough decisions too. And while others would like to have to "struggle" like that, there are real issues and differences to consider - for all of us. </p>
<p>These forums can lend themselves to insensitivity and sometimes ridiculous arguments but they have also been a useful source of insight and advice into decisions all of us face, no matter if they are dream or otherwise.</p>
<p>Many congratulations to your kids for their hard work and success!
I don't think that anyone begrudges a kid's success. Bragging and putting other people down, however, is something altoghether different. I'm thrilled to learn about college success stories, as long as the teller is equally, sincerely, interested in other people's successes.</p>
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I couldn't agree more about the boa****l crap of "I can't decide Princeton or Yale". I see it on this board all the time.
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<p>I really don't understand why it's wrong to try to figure out which college a person's going to go to just because they happen to both be very good schools. So it's okay to talk to your friends or on this board about "Arizona vs. Michigan what to do?" but not "P vs. Y what to do?" It's a very important decision that I think people should be able to discuss. It should be done tactfully of course but I don't think students should have to keep it all inside.</p>
<p>Had a bunch of kids over after prom last night.</p>
<p>One wanted to tell me everything about his choices: they were great. I also knew, through my daughter, that one of her friends was struggling mightily with the likelihood that she won't be going to her dream school because of a bad finaid package. As soon as the college discussion started, she quietly walked into the other room. We all need to read these signals very carefully and allow time to settle the outcomes, and then let kids come to us when they want to celebrate.</p>
<p>no one should be arrogant about their successes or failures</p>
<p>but it is important to have pride in all that we do</p>
<p>a lot of people will accuse others of being arrogant, failing to distinguish between pride and arrogance.</p>
<p>don't let one kid who didnt get into a particular school tell you who did get into that school that you cant say this or that</p>
<p>he or she is just being a sore loser</p>
<p>of course we must all be sensitive toward others</p>
<p>but there comes a time when the loser has to suck it up and move on because we've all been winners and we've all been losers</p>
<p>suck it up and let the winners revel in their glory and success. just make sure you get the last laugh.</p>
<p>everyone laments about arrogant kids who got into their choice schools, but i am lamenting those sore losers who can't take a hit in life, suck it up, and move on; so please, sore losers, stop complaining about winners who take pride in their successes: have patience; if you don't give up, your time will come.</p>
<p>I've said before and I'll say again: Kids talk to your parents, parents talk to your kids about what level of confidentiality they want in their applications. Maybe they don't care at all, but parents telling all their friends where DS or DD has applied to just adds stress (and numbers knowing your business) to a stressful process. Also, adults, try to be sensitive to your kids' friends and not make the topic of college the only topic of conversation. I avoid asking about where they're applying and whether they've heard (and I work in our school's college center) until the student brings it up. Even well-intentioned remarks can add to the stress--and it's delightful what great conversations you can have about senior year when college is not the topic!</p>
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maybe worse are kids who got in, and are now discovering that they will have to decline the offer because finaid just isn't enough. "I got accepted, but....." is a hard story to have to tell, too.
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<p>I got into my dream schools but wasn't able to afford them... :/ It hurts, since I received the packages early action, was ready to go, but come April, realized I wasn't able to afford them. I'm left going to a state school that's very good, but commonly insulted at my school because its instate and kind of untraditional. And I can't tell you how many nights I've spent crying myself to sleep because my friends are going to Boston U, Notre Dame, Cornell...</p>
<p>It takes a lot of effort to learn to love a school when all your friends used to talk about it as a last resort. Or when my friend complained about how she didn't get into Columbia and Harvard, even though she had already sent in her enrollment to her dream school, and was totally in love with it.</p>
<p>And even though you tell these people to calm down, the next day they're back at it. Sometimes I wish I could go through school deaf. ): Maybe I'd be able to appreciate my future college more then.</p>
<p>I bought a sweatshirt and will wear it to school when I get back. I don't care if the other students feel bad about it. I worked very hard to get where I am and I will not let anyone censor how I feel. This is ridiculous. I refuse to walk on eggshell. If they tried harder, partied less, etc..., then they wouldn't be in the situation that they're envious and feel bad about their classmates.</p>
<p>ohlollipop, I'm sorry about how everything worked out, but as someone in similar shoes two years ago, you are going to love where you go and be beyond successful there! Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>I applied early to my dream school BC I had 1400 SAT scores good ECs/Recs and a decent GPA along with the pledged support of a generous alumni and I attended there pre-college program and had a 4.0 </p>
<p>I was regected and was crushed, in turn I applied to 18 other schools was accepted to 4, waitlisted at 5 and regected by the rest. It has been one of the hardest process ever and in the end I was accepted to UVM Fordham BU and American, all good schools but was waitlisted at Wake (my top choice). I don't know yet about Wake but I listen to my friends chat about what ivy they are going to and I am happy for them but at the same time it tears me up to compare my failure with their sucess. However I think they have the right to be proud and to share that with everyone to an extent. The fifth time it gets annoying . . .</p>
<p>If you treat other students with the respect that you expect you probably won't go wrong. Most kids know where their friends and acquaintances have applied.....and it doesn't take that much self discipline to NOT throw it in their face that you got in and they did not. Obviously you need to answer when asked, but how you answer makes a huge differece. Some self discipline in respecting someone else's feelings goes a long way. Thoughtless comments OTOH go a long way towards wrecking friendships. Saw that last year with D1 friends. Yikes.</p>
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but I listen to my friends chat about what ivy they are going to and I am happy for them but at the same time it tears me up to compare my failure with their sucess.
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<p>Therein lies the problem. You are not a failure. You simply weren't as fortunate as some of your peers to get in where you wanted. When my S got his rejection letters from PYS, he certainly didn't look at it as a failure on his part and the letters emhasized that. I know that it is hard to take now, but a positive attitude after a brief period of disappointment will make the sting shortlived.</p>
<p>When I got my acceptance phone call (from a really small school) I literally ran through the halls skipping, and then I told all my friends. But it wasn't just my first choice, it was my only choice; that school was the only I considered that had a special program to allow students to enter as juniors, so it was the only one I applied to. And in any case, Shimer College is such a special school that none other could ever compare. Also, it was early April when I got the news, and I had quietly applied without telling 90% of people, so everyone else had been accepted or denied for some time without knowing I was considering skipping my senior year.</p>
<p>I think that, even had I been rejected, my tactics would have been to work hard for a year by taking classes at a local state school (and getting a high school diploma while I was at it) and then re-apply, but that's because Shimer is quite literally the only school that struck me as different and a place where I, personally, could truly learn what and the way I want to.</p>
<p>If I get denied to a school, that means one of two things: There's another school where I'd fit better, or I need to do something extraordinary--like volunteering in a significant way or tackling a big project--in order to prove my dedication to getting in. I believe nothing is truly impossible. (It is, however, occasionally so difficult it's not really worth it.) If it matters enough, I will stop whining and find a way to distinguish myself. Or if accepted elsewhere, I will do my best to thrive there and see how that works. With perserverance and an open mind, things will go beautifully.</p>
<p>However, there has to be a balance. I agree with most of the people on here. Everyone has to be sensitive. The daughter who was able to say "I'm happy for you" when she didn't get in, she was a perfect example. And the people who are aware enough to say, "Yes I'm so happy and I'm sure you'll end up at a wonderful school too!" instead of just something snotty and inconsiderate like "Oh, you aren't good enough?" Effort must be made on both sides.</p>
<p>Do we tell our son to stop wearing the t shirts and sweats from his new school? My husband and I had this debate today. Son wore a new college sweatshirt and sweatpants to school today. I suggested it was probably enthusiasm after the college preview last week and that we give it til the end of the week. Husband/father was not so patient. Son is a low key kid, well liked, modest. This is the college he has wanted to attend for maybe 6 - 8 yrs, so he is really excited. </p>
<p>I feel as if we have won the lottery but are embarassed to enjoy it.</p>
<p>Amazing that we tell our kids to work hard in school and when they succeed and should be rightfully proud of their accomplishments its embarrassing? Wearing a college school shirt is not bragging & boasting and is nothing to be ashamed of. Why is it ok to cheer on and showcase school sports stars but not give equal value to academic achievements? If your child was wearing a state school or community college shirt would you/H feel equally embarrassed & impatient? Why devalue the experience of getting into the school he so desired by making it an issue at all? If wearing these items is grounds to feel this way why did he apply to this school in the first place? All seniors deserve to celebrate and identify with whatever schools they have chosen to attend this time of year and their achievements and enthusiasm should be applauded not dampened.</p>
<p>"Do we tell our son to stop wearing the t shirts and sweats from his new school?"</p>
<p>Of course not. Guide him in celebrating his accomplishments while respecting the feelings of others which means not putting down schools that were his safety schools, but may have been others' dream schools; not indicating that he got into his dream school because he worked harder than did anyone else or is smarter than anyone else; and not going on an on about his successes in front of students who are disappointed in their choices. </p>
<p>From how you describe your son, seems like he's a nice and sensitive person who probably would be tactful anyway in talking about his success. He has every right to wear his college attire now.</p>