<p>I was just wondering what everybody's opinion was on getting married right after college. I guess it depends on the situation, but I am a rising sophomore and have been dating my BF since junior year of high school. We are doing the long-distance thing now and plan to get engaged senior year and married shortly after college. </p>
<p>Does this seem foolish? We will have been together for 5+ years. How does it compare to people who meet their boyfriends in college, date through college, and tie the knot after? Will it be incredibly stressful to plan a wedding while dealing with graduation? What kinds of things need to be worked out beforehand? I know it's far off but sometimes dealing with the distance is made easier by thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel: the wedding, and thinking about it makes me really happy.</p>
<p>Thoughts? I'm just curious what you guys think about the issue or have experienced or have seen happen with your friends.</p>
<p>One of you will end up cheating and will break off the relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if your boyfriend had already cheated. The long distance thing doesn’t work well in college, at all.</p>
<p>Wow, really? I’m not going to waste my breath defending my relationship, but instead express my sympathies to you for being so jaded and judgmental. Hopefully someday you will have some success in the romance department and lose that horrible attitude.</p>
<p>Considering we have lived 200 miles apart for a year already and had no issues whatsoever, I think we’ll be fine, thanks. This thread was not about whether or not our relationship will last.</p>
<p>You asked if your proposition was foolish. I implicitly answered your question by stating why it was foolish. Of course, it’s not the answer you wanted to hear so you, like most others, will naturally avoid it.</p>
<p>College is obviously a time when people try new things, one of which is dating new people. Also, people definitely change over those four years and increasingly start to realize what they really want out of life (hint: it’s often not the same as the things you wanted when you graduated high school). There are boundless opportunities to cheat, especially when you know the BF/GF is hundreds of miles away and will “never find out.”</p>
<p>You are getting way ahead of yourself and it’s a bit naive to assume that everything will work out fine. It very well may but realize that love has a way to make you turn a blind eye to certain less than desirable things. A more rationale plan would wait and see how things turn out and if in 2-3 years your boyfriend and you still want to get married you can proceed from there.</p>
<p>hahaha dont listen to purdue he does seem pretty jaded and is apparently telling you guys to take a three year break loll.
People do change in college but most of that change is freshman year so if you guys are doing good then thats a really good sign. I had a professor once who did a cross country relationship with a guy through college (one was on the east coast the other was west) and that guy is now her husband theyve been married for quite a while as they are both getting old haha. Do what feels right and if you guys are still into each other, then you are in better shape than a lot of other couples haha.</p>
<p>What is a “rising sophomore”? On the other hand, I am curious what a “falling sophomore is”.</p>
<p>Would I get married right after college. No way. Guys don’t even fully mature until they are 25. I would wait some time before getting married. What is the rush? You still have your whole life to live. Are you sure you want to settle down right after college?</p>
<p>My fiance graduated this May, and we were originally was thinking about getting married after I graduated this upcoming spring, but when thinking about it, my fiance and I decided to wait until 2011 so that we can save up some money and have stable jobs first, if possible. A lot of people seem to want to get married a few weeks after graduation, but after looking into planning a wedding, you don’t realize just how pricey things can get (especially if you have family overseas, like I do).</p>
<p>My husband knew a couple who went to separate schools throughout college, then married. All went well. He and I married the day after graduation, and we’re still happy. If it’s right, it’s right. Good luck!</p>
<p>Two of my friends from undergrad went to HS together and had been a couple since something like sophomore or junior year. They’re now off in grad school together finally living in the same apartment. They didn’t have a long-distance relationship other than a summer or two during internships, but they held out fine during college.</p>
<p>I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little short of three years now, one of which was spent on opposite sides of the country (and until a month or two ago, about an hour and a half away).</p>
<p>I don’t think marriage straight out of college is necessarily a good idea, though. You both need to be sure you have similar career aspirations and have the ability to find jobs the other can live with.</p>
<p>Graduating from college and starting out your adult life alone is a scary thought. The thought of having someone right there with you (marriage) at that crazy time is surely a source of comfort to you. It’s important for you to think long and hard about the core of your current relationship. It could be a sort of security blanket. It could be a way to keep a piece of your youth (a time of little responsibility and more parental assistance) alive and well in a time when adulthood is a few short steps away. It could be an excuse for someone who doesn’t want to put themselves into new and different social environments. It could be true love.</p>
<p>Sometimes, often times, holding on to something from our past is a way to excuse ourselves from taking that scary and giant step into our future.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine as long as you both mature together as opposed to growing apart. You may mature into people that are no longer relationship compatible. That’s why a lot of marrriages that take place between people in their early 20s end by the time the people reach 30.</p>
<p>I actually agree with Purdue, mostly because I’m pretty jaded too and dislike the thought of marriage, but putting that aside, I just have to add: maybe you should just live together for a year instead of marrying. If you guys are long-distance, you aren’t seeing each other every day (as just talking and being together are totally different things). Make sure you two haven’t changed beyond what you’re comfortable with, settle things out. Yeah, support each other during that first year after college, and once you face that challenge, it’ll show you two can last together.</p>
<p>Like Purdue said, college is a time of experimentation. Not saying either of you is cheating, but keep in mind there’s also learning new things and taking up new hobbies, as well as changing your personality over four years.</p>
<p>People change so much during college. You may not be the same two people at the end of it all. Our 20s are the years of trying to find our way in the world. Some of us don’t even hit our stride until our late 20s. Personally, I think it’s a ridiculous idea.</p>
<p>I know of a few young couples who’ve taken the marriage leap and are now filing for divorce after a mere couple of years. You have to ask yourself…why are you getting married? And why right after college? If you have to think about it, then maybe it’s not for you.</p>
<p>I did it - got married 2 weeks after college graduation. I reckoned if we didn’t get married we would have wound up living together anyway.</p>
<p>Our marriage has been successful - married 18 years this week – but I would NEVER support my kids to make the decision we did. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Financially it was too difficult. It would have been better for each of us to live with our respective parents & build up a nest egg first.</p></li>
<li><p>As a woman, it limited my career tremendously. I was not given the assignments & travel opportunities that others were given. Like it or not many still hold “old” thoughts that the wife must be by her husband and many of my bosses did not think it would be “proper” to send me on business trips even after I offered. I was the poor naive girl in their mind. Even if my husband said he was supportive of me going, they believed he just was saying that.<br>
I have no evidence to support this next one, but I felt even the female bosses I had expected me to start a family sooner rather than later. And who wants to retrain a new employee if I opted out of the job market to have kids?</p></li>
<li><p>If you still feel the need to be together immediately after college, living together in my opinion would provide you better career opportunites.</p></li>
<li><p>Many of our friends thought we “rushed” into it (we began dating at 16 & married at 22) and it wouldn’t last through our indiviual growth years of our 20’s. That wasn’t the case, but it did strain friendships.</p></li>
<li><p>It is your life. No one else’s opinions matter except for the 2 of you. Just make sure you both know what you will be facing. Especially in today’s job market.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I think its difficult for someone to know what they want in life and in a spouse at such a young age. I think about the person I was at 16 and the person I am now at 22 and I have changed in so many ways; ways that I could have never predicted at 16.</p>
<p>I don’t doubt that you love each other, but I do doubt whether or not you are ready for marriage. You are talking about making a jump from a relationship that you have been in since you were 16 or 17 to marriage. That’s a huge jump. Just because you’ve been dating for 5 years doesn’t automatically make you ready for marriage. You don’t need to “endure” a relationship for the light at the end of the tunnel. I think a relationship should be about the now. Obviously looking to the future gives you some perspective, but you shouldn’t concentrate on it. What’s the rush? If you just finished your freshman year you should be concentrating on your friends and school, rather than planning a wedding and a marriage. </p>
<p>My only question is why rush it? I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to wait until both of you are more secure financially and in your careers before getting married.</p>
And that’s the problem… Many women fantasize about their wedding day. They know the music they want to play, what the cake would look like, who they will invite, where the reception will be, you might even be drawing up seating arrangements in your head.</p>
<p>But a wedding is just a day. It’s an event where society recognizes certain rights and responsibilities between 2 people, where you announce your intention to go forth with this person. Certainly it is a day you’ll always remember and (hopefully) cherish. But the goal of dating is not a wedding; it is a marriage.</p>
<p>I find it telling that what you see when you look toward the future is a wedding, and not a life together.</p>
<p>Are you excited about the wedding or spending the rest of your life with him? If it’s the former, just throw on a white dress, make your mother cry and have a Caravel icecream cake and call it a night.</p>
<p>However, I’m also on Team Jaded and wouldn’t want to have to look at the same person every. single. day. And voluntarily, no less.
At least with family, you don’t have a choice. </p>