<p>^^^^^kinda of reminds me of my cat. Every morning we go through the same routine – she comes upstairs and yowls at me until I go down and open the back door for her. 45 seconds later she comes back in, then about two minutes later out she goes, then in about three minutes in she comes, then out, then in, finally I say “IN or OUT, but I am going upstairs and will no longer open the door for you! If you want it figure it out!!”</p>
<p>lololu, good one. It is similar. I would do the same…in the form of come if you want or not but I am not going to do the driving on an insane holiday weekend…If I am reading the OP right it is a 2.5 hour drive each way so if the parent picks him up they are making a 5 hour round trip in holiday traffic and then the same trip again two days later. Forget about it.
Do these parents not have plans of their own for the holiday weekend? If not I would make some pronto.</p>
<p>My S’s girlfriend graduated the previous year and came home almost immediately from college 2 hours away. I did express concern that she needed to get into the community at her college first but I did not stop them from seeing one another on her visits home. I figured that was her mother’s responsibility since she paid for the train/bus tickets home.</p>
<p>I did not let him take the bus down to see her until after xmas break but that was because I told him no visits until college apps were done. He was a procrastinator so it was his fault the visit was postponed.</p>
<p>This year my son is a freshman 4 hours further away from her school. I emphasized that I thought that he should get settled and into his community before coming home or going to visit GF. I didn’t prohibit it but he doesn’t have a car and flying would cost $$$. Well, love will find a way! The FIRST weekend of classes she drove 6 hours to see him! Yikes! Young love and 12 hours of driving! Well neither he nor she need my permission and so he just told me about the impending visit and didn’t ask permission. I expressed concern about her safety, coursework and his roomate’s privacy. He said he was aware of all those things, but was thrilled she was visiting so he could show her around. They planned to spend the weekend in the studio doing homework. We didn’t get into logistics of rooms/beds–too much information! </p>
<p>They are both 19, smart and are devoted to each other (more than 2 years together and survived a year apart with no problems). I was not happy, but he isn’t at the age where I can prohibit any of his behavior. Our only stipulation is that if he doesn’t take advantage (eg decent grades and involvement in things outside of school) we will not continue to pay for the expensive out of state option. He can come back and go to her Uni. but he wanted this particular program so there he is…</p>
<p>They seemed to have had a successful visit. It may be that my S will find frequent visits suffocating (and relationship will end) or he may find that he needs them because she is the girl for him (wedding bells or at least graduate school together). </p>
<p>I really thought the advice about offering your son other ideas and options was nice rather than prohibiting a visit. BUT not prohibiting a visit is very different from doing driving to promote it. Give him your limits but make it about your time constraints not about whether he should visit girlfriend or spend time with her. If by prohibiting a visit you give the appearance of wanting to undermine relationship, you are going to drive them together and hurt your relationship with your son.</p>
<p>I would have a conversation something like this with him “Oh, you’re thinking of coming home this weekend? Are you taking the train down Friday night then? Your Dad and I have plans, so we won’t be around much… So then you’re going back Sunday morning? I thought you had that fair thing? Won’t you have some homework? I think someone will be around to take you to the train station.” Let him know that this is his dime and his time.</p>
<p>He just found out that he starts his campus job on Saturday so now he must remain on campus. So the decesion has been made for him. Thank you everyone who offered advice, it really helps as this is our first child in college and we are encountering situations we never thought about.</p>
<p>Before ours even left they knew which trips home we would pay for/drive for. Anything else was their dime and time. They did not have cars freshman year either. Most campuses did not allow them. That seemed to work. Setting the expectation up front elminated the constant negotiations…</p>