<p>
[quote]
This story is starting to sound more and more made-up.
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Yes, because making up stories on a college discussion forum is a favorite past time of mine? Why do you think I made this up?</p>
<p>"Well, I texted her and asked if she still wanted to meet up and she said, "I need to see you." I told her ok, but I told her that we have to remember why we are meeting up since it was the first time meeting up as just friends, nothing more. Well, she replied, "Yea, nevermind, I'll be ok. I'll be fine on my own. Thanks for your help today." </p>
<p>In other words, through your phone calls and offering to see her, she was hoping there was a chance to get back together. When you said there was not, she felt bad and didn't want to see you.</p>
<p>I am speaking from experiences of being the dumped as well as the dumper. It usually takes about 6 months of no contact for people to be able to be just friends after a breakup unless the break-up was mutual.</p>
<p>One of my good male friends is a former boyfriend, whom I broke up with about 30 years ago. At first we tried to keep the kind of friendship that the OP wants to retain with his ex. That, however, didn't work because my boyfriend still loved me and wanted to get back together.</p>
<p>After a long separation of no contact, we were able to be just friends. People can't turn off their feelings like a faucet. Just because one person says that it's over doesn't mean that the other person's heart will stop feeling romantic love for the person who broke of their romance. That's why it's important to put some time and distance between you.</p>
<p>Yea, I guess that's what it's going to have to take.</p>
<p>OK, I'll offer a different perspective: </p>
<p>Maybe she didn't want to see you because she perceives your "we can only see each other as friends" warnings to be repetitive and condescending. Maybe she does in fact get it, and maybe she doesn't need to be reminded of it every time she talks with you.</p>
<p>With her grandmother just having had a stroke, and her grandfather seriously ill, I am somewhat skeptical that she was focusing on getting you back at that particular time. Maybe she was hoping for friendly support at a difficult time, but instead got the warning to keep her distance. Maybe that was why she reconsidered meeting with you: that kind of support she doesn't need.</p>
<p>I was a girl in a steady relationship, we had been going out for almost a year, his family loved me, he said things along the lines of "forever", and even though I had concerns, he promised college will not change anything and even promised to drive down every weekend. Two weeks before college, I received an email from him, and that was the end of it. So it's a rather similiar case to yours except with the roles reversed. He tried to be friendly and nice afterwards, but honestly, I was glad when he backed off as I didn't seem very inviting. I just have to admit that most people (or at least myself) are not mature enough to be "just friends" after they broke up. I didn't have anything personally against him, and secretly I of course overanalyzed things and got excited when he tried to be friendly, which is the exact reason why I was frustrated that he did that. I'd say gentleness sometimes is acutally cruel. The best thing is to give each other time to really cool off. We are in the same school now after not having any contact for a year, and I think I can truly say we are just friends now~~ :) Oh and i did have some difficulties in life back at the time, and I was glad that I needn't to deal with him as well as those other issues - I'm not sure if his comforting me as a "friend" back then would have helped. I mean, it's certainly different with every person. But I felt that I benefitted more by his not contacting me, and am now thankful to him for that.</p>
<p>She called my cell tonight and I didn't answer and she called my dorm and I didn't answer. I texted her and her grandpa died tonight. </p>
<p>This sucks.</p>
<p>She asked me to come to the funeral and I said yes. Any advice on what I should do?</p>
<p>Advice? Sure. Believe it or not, her main concern in life right not is not you and the relationship. It's the loss she and her family suffered, a man who was a father to one of her parents, a man who leaves a seriously ill wife. She is upset and hurt, she doesn't need any relationship drama in her life.</p>
<p>Go the funeral. Wear a dark suit. Offer your condolences on her loss. Say the same to her parents. Send a card expressing your condolences. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her or her family. Express your willingness to listen if she needs a shoulder to cry on, and "listen" means she talks and you listen.</p>
<p>This is NOT the time to talk about your/her future together or revisit your past. In fact, if she brings it up (because I know you're going to be enough of a gentleman to steer away from the topic) I'd advise gently changing the topic.</p>
<p>I could go for the sole reason to offer condolences and not bring our relationship up. That's not a problem. I've actually been doing fine today. I just wonder how it will be when I see her.</p>
<p>Oh BTW, this grandfather is from the other side of the family.</p>
<p>god, i dont get you americans. you treat human relationship like its a toy. you can throw it away just like that or get a new one right away without the shame or any thoughts from the previous one. and whats up with this "were still together, were still friends." so, when you grow older and when you cheat on your wife with a hundred other women. do you say "oh, theyre just my friends? its ok for us to f**k."</p>
<p>kguo7, that was a really harsh, unnecessary, and unhelpful comment.</p>
<p>First of all, you assume that "you Americans," are all the same. We are not. There are lots of different views of what a romantic relationship can and should be in America. If you are going to criticize anything, it should be the views of the particular poster.</p>
<p>I don't think the OP treats his "human relationship like it's a toy." He clearly cares very deeply about this girl and wants to help make her happy, even if he knows he can't make her happy romantically. He's being quite considerate by being supportive of her in a time of need, and ultimately, it sounds like he did the right thing by breaking up with her, if he knew he wasn't right for her. He didn't "throw her away" or "get a new one right away without shame." He also never said cheating was acceptable, or that it's ok to have sex without commitment.</p>
<p>I don't know anything about you or where you are from, but if you are not American, I suggest you spend some time here and get to know real people and the variety of cultural norms that exist here. Maybe then you can criticize individual people or the cultural norms they subscribe to. But until then, unless you have something helpful to say, stay off threads where people are asking advice. It's rude, not to mention completely irrelevent, to come in here and make broad generalizations about the views and actions of 300 million people.</p>
<p>Oh, and did this guy ever even say he was American or goes to an American school? I'll look through the thread and delete this part of my post if he did, but otherwise, you shouldn't even assume that much.</p>
<p>interesting topic</p>
<p>You grew up. That's the only thing you did wrong. The world got bigger. It always does. Unless somehow you met the woman of your life at 17 (it happens; my brother, mother and grandmother did) the odds were against it, even if it WAS a great relationship.
Maybe pointing out that no love is ever wasted...and that what happened between you will last forever in some part of your heart. Sounds gooey, but it's true.</p>
<p>OOPS! Didn't realize these posts were all so dated. So NO ONE has this issue right now, starting as a freshman?</p>
<p>hah. this is a year late, but yes, there are those who do. it's strange - i'm just now realizing how cyclical all the posts on this site are. it's eerie, yet comforting at the same time to know that people have similar problems and (for the most part) end up being o.k., barring the occasional need of time to sulk for emotional healing</p>
<p>It's actually two years late. This thread has been super bumped twice.</p>
<p>haha. I meant a year late responding to the year late post.</p>
<p>anyway, interesting read.</p>