Relationship advice? Should I break up with my bf?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I feel ridiculous posting on CC about my relationship problems, but I can't really turn to my friends. Most of them are friends with my boyfriend, or have never really been in a serious relationship. I know it'd difficult to give advice without knowing everything, but maybe some outside perspectives can give me some advice.</p>

<p>So some background information. I met my boyfriend last year, and he asked me to the Homecoming dance. After that, we started dating. He was funny, cute, down to earth, and intelligent, so I was drawn to him. I am Russian, he is Chinese/Japanese. I am a liberal, he is a conservative. We have never had any serious problems with this. It just made things more interesting. So far we have been dating for about a year and 3 months. We have been saying "I love you" to each other when no one else can overhear. We have both agreed to try to have a long distance relationship after high school, if needed.</p>

<p>However, things just feel different between us now. I don't know if it's because we have both changed, or if it's because we are going through a really stressful time right now. I rarely spend time with him anymore, other than seeing him briefly in between classes or after school before I go to swim practice. We never even have time to talk on the phone anymore, other than some text messages that say "I'm going to bed, night", or etc. I've been trying to invite him to go out with me, but he turns me down each time with an excuse about an upset stomach, disinterest (he didn't want to go to a dance), or home work.</p>

<p>I have tried to be understanding, but I admit that I'm a very impatient person in general. I've also been going through some stressful times, especially when I found out I was deferred for ED. Whenever I have sought comfort or understanding from him, I've gotten comments like "That's just the way it is" or "Hey, I'm stressed, too". I've told my boyfriend numerous times that I would at least like some sympathy, but he thinks that he needs to "teach" me to be tough and tells me that he doesn't like sugar-coating things. He also tells me that I'm "hypersensitive" whenever I've confronted him about these issues.</p>

<p>I guess my main problem is that I feel dissatisfied with this relationship. I feel like he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't take me seriously when I bring up the idea of breaking up, but now I'm wondering if actions really do speak louder than words, and I should just DO it instead of talking about it. I admit that I am scared to do this, because he's not just my boyfriend, but my best friend, and losing everything is hard to imagine.</p>

<p>Would breaking up with him be cruel in light of everything he has to do (tests, colleges, etc)? Or would it be best to not distract him anymore when he really needs to focus on himself?</p>

<p>Am I the one who's wrong here? Do I have justification for wanting to break up?</p>

<p>Thank you. I am just very confused, and any insight would be appreciated.</p>

2

<p>Omg, I'm going through EXACTLY the same thing. </p>

<p>It's harder when you don't see each other because then you can't look in each other's eyes and such, and it seems like you can't connect. </p>

<p>I think if it continues, you should break up with him. If he doesn't take it seriously then he wasn't worth it anyways. However, it could also be a wake up call that you're serious. </p>

<p>I hope that helps.</p>

3

<p>My knowledge of the situation is obviously limited, but here's my $.02:</p>

<p>Find sometime to talk to him about all this. Let it all out, and then hear him out in response. If he doesn't want to have this conversation, if he's not willing to make the effort and you are....it's just not worth it.</p>

<p>It's not a matter of distracting him or anything. This is about you, first and foremost, and you have to do what you think is best for you.</p>

4

<p>I've already had a conversation with him about how I feel, but somehow it was turned around into me being "hypersensitive" and acting like we were married.</p>

<p>I am thinking that maybe I should leave him alone for a bit. The problem is that I am a very emotional person, and I can't help but feel sad, so it'll be really hard for me to give him some space.</p>

<p>Yesterday, when I sent him a text telling him that I was upset, he sent me this: "To be blunt, thats just how it goes sometimes. You really can't rely on people all the time. I'm sorry I couldn't hang out with you today ok? Lol hyper sensitive."</p>

<p>This was NOT what I wanted to hear at all. I was already upset, and then him basically telling me to "suck it up" did not make me feel any better. His next text was "I know thats not what you wanted me to say but realistically i cant sugar coat some things. You should know that everyone, especially me is busy with our obligations. I cant always do everything you want you know. I dont mean grow up, but toughen up a bit. You had stuff you coulda done instead of getting upset."</p>

<p>Ugh! Sometimes I hate boys!! :(</p>

<p>And on that note, are there any guys who could give me their input? Are all guys this insensitive?!</p>

<p>Anyone else?</p>

5

<p>It seems like a break would be a good idea. Not a real breakup with all its emotional consequences, but, like you said, giving each other time and seeing if that relationship is really what both of you want. Who know, he might see that he misses you, and/or you might see that you shouldn't rely on him as much as you do and would rather be more independent.</p>

6

<p>To put it simple, he's being a jerk. You need time away from him.</p>

7

<p>I am a guy and I think you should run the hell away from him. He sounds like a real prick. He is supposed to be there to comfort/protect you not act like some sadistic emo. Even if it is the stress it still reveals something about his underlying personality as you are obviously not acting this way. Just my .02 cents</p>

8

<p>I just feel like boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to comfort each other, right? I have been acting very upset with him, and trying to get attention, so I guess he's fed up with it. We're going to talk about our relationship tomorrow, and I'm thinking of telling him that I want us to take a break.</p>

<p>But I feel like that's sugarcoating the word "break up"...because are break ups ever just temporary? Blah.</p>

9

<p>That is exactly what boyfriends/girlfriends are supposed to do. He should be the one of the few people you can lean on in a time of need.</p>

10

<p>Lol, thanks. We shall see how things go from here. I'm resisting the urge to text him so I don't appear needy.</p>

<p>Love is really like a war! :0</p>

11

<p>A 45yo mom weighing in here.</p>

<p>This guy isn't worth this much angst. Sure, he's feeling pressure, but he should be listening to your concerns and supporting you, and vice versa. I had a longtime high school/college bf, a relationship that lasted more than four years. It became clear we were headed in different directions. Sounds like that's what is happening here. Truthfully, sounds to me like he wants out of the relationship and is too chicken to say so. Unless he's always been this distant, and it's just now bothering you.</p>

<p>Also, why say "I love you" in secret?</p>

12

<p>I get along well with his parents, and vice versa, but we don't feel comfortable saying it in front of others--it's a personal thing. Plus, parents usually feel that high school is too young to be "in love", so we'd rather keep it to ourselves.</p>

<p>I really hope that what you are saying isn't the case...I've already asked him whether he still wants us to date, and I haven't gotten a "no". Perhaps after dating me for so long, he thinks that he doesn't have to try to win me over anymore?</p>

<p>Thanks for your input, Youdon'tsay.</p>

13

<p>If he's taking you for granted, that's never a good thing. As has been said above, it sounds like he's being a real jerk and not acting at all like someone whom anyone should be going out with. To be blunt, break up with him and get it over with so you can move on and not still be dealing with this jerk a couple months down the line.</p>

14

<p>" Truthfully, sounds to me like he wants out of the relationship and is too chicken to say so."</p>

<p>I agree. Lots of students don't want to continue their high school relationships after high school: They want to fully explore the options for a college social life, and they don't want to consider their current boyfriend/girlfriend when deciding what college to go to.</p>

<p>Also, I've read that most guys don't like to be the ones to initiate a break-up. Their reason may be as shallow as not wanting to deal with a crying female. When some guys want to end a relationship, many will act obnoxiously while hoping the girl will break up with them. If that's the kind of guy you're with, you're better off without him.</p>

15

<p>The problem is that I don't want to break up with him. That's the problem with relationships...you grow attached to the other person. I want to work it out, and I think he does, too...I just think that he doesn't realize how upset I am. Or maybe he doesn't want to.</p>

<p>I've been through a break up before, and it was tough (they always are, aren't they?). I just don't want to go through the whole avoiding each other in the halls, resisting the urge to call on the phone, feeling appalled by who they asked to the dance, hearing rumors about who they are with...ugh.</p>

<p>I guess I just want to see if I can work things through first. If I know for sure he doesn't want to, then I guess that's it, huh? He used to be such a good boyfriend, I don't know what happened. :(</p>

<p>Stupid boys. Maybe this is why I am interested in all-girls schools.</p>

16

<p>
[quote]
Stupid boys. Maybe this is why I am interested in all-girls schools

[/quote]
</p>

<p>^Ok, not all boys are stupid. (altho' i admit many of them are:)). I would write down a list of things you like about him and things you don't like. If the "don't like" list is longer, break up.
But, that's just my nerdy analytical way of viewing the situation. It's probably easier said than done</p>

17

<p>Stop! I can't stand this anymore! At least you have a relationship!</p>

<p>:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(</p>

<p>Waaaaaaaaa!</p>

<p>Sorry...but I'm over dramatic sometimes...but it's true!</p>

18

<p>join the club, friedrice. I'm sure you'll find her out there ... somewhere. (emphasis on somewhere) :)</p>

19

<p>I agree with the other mothers who advised you. As sad as it can be , sounds like a breakup is inevitable here.
it sounds like he might be relieved that you make the move.
Not all boys are bad, and maybe he isn't either. It is hard for boys to deal with hurting feelings..they don't like tears.
Good luck to you.</p>

20

<p>If you have to make a list of pros and cons it means the rleationship was doomed anyways.</p>