<p>Right.....I'm askin for some advice on what I should do I'm kinda having some boyfriend trouble.
I've been with my boyfriend for 17 months and we used to get on great,he's my best friend too.I have always wanted to move to US and study since I was attending infant school.I put off planning coming over because I felt I had a bigger commitment at home.I told my boyfriend 6 months ago I am really set on moving and that I still wanted our relationship to go on.Since then he has been acting really wierd but the mad thing is he pretends that I haven't said what I said.
I didnt know whether its because he didnt want me to go but whenever I mention that we need to talk about it he says I'm selfish and refuses to talk.I know he loves me and we actually do have a good relationship but I think its unfair if I settle for a pointless career just for him.
When he told me what he wanted to be I totally supported that I still am come to think about it.I'm not saying he should bend over backwards and give me everything that I want but he hasn't askedme to stay nor has he suggested that he'll come too.I gave up persuing a career in Ballet for him along with giving up getting a car just to support him when he didnt have a job.What should I do?I dont want us to end especially over this situation but on the other hand I want him to accept what I want to do with my life and be there. :'-(</p>
<p>Um u should never give up ballet for anybody ( i should know because i gave up ballet for someone). Also, ur boyfriend sounds like a bum b/c u gave up ur car to support him. You need to get an education to be successful in life, and if you feel that going to the US is the right path for u then go ahead and lose the dead weight. U might even meet a sexy american..........</p>
<p>We've been together for quite a long time and I really have thought about calling it a day with him but I think it's the fact that he's my best friend too that makes it harder!Thanks for your advice....by the way I doubt sexy american boys will wanna meet a British girl.....we dont age well apparently!!How did everything go for you when YOU gave up ballet?</p>
<p>It sounds like your boyfriend really doesn't respect you all that much. When it comes to your future, you have to stop trying to please everyone else since you're the only one who has to live with the choices you make - regardless of what you decide, someone is always going to feel left out or less important. I'm not telling you to just break up with him if you really want to persue the relationship, but you can't just settle for someone who won't even listen to what you want. How are you supposed to make things work out in the long run if he doesn't care enough to even have a civil conversation about your goals and plans for the future? Unless you intend to let him make all the decisions for you, I suggest you tell him to stop acting so childish and at least talk things out. Maybe then a happy medium can be reached?</p>
<p>Your right!I really do want a career and Iam person to promote experience for myself thats why I want to study in america.On the other hand,I may achieve a career and do what I set out to do academically but I wont feel fulfilled in terms of being with someone I love.....I cant believe I actually love him!If I wasnt me I'd tell me to leave him.
I tried to speak to him again yesterday and made me feel so guilty.He told me I'd be throwing a great thing away,which I know I wouldn't but I still felt stupid.Is there any advice as to why he's like this?Is every male like this at some stage?I feel so caught up in this crap :'-(</p>
<p>It sounds like your both very much in love, but he isn't supporting you in what you want to do with your life. Remember love is an action, it isn't just a word or an emotion. If he cares about you as much as you think he does, he will want what is best for you, and stop selfishly wanting you to give up your life just to b with him. Do you think you could go aon a break and stay friends while your in the US? If he loves you enough he'll wait for your or try to work out a long distance relationship. You need todo what's best for you, and as much as I know I hate hearing it (different situation but similar feelings) there are other guys, and if he won't let you be your best you, then he's not the guy for you.</p>
<p>I have to agree with what equine99's already stated.</p>
<p>Have you tried talking about why he's so opposed to it? And why he feels like moving to the US will destroy what you have? Does he have any plans that would be hindered by moving to the US? It seems like he's lacking a lot of direction which might be making him feel insecure, and you've been a pretty stable part of his life (long term relationship, helped him financially, etc). It also sounds like he's used to getting his way (you giving up a career in ballet for his gain). You could both consider going to schol in the states - even if he doesn't know what he wants to do yet, college would give him a great opportunity to get a degree and gain some more insight. </p>
<p>You could also consider going to school where you're from initially, and then trasnferring later. It might make the transition easier and save you some money (though I don't really know much about policies outside the US).</p>
<p>I third what Equine said. I recently went through a similar situation (except I was just going to a school 5 hours away, not across the Atlantic). It ended up being WAY too much work for us to stay together, so now we're just friends. It's very hard to lose a relationship you devoted so much time and effort to (3 years in my case), but you need to do what's best for you. And not to sound corny, but if it's meant to be you guys will be together again in the future.</p>
<p>I put it down to insecurity with him but he's the opposite not to mention that he's certainlt not afraid to speak his mind!I haven't actually tried to persuade him to study in the US because I'm kinda sick of doing all the work and I want him to commit to me the way I have for him.Am I sounding silly if I mention that sometimes I wish I felt special?I dont want him to fuss around me all the time that'd pee me off but it wouldve felt good if he tried to put up a fight for me instead of putting this whole thing down.
Its so difficult to pin point what it is we need to focus on when I come to america because we are the opposite on everything...and yet we really want to stay together.I love america,he hates being away from home.I cant wait to go to college, and he believes in full time jobs from school (he says studying is a waste).I know I have to put myself first for a change but I am very weak minded when it comes to stuff like this,what should I do?
There are really only 2 options,moving away and keeping a long distance relationship won't work I know it and its upsetting to think about but its true.So,theres break up with him (stay friends tho) and start my life in america OR stay here where I will be with him,do the usual commitment stuff and risk living in regret.Love or Life? :-(</p>
<p>first, i'm not a girl. Now for the reply =P</p>
<p>you should do what you want, in this case, go study in the US. I agree with what srcameron said about the stability. You already gave up one future (ballet), and you gave up a car as well. It sounds to me you have basically been bending over backwards for him. You've given up some things for him, maybe it's time he gives up something for you.</p>
<p>"He told me I'd be throwing a great thing away,which I know I wouldn't but I still felt stupid"</p>
<p>If you stay, you'd be throwing away the chance for the eduaction that you've always wanted. Why does coming to the US mean that you have to throw away a great thing? There is no reason you shouldn't be able to stay together, of course, he has to be willing to do his part. He has to be there for you just as you are there for him, it is not your job to do everything he wants, that's not how relationships are supposed to work.</p>
<p>He says you are selfish? More like the other way around.</p>
<p>So you think he's a pest?I wanted it to be a girlie chat with my felloe females because I did'nt know if guys stick together but I was wrong.Thanks soccerguy315!!Deep down I know he's selfish but sewn to that is knowledge that there was one time where he would have done anything for me.
Maybe I have to be more confident about coming to US.I worry that I am going to be rejected and my plans wont work and so thats where regret will fit in.Am I asking too much or what?
You guys are spot on about the loss I will go through if I give up something else for him and too be honest the only good thing going for me now is moving to America and studying and getting a career in Law practice.I think I could cope with long distance if both of us made the effort and not just me....as usual.At times I get fed up doing all the work and I did leave him last year and within 2 weeks he was running back to me,I suppose I could pull that off again except he'd have to come running across the water rather than the motorway!!But what if he didn't?</p>
<p>I suppose I could pull that off again except he'd have to come running across the water rather than the motorway!!But what if he didn't?</p>
<p>Everyone that makes some sacrifice for the good of the relationship worries about this - no one wants to break up (excluding those that do prior to going away to school). But if this guy doesn't shape up sooner or later, things are going to fall apart anyway. I know it's hard to hear, but 5 or 10 years down the road, wouldn't you rather have found out </p>
<p>a) that he was supportive, turned around, and stuck it out</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>b) you guys couldn't make it work</p>
<p>with a degree? Either way, you're much better off if you pursue what you want - at least you know you'll be garaunteed something in return for your efforts.</p>
<p>Wow...your right!I guess I'm scared of being alone more than anything.But I will face this and bite my lip when he starts complaining about how much I am a bad girlfriend for even thinking about moving away.Be honest okay....I won't think your being demanding but what would you guys do?Bearing in mind he's my best friend,I love him and we've been through alot together and when we dont chat about america its great??</p>
<p>I was in literally the exact same situation. He was my best friend and my boyfriend and had been for 3 years. However, he was going to UCSB and Im going to Berkeley. Even 5 hours seemed like too big of a distance. After debating it for a long time, we came to the conclusion that our relationship stood the best chance to surviving (in the end) if we broke up but remained close friends. </p>
<p>This way neither of us will feel like we held ourselves back from anything in college. We wouldnt be making ourselves miserable always missing the other person and being jealous of their new friends. If, after I finish school, he still feels like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, then I will know it was true love. </p>
<p>Honestly, I feel like srcameron is right. You should definitely go to America for school, regardless of whether you decide to stay together or not. And I recommend that you dont stay together. It sucks now but its better in the end.</p>
<p>"and he believes in full time jobs from school (he says studying is a waste)." </p>
<p>wow, in this day and age that is such an ignorant thing to say! in america at least, studies have shown (not that they mean a whole lot but still) that a person with a college degree makes on average $1,000,000 more over their lifetime than a person without. and that's just the average. Education is absolutly the path to sucess for most people, probably you included. </p>
<p>He sounds old fashioned to me. Seems to want to stay at home, work right out of school, and have a gf devote herself to him but not vica versa. totally not worth it. Remember FIRST you are YOU then as a subsection of who you are, somewhere in there your his gf, but first it's always got to be you.</p>
<p>Remember the choices you make affect the rest of your life, as do the choices he makes. If he chooses to not stay with you and respect you because you leave and go off to better things, that's a choice that will affect his life, and you should not bend yours so he won't have to make that choice. Wow, I'm totally rambling, sorry, but just, yeah....</p>
<p>Do you ever think maybe he's jelous that you've got this great opportunity to continue your education in America and go on to bigger better things, while it sounds like he's stuck working (or not working?) and probably won't move up a whole lot? Just a thought.</p>
<p>LOL!He has got a career (it's getting there).I gave up driving to pay for his tests and entrance into the Police so he himself is stable,I just wish I was too.Do I think its worth it staying around??No.
And at least I am sure of the outcome now if I go to US,he said earlier "Don't expect me to wait and don't think you've got something to come home to". That really upset me I'm still crying now.
But that made me realize how much of an arogant moose he is.I can't believe it....I feel like I've already left.
Theres a chance he could be on the defense because he doesnt want to get hurt,sort of putting on the macho mode but if thats the case why hurt me?From experience living in America,is it worth getting my hopes up in terms of it helping me get over this and enjoying college life?</p>
<p>yes. America is awesome.</p>
<p>I believe so.Well, I last wrote a message here yesturday afternoon and since then we had a huge argument and I put my foot down and TOLD him I was coming to America and that if he wants this to work then he'll have to move his arse and come with me!!
Oh my God...I couldn't believe it!I felt my own boss for the first time in ages.And you know he hasn't stop calling me with his typical "Sorries" and "I love you's"...its so sad.
Already I'm planning on flying over in a few months to see the college myself and get a feel for the US as a temp.citizen!!I can't wait.
Although I'm actually proud of myself (I dont mean to brag) I still love him loads and I wish he ws coming but deep down I know he won't.Thats just not his style.Oh my God I am so shocked...do you ever suprise yourself sometimes to the extent where your a nervous wreck?My knees where shaking like a leaf....</p>
<p>Aww good for you.
Yes, I think you should totally do what you want, and if he's not supportive then he didn't deserve you in the first place.</p>
<p>Thanks for givin me the confidence,I probably wouldn't have said anything if you guys didn't help...thankyou!!!Now I can focus on Boston 100%.I just hope he doesn't start the lovey dovey stuff...I'm such a mugg to that.And like one of you said,if its meant to be then we will get back in the future.</p>