<p>My freshman daughter wants mid-year transfer from a prestigious school 1000 miles away to a mid-tier, equally expensive, school close to home. Last Spring, she was offered several academic scholarships to mid-tier schools that she initially was interested in, but my wife and I were willing to -- and can pay for, assuming our finances remain stable -- pay for the better school and she went, although she would have preferred to go to that school close to home. 2 1/2 months into this, daughter is doing ok academically but struggling w/distance from home, misses HS friends (and boyfriend), etc. Mom and Dad prefer she not transfer, but Mom told daughter she'll "support" whatever she decides, and Dad told daughter he's not paying for the mid-tier school and would she instead consider the state school? (She won't.) Daughter has, on her own, applied to transfer to the expensive local school and should hear any day. And, her college just posted her Spring tuition/room/board on her (our) account.</p>
<p>The saying is, bigger kids, bigger problems.</p>
<p>Is being able to brag about the school she’s going to worth her unhappiness? Because from where I sit, it kinda looks like that’s the trade-off you made.</p>
<p>She wanted to go to the mid tier school close to home. You convinced her to try the prestigious school far away. She did and didn’t like it and now wants to go with her original choice. </p>
<p>I’d let her switch to her mid tier school and learn a lesson that perhaps your D knew what she was talking about all along when it came to colleges that were right for her.</p>
<p>The local contacts she makes by attending a school in her home state will be worth more in most job markets than “prestigous name”.
Attending a school she wants to be at will undoubtably motivate her to prove she can do well there. Just because the closer school does not have the name recognition does not mean that she won’t be challenged orbe prepared for graduate school.</p>
<p>You said she preferred the mid-tier in the first place. Why punish her by removing your payment for college? It doesn’t sound like that was the agreement when she was choosing initially (if you go to x, we will pay, but if you go to y we will not pay). Could it be possible that she would be offered some merit money at the mid-tier?</p>
<p>Some kids do great being far from home - others do not. She did all the work of reapplying as a transfer to the mid-tier, so it sounds like she is truly motivated. If I were you, I would reconsider my position.</p>
<p>i might allow it at the end of the academic year, but probably not before. i know it sounds like she’s unhappy, but so are most freshmen. i don’t think 3-4 months is enough to know for sure she doesn’t like the school. she’s barely given it a chance. boyfriends come and go–and it might be a bit short-sighted to come home for “him” so quickly. </p>
<p>i will say that i do not know the depth of her sadness, but most kids are tough and learning to work through a difficult time is a life lesson that will serve her and her boyfriend well. as we go through life, we learn that there are fewer and fewer quick fixes, and we learn that the quick way to happiness doesn’t always end up in happiness.</p>
<p>sometimes kids don’t give colleges a chance because they find it is easy to transfer. the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence–sometimes we have to learn to be happy where we are–make the most of it–and give it plenty of time before jumping ship. there is also wisdom in knowing when to change and when to move on…i just don’t think one semester is enough time.</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings. I tend to agree with the she “gave it a try” attitude but also with the “stick it out the rest of the year” attitude. Missing the hometown people is something she needs to figure out. She needs to be moving forward, not stay stuck in a familiar past. It might be best to not burn any bridges until she has some winter break time to reconnect with the old friends and realize she either has moved beyond that circle or really feels more comfortable with it than the current college lifestyle. She may find that they have also moved on in a different direction, despite computer/cell phone contacts that seem otherwise. This may incur extra expenses in keeping both schools as options, but you said you can afford it. No matter what is decided she (and you) learned some very good nonacademic lessons. Life is like bowling- you are more often going for that spare than getting the strike initially. Good luck to her.</p>
<p>I re-read your post, she wanted to go to mid tier school with scholarship, but you convinced her to go to a higher tier school even though it cost you more money. She is now unhappy and no longer has the scholarship from a mid tier school. </p>
<p>If she’s the one that insisted on going to a more expensive school and gave up those scholarships, then I would be more insistent on her either going to a state school or continue with her more expensive school. But since it was you that convinced her to go to the school you wanted her to go to, I would ask her to finish the year, and if she is still unhappy then pay for the mid-tier school she wants to go to.</p>
<p>Personally, I kind of agree with the dad here (assuming she was not dragged kicking and screaming to the higher tiered school.) I can understand not wanting to pay for “lower tier” private when the public is an option. In fact, I might insist on it if the only issue is that she wants to be closer to home. I assume her parents are footing all, or most, of the bill? What would you have done had she not been accepted to the higher tier private? Would you have paid for the lower tiered one had she not gotten scholarships? If not, then you seem to be within your rights to insist on the state school. </p>
<p>In any event, I would insist she stick out the year. Three or four months is way too short a time to come to a fully informed judgment about her current school. But just in case, have her put in a transfer app to the state school.</p>
<p>If I was being asked my opinion- a lot would depend on the agreement at the outset.
If the student really didn’t want to attend this other school & was only doing so because parents made it plain that this was the only option, then I would go ahead and allow her to transfer if she really felt it was a bad decision.
However, if she agreed to give it her best shot- I wonder if she really did?</p>
<p>In that case, I would agree to allowing her to transfer for sophomore year, but remain at her current school through freshman year.
Knowing she can/will transfer after the year, may actually make things go smoother and she might even change her mind.</p>
<p>I agree with Wis75 - most especially because there is a bf involved. I have a rule of thumb: do not ever ever make life choices based on friends or lovers before the age of 25 (at least).</p>
<p>S2 has a very good friend in a similiar situation. He was a good h.s football player, son of a coach. He wanted to go to our big state u. as a reg. student since he was not D1 caliber. His Dad really wanted him to continue football. So the kid ended up at a very small D2 sch. He was unhappy at the school from the beginning. He began talk of transferring and sent off to the state u (where he had been accepted previously) for transfer info.</p>
<p>The parents wanted him to stay at small private D2 sch. to finish out the year at the least so gave no credence to the idea of transferring. So he stayed and was miserable.
Consequently he grades went down the drain (he was a good student in h.s.). </p>
<p>By the end of frehsman yr., his gpa was too low to transfer to any of the state schools he was interested in.<br>
This yr. he is living at home and going to CC. S2 spent a lot of time with him over T’giving and said his friend really has no plan at this point…just sort of going through the motions. S2 hopes his friend will do well enough to transfer to his univ. next fall but says he fears friend will never leave our town now. </p>
<p>As an aside…this boy’s older sister who was Val. of her class started out at a well known good private univ. and hated it. Transferred after one sem. to flagship state u. where she did very well and is currently in Med. sch. there.</p>
<p>What school does better in the area she wants to study? Was the school you had her attend better academically in her field of study? Is the new one or the State school good in her field? If not, what else would justify expense of the school? I can see the Dad’s argument if the second tier school is now going to cost more and give less. </p>
<p>By taking the initiatve to do the work for a transfer she is indicating her unhappiness. Besides distance, is there anything else? My sister was in a similar situation. I supported my Mom and we insisted she stay for the full freshman year to give separation from HS boyfriend a chance and learning to live away on her own. After that she transferred to local school and lived at home. We had agreed that no one would say a word then. Seems a little late now for that kind of agreement since app is already done. Maybe a differal?</p>
<p>On other hand, DD has a friend that hated her school right away and tranferred to another more expensive school mid year freshman year, is really happy and doing well. Got to know your kid.</p>
<p>Packmom - this kid went to a school to play football. It wasn’t the school per say IMO. Have no clue why, in this case, the parents made him stick out the year. In the case of the OP, it seems more a case of homesickness (AKA the Boyfriend) that is keeping her tethered to home.</p>
<p>I think she should contact the school she wanted to go to and let them know she made a mistake. She can ask if scholarship is still available if she transfers to this school.</p>
<p>Sons friend went to an Ivy and then transferred in jan to a top 50 public school he had previously turned down. School originally offered a free ride and again offered it as a transfer. </p>
<p>I think you should let her call the original school and see if the scholarships might still be available if she transfers in after the holidays. If so, let her go to the new school. If not, have her finish up a year at the current school first and transfer in fall 2010.</p>