I was in a STEM dorm for the first two years of college 35-40 years ago, so pre-home video games. Most of the boys were engineering majors, including my boyfriend. Guess where most of them spent most of their free time? Either in the student commons where the quarter-per-game video games were housed (think Space Invaders and Centipede) or in the computer room where you could play some sort of role playing game that involved going from room to room in a giant cave. Believe me, I sat through many an hour watching them play. They all went on to work for the top STEM companies of the day.
You are free to do as you wish, of course, and require good grades, which your son is obviously capable of getting even while playing many hours of video games. But trust me, if he wants to play, he will find a way.
In terms of keeping his grades up, does have any constraints such as:
A high GPA needed to renew a scholarship.
A high GPA needed to get (or compete for entry) into his desired major.
?
Some students struggle in their first semester or year. But a student who needs to meet a higher GPA threshold than 2.0 GPA and C grades is more likely to fall into a hole that s/he cannot climb out of, so such a student needs to pay extra attention to time management for school work and other adjustments to college work.
I totally agree with @sseamom . I do not think that taking his system away will inhibit his desire to play videogames. It may increase it and as always “if there is a will, there is a way.” I think the only way that your son will not play videogames successfully is if he himself makes the decision. This doesn’t mean that you cannot help him get to that by telling him that you are paying for his tuition and that bad grades will lead to consequences, but I think you should let him grow up. You should have a talk with him as everyone else is saying about it, but tell him that you trust him to make the right decision.
Any game that is worth playing on a PS4 is available as a download to his PC. If you don’t want him to play at all, make him take a Macbook Air.
I agree with posters who noted that it seems like your son has already figured out how to manage his time, even if you might wish he spent less time on video games. Actually, a teen who has already had pretty unrestricted access is probably more likely to handle continued unrestricted access in college. I know a couple of kids who basically wouldn’t emerge from their dorm rooms once they had their mom’s screen time restrictions taken away for the first time.
Just be warned – 2 hours per credit hour outside of class was not nearly enough for my kid to just stay afloat. She spent closer to 3 hours per credit hour. Your mileage may vary, of course.
“Any game that is worth playing on a PS4 is available as a download to his PC”
I forgot about that! My son-well past college age and self-supporting has done exactly that for some of his games. He also bought a cheap original PS 1 and upgraded it somehow to play all sorts of other games. Like I said, if there’s a will…
Just because you can’t control all factors doesn’t mean you shouldn’t control the ones you can. There’s definitely a line between playing video games for fun vs being addicted. If you think there’s a real chance that he might spend days at a time skipping classes while glued to a video game, then I’d leave the PS at home.
If you’re on the fence, then have a frank discussion with him about your concerns. Maybe make his midterm grades a condition of him keeping the PS, if you decide to let him bring it? I think OP’s son probably wants to succeed in college while having access to video games, so why not bring him into the conversation about what he thinks real, measurable guidelines might be? If he contributes to the metrics he needs to meet then he’ll be more willing to meet them and less likely to complain if he doesn’t.
@ucbalumnus You’ve described some great incentives which were real motivators my daughters (not gamers). Son has onlyone small coporate scholarship but will indeed have to gain admittance to his major. Fortunately (or not!) his interests are not in the most competitive majors. Nevertheless, we want to do our best to ensure he has a good chance at achieving his goal to become an engineer.
You’ve all given me enough to think about so I will sign out. Posting here can be a bit of a roller coaster ride and the flames can get too hot, if you know what I mean
Both my kids are pretty serious gamers - especially older son in CS. (He graduated and is gainfully employed in his dream job.) He did not take his game system to school, but he plays just about every imaginable kind of game on the computer - and so did all his friends in college. I think it’s worth talking about, and you should certainly talk about how much college you are willing to pay for (four years!) and what consequences are if he goes overboard. By the end of high school, my kids were in charge of regulating their own time.
My older son was somewhat addicted to Wii, so when he went to college, we made the following deal: If your grades are good, you can bring your Wii the spring semester. If you get to bring your Wii, and then your grades drop, then it comes back home.
I think the “message” worked. He knew to get great grades, and he got to take his Wii, and he knew that the Wii would be brought home if his grades dropped.
If you don’t let the kid take the Play Station, he will just play League of Legends or Skyrim on his lap top. Or walk next door and play with someone on his hall.
"A commitment device is, according to journalist Stephen J. Dubner and economist Steven Levitt, “a means with which to lock yourself into a course of action that you might not otherwise choose but that produces a desired result”.[1] In other words, a commitment device is a “way to change one’s own incentives to make an otherwise empty promise credible”.[2]
A commitment device is a technique where someone makes it easier for themselves to avoid akrasia (acting against one’s better judgment), particularly procrastination."
I use these all the time on myself, and my kids use them to varying degrees of success. Our favorite commitment device is the timer that shuts the cable modem down at 10:30 every night (9:30 during the school year). Yeah, we all know how to turn it back on if we really wanted to, but none of us wants to trudge all the way down there. Plus it keeps Comcast from charging us for data overages.
So, while you can’t control your kid’s behavior, you could have a talk with him about ways to balance his work with his play, and ways to help him put the work first and use the game as a reward to himself.
I hear and respect your concern. Years ago I taught a blocked class of mostly engineering freshmen. One of them disappeared into his dorm room to play games Fall mid-semester and didn’t come out until he flunked everything. Despite lots of concern and some intervention, no one seemed to be able to stop him. If your son has similar potential, I would start talking now and stay on top of his grades.,
The difference is that the guys next door will kick him out when they want to sleep. And will lock their door when they’re off to class, meals, and the library. Those types of restrictions will really make a difference to someone who has difficulty taking a break from gaming, both in terms of physically limiting them and also reinforcing the notion of what normal behavior is (I.e. Sleeping, eating, studying and classes).
Gamer-kid mom here too . . . and our son can be a little flighty with how much time he is frittering away. H and I have decided that we are not going to micro-manage how he spends his time in the dorm. We spent the past two years of dual enrollment hammering home the need for time management. We will not be far away, though.
Son understands that we’re not financing 4 years of goofing off. Acceptable, employable grades and experiences are what we are looking for (not perfection).
Personally I’m hoping that the engineering course work will keep him busy to the point that he realizes he can’t spend too much time gaming.
He’s a responsible kid. Your son sounds like he will be able to manage it, but I don’t think it’s wrong if you want to keep the PS home for a semester, either. Wishing you clarity!
I agree with the GPA requirement (parent imposed or school/scholarship imposed) but it would be pretty sad to waste the money on the first semester or have a low gpa to repair. I think the parent is looking for a way to help the student be successful, but I don’t think banning the system is the way to do it. I think the frank discussion, scheduling study time and gaming time, maybe some monitoring is the way to go. Come to an agreement on how much time can be spent gaming and trust him to honor the agreement.
I would try to emphasize that college should be a great experience and there will be many people to meet and many things to do on top of a tough courseload. He’s paying a lot of money to be there and he should take advantage of it. He’s got the rest of his life to play the games and they will still be there. Suggest that he leave the console at home and save the game for unwinding during breaks.
Having a game console or not is irrelevant. My CS major daughter likes to game. Steam is a platform for many sorts of games and it’s accessible thru any computer. Indeed, it’s the go to place for serious gamers.
It’s not the prohibiting device that’s your concern. Your talk needs to be on broader issues of prioritization and getting a commitment from him.
The computer is way, way, WAY more dangerous than a PS or any other non-PC console. The PS at least you can put down and maybe even take it out of sight. However, almost all work in college now is required to be done on computers. It is so, so easy to wander over to League of Legends, Hearthstone, steam games, etc on the computer since you’re already there and it only takes a few clicks.
The issue isn’t the console- it’s whether or not your son has the maturity to manage his time well. Removing the console won’t solve that issue or even curtail it.
ETA: The suggestion to get a mac isn’t a bad idea except I think there are engineering programs that won’t run on macs. Many games won’t run on macs though.
