<p>My freshman son had a couple midterm grades that weren't good and I'm not sure what to say--if anything. He is on academic scholarship and lives in an Honor's commmunity that he loves, so I think he knows what's a stake here. He's very smart but he was definitely a procrastinator in high school. He was always able to pull it out and I think he's learning the hard lesson that college doesn't really work that way. I asked how he was doing and he didn't really volunteer much. Should I say anything?</p>
<p>Say “I love you” with a care package.
And ask if the professors have any suggestions for him when he goes to talk to them.</p>
<p>Then tell him about your day.</p>
<p>I’m assuming you know his mid-term grades because he told you. That opens the door for you to ask him why he thinks he got those grades and what he plans to do to improve them by the end of the semester. As you said, he knows the stakes.</p>
<p>He’s part of an Honors College/Program - suggest he go talk with an advisor there to develop a plan of action. You should also encourage him to talk to the professors in question about how he can improve his grades. Perhaps there are some concepts he’s not getting and the professor can explain it in his/her office in such a way that he catches on.</p>
<p>If it’s a matter of procrastination, this should be a wake-up call to stop procrastinating!</p>
<p>This isn’t unusual, especially among high-ability students who are used to being able to get good grades with minimal effort and who lack the study skills and diligence it often takes to do well in college. The good news is most students manage to turn things around by the end of the freshman year.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Well, I was hoping to not have to admit how evil I actually am, but I know his grades because I looked online, not because he volunteered the information. We set up his accounts together this summer, so he knows I have access to them and he could change the passwords if he wanted to do so. He doesn’t get personal e-mail on the accounts–just school related stuff. That being said, I haven’t mentioned anything about looking so I’m guessing he’s unaware. I could just say, “hey, I saw your grades and is everything o.k.?” but I don’t really want to set a precedent that I’m going to be reminding him to stay on task. When I asked earlier in the week about how midterms went he just sort of brushed it off without specifics. He is exactly that smart kid that could do really well with minimal effort in high school, and he’s living on a whole floor of smart kids that I think he finds really fun and interesting, so he may be distracted by his social life. </p>
<p>I feel like it’s a bit different because he is on that scholarship. If I was paying for it I would certainly speak up about the grades, but I told him before he left to keep in mind that we didn’t have the money to pick up the tab if he lost the scholarship. He would have to move home and go to the local school. I know he knows this.</p>
<p>So I guess the thing is, I can’t really do anything about it anyway, so is it better to just let it alone? I am sure he felt like he was having a heart attack when he saw the C and the D, because he’s never had either on a report card before. I hate to say it, but I really just want reassurance from him that he’s going to turn it around. I should probably be reassuring him instead.</p>
<p>You could have a chat with him at some neutral time and talk about how the middle of the first term is a time to take stock with what is going on. A good time to evaluate and make course corrections. Ask if he has found it way different from HS. Make sure he is going to class- each and every one of of them, even the early ones. It’s the number one reason for low grades. Remind him to treat each school day like an 8 hour work day, even if he doesn’t have classes. Do all the work even when no one is checking. Use study groups and visit the professors - it’s encouraged not looked down on. Sometimes they don’t understand that. </p>
<p>He might not volunteer that he is not doing these things, but if you can gently go over them he might be reminded of what would work. Guys this age can be hard headed about it but in the end you will know you did what you could.</p>
<p>You could also approach it without revealing what you know, but mention that you saw on this board (!) that many smart kids struggle their first term with actually having to study and with perhaps their first B. Remind him gently that his scholarship, therefore his ability to stay in that school, require a certain GPA. Let him know you have read that many smart kids need to pursue assistance in improving their study habits and encourage him to do so before any problems arise.</p>
<p>Seriously, my DD got her first B+ ever in her first quarter on a major weeder class. She lived through it, but that was painful and she ended up proud of that B, she had to wrok very hard for it. Notoriously tough school and tough class. DD needed reassurance and encouragement and my faith in her ability to pull it out.</p>
<p>I was a sounding board who also reminded her of options she may not have thought about accessing and my positive attitude and faith helped her to keep the faith in herself and not give up mentally at the B, which might have led to a C or D!</p>
<p>There are a lot of kids on UCB board that are posting they are getting Cs. Some of these kids I have warned them when they were deciding whether to go to UCB. But the prestige of UCB is too great for them to resist.</p>
<p>These are good suggestions! I particulary like the one saying that I could just mention I’ve been reading on this board about smart kids occasionally struggling first semester. I think I’ll try that when I see him this weekend. Thanks!!!</p>
<p>My UCB DD knows I am on this board and takes no offense at my random nagging, and yes it was UCB that brought Dds first ever B</p>
<p>One thing to consider, he might not have seen the grades yet. My S rarely looks at anything on the college net, and they don’t send the grades to his email. </p>
<p>Last year, it took him weeks to work up the nerve to look at his semester grades.</p>
<p>Procrastination is a tough habit to overcome but there are lots of electronic tools to get on track. The use of a todo list with dates due, electronic calendars so that homework, project and lab times can be blocked out, etc. Professors often provide due dates for projects and assignments on the syllabus far out into the semester and it is frequently a good idea to plan or maybe start work that isn’t due for a long time.</p>
<p>Many classes have material that builds upon previous material and getting too far behind can make it very hard to catch up. Sometimes a tutoring center can provide help if catchup is needed.</p>
<p>I’d be more inclined to expect some kind of action plan with goals and checklists to ensure that action items are cleared off. Basically a business or project-oriented approach.</p>
<p>Now where is that UCB board?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-california-berkeley/587977-emergency-about-math-1a-16a-med-schools.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-california-berkeley/587977-emergency-about-math-1a-16a-med-schools.html</a></p>
<p>I did manage to make it over there.</p>
<p>I always encourage my son to enjoy the learning in the class and not to worry too much about the grade. Of course he ignores me. But I always emphasize that the learning is more important than the grade. I’m a bit surprised that people admitted to UCB would be in a panic after mid-terms. Some of the stats that I see on their students are pretty amazing to me.</p>
<p>Does the midterm average compute to highest average to make the cut off for scholarship renewal?</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind that some courses may be heavily backloaded, and thus midterm grades may not tell you much.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and your S,</p>
<p>q</p>
<p>The scholarship only looks at the GPA at the end of spring semester, so it’s not like it’s a hopeless cause. On the other hand, if he actually winds up with even one low grade at the end of first semester then that just puts even more pressure on him in the spring. </p>
<p>It’s certainly possible that the midterm grades don’t really give a fair picture. One professor didn’t even bother to post grades, and my s said that he hasn’t had much graded work in a couple of the classes. I appreciate that somebody pointed out that possibility.</p>
<p>I also like the suggestion about having an action plan. I think he’s always managed to stay on top of everything without a lot of organizational skills, so maybe I can make some suggestions. I did make him buy an agenda at the book store because I said he’d need someplace to track everything, but that doesn’t mean he actually opened it. :)</p>
<p>I am grateful for all your suggestions. I am also grateful that I have some good ideas about how to approach it when I see him this weekend. </p>
<p>It’s really hard to know what exactly my role is now. It’s uncharted territory. I wasn’t very involved in high school in that he managed his own course work and time and I never really knew what was due at any given time. I didn’t proofread papers or help him with projects; he never asked for that. I did go to conferences, and I’d e-mail a teacher now and then if he got a less than stellar progress report. </p>
<p>I’m hoping that those grades knocked the wind out of him a little bit. I think it’s a different experience when your mom opens the progress report and has a nervous breakdown. In a way it kind of relieves him of some of the responsibility. That’s why this time I don’t want to approach it that way.</p>
<p>Thanks all! Keep all the suggestions coming!</p>
<p>Please consider asking your son to change his password on the account (or work up the resolve never to check his grades again). Last year, I had access to my son’s freshman grades and actively checked progress in his classes. I had absolutely no reason to do so other than morbid curiosity. Well, I noticed that he wasn’t consistently turning in assignments and made the mistake of mentioning it to my younger son who predictably, told my older son. The best thing that happened was that he locked me out of his school accounts.</p>
<p>Currently he is failing a junior level required engineering course (solid mechanics) and he admitted it to us on his own. Our advice was to 1) get help/tutoring; 2) meet with the professor; 3) meet with his academic advisor (this also because he is contemplating a change in major, only partially influenced by this grade/class). Haven’t heard a recent update, but there’s little we can do other than listen and encourage.</p>
<p>I guess it depends on the level of the problem as to the course of action. But withdrawal deadlines should be coming up fast and the decision has to be made on whether to withdraw or not to protect the GPA.</p>
<p>Helenback - Are we twins?? You, your son and your situation sounds identical to me and my son. Just remember…EVERYONE is different!! What works for us may not work for another family and vice versa. My best friend won’t even ask what her son’s schedule is.</p>
<p>My son just received his two of his mid-term grade. Both were not great…actually pretty bad. I don’t want to be a broken record about the honors dorm and scholarships. So, I thought I’d look here to see how others handle this type of situation. Thanks for all the suggestions and especially “esobay’s” idea of a care package.</p>
<p>BCeagle- all the kids in the UCB course had amazing stats, now they are curved ‘against’ each other! All those UW 4.0 kids will be broken down into groups of some kids who get Bs, Cs, Ds, and even Fs</p>
<p>I’m with Archiemom…it’s all part of the learning process. All you can do is listen and encourage if he ever decides to tell you. Change the password or don’t go in there!!!</p>
<p>I also have a freshman S. I have access to his grades, etc. I have not been on the site since September. I, too, was curious. I made a conscious decision not to look around anymore. He has to manage his own time and make his own decisions. If he makes the wrong ones, he will not be back at a school that he has dreamed about attending since he was a little boy. They all know the consequences. There in lies the lessons to be learned. </p>
<p>I do understand where you are coming from and you don’t want him to learn the hard way, but it is his collegiate experience and he needs to figure it out. He knows what he needs to do…I’m sure he will get the job done in the end.</p>