<p>I would really like a parent perspective on this, because I really want some advice about how to talk to my friend and keep her from making a big mistake!</p>
<p>My friend (we go to the same school) has recently gotten really serious with her boyfriend. They claim that they love each other, and I'm really happy for her because she's really happy...but the only problem is that she's a junior and he's a senior. He has sent away college applications (and has actually already gotten a few replies -- with scholarships), he says that he plans on attending a local community college and "waiting" for my friend to get into college and graduate, at which point he will follow her by transferring to a school nearby where she will go. I am not sure if he has turned down any scholarship offers yet, but I believe him when he says he intends to -- I'm kind of friends with him too and I can tell he's not just joking around.</p>
<p>I think this is a HORRIBLE idea. My friend is really smart -- she's just being really stupid about this. She thinks it is his decision and is flattered by his devotion. I'm kind of in the middling thinking: "If she gets into her dream school, how is he going to be sure to be able to transfer nearby?" Also important, he's not the best student. While he's OK, I'm sure he has a mix of A, B, and C grades, and OK test scores. My friend on the other hand, is VERY high-achieving, with nearly straight A, all AP and honors, and high SATs. She really does have a shot at her dream schools, and I wouldn't want anything to mess that up for her. What she gets put in the situation of choosing to go to her dream school, or choosing to be near her boyfriend? I can see SO many things going wrong. If they were to break up in the year he's "waiting" for her...it just seems like there could be a lot of resentment.</p>
<p>So please help! I really really want to talk to her about this, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm attacking her. HELP ME!</p>
<p>As problems go, this one isn’t that bad. What’s the worst that could (and probably will) happen? He (eventually) goes to a school near your friend, they date, they separate.</p>
<p>Does the boyfriend realize that his chances for scholarships will go “bye bye” if he goes to a community college first? He may be wrongly thinking that those offers will still be good a year from now. They won’t.</p>
<p>(not to mention that they won’t likely be together a year from now.)</p>
<p>I think this is a bad idea. I was very serious with my boyfriend in high school. He even asked me to marry him and I accepted. Fortunately, when he asked my father for my hand, my Dad said no. My Mom later said I looked relieved. So off to college I went. My boyfriend would come down to visit me, but by December, I had broken up with him and fell in love with another guy, whom I married 36 years ago (and we are still happily married). </p>
<p>And as was said before, those scholarships won’t be there later.</p>
<p>It is very difficult to persuade teenagers in love that they won’t always be together. Even though there are some couples who do end up together most do not, even if they attend the same school. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything but be supportive of your friends when they eventually break up and concerning their college decisions all you can do is nod and smile. </p>
<p>My daughter is a high achieving senior who has been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. Her boyfriend is also a strong student, just a little more cavalier about his studies. They have maintained an extremely healthy relationship the whole time and they do compliment each other well. Emotionally both of them are very attached and they do hope that they will end up together, but they are waiting to see where life takes them. </p>
<p>As much as they care about each other, they also understand that know is the time of their life to focus on school and to that effect they are planning on attending different schools, schools that each of them as individuals are better suited for. Right now they have decided to have a long-distance relationship. My daughter knows that I don’t have a lot of faith in long-distance relationships surviving four years of college, but that is what she wants to do. So instead of telling her she is being foolish, I have given her advice on how to maintain a long-distance relationship. Why? I want her to feel comfortable with going to me when the heartbreak hits. </p>
<p>Do that for your friends. If they break-up you want them to feel good about talking with you about it instead of wanting to avoid the “I told you so” look.</p>
<p>Sounds as if your friend’s boyfriend doesn’t have the right focus. *He has sent away college applications (and has actually already gotten a few replies – with scholarships), he says that he plans on attending a local community college and “waiting” for my friend *…Why not go to one of these colleges? He’d be waiting regardless. Why not attend a more appropriate college and visit her on the weekends?</p>
<p>This is not something you’re going to be able to fix. Although I share your concerns, I think it would be best for you to stay out of it. Any advice you give might backfire and destroy your friendship with the girl.</p>
<p>As far as life altering experiences go, “first real love” is pretty much up there with college, honestly. Of course he is being a fool. I say this even though I am very happily married to my highschool love.</p>
<p>Don’t get involved. Too bad your friend doesn’t just send him off. (I know I did)…But there’s not a thing you can do but alienate your friend. She’ll secretly think you are “jealous” she’s happy. Just be a friend and worry about your own life. As you get older, you’ll find this is mainly the best policy with friends who aren’t asking for your advice, and many who are. ;)</p>
<p>I agree with Marian’s advice. I’m assuming that her own parents will also try to be advising her against what she and her bf are planning to do. </p>
<p>She’s just a junior, and things may very well change in a few months.</p>