<p>My kid has had an amazing freshman year at a very nice LAC - great grades, great social stuff, great EC's - everything a parent could hope for. He's really enjoying himself, taking the school thing very seriously, taking advantage of all sorts of fun things to do, working an on-campus job (or two), taking music lessons and a gym class and completing core requirements while taking classes towards his intended major at an advanced level. No complaints here at all!</p>
<p>But.</p>
<p>He's decided he wants to double major in two difficult sciences. He had already (I thought) really overloaded himself with a schedule of 3 lab sciences, one language course (a new language, not the one he studied in high school), music lessons for credit and a weight training class. He called me the other day to tell me he wants to double major and there is a lab science that isn't offered often for his second intended major, and he wants to switch his schedule around to accommodate it. Now he has: 4 lab sciences, the language he has never taken, music lessons (not for credit) and he has dropped the weight training class.</p>
<p>OK - this kid has done really well so far, but every time we speak he is "stressed" and "so busy" and "sorry I just don't have time to call Mom". What do you folks think? Four lab sciences and a new language, is this even possible? Additionally, he also has a work/study job, and two other jobs he has applied for on campus and been hired for (each one is a 4 or so hour weekly commitment). He's in the honor's forum and has committments regarding that. He plans to continue his music and is in an ensemble - I doubt he wants to give that up as he enjoys it. He has friends, he likes to travel and ski and go to concerts and do all sorts of ordinary and fun things. </p>
<p>Should I be concerned and intervene? Or should I just let him do this to himself and see what happens. His grades have been truly excellent so far, should we be worried he will ruin his GPA with this overload? Is he heading to burnout? Or am I worrying for nothing?</p>
<p>Should you be concerned? In a word, nope. He has friends, he’s busy, he’s doing well, etc. etc. etc. What’s not to like? Maybe you don’t like his comment, “no time to call”, but did you call your parents often when you were in college?</p>
<p>I like everything I see. When I was in college all I was concerned about was passing, what my plans were for the weekend, and how soon I would be out of there and into the real world.</p>
<p>My question isn’t if he needs our support or hand holding. It’s if it’s possible to take 4 lab sciences and have a life as well. I never took a single lab science in college - everybody tells me they are very time consuming, exactly how time consuming is that? </p>
<p>I have a great kid and I am not worried that he doesn’t have time to call me - this is what he’s at school for. I just don’t want to see him crash and burn. He asked me about adding this 4th lab science, and I advised him to talk to someone in the science department and see whether they thought it was a good idea. What he did instead was simply go to the professor and get permission to add the course. </p>
<p>His current advisor is not in the science department and he won’t have an advisor in that department until next year. So really he’s doing this on his own as far as I can see. It’s not about helicopter parenting here - he has nobody else advising him but me and I don’t know what to say to him, if anything.</p>
That’s the description of the type of person you can have confidence in that he’s making the right decisions. There’s no reason at all for you to interject at this point and try to convince him to take a lighter load. If he extends himself to the point where he realizes he’s taken on too much then he can always cut back a bit - he looks to be plenty smart enough to do that. I think it’s great that he’s taking full advantage of his opportunities and is willing to stretch somewhat. </p>
<p>It looks like he’s doing very well - let him fly.</p>
<p>My gosh…he’s in college! He’s been doing fine! Let him figure it out. Okay maybe he’ll over extend himself but so what? About time he figures it out rather than his mother (or father). Obviously he’s been doing fine and knows what’s involved, he knows the curve and grading inflation going on, and so he has far more information than others would have (including his parents0. And the schedule you describe doesn’t sound particularly onerous anyways.</p>
<p>You are taking this way too seriously and personally, and potentially micro-managing inappropriately, rather than letting go and letting the adult you have raised make his own decisions at this point. Difficult as it is, at some point you have to…unless you are planning to make all his future (ye far more important) decisions as well.</p>
<p>My son did this his second semester freshman year (first semester he took a mix of sci/non sci classes). Coming to college as a neuro major with APs in all the sciences, he started college bumped up to higher level chem, bio, physics. So for some reason (maybe to avoid the huge amounts of reading required in the humanities), he decided to take 2 upper level neuroscience classes, organic chem and a higher level physics class (and the corresponding labs). He managed it and did fine grade wise but it wasn’t as enjoyable as he expected and I noticed he never took all science classes again. In fact, I think he realized how much he enjoyed humanities and he wound up double majoring… It’s sometimes difficult to say nothing to our kids when it appears they’re headed for trouble, but I’m glad I let him figure it out…</p>
<p>I understand your worries exactly and I do not think you’re being a helicopter. You just don’t want your son to be a stressed out wreck who never has time for enjoying anything.</p>
<p>This is a great student, well-adjusted and happy, who is taking on extra work of his own choice because he wants to learn more. This is not a struggling or lazy student, who makes bad choices, having to do extra work to pull himself out of a downward spiral.</p>
<p>I agree with the others who say let him try it. Hard work won’t kill him–in fact he seems to thrive on it. If it proves to be too much, he will recognize this and cut back on something. He is testing his limits and laying down a pattern of hard work which will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life. You have a wonderful son.</p>
<p>Just make him promise on a stack of bibles that if he needs help, or gets in over his head, he will do something about it. AND that if he needs your help he will call you. If he promises this, give him a (telephone) kiss and let him fly.</p>
<p>Wait, how much difference is there between this schedule and the schedule he has already been taking? If he has been somewhat bored, adding additional lab sciences might not be a big deal. If he brings a good background and a real knack for the material to the mix, and there is some overlap among the materials in the courses, this could be manageable and even energizing, and especially f he is not pre-med and does not need to maintain a high GPA to maintain a scholarship, a bit of a GPA hit might be well worth the opportunity to take the extra course that is not offered very often.</p>
<p>OTOH, if all four lab sciences and the foreign language are all known as the types of “killer courses” that can soak up fifteen to twenty hours per week per course, even for smart students, he should take a second look at this schedule. Ditto if he will not be able to coast a bit on extra preparation he brings to the classes, from high school, other courses he has taken, or study over the summer.</p>
<p>Any of the lab classes “weeder” courses? If yes, then cut back at least one science. I took Inorganic chem, organic chem, physics (and all corresponding labs) at once. Not fun at all but doable. The 2 chem labs were 6 hours, physics (scheduled on my own time fortunately) was about 2 hours so totalled 8 hours per week just physically being in labs. Not sure I would have been able to fit any outside work into that and keep up.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the responses. To all the folks who think I should just leave him be to figure it out for himself, well truthfully that’s my first inclination too. However, really, have never been much of a hoverer here but it’s not just concerning to me and my husband but to his college student sister as well.</p>
<p>To answer some questions, I actually don’t know what the four science courses are, as I didn’t write down his schedule when it was 3 (the original plan) - I only know that the 4th course he added is a geo class. His interests are in environmental sciences and earth sciences, not in the pre-med track. The language course, for what it’s worth, is Arabic. I have no idea how difficult each of these classes are, or how much overlap there is. As far as comparing this schedule to his first two semesters, he placed out of intro courses. His first semester he took two lab sciences, linear algebra, and a freshman seminar course and he breezed through it all. This semester he took two humanities along with more math and science and has seemed a bit more stressed, possibly because of all the reading. He has outside committments as well, a work/study job, and two on-campus jobs he applied for competitively and was hired for, each one with about a 3-4 hour weekly committment.</p>
<p>Jerzgirlmom, it’s good to hear that your son did basically the same thing and lived through it. Gouf78, I don’t know the term “weeder” course, but if they are courses meant to weed out weak students I wouldn’t think they even exist at this LAC. Skyhook, your plan is good except this is a kid who NEVER asks for help, even if he’s bleeding on the floor. </p>
<p>I had a friend suggest I ask him to write out a weekly schedule, calculate all the hours needed to meet his class schedule, lab schedule, study time and other outside committments and see how it all works out. What do you think? Worthwhile exercise or just stay out of it entirely?</p>
<p>You know your son best. My son would be greatly insulted and annoyed if I interfered, even with advice. My older DD, on the other hand, would be fine with a “helpful suggestion”.</p>