<p>So I drove 7 hours round trip yesterday to return our daughter to college for the remainder of her freshman year. I had just returned home and dozed off around 11:30PM when I got a teary phone call from my daughter. She is very blue - her roommate (who she gets along great with) will be a few days later returning to college. In a nutshell, she is feeling very lost right now at her college (a very large competitive university). She did very well with her first semester classes, has made some great friends at college and got somewhat involved in some activities. Although she expressed that she was dreading going back to school a few times over break, I wrote it off to not wanting to get back into the routine of hard work. Overall she seemed okay about going. It's hard to know how much of this is normal and how much is something more to be concerned about. In speaking with her today she was still sniffling. I encouraged her to reach out to her friends but she seems to feel that everyone else loves it and she doesn't want to look like the only one struggling. I have also encouraged her to call the school's counseling center as I know they have some groups set up to help kids work through homesickness and other issues. My son went through a similar post-break sadness last year in his freshman year but it passed quickly. It's so hard to hear your child so unhappy. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>Sounds to me like you are handling things well- including the college counseling center advice. Growing up is so hard to do, whether it be entering kindergarten or leaving the nest once again for college. See how things are once everyone returns and classes start again. Even kids who love their school and friends there will not enjoy it when no one else is there and there is nothing going on. There is a reason even college seniors who could be away from the mother they seem to dislike being with and have an apartment to stay in spend the whole winter break at home (5 more days, but who’s counting…).</p>
<p>Collegemom … I completely understand what you are going through! The same exact thing happened just about a week ago when my freshman daughter returned to her school after winter break. During break, she also mentioned a few times that she was not looking forward to going back. I didn’t think much of it. But, after she went back, I got the same type of late night teary phone call saying that she wished she did not choose a school so far away, and she wanted to come home, etc. She had had a few small bouts of homesickness at the beginning of the year, but got over it pretty quickly. She ending up making a lot of friends and did well in her classes. And, she would often told me how extremely happy she was there, and how it was the perfect fit for her. So, that phone call really took me by surprise! I think it might have been because her roommate was not back yet, and her classes have not started. I am thinking (hoping) that when she gets back into a routine, and gets busy with her classes and activities, things will improve again. I’m sure it will be the same for your daughter. But, in the meantime, know that I understand how hard it is to hear your child so unhappy (especially when they are so far away). And also know that since our daughters seem to be going through very similar problems, it is probably something that is fairly common among freshman entering their second semester.</p>
<p>I think it’s more common for girls in general. I was just talking to our GC today and she told me that boys just need a group to attach to. There doesn’t need to be a best friend. Girls are very much about the depth of friendship and first semester there is a lot of “girl crap” going on… so while you may have lots of “friends,” the question is whether or not they know you. There’s the hard work of school (and if you’re on the east), the lack of sunshine. Do not underestimate the need for sunlight on one’s mood! And whatever else is going on. Just be there for your daughters. Be so thankful that they don’t feel they have to brave it on their own, but they should also know they are hardly alone in their feelings of agitation or discontent. Send virtual hugs and while my S refuses to go to the post office to even pick up his mail, my understanding is that girls actually appreciate mail!</p>
<p>It’s kind of like “the honeymoon is over” . All that anticipation of leaving in the fall, getting through that first semester and then being dumped back in the comfort of home - well, it feels like “ok! I did it!” and they almost feel like the challenge was met and is over. But yet they have to go back to another big challenge, big semester again. </p>
<p>I just think the transition from home to school, school to home can often be difficult for even the first couple of years for kids. Give her a week to get back in the swing - the first week of school sometimes doesn’t have too much going on yet.</p>
<p>I think I’m going through what your daughter is. My son left for school yesterday (and he seemed very excited to go-2500 miles away), but I am teary, blue and discontent. He’s happy as can be-but I’m suffering. Maybe it is the difference of boys vs girls. Even got my first speeding ticket in 25 years because I was so distracted. In a way, it must be nice that your daughter enjoys being with her family so much that she misses you already. I’m sure she’ll feel better as soon as she gets busy and back to her social life again.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all of your feedback. You all really made me feel so much better knowing that others have had the same situation. I do hope as the semester gets underway she settles in better. I think so much of what you all said makes sense, the transition from home to school and back is hard on us all! It’s like ripping a band aid off over and over again. I am just hoping that each day it gets a little easier for her.</p>
<p>D also had some mixed emotions about leaving, though she seems okay, at least after day one back at school. I think the excessively long winter breaks (D’s was an entire month) do no one any favors. Kids get all re-settled into the home routine, are spoiled a bit by doting parents who are so glad to have them back, have no real responsibilities (with finals over and new classes not yet begun) and spend time with dependable high school friends who know them very well–and then boom, they have to adjust to the college environment all over again. Back in ancient times, my winter break was two weeks and I had to spend a lot of it studying for post-break finals, rather than living the life of Riley. I was still mentally connected to my college the whole time, so it was less of a transition to return. And unlike at the start of first semester, now many of them are returning to campuses that are cold and bleak. And January stinks for all of us anyway! So not at all surprising that kids get a bit blue on returning.</p>
<p>Same here. D is back at a pre-season thing for her sport. Her freshman friends are not around until next week. I haven’t seen such a case of separation anxiety since kindergarten. Loves her school, did well like OP’s D…the only difference was that during break she kept on saying she couldn’t wait to go back.<br>
Actually, it’s been 2 days and she’s already much better. WHEW!</p>
<p>collegemomof2: I got that same phone call from my freshman D late last night, and it took me right back to my own college days. All through college, even through grad school, without fail I got the night-before-school-starts blues. I eventually learned to expect it and take it for what it is (for me) – sadness that a fun break was over, soon to be replaced by the bustle of ordinary life. For your D, it’s made harder by the fact that her roomie isn’t there, but I bet once the semester gets underway, she’ll be fine.</p>
<p>I agree your D will likely settle in well over the next few days/week or two. I remember my very first college exam week as being one of the most stressful periods of my life. It seemed like just walking around campus you could cut the tension with a knife. Then you get to go home for a month and sleep and eat home cooking and see old friends. I think she’ll figure out soon that (at least generally) the first few weeks of a new semester aren’t that tough. It’s kind of a pleasant re-entry to school.</p>
<p>I bet after another semester or two <em>you’ll</em> be the one who’s sad because she’ll be aching to get back to her school/chums and won’t look back when she does.</p>
<p>My husband and I were saying that when we were in college we both had jobs over the winter break and they were NOT fun jobs so we couldn’t wait to get back to campus. My d was only home 3 weeks but that was more than enough time to get settled back in with her high school friends and all the fun they had. Of course she knows that they are all back at their college’s but still she misses all the fun and lack of work she had over break. All good things must come to an end I guess. She seems a little better today so I am hoping she continues to re-adjust.</p>
<p>For my daughter the 2nd semester was when she fell in love with her school and began to call it “home.” She had a good first semester but it wasn’t until she came back for Christmas that she was ready to move on and let go of her highschool life. It was as if she was holding back the first semester - holding onto old HS friends and her family and hometown. When she realized that life had continued without her then she was able to let go of her past. Maybe there is a touch of that going on?</p>
<p>Really good point too about the long breaks - for some kids over a month! Unless they are able to work, that’s a LONG time to get out of any good time management habits they might have developed!</p>
<p>My D’s school is still on quarters, so she was only home for just over 2 weeks - perfect amount of time I think.</p>