FREE SAT Essay Scoring

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
81

<h2>Hey guys. I’m taking the SAT this month. Here’s my essay! I’ll grade some other ones too :P</h2>

<h2>PROMPT: Should leaders be judged by how they treat their followers? </h2>

<pre><code> Though sociable and friendly people must be kind and compassionate to their acquaintances, Leaders in the true sense of the word, have no such obligation. As the famous automobile magnate Henry Ford once said “Leaders are those who get things done.” In the same vein, leaders should not be judged solely on the way they treat their followers because to achieve great things sacrifices must be made. This universal concept is repeatedly exemplified in the course of history.

At the outset of the 20th century, the USSR was a backwards, agricultural country with no real economic power. By 1950, however, Joseph Stalin, had transformed the USSR into a world economic and military superpower. Furthermore, Stalin was a ruthless leader, one who would not hesitate to kill off opposition. In 1936, Sergei Kirov spoke out about the excesses of his rule which led to the Great Purges which claimed the lives of some 150 soviet officers. In addition, the sweeping and rapid changes made to the agricultural sector to accommodate for heavy industry killed off many millions of peasants. Although known for his cruelty, Stalin was undoubtedly an efficient and successful leader. From his position of power, he led Russia from the wooden shovel to the metal tank. In 20 years, Stalin had achieved what other leaders struggled to do in 100. Through sacrificing the lives of his people and officers, Stalin ensured the survival and development of the USSR and therefore exemplifies the notion that a leader should not be judged solely on how he treats his people.

Similar to Stalin in his attitude, Ho Chi Minh, a Vietnamese war leader, conveys through his actions how leaders cannot be judged by their treatment of subjects. During the War of Vietnam, Minh directed his guerrilla forces against the American Juggernaut. Through a hard-line attitude against surrender, Minh was able to repel the most powerful army of the day and preserve North Vietnam’s borders. In war, Minh made sacrifices as he saw fit and did not spare a second thought for the lives of his soldiers. Threatening Execution, Minh would order his troops to attack weak American bases and defend strategic hills. Telling of his attitude towards his troops, Minh, during the Tet Offensive (which dealt a fatal blow to American Morale), told an unwilling platoon to “Shut up and fight, or die by my hands.” Despite this utter indifference to the well being of his troops, or perhaps even because of it, Minh was able to achieve what the world thought to be impossible: defend against the USA. There is no denying that he was cruel to his subjects, but we must also recognize that he must have been an excellent leader to organize such a cohesive defense. Minh’s great achievement as a leader, despite his callousness towards his troops, reinforces the notion that leaders should not be judged through how they treat their people, for his actions led to a greater good from a Vietnamese standpoint.

In a different perspective, President Jimmy Carter is an automatic proponent of how leaders should not be judged solely by their attitude towards followers. During his presidency in the US, Carter was known for being amicable and empathetic to his senators, staff, and citizens. He would appear at public speeches and events a jovial and positive individual. His presidency, however, was devoid of any real significant achievements or progress which had peppered those of his predecessors. Save for the Camp David Accords, which did relatively little to ease the Cold War, Carter’s contributions to "D
</code></pre>

82

<h1>79 10-11</h1>

<p>The introduction could use some work as the beginning is a bit jarring. Try adding general statement to introduce the topic. Save the topic sentence for a more effective moment. Both your examples are very well developed and factual inaccuracies do not count against you, so well done. Throughout your essay you do a very good job of showing when idealistic approaches have been successful, but some elaboration on why those approaches worked would add useful support to your essay. Oh by the way, nice ending. </p>

<p>Very good overall! Good luck!</p>

83

<p>　Assignment：
　　Is there really much more to be invented or discovered for people in the world today?</p>

<p>Our life is awash with numerous disciplines with little or no developments from automobile technology to food engineering. Thus, it is often tempting to conclude human has achieved so an unprecedented civilization that no more inventions or discoveries are needed. However, I stand firmly in favor of the opinion that scientists and engineers are always supposed to further the R&D work in their domains because the road to explore the unknown is unlimited.</p>

<p>One need look no further than the application of Internet to find the necessity of renewing research . Internet brought us much convenience: Google and Yahoo have transformed the means we obtain information; Facebook and Twitter have altered the way we communicate; Amazon and eBay have revolutionized the mode of business. However, the demerits of Internet should also be noted. Hackers on internet can hack into personal bank account to steal money or into government website to sabotage. Drugs and even weapons such as guns and bombs can be traded online. The most egregious abuse of internet could be the child porngraphy without any supervision or moral condemnation. Therefore, we should not be just content with current progress on internet technology, new regulations and technologies should be applied to prevent the evil sides of internet.</p>

<p>The notion that much more needs to be invented or disovered is not only true in the area of science and engineering but also in arena of business. Nokia, the mobile phone giant before 2008, was the dominant mobile phone producer. But with the emergence of touch screen smartphones, especially of iphone and android, Nokia failed to recognize the threat; instead, it continued to put a premium on traditional phones. Moreover, the organizational structure was so complex that various research teams spent more time on company politics than on R&D. Nokia finally paid a price for its arrogance and disdain of innovation. Today, Nokia, on the verge of bankruptcy, manufactured only low-end cell phones, and lost most of its market.</p>

<p>Even the same stories happened in arts. James Cameron, the renown director for his stunning movies Titanic and Avatar, actually finished the scriptment of Avatar in 1995. But due to the limitation of film technology, Cameron did not begin directting Avatar until the 3-D camera became a reality a decade later. The movie of Avatar released in 2009 proved to be the highest-grossing box hit in history and won Cameron Oscar prize. It is the new technology that consitutes the driving force behind his success.</p>

<p>The world beyond our range is so vast that it remains in darkness whether you are Einstein or new-born baby. The instinct to explore arises from the curiosity in human nature. Lightening the dark world could give us hope and inspiration to move on in our odysey of investigation. Consequently, continuing inventions and discoveries are essential to the well-being and preservation of mankinds.</p>

84

<p>Thanks recline! Did I have historical inaccuracies though?</p>

<p>And wow, your essay is good. I’d give it an 11 or a 12. Great historical information, very detailed, nice usage of quotes to bolster your intro and endings. Don’t see many flaws. Not sure about using Jimmy Carter when you had Stalin and Ho Chi Minh. Seems a little gratuitous to me but maybe just my view. Nicely done.</p>

85

<p>Please score my essay ;p</p>

<p>Assignment:Is the effort involved in pursuing any goal valuable, even if the goal is not reached?</p>

<p>Effort involved in pursuing Any goal is obviously valuable, even if the goal of our action is not reached. It is because that process gives us a lot of experience and therefore we know how to behave in future in the similar situation. That is also great way to show yourself to public which in turn could give one’s such benefits as money.</p>

<p>First example of the thesis that any effort involved in trying to achieve any goal is valuable even if it’s not achieved is a basketball player Michael Jordan. During the course of his career winning was always his prominent goal. As the history showed it wasn’t always achievable because it’s almost impossible to win all the games and championships. Nevertheless, Jordan had never gave up and those lost games posed somewhat as a motivation to train even more. Michael learned his lessons and through his diligent work and perseverance gained experience that eventually led him to many successes. That is a great example that illustrates that any efforts toward pursuing any goal could give us benefits and be profitable.</p>

<p>Next example of that is well-known Apple company. It initially struggled to find a broad range of customers. Its products weren’t as good as those of the other companies. But as it eventually turned out over the years, all the efforts that Apple co. put into making advertisement of its first products ended up with a huge interest and profits nowadays. At the beginning Apple c.o wanted to sell its new innovative type of computer but many people who saw an advertisement in the TV or internet got surprisingly interested more in Apple’s mobile phones that in that particular computer. So as it finally turned out Apple became such a successful company mainly because of those mobile phones and not because of the computer that the company was trying to sell at the very beginning. But nothing could be achieved if Apple hadn’t started advertising that computer.</p>

<p>Concluding, as shown on the examples of Michael Jordan and Apple c.o it is definitely true that efforts involved in pursuing any goal are valuable even if the goal of our action is not achieved.</p>

86

<p>Assignment: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<hr>

<p>You are standing in the center of Tahrir Square in Cairo, Egypt. Amidst the yelling and chanting, you hear it - “We want change!” This is a perfect exampls of people questioning people of authority and demanding change, which is certainly important in the contemporary world. Not only does questioning authority keep society and communities in balance with their leaders and governments, but it also provides room for everyone to voice their own opinions on what they believe is right or not. Examples of succesful (sp) questiong of authority include the Arab Spring and the Galileo Affair.</p>

<p>In December of 2010, a man named Mohamed Bouazizi lit himself on fire as an act of protest against the authorized officials of his country, Libya. His act is what ignited the so called “Arab Spring”. This event is named after a series of “springs” of questionings of the governments of Middle Eastern and North African countries, including Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, and, most recently, Syria. This event has not only allowed for the advancement of these countries in terms of political and social issues, but also has helped young people around the ages of 17-25 voice their opinions on political issues such as unemployment and food prices (???). Most of these countries have successfully overthrown their overpowerful governments and have made room for more democratic and peaceful ways.</p>

<p>Another example of a successful questioning of authority is the historical account of the Galileo Affair. Galileo Galilei was a famous scientist of the 1600s. He believed in the idea of heliocentrism, or that the planets revolved around the sun. The Catholic Church, the dominating “government” at the time, believed otherwise and would not allow for the citizens to go against its rulings. The church believed it was clearly stated in the Bible that the planets revolved around Earth. However, Galileo claimed that “the Bible tells us how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go.” He continued to study his belief and discovery and published his findings publicly. The Catholic Church later sentenced him to house arrest for the rest of his life. As a result of Galileo’s question of the authority’s beliefs, his discovery turned out to be correct and is what is taught today to people around the world. Since, the Church has issued a public apology for arresting the scientist for voicing his beliefs.</p>

<p>These examples and many more prove that questioning the ideas and decisions of people in authority is, indeed, true (???). One must realize that a simple group of people are not capable of deciding what is right or wrong, what is black or white, what is up or down. Everyone should be able to decide for themselves and become activists for what they believe to be “the right thing.”</p>

<hr>

<p>Thank you!</p>

87

<p>@Poiuy123 </p>

<p>Actually I don’t know why I wrote that, I can’t see any in your essay! Sorry! Must have been a mistake on my part.
Thanks for the feedback! I might even remove carter</p>

88

<p>Prompt: Does time and opportunity determine intimacy? Do they create friendships?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Friendship cannot be built with time and opportunity alone. Instead, it comes only when two people with complementary personalities come together and actively pursue a friendship. This can be seen from numerous examples in history, literature, and personal life.</p>

<p>1607 marked the formation of the first European colony in North America. In the coming years, natives and Europeans began to engage in trade, however, the two groups of people remained distant. Despite living together for over 100 years, the natives and Europeans still remained apart, often only coming into contact during trade or conflicts. There were opportunities for friendship, where it would have benefitted both parties, such as during the winter of 1630, when settlers did not have any food, and the Powhatan natives neeed allies to battle their enemy tribe, however, no alliance was formed. Thus, the natives and Europeans did not form a friendship despite having the time and opportunity to do so.</p>

<p>Another example that shows that time, far from guaranteeing friendship, is not actually required, is the friendship between Anne and Diana in L. M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables. When Anne first arrives at the Cuthbert’s she sees Diana, and right away, she declares Diana her “bosom buddy”. Diana is loyal and sweet, a perfect complement to Anne’s quirky personality. True to Anne’s word, they become lifelong friends.</p>

<p>Finally, I have found in my own life that time and opportunity does not necessarily yield friendship. When my family first moved to Canada, we bought a house and rented out the basement to another family to alleviate the financial burden. They lived there for 16 months. However, even though we spent so much time under the same roof, our two families did not achieve any companionship. It was not because of lack of opportunity either, as both families spent much time at home watching television.</p>

<p>While friends often grow closer with time, a friendship is not built with time and opportunity alone. It is crucial that there are two willing parties; to make friends, we must actively seek them out.</p>

89

<p>Cole: </p>

<p>You really have to watch the use of the definite article in your writing. Instances of where you dropped it:

  • “Effort involved in pursuing”
  • “First example of the thesis”
  • “Next example of that is well-known Apple company.”</p>

<p>These examples arent so convincing for me. Michael Jordan is a well know winner- they fact that he didnt win every game really isnt that persuasive. You could have focused on his highschool career where he couldnt make the varsity basketball squad and the dedicated himself to practicing to the point where he became a highly recruited player. </p>

<p>You Apple example I think is a-historical. The company sold computers for decades before they introduced the iphone. A good example would have been their Newton proto-tablet they tried to get going for years in the '90’s. Aplpe was never able to make any money on it, but it did serve as a useful example of what a handheld device might do, and led to a market for ‘smart’ devices. Eventually Apple was able to make a huge profit on the ipad, which was a successor to the concept of the Newton. </p>

<p>By focusing on the Newton, you demonstrate how something that was by every measure a flop had with in it the seeds of a future success. And thats what I think the prompt is looking for.</p>

90

<p>Recline:</p>

<p>I would give this a high 5, although at 750 words I cant believe you did this in the time limit. </p>

<p>Here are suggestions/comments:

  • Get rid of stiff SAT template phrases: eg.
    “This universal concept is repeatedly exemplified in the course of history.”
  • The history stuff is a bit rough but passable. Hilter after Versailles would probably have been a better example of economic progress and the Camp David Accord is seen as a major foreign policy accomplishment of the '70’s. If I had to guess I would bet that there was actual very little economic growth of the Soviet GDP from the end of WWI to the start of WWII but there is no fac checking so I dont think this hurts you.
  • I like that you have two positive examples and one counter example.
    -The prompt was " Should leaders be judged by how they treat their followers?". There is a slight smuggled premise in your response in that you are tacitly assuming that leaders should only be judged on what they accomplish; you then use your examples to show leaders with harsh policies accomplish a lot. Thats fine but I think the CB is anticipating that maybe an argument is to be made that leaders are to be judged based on their humanity or treatment of the powerless. In order to have a tighter argument and achieve what CB looks for in a 6 “consistent mastery” and “outstanding critical thinking” I think you should have had a sentence, maybe in the introduction, explicitly saying that leaders ought to be evaluated only on their accomplishments.</p>
91

<p>OrchidBloom:</p>

<p>I like your examples and your essay, I think its a 5.</p>

<p>Your thesis included " Instead, it comes only when two people with complementary personalities come together and actively pursue a friendship." </p>

<p>You should have made an effort to reenforce those two qualities in your examples. For instance- “The Bitmans who lived downstairs were polite and introspective whereas my family was loud, emotional and demonstrative. As a result we always viewed the others as a bit foreign and hard to understand their motivations and we never formed more than a polite business relationship in the year and a half”.</p>

92

<p>Hey guys, I have graded several hundred plus essays as an SAT prep tutor and am willing to help grade some here. </p>

<p>But I have a request for you as well: Please let me know your opinion about a business idea.</p>

<p>A service (online) that provides SAT essay grading by former Collegeboard essay graders, thus ensuring your grade is about as ‘official’ a score as it can get. </p>

<p>You would first hand-write a self-timed 25-minute essay, using one of your own prompts or one we give you. Then you go onto our website, upload either a scan/picture of your handwritten essay or type it in (after you’d written it already), then receive a score back within 24 hours. </p>

<p>To make this economically feasible the price would range somewhere between $13 and $20 an essay, with possible bulk discounts.</p>

<p>Thanks for the advice, and post your essays! I’m looking forward to reading them.</p>

93

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>I’m new so I just wanted to thank all the cc users (as well as the mods) for the great job they do in making this forum an extremely helpful and friendly place to learn in.</p>

<p>To essaybrefs :</p>

<p>I think that it is a great idea. The unique thing that bothers me is the price. 13$ to 20$ is a bit to expensive for one essay. Maybe creating a subscription system would be better : members that pay 40$ per month could have up to 10 essays corrected. Adding additional features would be good as well (I’m thinking about good giving essay writting strategies, may be even prep courses…). Think about it but I like the idea you had.</p>

<p>I have done an essay. Thanks a lot to the person(s) who take their time to reading and correcting my essay.</p>

<p>Prompt : Are politicians good actors ?
Politicians at first sight seem to be talented actors. Several examples from history and literary works clearly demonstrate the talent of the ones that “promise miracles”.
In George Orwell’s 1984, Winston, the main protagonist, is confronted to a world where lies are omnipresent. In fact, the world in where he lives is governed by a unique party that uses everything it can, even lies, to maintain its overwhelming power. For instance, if an unpopular reform is engaged, the heads of the party are not ashamed of blaming the enemy for being the unique responsible of social disasters. Therefore, we can see through George Orwell’s masterpiece that lying can be an everyday solution for a politician, and that politicians are, as a result, good actors.
The third debate of the US presidential elections support the same thesis. In fact, the Republican candidate, Mitt Romney, clearly demonstrated the importance of catching slogans for a politician. For a long part of the debate, he kept repeating catching slogans such as: “I love women” to touch a certain class of voters. He even at that moment ignored what his opponent, the Democrat Barack Obama, was arguing to fully concentrate on the slogans he repeated. Thus, this example shows us how a politician cares about the repercussions of what he is saying, just as an actor would do.
As demonstrated by the “Monicagate” scandal that erupted during the Clinton administration, image matters enormously to politicians. In fact, while the scandal could have destroyed Bill Clinton’s career, the various speeches he made to apologize were what saved his presidential career, because thanks to those speeches the image he gave re-shifted; going from very negative to fairly positive. As a result, that moment of history showed that politicians, like actors, placed the issue of image at the core of their preoccupations.
After a careful analysis of 1984, the third debate of 2012’s US presidential elections and the “Monicagate” scandle, politicians seem indeed to be good actors. Without their acting skills they seem to be much weaker. But should one not forget that ideas, even if they do not seem at first sight, are as well important for politicians.</p>

<p>It’s my first essay, hope it is not hat bad.</p>

<p>Thank you,</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

94

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Challenging authority is necessary for everyone. Some may think that challenging authority is extremely disrespectful, however, challenging authority allows one to be a better thinker and a better learner. Rosa Parks and Bigger in Native Son are both great examples of why challenging authority is necessary.</p>

<p>First of all, Rosa Parks was an African American who resisted to surrender her seat to a white man. She challenged authority and was sent to prison. Her actions have inspired other African Americans to challenge authority. Others started to boycott public buses and use taxis owned by other blacks. This resulted in the release of Rosa Parks from prison and an evolution in civil rights. By challenging authority, Rosa Parks inspired many others to challenge authority, and it eventually led to equal rights between different races.</p>

<p>Bigger in the novel Native Son also challenged authority. First, he raped a white woman and killed her to avoid getting caught. He was eventually caught and sent to prison, and later executed. His challenging authority made others think about why he committed the murder. In the beginning of the novel. He was a chauffeur for an affluent woman. She was drunk one night and he brought her upstairs. However, when he was in her bedroom, he became sexually attracted to her and started touching her inappropriately. Later, a blind person walked in, and Bigger tried to hide the woman by putting a pillow over her face. The pillow suffocated her and she was killed. He tried to hide her because society forbids a black man to be with a white woman. If society did allow it, then she would have never been killed. By challenging authority, Bigger made others think about the way society treats blacks and what needs to be changed to prevent this from happening again. </p>

<p>In conclusion, challenging authority is necessary to make people think and learn. By refusing to surrender her seat, Rosa Parks inspired others to think and challenge authority. This eventually led to equal rights. Bigger’s challenging authority made others think about what to change in society to prevent innocent people from being executed.</p>

<hr>

<p>Please grade harshly, I want to improve my essay scores. Thanks in advance!</p>

95

<p>Hey guys, remember to grade the essay above yours if you want yours graded as well. </p>

<h2>Here’s mine. I’ll grade Jackster’s after this post. </h2>

<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of power? </p>

<pre><code> Mahatma Gandhi once said “The power to question is the basis for all human progress.” Simply put, for progress to be made, groups and individuals must challenge and question those in power in order to continually forward their societies. The flaws of a ruling power will never be corrected if they are not pointed out and confronted. This universal concept can be seen throughout history and literature.

During the 1960’s, Martin Luther King Jr. expressed his opposition to the racial perspective of the time. He, along with many other beacons of the movement such as Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, and the Greensboro lunch boys opposed, challenged, and questioned the white authority, the dominant power of the time. Through speeches and demonstrations the black community, with King at the helm, confronted the moral issues of racial segregation that plagued society. Through questioning the higher white authority of the time, the heroes of the Civil Rights Movement were able to bring about sweeping social-political changes to American society with the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Similar to King in his efforts, Mahatma Gandhi is also a proponent of questing authority for the betterment of society. During the Indian Independence Movement, in which the Indian people rallied to oust the oppressive British occupational forces, Gandhi spoke out against the British calling their rule “brutal and inhumane.” He, like King, questioned the morality of British rule that let the Indian people suffer and drown. Through non-violent demonstrations and rallies, Gandhi attracted many followers who would in turn collectively challenge and question British Rule. Finally, after years of abuse in the form of ruthless beatings, rundown homes, and poor education, Gandhi was able to forward and better his society through the Indian Independence Act of 1947. All this crucial progress resulted simply from Mahatma Ghandi’s ability to question and in turn challenge the Authority

In a different medium, Harper Lee reinforces the importance of questioning authority for the sake of progress in his novel “To Kill a Mockingbird.” The protagonist, Atticus Finch, is a lawyer who defends an innocent black man in a puritan community. Tom Robinson, the black defendant is judged and tried by the members of community before even stepping into the court. Finch, however, by standing up for Tom as his lawyer and for his own morals as an individual, challenges the established beliefs of Racial segregation. By presenting a strong defense in the face of hatred and dissent towards not only Robinson but also himself, Finch, like the previous leaders discussed, challenges those accepted notions of White Supremacy. By questioning those in a position of authority in his community, Finch stands as a beacon of social development and progress.

As we can clearly see from these characters on the pages of history and literature, the progress of a society and indeed a nation depends on the individual and group’s ability to question and challenge the establishment and it’s policies. As Friedriche Nietzche, a proponent of questioning for change himself, puts it: “Nothing is ever wrong unless someone points it out”
</code></pre>

<hr>

<h2>Grade harshly, I’m taking the SAT in Jan '13. D: </h2>

96

<p>@Jackster I just realized I did the same prompt as you!
Anyway, I would say a 4 for your essay. Below are my comments </p>

<pre><code> The introduction needs some work. Your first sentence establishes which side you’re on and it helps direct the rest of your essay but the introduction seems to be only loosely tied with your examples. To make your introduction consistent with your examples, try to introduce progress of change in your introduction as that is what your examples support very nicely.

Your first example is appropriate but the sentence structure and fluidity of language gets in the way of an otherwise very apt supporting piece. You could also add some more detail to it to make it sound even more convincing. Talking about how the bus companies would have lost significant sums of money. Try to avoid transitions like “First of all”, although it is alright as it is your first example. Be creative, write something more engaging for your transitions.

Your second example is rather… Peculiar. It does match the theme of your essay as a whole as the incident does cause reflection on societal norms. This paragraph needs more transitional words to make it flow better as it is currently dotted with choppy sentences. Many of your sentences can be integrated into more fluid and sophisticated ones such as “Later as a blind man walked in, Bigger, attempting to conceal her with a pillow, accidentally suffocated her instead.” Something similar can be done to other sentences as well. Just a note, when I read it the shocking nature of the beginning threw me off a little… :stuck_out_tongue:

For the conclusion, again, I would advise against using “In conclusion” as a concluding statement. Another tip would be to not repeat what each of your examples did. It is fine to mention your examples, but just try not to go into anymore explanations of their specific actions. It is better to recapture the theme and message of your essay in the conclusion. Strive to end with something that has a sweeping relevance to the theme and your interpretation of the prompt rather than with a specific example.
</code></pre>

<p>Overall not badly done, just some hiccups here and there. Definitely some things to work on but also definitely a good start. Cool!</p>

97

<p>@Recline:</p>

<p>I loved it. Good exemples and well-written. Good use of quotes. I really liked the conclusion: a very strong ending. Bravo! I’d give it a 5/6 (because you wanted harsh grading).</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

98

<p>Here’s my essay. Please grade it!!! I’ll grade the person before me in the next post. </p>

<p>Prompt: Should people take more individual responsibility to solve problems that affect their communities or the nation? </p>

<p>Many people believe that the government should do more to solve our problems. People often believe that one individual cannot impact society or come up with solutions to society’s ills. Thus, people often look towards the government to improve society. However, people should take more individual responsibility to solve problems that affect their communities or the national in general because the government can fail to improve society and in the end, itis the individual that can make the greatest difference. </p>

<p>For instance, during the 1900s, Rwanda was experiencing a brutal civil war. Rwanda was split into two warring factions and their government was in shambles. When Rwanda pleaded for the United States government to intervene, we sent in the United Nation troops and then proceeded to turn a blind eye to the atrocities occurring in Rwanda. The United Nation troops are not allowed to use weapons unless they are attacked first. Thus, they were not very efficient in stopping the massacre occurring in Rwanda. Unfortunately, the United Nations and the United States were unable to help Rwanda. It was during this crisis that a bravel hotel owner in Rwanda stepped up and used his hotel to shelter and hide hundreds of Twandan refugees, at the risk of his own life. This courageous individual took responsibility to solve problems that was affecting his nation because his government was unable to solve these problems. He was ultimately able to save hundreds of refugees from death due to his willingness to take responsibility. </p>

<p>As another example, during the late 1800s, the United States experienced an economic downturn. Numerous banks were going bankrupt. During this time period, the government was not powerful enough and did not have enough money to stop this recession. However, J.P. Morgan took responsibility of this problem and used his money to bail out the banks. Without J.P. Morgan, this economic recession could have turned into another Great Depression. However, due to the actions of one individual who was willing to solve a problem that was affecting his nation, the recession ended and the economy became stable again.</p>

<p>People often look towards the government to solve all their problems. However, sometimes the government is unable to solve the problem and it is up to the individual to take responsibility of the problem. In the end, individual people should take more responsibility to solve problems that affect their nation because it is often the individual that can create the greatest meaningful change. </p>

<p>And please grade harshly with tips for improvement since I will be taking the January SATs. Thanks!</p>

99

<p>@ Recline, Overall, I think your essay was very good and I would give it a 5/6.</p>

100

<p>@Recline</p>

<p>I really liked your essay! I like the way you linked history and literature together. Also, your last sentences for each paragraph is great in concluding the paragraph.</p>

<p>I would give you a 5/6 :slight_smile: Good luck on your SAT’s in Jan. I’m taking it then too!</p>