<p>No, not necessarily. I’m not sure how the other people who posted on this thread reacted to your posts, but I got the idea that he was unhappy about going back but wasn’t seriously considering not returning.</p>
<p>If he is seriously considering not returning, that’s a different story. Perhaps he and you should have a conversation where you explore that option. What would he do instead? Would he want to return to the same college in the fall? Or would he prefer to transfer (probably, with his low GPA, his only transfer option is a community college, but that is not necessarily a bad choice, especially if he has friends who are living at home and commuting to college).</p>
<p>At the end of the day, I think that he needs to listen to his gut feelings. I don’t think that he should be pushed if he feels that uncomfortable. I do think that you can encourage him. The last place that I would want my kids is in an environment where they feel over their heads. I also don’t think it is terrible for him to go to a CC to increase his GPA and then attend more of safety school, and one where he can feel like a big fish in a small pond. May I ask why he did not drop one of the tougher classes early on?</p>
<p>What might work is to recruit a senior or graduate student for tutoring or mentoring. Not only will it build confidence but extend the possible circles of friends. This should not cost a fortune.</p>
<p>Architecture is horrible on the project front. How did he end up first semester with those type of classes? They used to wait until you at least got your feet wet to spring them on you. I remember vividly the nights spent helping architecture friends finish their projects. Total time eaters. Add calculus and writing classes (more time eaters) and I’m surprised he was coherent when he came home for Christmas. Did he have a chance to do anything fun?
Go back to school immediately, sign up for some gen ed classes (he must need something on the general level). Remember your trials and tribulations–he did survive after all! I know he’ll always remember it though…From now on it’ll all seem a lot easier…
Good for him!</p>
<p>Just want to say, off topic, that anxiety does not cause migraines. It can sometimes trigger migraines for someone who already has them. Migraines are a complicated neurological disorder and are not an emotional problem. Perhaps the son already had migraines, or perhaps these were tension headaches. If this seems irrelevant, I apologize, but it is important to say. If he has true migraines, he should be able to get a reduced courseload until the right treatment is found.</p>
<p>Another vote for a “funner” course load. I would try to sort out the issues…food poisoning and flu can make an unhappy not great freshman semester, but descriptions of migraines and stomach problems and the need for counseling are something different. The chances of food poisoning next semester are slim. Hopefully he’s developed immunity in his dorm and won’t get sick so it’s unusual for an 18 year old to “worry” about those repeats…but that’s very different from a college experience that is creating anxiety and stomach issues and melt downs.</p>
<p>First, sorry your son is having such a tough adjustment. You said counseling helped; perhaps it would be best if he were to return to school with counseling in place so he can continue to work on his anxiety issues and will know he has a support system should he need it. Good counseling can help him with strategies to manage that anxiety, something from which no one should suffer. Sounds like he has a great roomie, and with a lighter course load and time to make additional friends and get involved, he has a great chance of a good future with the school. Worth a try - and a gentle nudge - but would strongly suggest having counseling in place. Best to you!</p>
<p>Lots of good suggestions here - become undecided as many Freshman are, take a few gen ed type classes of interest to him, etc. Two things I would emphasize - you’re pride in his finishing out the term and completing all the projects despite his difficulties and the fact that he did have a bit of a social life - his roommate and roommates friend. That’s a good start and should give him self-confidence that he can handle next term with a lighter load and more time to expand his circle of friends along with his roommate.</p>
<p>My daughter is a junior and she still has some difficulty going back to school after breaks. Clearly life is much easier when mom and dad can help with everything, always there for support and to listen to all her whining, no school work, no required time to get up, etc. Let’s face it, breaks are total freedom! It takes my daughter about 1/2 hour back at school for her to forget why she thought home life was better.</p>
<p>Support your son, tell him how proud you are of all he accomplished on his own, I think he did a great job - he didn’t quit, drop classes, fail; he persevered and completed all that was required of him. He was very mature in that he didn’t give up and turn the semester into a party. He seems to have a great roommate who didn’t give up on him so your son couldn’t have been as bad as he feels he was. I think there’s a great 2nd term waiting for him based on what you’ve written. Good luck!</p>
<p>I’d counsel him to at least finish out the year. Yes, take classes that meet some basic requirements, as those will count, possibly transfer, or just basically put him in a position where he will continue to have options.</p>
<p>College is NOT supposed to be all about academics, and that he has no outside connections is not good, or really, very healthy. But finishing out the year leaves him the flexibility for some bigger decision making over the summer.</p>
<p>katliamom - I also have a freshman getting out of architecture - I just PM’d you. It is a brutal, unforgiving major that is not meant for everyone.</p>
<p>Off topic again. My apologies to compmom. I did not mean to sound flippant. You are right of course about migraines being a seperate medical condition and if that is the case it needs to be addressed. Severe tension headaches can mimic migraines on the pain front.</p>
<p>When I hear stories like this, I begin to think that going to Architecture school for grad school really is the better way to go. The three years I did Architecture were the hardest I’ve ever worked in my entire life (much harder than my four years at Harvard.) I think he’ll find college is completely different without those architecture classes. Better to find out now it wasn’t for him. </p>
<p>I’d be inclined to nudge him back, with assurances that it really will be different. He should be encouraged to join some activities and actively look for more friends. He can always transfer if it’s not the right place, but I think he’ll have a couple of months to make that decision if indeed he thinks he’s in the wrong place. I also thinking paying3tuitions idea of a few nights out to dinner is a great one. I had a local aunt and uncle who would take me and a friend out to dinner a couple of times a semester. It was a great break.</p>
<p>My son had a similar experience where Arabic sucked all the life out of his freshman year. He spent 7 weeks in Jordan this summer and while it’s still a huge amount of work, at least he’s getting B’s instead of C’s.</p>
<p>mathmom - I agree with your comment about going to arch for grad school. It is just such a different experience than what an 18 yo was expecting out of her college experience.</p>
<p>motherbear - you are spot on with your comment. In arch it isn’t just hard work but also a culture. And that is what my D didn’t care for. She said if they were like this in a learning environment, she couldn’t imagine working with them in real life. She thought there were too many egos to be productive in a learning environment…She learned that she was actually talented in design work but the culture just wasn’t for her. </p>
<p>I suspect that most 18 yo are not mature enough to manage the very heavy work load AND navigate a complex political/beat you down culture. I think they should save the heavy handed critiques that can sometimes turn into personal attacks until they have a few semesters under their belt. My D was lucky that she was given very constructive critiques but she talked quite a bit how some would reduce the students to tears, in a very personal way, and you never knew who was going to be targeted next.</p>
<p>OP, I feel for you AND for him and was in a similar situation a year ago with my son.</p>
<p>I will tell you that for my S Christmas break was helpful in that it actually gave him that touch to homebase that his mental health desperately needed - to get aware from the school atmosphere and regroup - he was able to go back 2nd semester and have good (not great) gains in his social life, and a better handle on his academics - he still had one killer Calc class that he ended up dropping but he also was more clear minded and confident in realizing that wasn’t the end of the world. </p>
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<li>It made a WORLD of difference when he had some friends at school to commiserate with and not just be locked up at his desk or the library with hours upon hours of struggle in a class.</li>
<li>He did see a counselor for a few sessions - this helped SO much for him to realize he wasn’t the only kid on campus having issues. And, they gave him some tools to deal with conflicts/issues when they arise so he didn’t feel so overwhelmed and on his own. </li>
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<p>When does he go back? Try very hard to be supportive and positive - I know I had a lot of anxiety of my own each time S would call! I almost dreaded seeing his # on my cell phone! One day, one week, one class at a time!</p>
<p>It’s a shame that architecture schools are run the way they are because none of my real life architecture experience has been anything like it. I see myself as a problem solver as much as an artist, and the biggest compliment I ever got was when designing a very simple addition to a contractor’s house, I came up with an idea he hadn’t thought of and he said, “Now I understand why you hire an architect”. (It didn’t hurt that I also figured out a way to get the zoning board on our side for a variance!)</p>
<p>S2 has been relunctant to go back every semester, but he does go back. He is doing fine academically, and this year the social life is better than his freshman year, but there is still something that makes it painful for him. Some things that he has found that help:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>We gave him permission to be unhappy and to call and tell us. He seemed to feel that if he was not happy he was disappointing us. We let him know that college or any new experience can be frustrating , disappointing, etc. and if he needed to call and yell about it that’s what we are here for. We would only be disappointed if he was unhappy and wouldn’t let us help him. But we would disappointed in ourselves, not him.</p></li>
<li><p>Focus on what he wants and needs out of the college experience – not what anybody else says college should be. Our son found EC’s to be more of a social game than he wanted to play – too many kids using them as a way to score points or build a resume. He found a work study job that he really enjoys – for ten hours a week he does something non-academic that HE finds fulfilling. Along with it came a whole new set of friends, both among his fellow students and the college staff. </p></li>
<li><p>Let him know that while you know he can do this and that you are proud of him for doing it, you always have his back. If he has to drop a class because it is not for him, well that just means he is exploring new options, not that he is in any way a failure.</p></li>
<li><p>Tell him you love him. A random e-mail, a box of cookies, a funny youtube link, an article that made you think of him. He may never respond to these things, but he takes them all in and it helps to solidify his home base.</p></li>
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