<p>first semester is a big adjustment, his grades will likely get better second semester (i.e.w/o Architecture), he will gain confidence and be fine. Be supportive and urge him to hang in there, this happens to many kids. When he rebounds, it is a great talking point in the future as many people will relate to his situation and admire his ability to turn the situation around. he doesn’t need to be all As second semester, just show an improved progression to get his feet under him.</p>
<p>most colleges also have decent tutoring support, especially for the tougher classes at reasonable prices. Even a little help pre-midterm or pre-finals (e.g. 2 or 3 sessions) can make a big impact. Some schools have writing centers that will review his papers for free (grammar, structure, clarity of analysis,etc.). tell him to hit the gym on campus a few times a week as well for an hour a day.</p>
<p>I know a young man who did get his UG degree in some subject or other from Dartmouth. He moved to CA & worked for a while & then applied to Berkley for architecture, where he then got a degree. He is working in Berkley now & doing very well. Perhaps it does make sense for it to be a graduate program rather than UG. It is a 5-year UG program at USC & said to be quite rigorous.</p>
<p>Bookmarking.</p>
<p>I am very grateful for all your advice and wise words. I read every comment carefully and have taken many to heart. I also shared with DS some of your architecture “horror” stories if for no other reason than to show him he wasn’t alone - and that we really do understand. </p>
<p>He left for school today, neither depressed nor excited. I sent extra cash with him with instructions he take his (very kind & supportive) room mate out for a nice dinner in town tonight. Son is a foodie and liked that idea 
</p>
<p>We’ll see what happens next, meantime I wish all of your children satisfying, or maybe even exciting, spring semesters. And thank you all, again.</p>
<p>OP–most kids at college DO appreciate a few extra dollars so they can have a nice dinner with room mate and/or friends. D & her room mate had Chinese take out when she got back to campus, which works for her as well. </p>
<p>Hope your S has a much better term this Spring. Many kids have mixed feelings about returning to campus, especially after being in the bosom of their family. This is especially true when they have had a rough term just before. </p>
<p>Just a thought–perhaps send your S a care package of a puzzle or game that he might enjoy with his room mate and/or others? I would encourage him to look into ECs – they often have a fair at the beginning of the term to try to recruit people. Urge him to give one or more of the activities a try–good way to meet new folks & also get better at something new. Our S did ultimate frisbee and rock climbing. D did fencing. Neither got great at the activities but did get out more and it made them more physically active that also helps with stress release and improves mood (endorphin release).</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>As the father of DD1 who just finished her first semester in Architecture, I’ll add my 2 cents…</p>
<ul>
<li>First year architecture is insane in most schools - some more than others - from a work load point of view. 50 hours is not uncommon.</li>
<li>There should be little to no expectation of social life outside architecture studio mates.</li>
<li>Overnighters and the like are the norm when things are hectic (2-3 a week not uncommon)</li>
<li>In most cases you do not even know what the instructor wants ahead of time (no correct answer)</li>
<li>You may be expected to learn quickly about different non-academic skills (I am pretty sure Bandsaw 101 and Dremel 102 were not in DD1’s list of required classes)</li>
<li>Assignments are often re-done 3 and 4 and 5 and 20 times until the ‘good enough’ voice in students’ heads is extinguished and they can honestly produce the best they’re capable of</li>
<li>First year Arch reviews are not for the faint at heart, the timid, or the thin-skinned. </li>
<li>Students develop very close support networks with their studio mates</li>
<li>Even non-studio Arch classes can be stressful (History or Theory classes)</li>
<li>Time management is critical. </li>
<li>Grading often seems arbitrary in the sense that there’s no clear cut distinction between what is good and what is not - one needs to ‘defend’ their ideas and designs</li>
<li>Grading eventually gravitates to mostly A’s and W’s 
The process of how one arrives at the solution being as important as the solution itself. </li>
<li>Did I mention reviews DD1’s school features formal reviews where one’s work is critiqued/ripped to shreds/rarely praised by the instructor, usually other instructors of the same class (different section), other faculty members and big cheeses (Dean, etc), and even visiting reviewers (practitioners)… Makes for very LONG half hour to hour reviews…</li>
</ul>
<p>The drop out rate is quite high, but after a semester or two things seem to settle down. Some may question why it is made so difficult, but then, some should question why premed or electrical engineering is just as difficult to get thru.</p>
<p>S1 just graduated in architecture last spring (and no he doesn’t have a job yet!), and everything turbo93 says is true and it continues for the next four years. It is not so much that things settle down, but that the students who remain accept this life as normal. And they love it. At S1’s graduation we had dinner with a group of about 25 just graduated architects who all said the same thing “I don’t have a job, and I haven’t slept in four years, but I am deliriously happy”. </p>
<p>Turbo, S1 got to work this last semester as an visiting reviewer – he did everything from desk crits to final jury. He loved it, and he now knows that at some point he wants to teach architecture – in particular studio.</p>
<p>I recall many of our high school friends all returning at Christmas time with tales of woe, from the mundane to the truly shocking. All to say with the exception of one they all returned to school and reported back in the summer as happy. They all were able to adjust and find or make their own brand of happiness.</p>
<p>Going off the school holds many, many challenges. Everything is new, even getting to eat requires thought and planning. (Is the dining hall open? Who will I eat with?..) I hope your son will give himself a great measure of grace. I also hope an easier schedule will allow him time to join a group or two and make new friends. (Great news that he and his roommate get along well)</p>
<p>I read a book that said, “remind your kids it’s okay to be uncomfortable, it is a uncomfortable time” I preach that often to my kiddo. Reaching out, joining groups, asking someone to join you for an outing is uncomfortable at first but offers a great reward.</p>
<p>Best wishes for a great second semester for your son and his mom! :)</p>
<p>My daughter also had a tough first semester…extremely hard classes and a horrible roommate situation that she had to deal with when she got back from Christmas break.
She was NOT looking forward to going back, unlike some of her friends. I had her drop a class and take one breather course. I would suggest that he take one less class this semester and that you do push him to go back or he may never finish. But that is your choice as you know your son better than anyone else. Hopefully he will have more time to make friends by lightening the course load.</p>
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</p>
<p>The OP has come to a resolution but want to respond to this particular post because it uses the “never” word.</p>
<p>Please - parents- banish this from your thinking! It’s a trigger for our worst fears (“If S doesn’t do ____ he will never have/do/be ____”) – and it is a word that is crushing to the spirit when voiced to the other person. It is also a really harsh thing to say to another parent – along with other predictions that suggest parental action/inaction is tied to some sort of inevitable consequence.</p>
<p>Kids who leave school can and do return, when they are ready, in their own time. My son attended college for 2 years, worked 3 years, returned to another university for 2 years to earn his degree, worked & started a family, and now is looking at grad school. Nothing irked me more when he was out of school and well-meaning relatives & friends would tell me that I needed to “make” him return to college or else he “never” would – especially because my son had found his niche in a job he loved. </p>
<p>Life is not a train that needs to stay on track and arrive to every station on time. Of course it is worrisome to a parent when their kid seems to be going off track and they don’t know where the path may lead – but sometimes it takes time to figure all that out. Given that the young person who is thinking of leaving college is also a young adult, it is important for a parent to offer unconditional support, sage advice, and the space to let the youngster make the choices he needs to make on his own. </p>
<p>There is no “never” at this stage of the OP’s life. There is just one road not taken, because it didn’t happen to work out – and a world of other possibilities ahead.</p>
<p>Calmom is sooooo right! Also, no one should ever feel ashamed because he decides college is not what he needs at this time (or ever). There are worse things than taking a break from school or taking a different path in life.</p>
<p>Our world would indeed be a dull place if EVERYONE followed the same path to the same destinations. We would also be missing a lot of the variety that makes life interesting and exciting. Agree that “never” is really much too strong a concept and word.</p>
<p>When our D was forced out of HS after JR year, well-meaning friends & others would tell her they were concerned for her that she not become “lost” or get disheartened or give up. Since they were well-meaning and sincere, we did not bother to take issue with them or allow them to affect us.</p>
<p>Those were NOT among things she EVER considered for herself as even options. She went an alternate path that involved 3 semesters at CC, followed by 3.5 years at a very competitive & fascinating U where she is thriving. We can’t wait to see what comes next but so far she & we are finding the journey most interesting & pretty different from the path of many of her peers.</p>
<p>A few years ago a friend of mine’s son began studying architecture at a well respected program in the midwest. The pressure there was intense. It was like the weeding out process in organic chemistry. This creative, very bright kid became aware that he wasn’t going to make it in that program about halfway through his freshman year. His parents told him no worries just transfer to a school you will feel happier. For him it was the flagship school on the other side of the Missouri river.( He didn’t want the first school as he only had an interest in architecture there). He bounced back, completed his studies atschool two, met the young lady of his dreams there and married her.
It sounds as if your son has high expectations of himself and is a sensitive person. I wish him the best and you, as well.</p>
<p>And just another anecdote from back in the day re: taking a break from college. I transferred schools within my university so lost a year there. Got into a specific major, decided I hated it, and dropped out for the balance of another year. During that year, I stayed in my college town, worked several jobs, paid my own way. I ended up graduating six years after starting. I didn’t find out til quite a few years after graduation that perhaps I should have done a bit better job reassuring my parents that I never intended <em>not</em> to finish college. I just assumed they understood that.</p>
<p>I know two very successful adults who didn’t get their ug degrees until they were 27. I’m sure it’ll all work out. Eventually. . .</p>
<p>Just wanted to wish your son a successful, happy semester!</p>
<p>OP: We both have B.Arch/M.Arch degrees and are practicing architects. Architecture is a difficult time-consuming major w/high “weed-out” factor. There’s also a mindset that values “all-nighters” and general “suffering for art” is part of the architectural school experience. Guess what? That systemic philosophy also occurs at many architectural offices, making it difficult to avoid frequent (often unpaid) overtime, all-nighters, for relatively low pay as well. Students either embrace this pervasive (though I believe misguided) mode, or find alternate major and/or career path. Architectural profession is particularly difficult for working moms w/o house-husbands and/or full-time housekeeper-nannies.</p>
<p>Does your son still “like” architecture as a career goal? Let him verbalize his feelings, and encourage honesty. As an undergraduate major, students often haven’t done enough due diligence on architectural practice experiences to determine whether the profession/major is truly a good fit. Sometimes it’s better to change majors rather than slog along for 5 years (B.Arch) in doubt. The long hours can be somewhat managed through strict time management and self-discipline. I made it through undergrad w/o all-nighters as a highest honors student, but w/few group projects then. 1st semester of architectural major can be particularly overwhelming, with significant work requirements with longer term projects very different from HS curriculum. It can get easier if student adapts to work expectations and studio dynamic, but weeding- out process always continues. In my B.Arch freshmen class, only 40% graduated. Some flunked out, some quit in disgust, some had personal issues, etc.</p>
<p>Architectural profession is not an easy commitment; don’t encourage him to stay in program simply so he’s not a “quitter”. His doubt can be real.</p>
<p>Regarding “hazed by professors” comment; that occurs in architectural studios. Teaching quality also varies significantly, w/part-time studio profs more likely hired due to their recent local professional recognition, perhaps national repute (“rock star” architect), and/or blatant chronyism (hiring “buddies” from school or office). Many studio profs also practice architecture, often dependent upon teaching salary, often not registered and/or without substantial architectural practice experience. Architectural studio often immitates architectural practice without reflecting practicalities of project management, conformance to client’s budget and program, construction cost, etc. Most practicing architects feel that architectural school is a “warm-up” for the true professional training that occurs in the architectural office itself.</p>
<p>I didn’t read a lot of the previous posts, but I can tell you from experience that an architecture program is very intense. It’s almost as bad as med school. My husband went through the program “back in the day” and he and his friends hardly every saw the light of day. They were always in their studio doing projects. They frequently pulled all-nighters. So if your S wants a social life, and he’s not really passionate about architecture, then he should find another career path. You have to really love it to put up with the grueling schedule. On a positive note, my husband and his friends were very close because they practically lived in that studio together.</p>
<p>For them, the program didn’t really start until Junior year when they declared a major. Starting it as a Freshman would be very tough, and I can’t imagine putting that kind of pressure on a new college student.</p>
<p>My H took 7 years to graduate–doubtless his folks wondered if he’d ever finish. Fortunately for all, he worked & paid his way through. He has since been with the same employer for over 4 decades & had great personal & professional satisfaction at his job. I’m sure your S will figure out what works for him–good that you’re encouraging and supporting him to find his way.</p>