<p>@CHD2013
o.o my first language is English! Would you mind picking out a few examples where I appear not to have a good grasp of the English language? To me it looks for the most part fine but then there there is obviously going to be an element of bias involved looking at something I wrote myself. Just out if interest, what score would you give it? I’d be fine with around an eight I suppose; I’ve never really written an essay like this before.
Thank you!</p>
<p>Not sure about the score, too distracted by early errors such as:</p>
<p>“efficience” - typo/spelling
“this is no different to” - should be than not to</p>
<p>Didn’t see many more errors on second look. Based on a quick second read I’d give it a 7/8 out of 12. You could benefit by being more concise and focusing more on specifically supporting your argument.</p>
<p>Yeah, looking back I should have taken a bit more care writing it - I was typing quite quickly and I’m not too accurate typing fast.
Though different to and different than are just differences in American and British English.
Thanks a lot for the advice; I’ll keep that it mind.
With 8/12 for the essay my score is now 2075, which can hopefully be brought up with practice!
:)</p>
<p>Prompt: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are? Plan and write and essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>Adversity is a concept that helps greatly in the effort to discover oneself. This is apparent in various texts and films, as well as my own experience.</p>
<p>Adversity brings talent out of individuals where it may have lain dormant. Take for example the popular film, “Akeela and the Bee.” In this film, Akeela, an impoverished female African-American youth living in Los Angeles, attends a school spelling bee, in which she is the victor. Inspired by her success, she decides to embark on a quest to win the national spelling bee so that her family can use the prize money. On the way she is helped by many people in her neighborhood who support Akeela in her efforts. She eventually goes on to win the Spelling Bee, along with an Asian youth with an overbearing father. had Akeela not been exposed to the adversity that comes with being poor, she would have no particular motivation to hone her talent, and would have not pushed herself to leave the ghetto. Therefore, without adversity, Akeela in “Akeela and the Bee” would have never discovered her unique talent of spelling.</p>
<p>Adversity is the kind of thing that allows us to explore our inner selves. In huxley’s “A Brave New World”, this issue is explored in great detail. In A Brave New World the world lives in an utopian society, where strife is unheard of since everyone is assigned from birth their place in society; most people are clones, in fact. One of the characters a mixed race youth from an Indian reservation, where they do not live in Utopia, is subjected to a life in squalor. When the protagonist Bernard Marx brings him to London, he discovers his passion for reading, which he could only develop partially while in the reservation since he only had one book, which was a manual. Had the boy not lived in poverty, he would have never engaged himself in reading. because of adversity, the boy tried to hone his talent for reading, which many around him on the reservation did not care for.</p>
<p>Adversity also has the ability to teach us about where to improve ourselves. This past year I was elected to the office of treasurer in out school’s National Honor Society. It was my first time being a school leader, so i did not have much experience. Out president assigned me the take to hold a community-wide Spelling Bee, and I was given a month to do so. When I met with my assigned committee, i was caught unawares, as I did not have a clue how to do a spelling bee, and as a result I didn’t know what to tell them to do. in the course of a few weeks, it was apparent that no one would sign up for the spelling bee, and ultimately the project was scrapped. Had I not been objected to the adverse conditions that come with being a leader for the first time, I would have never discovered my weakness in leadership, and I wouldn’t b e working on it to this very day.</p>
<p>After a careful analysis of Akeela and the Bee, A Brave new World, and my personal experience. it is apparent that, indeed, adversity is a necessary part in discovering who you truly are. </p>
<p>Thanks so much for this!</p>
<p>Question- Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things their way.</p>
<p>Everyone thinks differently and achieves things in different ways. Rather than forcing people into doing things in a certain manner you should allow them to do it their way because then they will accomplish more. The reason for this is that people know the limits of their ability and when they go about accomplishing something their way they will automatically play to their strengths. </p>
<p>For example, let us compare the different approaches of US presidents to desegregation. President Eisenhower forced Southern states to desegregate by sending I federal troops. In Little Rock, Arkansas, after the Brown vs. Board ruling, nine African American students were escorted in an all white school amid much violent protest. Desegregation was achieved through forceful action.</p>
<p>During Nixon’s presidency however the government, as by policy, gave more power to the states. The states in turn achieved desegregation at a slower pace but much more peacefully. Both these tactics to tackle segregation accomplished their goal even though both had their pros and cons. The final objective was achieved and that is what matters. </p>
<p>As demonstrated by this example different methods to a common goal is better than just one method. President Eisenhower wS a former general and using force to achieve his goal played to his strength. President Nixon however was a former lawyer and therefore preferred to allow others to carry out his goal.</p>
<p>I can relate to this personally in many areas of life. For example, I study for a test in a very different way then my friend. I use flash cards and write short notes to review the content. My friend on the other hand simply reads the book and takes a short online quiz before the test. In the end however we both get equal grades. Even though this is an overly simplified example it shows that no one method is right and if you want someone to achieve something let them do it in their own way.</p>
<p>Thanks (you can post grade here)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Don’t critique the essay in the essay. Also, separate your examples and conclusion and put your conclusion at the end. Paragraph 4 is the closest thing this essay has to a conclusion.</p>
<p>We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society. We tend to judge people based on what they’ve done rather than on what they can do. But looking only at someone’s experience and achievements ignores how that person may develop or what that person may become. We can only determine people’s true worth by what they are capable of doing, not by what they have already done.
Assignment: Should people be judged by their potential rather than by their experience and achievements? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>It is a common practice in our society to adjudge a person’s true worth by his or her previous achievements and experiences. We fail to acknowledge the innate potential in people and more often than not, this leads to the negligence and ignorance of talent in addition to the destruction of hopes of possible miracles. Rather, judging people on the basis of their caliber always yields positive consequences.</p>
<p>The assertion that a person’s capability is a better indicator of his value than his past experiences is substantiated in J.R.R Tolkein’s 1937 epic, The Lord Of the Rings. In The Lord of the Rings, Frodo Baggins, a hobbit, is given the responsibility to destroy the One Ring, a powerful weapon which could decide the realm’s fate, for better or for worse. Provided the magnitude of involved in the task, it is imperative that a courageous, valiant and robust person be chosen. But how could one say Frodo possessed these qualities? He was a hobbit; hobbits were never known to be adventurous or strong-they were short and peace-loving creatures. Also, Frodo was young and had rarely wandered away from his town, let alone embark on a life-threatening journey. In fact, it was the acumen of Gandalf, the great, sagacious wizard which was able to sense the true potential of Frodo, who eventually saved the world and proved himself. </p>
<p>Another compelling illustration of the claim that a person’s true worth is best decided by understanding his capabilities and not by analyzing his former successes is demonstrated in the 1990 classic movie by Martin Scorcsese, Goodfellas, which is based on true events. In the movie, Henry Hill is a person who always wanted to be a gangster, primarily motivated by the carefree, powerful and luxurious lifestyle which is characteristic of gangsters. But Henry was a regular Joe, with no roots in the Mafia and little influence. Nevertheless, he displayed the qualities of a gangster, such as recklessness, defiance towards authorities and most of all, loyalty. Taking these into account, Paul Cicero, a reputed Mafia lord, recruits him and trains him as one of his own to see him rise and gain recognition. In Henry’s case, it was not his past experiences that highlighted his value, but rather his potency. </p>
<p>In a nutshell, a person’ s potential is the most accurate barometer of his worth, as seen in the examples of Frodo Baggins and Henry Hill. As Albert Einstein once said ,‘To ignore a person’s capabilities is to deprive the world of Herculean probabilities’</p>
<p>Assignment:
PLEASE GRADE MY ESSAY 
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>Yes people do accomplish more if they are allowed to do things in their own ways as it can help them to create their own style and comfort zone. For example worlds best search engine suceeded only when they had created their own way of making a relaible source and the great painter MF hussain who could not become sucessful until he started painting in his own style and mahatma Gandhi the man who helped india to attain freedom from the britishers</p>
<p>Google the worlds best search engine was just an odinary search engine until 1990’s but it became sucessful when the CEO of the company adapted a new idea , the company designed a system by which the number of links pertaining to certain website determined its usefulness. Because of this feature it bolstered their existing program and google became the most succesful company if google had used the same hackyneyed way of determing a websites usefulness then it wouldn’t have suceeded. This idea helped google to improve and ape the search engines.</p>
<p>MF hussain one of the worlds most renowned painter of the 20th century used to sell his paintings on the streets of mumbai in india, he used to paint what others told him to paint and due to this his techniques and style was considered prosaic but when he started painting his imagination on the sheets he became the most succesful painter of his time he did not paint other peoples imagination but started painting his own ideas what made him sucessful he created his own style. </p>
<p>MK Gandhi also known as the leader of the freedom fighter who had a major role to free india from britishers. He did not believe in violence and belligerence but he believed in “satyagraha” i.e non violence he did not adopt oppressive policies against the britishes but he freed india with the means of non cooperation which made the people of india more independent and decreased the power of the britishers. He did not adopt the same aggressive policies against the britishers but satyagraha which helped india to attain freedom against the britishers</p>
<p>if people are allowed to do any work or task in their own way then they do become more sucessful. it can bolster the persons self confidence which is the main determinant for a person to be sucessful. As it is said by Einstien “People become sucessful only if they open the doors of their imaginantion”.</p>
<p>@yashjain97 You were probably just careless or lazy, but there were some grammar issues, especially lack of punctuation. The introduction was weak… it’s your “claim” followed by a summary of the evidence you will use, so there’s no real “intro.” The pieces of evidence are very solid; the only thing I would say is that by the 3rd example it feels like you focus excessively on reciting the evidence rather than building your own argument. Nice job using vocab. For me, it’s hard to grade because I have conflicting feelings about it.</p>
<p>Here’s my essay, I’d appreciate it if someone can give feedback and grade it.</p>
<p>Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?</p>
<p>Throughout history, creativity has played a big role in getting us to where we are now, from industrialization and technological inventions to government systems and policies. With increasing standardization and conformity, many are worried about the shortage of creativity when we need it the most. However, while creativity has always been important, we aren’t in more dire need of it than we were before; in fact, a closer examination reveals that - contrary to critics’ beliefs - there is plenty of originality in our society.</p>
<p>Today’s education system appears to bear more and more resemblance to a factory, where a student is simply a product among many and is systematically “manufactured” from elementary school to high school and college. Although this generalization contains some truth, it’s not entirely accurate. Many schools realize that it’s important to teach kids how to think, not just make them memorize facts and formulas. For instance, many AP and honors classes, even math and science, emphasize analytical and critical thinking skills, helping kids develop the potential to be more creative. In addition, teachers attempt to do various activities and projects not only to accommodate different types of students, but also to give students more freedom to express their thoughts.</p>
<p>Creativity is present not only in education, but in other areas of our culture as well. Shark Tank, a widely known show where people of all ages come with new ideas for businesses to ask for the help of successful entrepreneurs, encourage people to take risks and think outside of the box, whether it’s by inventing a new product or establishing a service. Even competitions like Project Runway and American Dream Builders showcase unique designs and reward creativity. The participants and audience of these kinds of TV shows know that a pedestrian idea will not get them very far; it is originality that truly shines through. Mavericks like Steve Jobs further support this outlook; in going up against set expectations and traditions, he built a globally recognizable brand and a successful company. </p>
<p>Despite the increasing criticisms of the lack of original thought in society nowadays, many contemporary examples prove otherwise. Creativity is still alive and well, we just have to look for it in more creative ways. :-bd </p>
<p>@mineO3O if i edit my introduction and the conclusion can i get a 10 for this essay??. For the grammar part i was too lazy and ill definately correct the grammar part</p>
<p>@yashjain97 yeah I think you would</p>
<p>thank you @mineO3O ill surely sort out my grammar today :)</p>
<p>@mineO3O
Overall, I thought the essay was a bit on the weak side. Your introduction was fine; however, your body paragraphs neither seemed to support that thesis well nor did it provide a strong argument against the “critic’s beliefs”. It’s filled with examples; although, it has maybe too much (you had Shark Tank, competitions, and mavericks in one paragraph) so much so that many of them had little explanation in why it matters. Grammar was ok overall: “Shark Tank, a widely known show where people of all ages come with new ideas for businesses to ask for the help of successful entrepreneurs”? I didn’t get that part and I’ve never watched Shark Tank. Personally, I would give it a 7-8 because it was lackluster in support and the grammar was a bit off. You should probably work on your grammar and explanations more; the intro and conclusion are fine though.
Grade mine?
<a href=“Can anyone please grade my essay? - SAT Preparation - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1655936-can-anyone-please-grade-my-essay.html</a></p>
<p>Can you mark just the first example and intro? Thanks</p>
<p>Even scientists know that absolute objectivity has yet to be attained. It’s the same for absolute truth. But, as many newspaper reporters have observed, the idea of objectivity as a guiding principle is too valuable to be abandoned. Without it, the pursuit of knowledge is hopelessly lost.</p>
<p>Adapted from “Focusing Our Values,” Nieman Reports</p>
<p>Assignment: Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial? Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>Biased observation and discoveries are the true necessary ingredient for the failure of a society. This has been proven repeatedly many times throughout history , current affairs and literary works.</p>
<p>Such an example could be the French revolution. The main cause of the uprising and chaotic revolution lead by the poorer citizens of France were mainly caused by the rich and Nobel french economists. The Nobel French economists who were part of the aristocracy insisted that the richest French people should not be entitled to pay taxes and that it should be the poorer and worse off French people who should. The economists took such a decision as they did not remain neutral and acted for their own advantage instead of acting for the well being of France on general. This caused huge food shortages and eventually lead to the death penalty of the French Monarch, King Louis the 16th. The revolution actually backfired on the rich economists as they then had no more power. Such an event really strengthens the fact that neutrality and impartiality must be present when making decisions.</p>
<p>@meerkit yeah I agree there were grammar issues (probably not enough to drop me a point?). But, while I respect your feedback, I can’t help but disagree with the part about not fully explaining my examples or that my evidence didn’t support the argument. Although I might’ve used too many examples, the TV shows are similar in that they prove the same point, so I didn’t feel the need to say in detail what they were. I also had two other people grade it and they gave me a 5 and a 6, although I’m not sure the discrepancy comes from inaccuracy or different grading methods (we’re AP English kids so…)
Still, thanks for the comment; I’ll probably keep it safer on the actual SAT.</p>
<p>@mineO3O
Here was my thinking:
The examples definitely support the argument but what I mean is that they were, especially the second body paragraph’s, a bit too loosely supportive. The first body paragraph was great; I thought it was a good example and was explained well. The second paragraph needs something to connect the 3 examples; it felt like you were just spewing examples out and no single one really stood out. But yeah it probably is the grading method as I do tend to weigh explanations much more than examples and grammar (perhaps too much so).</p>
<p>5 - Examples (a tad too many to be coherently explained even if they were excellent examples) & 4 - Explanations of those examples (purely for the second paragraph; it felt like Steve Jobs was thrown in just for the sake of it, and the TV shows were explained for their overall significance but a bit too broadly in my opinion. Again, it ties back to having too many examples.)
5.5 - Language and Grammar
5 - Structure
which would make an 8-9 (4-5) in my opinion. If the second paragraph were like the first it would have been an easy 11-12. </p>
<p>PS AP lang and comp too? I said 7-8 didn’t I … scrub that then</p>
<p>@meerkit Yeah I can definitely see how Steve Jobs was unnecessary, probably shouldn’t have put that in there or start a new paragraph so I can elaborate more on the pop culture bit. Thanks a lot for the follow up! 
Probably should’ve started worrying about essays earlier… </p>
<p>Can someone please grade my essay and give me some pointers??
I can’t get past a 8-9 on the day of the test and it’s really hurting my score since I get only 0-3 mc questions wrong. I’m really struggling with finishing on time. On both SATs I took, I couldn’t finish my example and just wrote a one line conclusion. Any advice would be much appreciated. (English is not my first language so that would explain the lapses in my writing)</p>
<p>SAT prompt
Has the emphasis on individualism in our society caused people to forget the importance of belonging to a community?</p>
<p>As the world’s population increases,we,ironically,become more self-absorbed. It has come to the point where the wealthy will walk past the poor and the healthy past the dying without so much as lifting a finger. Accompanied by our precious technology and shortcuts,we have forgotten that it was never supposed to be “every man for himself” rather,we were (and are) meant to create a unity that could potentially obliterate evil. Our bodies may be on opposite sides of the globe but our hearts should forever be intertwined. The humanity inside each of us is a Mecca where we can all come together. It should definitely not be the barrier that comes between a person and another.The idea of belonging to a community should be revitalised and embraced. We live within the same perimeter so why not make use of it for the sake of bettering ourselves and the place we live in?!</p>
<p>It wasn’t until recently that I truly understood the extent of the impact of finding yourself in a community of people similar to you. It sunk in when a friend of mine,Melissa, was diagnosed with a disease that rendered her left side paralysed. I would visit her every day and see the life stolen away from her bit by bit.With every time I saw her she had lost a little more hope.I tried everything I could to help her and eventually found a book: “one million lovely letters” by Jodi Anne Buckley. Jodi had taken it upon herself to create a community of people that all needed a ray of sunshine she then would write to every teenager (or child or adult),assuring them that everything would be better once again after the bitterness fades away.</p>
<p>Jodi has currently written to over four thousand people in need of happiness.Jodi saved Melissa’s life when I was not sure if Melissa would ever recover again. She gave her multiple reasons to smile and gave her support of a community of people similar to her who could lean on each other. People like Jodi inspire us to become better and help each other while we are at it.</p>
<p>Much like hope, Happiness is like a candle;It will be lit sometimes, coercing it into a molten state of fragility but the people around us will help it cool off until happiness stands stoic again. Stronger than ever.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>Can someone please grade my essay and give me some pointers??
I can’t get past a 8-9 on the day of the test and it’s really hurting my score since I get only 0-3 mc questions wrong. I’m really struggling with finishing on time. On both SATs I took, I couldn’t finish my example and just wrote a one line conclusion. Any advice would be much appreciated. (English is not my first language so that would explain the lapses in my writing)</p>
<p>SAT prompt
Has the emphasis on individualism in our society caused people to forget the importance of belonging to a community?</p>
<p>As the world’s population increases,we,ironically,become more self-absorbed. It has come to the point where the wealthy will walk past the poor and the healthy past the dying without so much as lifting a finger. Accompanied by our precious technology and shortcuts,we have forgotten that it was never supposed to be “every man for himself” rather,we were (and are) meant to create a unity that could potentially obliterate evil. Our bodies may be on opposite sides of the globe but our hearts should forever be intertwined. The humanity inside each of us is a Mecca where we can all come together. It should definitely not be the barrier that comes between a person and another.The idea of belonging to a community should be revitalised and embraced. We live within the same perimeter so why not make use of it for the sake of bettering ourselves and the place we live in?!</p>
<p>It wasn’t until recently that I truly understood the extent of the impact of finding yourself in a community of people similar to you. It sunk in when a friend of mine,Melissa, was diagnosed with a disease that rendered her left side paralysed. I would visit her every day and see the life stolen away from her bit by bit.With every time I saw her she had lost a little more hope.I tried everything I could to help her and eventually found a book: “one million lovely letters” by Jodi Anne Buckley(who was also paralysed). In the book Jodi tells her poignant story of persistence and resilience. After Melissa read the book she was in tears,she felt better than ever. Melissa then reached out to other people who suffered hardships like her. She created a community of her own. A place where she was surrounded by comfortability and happiness from the people around her. I could sense that Melissa was in desperate need to escape the cell she had immured herself inside. Thankfully she found her refuge and ran from the dark place she had before resided in. Then and there I understood that it’s not always about how we are different. It’s about how we can put our differences aside for something much greater. </p>
<p>Jodi like many before her had taken it upon herself to create a community of people that all needed a ray of sunshine.Next to her book she even wrote letters to every teenager (or child or adult),assuring them that everything would be better once again after the bitterness fades away.</p>
<p>Jodi has currently written letters to over four thousand people in need of happiness.Jodi saved Melissa’s life when I was not sure if Melissa would ever recover again. She gave her multiple reasons to smile and gave her support of a community of people similar to her who could lean on each other. People like Jodi inspire us to become better and help each other while we are at it.</p>
<p>Much like hope, Happiness is like a candle;It will be lit sometimes, coercing it into a molten state of fragility but the people around us will help it cool off until happiness stands stoic again. Stronger than ever.</p>