Thanks for looking into my issue and weighing in to my threads.
As I mentioned in my previous thread , he is a Freshman at UMBC and majoring Physics, desired to go for higher degree. He stays in college dorm. His high school Weighted GPA is 4.63.
He spent lot of time on Video games, when he was in high school. He wanted an MSI Gaming latptop , so we bought one. He agreed to keep good grades in college and not to spend time on video games.
He is able to maintain good grades in quiz in college, but main exam grades are in high Cs. It concerns us. We learned that he stayed late till midnight and wake up late on some days. He told us that had lot of stuff to do, so he stayed late. He claimed that he did not miss classes.
How do we know, whether he stayed late for college work or video game?
Is he going on right track, because his main exam grades are in high Cs?
What are the key milestones to track and take actions for his success?
What is the college level GPA to concern? When will the 1st GPA show up?
I kind of feel like he’s an adult and, I’m sure that other parents will shout me down about this, but really what he gets for grades is his business, unless ahead of time you made a contract with him.
Really, parents should keep their noses out of their kids’ grades starting in high school and let them become adults. Independent adults.
yes yes I know you’re probably paying for this, but really . . . how long do you want to keep him on your apron strings?? He has to have a chance to trip and fall and pick himself back up. Let him become his own person.
If it were my child, I’d say: You get 4 years of tuition. That’s all I can pay for.
If he messes up and doesn’t graduate in time, he will need to sort that.
That’s my opinion. Feel free to spew. I’ve heard it all before.
I agree the the grades are the responsibility of the student, BUT sometimes merit aid depends on the gpa and then it is a parent’s concern if the parents are paying. It also may not be video games but something the parents can do to help the student, such as pay for a tutor, suggest a study schedule or even a different class choice. This student is a freshman and maybe he thought he could handle a history and an English class in the same semester and he can’t get all the reading done. Maybe the level of the math class is too high.
Not all college freshmen are that independent.
OP, talk to your son. Ask him if he needs help and make suggestions that he go to office hours, talk to the TA, look up a subject on Khan Academy, join a study group. My daughter had a great first semester because in one of her classes (I think Calc I) one of her classmates was an athlete who missed class about once a week. My daughter took very good notes for him and then helped him catch up. The benefit to her was she really learned the stuff by teaching it to him.
And some 18 year olds still need to be told to GO TO BED! They do stay up too late, they aren’t always eating the right stuff at the right time of day (Pizza at 2 am? Why did I ever think that was a good idea?).
The parents should point toward the academic counseling office and the psych counseling office, not tell the child what to do. They should point toward the bursar’s office and the financial aid office, and let the child find out the score, and not themselves tell the child what to do. IMHO. If the student should need time off to grow up, so be it. Let them take all of the time they need and then go back to school when the student is ready to do well.
Under zero circumstances should the parents be telling the college student when to go to bed. Seriously. This should have stopped at like the sophomore in high school time, unless this child is special needs.The student will figure out pizza at 2 am . . . the student will figure out “wow maybe I should have studied.”
If the student isn’t allowed to make mistakes and to see the real consequences of his/her behavior now, then when will that happen??? When they are out of school? That’s not a great time because now they have school loans to pay back. Better that lingering immaturity work itself out before the end of collete. College will wait for them. It’s always out there. 70% of colleges do not fill each year. If the child needs to start over, well then that needs to happen. if the child loses merit aid and has to figure out another plan, that’s the consequence. They will learn vastly more from that experience, IMO than if parents step in and “fix” all of the problems for them. Will parents also figure out the career path? Accompany them on the interview for jobs? Accompany child to grad school admissions interviews?
I disagree that the parent has no role. If the child is blowing MY money on playing video games, I have a say in that. If it is his own money, well…he can be as stupid as he wants to be.
If the kid is staying up all night playing these stupid games, yes, it is time to tell him to knock it off or he is on his own, financially.
One of mine just left for campus and he left the video gaming systems at home, intentionally. His GPA is very high at the moment. He does have really good study habits though.
I agree philosophically with Dusty. As a practical matter- boy, I’d hate to see a kid with academic potential mess up an opportunity to get a college education due to a bunch of games.
I’ve noticed in real life a strong reluctance from parents to come down hard on their game addicted kid. Is it because they take place on a computer or computer-like device that somehow parents feel the gaming is “better” than other obsessive activities? Or because it is more socially acceptable to send your kid off to college with their gaming equipment than to tell him “hey, if you watch a lot of porn you better not let your grades slip”.
Yes- kid needs a reality check. Yes- only the kid can change his behavior. But it’s harsh to tell a parent to get a life if they are watching the kid’s first semester get swallowed up by some stupid game.
There are dozens of things that could be causing poor grades in a first semester freshman, is there actually any tangible reason to suspect that video games are the cause?
Additionally, are you sure that those exam grades are actually poor grades in the first place? I know a 70-something percent can be shocking to a straight-A student in high school, but college is not high school, especially not for a physics major. It is not uncommon for exam averages to be in the 50 - 70% range, especially in STEM weed-out courses. It’s a hard pill to swallow for many people, but it’s just the reality of many rigorous programs.
@Marakov29 – Guess I needed to add to the 1st sentence or an emoji of some kind. I know that, I was trying to be “helpful” to the OP
If his grades slip because of gaming, it is his fault, his problem and he needs to figure out (spoken as someone who skipped classes to game semi-regularly back in the day and figured out how to do it in ways that didn’t affect my grades)
I would only agree with this if the parent isn’t footing the college tuition/expenses bills.
Otherwise, giving students carte blanche to goof off or otherwise turn in lackluster academic performance without any accountability for 4 years is the exact opposite of “treating them like an adult”. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Don’t know of any scholarship committee which would give such a large amount of leeway should a student’s grades fall below minimum set expectations. In fact, most would cut off scholarships if the student’s grades fell below those expectations with the student needing to make a compelling case if they wanted to appeal being cut off.
Likewise, if I’m allocated a budget to accomplish an objective set by most employers I’ve had and I end up going over budget or worse, blowing it completely on things having little/nothing to do with that objective, having the allocated budget/future funding cut off would be the least of my problems.
Heck, in a few cases, I could have also faced serious felony criminal charges which could include substantial fines and jail time due to prevailing laws/regulations governing the industries of the companies I worked for.
Unless one is fully funding his/her own college him/herself, students or people in the adult world are usually accountable to whomever is funding their activities. This encompasses students and parents/scholarship committees/FA administrators, employees and their employers, or businesses/professionals and clients/customers.
I feel your pain. I have 3 sons, two of whom have already graduated from college, one is a college junior. All 3 were high school honor students/NMFs, etc. Two of my sons are/were heavily into games/near addicts. One is on a college gaming team. I am not at all happy about the time my kids have “wasted” over the years on gaming. I think of opportunities they could’ve had for other experiences–other social activities, sports, working, service, developing other talents, study, etc., but I have to let them go make their own decisions/mistakes.
The “non-addict” (he plays games, but not as much as the other two) graduated with honors. The other two could have done/be doing better, got/getting 3.0-3.5ish. I do think it is fine for parents to be concerned about grades, check on them, set limits for their college kids. My junior son knows that if he loses his scholarship, or gets behind, I will not pay extra. So far, he’s getting by. Just frustrating to me because he is underachieving and gaming is the reason. S doesn’t have a healthy, balanced lifestyle. I wish he did, but I’m not in control of that.
I don’t know if it is time for midterms yet at OP’s son’s college. It is not uncommon for freshmen to do poorly on a first test, and then realize how much they have to study for the next one. Sometimes the instructor makes the test too hard and the whole class gets low grades the first time. OPs son may still come out with Bs and As by the end of the semester. First semester is such a big change from high school, so he may have had the same grades whether or not he was gaming. But capable students should not be getting semester C’s. You will have to wait until December to find out. At least you know what is going on early in the semester. Reminding him to manage his time wisely–make sure he knows where to get tutoring or any other help he might need–and letting him know that you care about his performance, is probably all you can do.
my viewpoint: Taking a person who already has a gaming issue (in that it’s intruding into other parts of life) and then giving that person a high-end gaming device is really being an enabler.
I wrote a note last year about friends’ son who got into a fairly prestigious school and then spent all of his nights gaming (playing with japanese players on different time zones). he was put on probation and then dismissed after 2nd semester. My theory is that he was in over his head and turned to gaming to quell his anxiety…and give him something he could later blame the dismissal on).