Frustrated with Situation in Queen's Court - Jesuit Principles?

Colleges and Universities A-Z Fordham University
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<p>Knowing that my daughter was not the party type we thought that we had found the ideal situation in Fordham's Queen's Court. Although somewhat disappointed that she was placed in a converted triple, we kept our fingers crossed that things would work out. </p>

<p>On her first night in the dorm room, she was awaken by one of her roommate's having sex with a male Queen's Court resident. More than two months later, the male "friend" has become the fourth roommate as he continues to sleep in the room every night. In addition, the remarks that he has made to my daughter would, without a doubt, be grounds for sexual harassment in a corporate world.</p>

<p>Fordham's proposed solution was to offer my daughter residence in another building. My daughter adores every aspect of Queen's Court except the continuous male presence in the room and declined that option in the hopes that the situation would improve.....It hasen't.... At this point we are close to giving up our fight that things will change. She comes home almost every weekend, her grades have suffered and unless she can stay in Queen's in a better situation will most likely be leaving Fordham. </p>

<p>How ironic that the student following the "Jesuit Principles" is the one that has to suffer?</p>

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<p>I lived in Queens Court a couple of years and while I loved the experience, it was not exactly the “100% wellness dorm” it was made out to be (although I’m sure that a higher than average percentage of students there didn’t drink/party). Certainly these situations have happened before but this sounds like an extreme extent. Your D should not be made to feel like an outcast in her own room. Does she have two friends who are roommates in QC who might let her switch and make their room the converted triple? Has she exhausted the people she could speak to? not only the RA, but the priest in residence, as well as ResLIfe? If so it may be time for you to get involved and make an appointment to go in to speak to someone in ResLife. Your D worked hard to get into Fordham, you are paying a ton of money for her to live on campus, and she deserves to be comfortable in her own room. I’d hate for someone to leave Fordham because of one lousy roommate.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the advice, spirit77. We did speak to RA and Res Life, but I never thought about letting the resident priest know the situation. It is certainly worth a try. Thanks again!</p>

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<p>Talk with the resident priest like @spirit77 says. If nothing happens, then you write a letter, strongly worded, to the Dean of Res Life, cc the Freshman Dean (Parmach maybe?), and Fr. McShane. You pay a lot of money for Queens court, and your daughter should not have to live 4 to a room when one of them clearly is already a resident there. Go on the website and get every name listed under Residential Life for Rose Hill and cc them all. Make them know what is going on.</p>

<p>And the recommendation was that SHE move? Yeah, sounds like Fordham. ResLife has a very convoluted way of doing things and I love how they don’t punish the kids doing the offense, but the one who is offended. </p>

<p>I feel for you, I really really do. Good luck and keep us informed as to what is going on. </p>

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<p>Go to the resident priest and go to the Dean. Sadly, some students go bezerk when they come to Fordham and engage in horrible choices. (Though this happens at every school, I assure you). Fordham can’t possibly know what a kid will do when they arrive and are loosed away from parents eyes. Its very sad. Similar stories occurred when my kid was in Queens. </p>

<p>In the meantime, she needs to hang with good students, good people and AVOID the bad actors. She has a right to tell the roomie to get that kid out of there. </p>

<p>You can also go to Fr. McShane. The person who needs to move is the bad actor. </p>

<p>My kid found friends who were moral, not drinkers and viewed studying as enlightening and fun…and then they became roomies in upperclass years. </p>

<p>Hang in there. Dont blame Fordham and don’t leave because of one student. Its a stellar school with tremendous opportunities. I am sorry you have to put up with this. Its discouraging, but be firm and demand they move the bad actor and inform the male student he is subject to being removed as well. </p>

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<p>One more thought…if the third roommate is equally unhappy with the situation perhaps they should go together and present a unified front when talking to people (from the priest to the RA and ResLife again etc.).</p>

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<p>My daughter went through the same thing her junior year, although it wasn’t a triple. When she was in a triple, it was a girlfriend who slept over a lot…(She has had probably every bad roommate experience there is.) When the boyfriend slept over almost every night, she didn’t want to tell and get the roommate and boyfriend in trouble and she knew there were no empty beds anywhere for her to move, so she lived with it. Hated it, but made the best of it. Finally now in her senior year, she in living in a good situation. I know it’s not ideal, and it’s not what we paid for, and I was pretty angry about it, but she survived. And she never ever would have left Fordham because of it. </p>

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<p>Yes, take this right up the ladder of authority, and quickly. it is a) a violation of dorm rules b) a violation of the roomate agreement and c) a potential Title 9 violation. The other girl should be removed. NOW. The boy is also violating rules, and perhaps Title 9, and should be reviewed for discipline accordinglly. While some situations are best left to our students to resolve, this is not one of them. You are completely justifiied in your concerns, both rules and law are behind you, and there is no reason to tolerate this for one more minute.</p>

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<p>Thank you to all for the advice, support, encouragement, etc…It is a difficult situation. It appears as though “cohabitation” is a very gray area in Fordham’s Code of Conduct, particularly when it involves another resident. I am in disbelief at what I learn as I continue this battle. Hopefully, after following some of the advice I’ve received here, it will get resolved. Once again, thank you all.</p>

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<p>Good luck! Hopefully they will do something. </p>

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<p>I think gettng in Fordham’s face about this will bring the changes you want. People abuse other people because they know most people are too afraid to speak up. Get the other roomie to help her and even if she wont, you get on the phone and call the Dean for Students and ResLife and Fr. McShane. </p>

<p>There are often situations that occur with one or two offenses…someone drank too much, or someone has problems in their room so they hang with the girlfriend…but this doesnt appear to be that situation. You are paying very high dollars for a Fordham education, and for room and board and you BOTH have a right to demand they follow the rules. </p>

<p>I am sorry this happened to her (and you.) Its truly unfortunate that some kids are just pigs and dont respect others values, sensibilities and their own secure privacy. </p>

<p>RAs need to be stronger…they are being PAID to do this. </p>

<p>This is a learning situation for her…a time to be firm, direct and strong. To demand that she get what she is paying for and its simply unacceptable for a sleepover boyfriend all the time. </p>

<p>But I can also tell you the stories we heard from my kids’s high school friends at other colleges were the same…private and public colleges. </p>

<p>For us, the rough year was Freshman year…and lots of ups and downs and drama going on. But it got better marginally sophomore year…a strange roomie (it was complicated because someone bailed on us at the last minute and she ended up with someone she didnt pick…) but she was so busy doing internships, The Ram, class work and seeing friends in OTHER places and dorms, she wasnt around much…and put up with the snoring and munching at night and other weirdness. FINALLY Junior year she got her bff’s to be roomies in an apartment and Senior year was a dream…when Campbell opened up. It does get better.</p>

<p>Its a tough way to grow up. Its a shock to many kids and their parents what kind of behavior is out there. Communal living is not easy. And dont forget there is campus ministry…a wonderful group to associate with and go on weekend retreats I STRONGLY recommend. </p>

<p>I could tell you more weird stories from Queens…but one other tactic she used was gathering ALL her friends and confronting the offending person directly…about 8 of them…and saying, “look pal…here’s the score…you shape up, or we ALL come down on you. Got it? Good.” </p>

<p>Keep us posted. God bless.</p>

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<p>This sounds like a really unfortunate situation and it’s very disappointing that your daughter is forced to live with it. My son was in Queen’s freshman year. It’s a very popular dorm and there were kids who applied and did not get into it. While he had no problems with his roommates in their converted triple there was a lot of late night noise and drunken students on his floor. The RA’s even had meetings about the behavior and people getting sick on the bathroom floor, but none of that changed anything. There should be some repercussion for the students who thumb there nose at the promises about refraining from substance abuse that they made in their letter to the priest in order to be accepted into Queen’s. </p>

<p>Residential life or the administration really needs to step up in these situations. RA’s are just other students with limited power to influence changes in behavior. When problems as serious as your daughters are brought to their attention they should be required to report it to Residential Life and Residential Life or some other administrator should take action to solve the problem with the offending student, not your daughter.</p>

<p>As a parent I was happy my son chose Fordham over GW because the freshmen dorms did not have co-ed floors. I didn’t want him to have to deal with a situation where one of the girls next door could be staying with his roommate all night. He has had a roommate who had girls sleepover but even then it was only when my son wasn’t around. THey weren’t best friends but at least his roommate had the common sense to realize it’s not ok to inconvenience someone else or make them uncomfortable in their own room.</p>

<p>I agree with the comments about going as far as Father McShane with this. If it was my daughter I would probably send a letter from me and make it clear that my daughter doesn’t want to make trouble for anyone, but the situation is very wrong and since she is not the person behaving inappropriately the proposed solution seems very unfair. I wouldn’t give up until the situation was resolved, you’re paying a lot of money for that room and there should be a standard of acceptable behavior that everyone in the room adheres to. In my opinion the offender should be fined and threatened with losing on campus housing for this.</p>

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<p>Hard to believe the Roommate Agreement allows such behavior. Your D 's situation doesn’t sound like scenario described in Fordham literature. Health and courtesy issues etc.
<a href=“http://www.fordham.edu/images/facilities/rh_reslife/reslife_living_with_others_7_25_12.pdf”>http://www.fordham.edu/images/facilities/rh_reslife/reslife_living_with_others_7_25_12.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>So has this been resolved? I would go straight to the top with it. </p>

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<p>No “official” resolution yet, although things may change. When it comes to cohabitation, a complaint from a parent is not recognized. The complaintant must be the student and cannot be anonymous. This according to a resident priest and contrary to what My D was told by the RD. Fortunately, the RD’s e-mail to my daughter does prove what she was told. My D is afraid of repercussions and losing the few friernds that she has if she is identified as the source of the complaint. The whole situation is beyond belief to me… </p>

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<p>It is unbelievable. Loss of friends/ shunned is a real consequence.
Yet room agreement is on your side.
<a href=“Fordham University”>Fordham University;

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<p>She should discuss this among friends…and see where they stand. </p>

<p>I would ignore the instruction from the Resident Priest…if your daughter wants/allows you to intervene, then do so and go to the Dean for Students and President Fr. McShane. </p>

<p>The ONLY other option, if she is terrified of repurcussions is to accept the offer for her to move out and find another roomie situation or to effectively cohabitate with some of her friends. If she stays in the room and says nothing, then her moral indignation loses power and she may suffer emotionally and academically. </p>

<p>And being strong and standing tall is the right thing to do. There are rules against male visitors in rooms after 3:00am. She can also remind them that its sexual harrassment if she has to put up with this. Though that may result in her forced move to another room. </p>

<p>I am very sorry this occurred and that her roomie is a pig and so is her boyfriend. But its very hard for any school to control the personal habits and morality of individuals. </p>

<p>During my Daughter’s tenure, one of her male buddies came out as a gay student and was horrifically harassed and ostracized and threatened. They moved him. He survived and thrived and graduated with honors. I knew him and liked him, though I am not ordinarily a gay rights proponent. Sometimes moving can be a good thing. </p>

<p>God bless. :-)</p>

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<p>This post is in response to the Jesuit Principals? post a few posts down. This is my first time posting and I’m still learning the ropes!</p>

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<p>What a stressful way to begin a college career. My heart goes out to your daughter. I’m sure that she never anticipated having this kind of situation when she moved to college.
My D is a sophomore at GSB this year and had a similar situation last year in Loschert. She too was in a forced triple. Her roommates were heavy drinkers and also invited boys back for sexual encounters. The refrigerator was always filled with alcohol and pregaming occurred every week. In one instance, security raided their room at 3:30 am and found two males sleeping in her roommates beds with the roommates.
In addition, the roommates refused to lock the door when they left for class. Subsequently, my D had things stolen from her room. This also put
My D’s security at risk.
In response to this, we encouraged our D to speak to the RA who we found out was friends with the two roommates. Next she went to the head RA who basically said that if our D didn’t report these incidents as they were happening there wasn’t much that he could do except offer roommate conflict resolution. We went to the Dean of Students who said that he would move out D when a room became available. My D had made friends by then and felt that she was being punished by having to move. The end result was that she spent all of her time in other kids rooms and only slept in her room. Fast forward one year and my D is thriving. Her grades have improved and she is happy. She lives in the Wellness Dorm
In Ohare where they actually do enforce the rules! I don’t understand how Fordham can allow such chaos in the freshman dorms. The final straw last year was a bill for twenty something dollars. When I asked what it was for I was told for dorm damage. The dorm damage was for the couch that was thrown down the stairs by drunk students and for carpet cleaning for the vomit on the hallway floors. When I told them that my D had nothing to do with this I was told that everyone pays because it is communal living. Hopefully this lackadaisical attitude towards the freshman drinking doesn’t have a dire consequence one day.
You are doing the right thing by reaching out to other parents for support. Don’t give up until this is resolved. Now that I look back, I should have reached out like you are doing. Fordham is a fantastic school with amazing opportunities for students who are there to learn and grow. The students who are there to party need to be held accountable before they hurt themselves or others.
Best of luck to your D. I hope that she stays at Fordham because the opportunities are incredible and next year she can choose her own roommate. </p>

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<p>Once again, thank you to everyone for the advice and support…When I speak to parents with children in college they all say pretty much the same thing…“How can this behavior continue, especially at a Jesuit school in a wellness dorm?”…Also hard to believe that the parents have few rights if the victim doesn’t come forward…at least when it comes to cohabitation…If I didn’t experience this, I wouldn’t believe it.</p>

<p>@walkbyfaith8 I am very happy to hear that your D has recovered from her unfortunate experience and is now thriving. I can only hope that my D’s situation turns out with similar results…Many similarities in our D’s experiences. Fortunately for my D there is no alcohol involved. I can only hope that I am not faced with damage charges at the end of the year, or, dare I say, the end of this semester…</p>

<p>Trying to remain hopeful that something is done…SOON…Happy Thanksgiving to all! </p>